words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to move Joeys chair and not having much luck at it as Joey enters.]
Rachel: Joey, its just a chair! Whats the big deal?
Joey: The big deal is that it is the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen and its at the perfect angle so you dont get any glare coming of off Stevie.
Ross: Hey, yknow whats weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people youre gonna have to say, "This is my brother-in-law Ross." Not, "My friend Ross," "brother-in-law Ross." Thats weird isnt it?
Ross: Oh, it looks like mom and dads house. Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is Oh my God!!
Joey: I told you not to move it! Rach, how would you feel if say, I wanted to move you mom, and you said dont, and I did it anyway and her head fell off?
Monica: Well, after 15 years of mom and dad keeping it as a shrine to you, its time the velvet ropes came down.
Ross: I was their first born! They thought she was barren! Its not my fault.
Phoebe: Well okay, its already February and Ive only given two massages and they were both the worst tippers in the world!
Phoebe: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Yknow, I probably wouldnt have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)
Supervisor: Theyre always going to tell you they dont need toner, but thats okay because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it here in this script.
Chandler: Joey! Joe! (Sees that hes not here and starts investigating. He picks up the bag of chips.) Full bag. