words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to move Joeys chair and not having much luck at it as Joey enters.]
Rachel: Joey, its just a chair! Whats the big deal?
Joey: The big deal is that it is the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen and its at the perfect angle so you dont get any glare coming of off Stevie.
Ross: Hey, yknow whats weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people youre gonna have to say, "This is my brother-in-law Ross." Not, "My friend Ross," "brother-in-law Ross." Thats weird isnt it?
Ross: Oh, it looks like mom and dads house. Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is Oh my God!!
Joey: I told you not to move it! Rach, how would you feel if say, I wanted to move you mom, and you said dont, and I did it anyway and her head fell off?
Monica: Well, after 15 years of mom and dad keeping it as a shrine to you, its time the velvet ropes came down.
Ross: I was their first born! They thought she was barren! Its not my fault.
Phoebe: Well okay, its already February and Ive only given two massages and they were both the worst tippers in the world!
Phoebe: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Yknow, I probably wouldnt have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)
Supervisor: Theyre always going to tell you they dont need toner, but thats okay because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it here in this script.
Chandler: Joey! Joe! (Sees that hes not here and starts investigating. He picks up the bag of chips.) Full bag. (He picks up the beer.) Beers still cold. Something terrible mustve happened here! (He decides its not that important; sits down on Rosita, and the back falls off causing him to flip over.) Oh no-no-no-no-no-no! (Runs over to Stevie.) Stevie, I was never here! (Runs out.)
Mr. Geller: Hi. God, it seems like just yesterday you guys used to come out to watch me work.
Mr. Geller: Well, its time for a new family to start their memories here and hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack in the foundation and the asbestos in the ceiling.
Monica: Hey, it is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies! (She goes to the attic.)
Ross: Cool! Dad! My report cards! Hey, check this out dad, (reading his grades) Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym (He puts it away and finds something else.) Oooh, my rock polisher!
Ross: Its a clown kit! Clown kit!
Mr. Geller: Well, the white seems to be untouched. (He throws it back into the box as Mr. Geller moves a tarp and makes a discovery.) Uh-oh.
Ross: Oh no. Dad! Dad! What (He goes to open one of her boxes and it rips apart.) Oh God everythings ruined! Dad, shes gonna be crushed!
Mr. Geller: So its just your mother then.
Earl: Well I only have one thing to do today. (He looks at his board in his office that reads, "Todays Tasks: KILL SELF.") I guess I could push it back.
Earl: Its just that I uh, have been working for ten years now at this meaningless, dead-end job and nobody here even knows I exist!
Rachel: You will like it!
Joey: Because, I know what I like and what I dont like! Its not the same thing!
Joey: Well, I guess youre right. Maybe, maybe Ill take her down to the incinerator. Its gonna be so said, and kinda cool. (He goes to remove the back, but it doesnt come off. So he sits down in it, puts his feet up, stands up, and looks back at it.) Shes heeled!
Joey: No its not weird, its a miracle!
Rachel: Its not a miracle Joey! Im sure theres some explanation.
Rachel: No, yknow what? Maybe somebody came in here and fixed it! Or something!
Mr. Geller: Well, shell understand right? Its not like I did it on purpose.
Ross: Dad, dad I dont want to hear about it.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting the now heeled Rosita as Rachel is sitting in the newly arrived Francette. Francette is one of those new chairs from La-Z-Boy that has and does everything except cook and go to the bathroom for you. Its got a small refrigerator under one armrest it has phone jacks for the Internet and regular phone, and so much more.]
Rachel: Yeah! You can hook it up to your TV and you get radio!
Monica: Okay. (Starting to go through them) Oh! A coloring book! (Holding it up.)
Ross: Yeah. Yeah, oh you loved that thing. You always had it with you. You never went anywhere without-without that coloring book.
Monica: (looking through it) Really? Wow! It looks like I had some trouble staying inside the lines.
Ross: Nu-uh! (Grabs it and examines it.)
Mr. Geller: Oh, yeah you loved that glove! You took it every place you went. You never went any place without that glove.
Monica: Wow! Look at this! (Picking up a shirt.) I cant believe I even fit into this shirt! (She holds it up and it reads: Tyrannosaurus Ross.) (She turns it around and looks at it.) Oh, this is yours. (Hands it to Ross.)
Monica: (holding up a small cowboy hat) This isnt mine. (Sets it down and looks at the rest of the boxes.) Hey, this isnt, this isnt my stuff! Ugh, Ross! (Grabs and holds up a doll.) These are your boxes! Where are my boxes?
Mr. Geller: Well, the garage flooded sweetie and it ruined everything in your boxes. Im sorry.
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Screw it! Im having one. (Takes out and lights a cigarette.)
Rachel: Well what if I told you, you can do it in my apartment?
Chandler: Thats awesome! Thats great! What made you do it?!
Rachel: Well, its a long story, but umm I broke Joeys chair
Chandler: I thought I broke Joeys chair! Thats why I replaced it with mine!
Rachel: Ohhhhh. Thats how it got fixed!
Chandler: Well, what did you think, that-that elves came in and fixed it?
Joey: Well, it looks like it wasnt heeled after all! Yeah! So, I guess this chair is mine now! (Sits down in it and groans.)
Phoebe: Umm, look it, you-you cant kill yourself.
Phoebe: No-no I cant! I cant let you do it!
Phoebe: Because it was fate that made me call you today!
Earl: I thought it was toner.
Phoebe: No! Think about it okay? This isnt even my regular job! Okay? And my first day on the job, youre my first call! And-and somebody else mightve hung up on you, but I wouldnt do that because I know about this stuff. My mom killed herself.
Earl: Couldnt it just be a coincidence?
Phoebe: No, its fate!
Earl: It doesnt really seem like enough to be fate.
Earl: (inspecting it) Really?
Phoebe: Well, yknow Im wearing layers and its warm.
Phoebe: Yknow, I dont-I dont think its you. This is a freaky place. (To All) Hey! Guys! (Everyone looks up.) (To Earl) Oh no, its you.
Monica: Oh, this terrible! Everything is destroyed! Look at this. (She picks up some kind of furry thing.) It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I dont even know what it is! Ohh, its still soft. (She rubs it against her cheek.) What do you think this is?
Ross: All right. I think it was a mouse.
Mr. Geller: Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, Im sorry about everything that happened and Id probably never be able to make it up to you, but heres a start. (He hands her a small box.)
Monica: (opening it) Whats this?
Mr. Geller: Its the key to my Porsche. Well, the key to your Porsche.
Mr. Geller: Ive been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mothers right, I do look like an ass.
Mr. Geller: (To Monica) Why dont we take it for a spin?
Rachel: Oh yeah, Joey broke it. Had to get rid of it.
Joey: Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine, after we broke up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed me.
Joey: Well, we only had samboucha, so it is now.
Joey: Theres this woman, that I like. A lot. Well, its complicated. Shes with this other guy. For a long time. And I could never do that to the guy, yknow? Ccause were really good friends.
Pete: Okay, thats great, but can we make it smaller? Can we make it fit on the head of a pin? I love when we make things fit on the head of a pin.
CHANDLER: Yeah, I mean, it would be rude to them for us to leave now.
Rachel: (angrily) BACK OFF!!! (She starts banging on their door.) Get up! Get up! Get up! God damn it! Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up!!
Joey: Its the chick! Shes going through some changes.
Mark: Actually, its kinda my fault. I-I quit today.
Ross: (to Monica) You like it right?
Monica: What-what was it you were gonna tell us?
Joey: I got you something! Open it! Open it!
Joey: Its cute, huh?
Ross: We were all pretty shaken up about it.
Joey: Well yeah, dont-dont you think its a she?
Joey: Ok all right, no, no, no, no, I do, I do, I do, I need your help, but Chandler I don�t know if I can take anymoreplucking. It hurts so bad!
Joey: Ohhh, here it comes.
Rachel: Yeah, there was. It wasthere the corner of the library where-where all these dusty books that nobody ever readYes, there was.
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Rachel: I cant believe Mark didnt call. Its Sunday night, and he didnt call.
Joey: Why? Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe?
(Ross takes a twenty and slips it underneath the bill when Dr. Green isnt looking.)
Rachel: Okay, just sweep it.
(Of course its too late for that.)
Phoebe: Isnt it cool! Varoom! Varoom!
Phoebe: (entering from her room) Hey, did she buy it?
Rachel: Okay, now make it even, cause we dont...
Rachel: Blow it.
Monica: Does it have to do with Joey?
Rachel: Stop it! Cut it out! Cut it out!
Phoebe: Oh, just go. Youre never gonna get it!
Monica: What is it?! What about Pete?
Joey: Hey! (starts to laugh.) Hows it going?
Chandler: Thanks, Im glad you see it that way.
Pete: So you like it?
Monica: Oh, it is sooo perfect. Thank you so much. (runs over and hugs him)
Chandler: Oh no thats okay, you're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings and I want you to know that when I die, you don't get Joey.
Frank: Its so cool man, its so, its just cause being with her is so much better than like not being with her.
Ross: Oh, it was, nah, well....
Joey: No! I want an award I did win! But nobodys giving me any of those! PlusHey Rach, if-if I put it up there (Points to the TV) right? When people come over theyll see it and theyll think I won it.
Ross: Yknow, its interesting! Most people think thats made with seawater, when in fact
Monica: Does it involve clogs?
Phoebe: Oh, its so great to see you feeling like this!
Rachel: Okay. Hang up! Thats it! Come on!
Phoebe: (to Robert) Youve have lipstick right here (points to her cheek). Thats okay, its mine, we just kissed.
Joey: Two it is. Ross, how about you?
Ross: Uh, no, its-its just this person.
Monica: I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and shes the only one left!
(In horror, Joey wipes his neck and smells it.)
Chandler: Okay! (He grabs his carryon and starts rummaging through it.) Oh man! Dont tell me I did this!
Monica: But, I put some honey in it.
Chandler: Okay. I just wanted them to hear it from somebody else.
Ross: So its looks like were the first ones here.
Phoebe: Well alright, looks like you guys have got it under control so Im just gonna go. (She gets up and Rachel looks at her, upset, and Monica just stares.) No! Really? Misery really does love company. All right! (She sits back down.)
Chandler: Okay. (to Monica) Its a racecar.
Joey: Im on it! (Takes a bite out of the sandwich.)
Chandler: Could I borrow it?
CHANDLER: Ok, there is one more way to say it, who knows it?
Monica: Joey, what are you doing?! Its never gonna happen, shes seeing somebody.
PHOEBE: Hi, um, I just thought that it would be fun if the three of us had some beers and got to know each other.
Rachel: What time is it?
Phoebe: Would you relax? I know what I am doing. This is how he wears it.
Ross: Okay, its coffee.
Ross: Its-its hot
Tommy: Ice coffee? Tell me its ice coffee!
Joey: (surprised its Lauren) (hugs her) (whispering) Wheres Kate?
Rachel: But I couldnt even if I wanted to, because I dont know! I swear; I didnt see anything, and I dont want to know! It was just a momentary lapse.
Phoebe: Youre the cook! With out you its just me driving up to peoples houses with empty trays and asking for money!
(An old West style showdown starts with Joey and the Hombre Man staring each other down as the store guy slowly lets in the first customer while Joey and the Hombre Man get ready to draw. In slow motion they spot the customer, eye each other, draw, and as the customer walks into the middle Joey's bottle misfires but the Hombre Man spays it into the customer's eyes.)
Ross: No, but its-its-its hot!
(Joey enters with Monica's paper and hands it to her.)
Rachel: Ross, would you just stop it! Its getting really old.
Monica: Im just saying its been a really long time for you. I mean, women have needs. Do it, get yours!
Ross: (He thinks about it) Of course I am. I just have to make a call.
Lauren: So this is it? Victor?
Chandler: Well, I dont see that we have a choice. But, when were back home, we dont do it.
Monica: Phoebe, its been two days.
Joey: I dont know. Its-its just lately, Ive been feeling Okay, heres what it is (Pause) You know what? I feel a lot better, thanks! (Starts to leave)
All: Hang it up! Hang up the phone!!
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. Oh, good thing its one of those 801 numbers. Right?
Ross: I know, I know I really like you too. But we-we cant date. Its against the rules. Its forbidden.
Joey: (with a disgusted look) What was it?
Chandler: Was it like a sneeze only better?
Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!
Rachel: (gasps) Emma! (Looks at the baby and starts to cry.) See? I dont want it.
Chandler: Whoa-heeeiiiiii-iiiii-ah!! (sees it) Huh.
Joey: Well what is it?!
RACHEL: Agh, it was the graduation from hell.
ROSS: Well, there's no way I'm gonna get a shot. Maybe they can take the needle and thquirt it into my mouth, you know, like a thquirt gun.
Chandler: I got it! Scotch tape. (Theyre right.)
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
Joanna: Great! Im looking forward to it. Rachel, any messages?
Ross: Look, even if I were gonna tell her, I don't have to do it now. Okay? I'll be seeing her again. We've got time.
Ross: Well then, what is it?!
Phoebe: Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field.
Chandler: I could perform an operation on you and prove it if you'd like.
Phoebe: So go fix it! Go find Chandler! He's probably up in your room! Tell him that you're sorry and that you love him.
Monica: All right. (Looking through a box.) Op, here it is! Right underneath the can of-of bug bomb. I wonder if the best place to put something that cooks food is underneath the can of poison?
Monica: Anyway, how did it go with Kate?
Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?
SUSIE: It's nice to see you're not still wearing that denim cap with all the little mirrors on it.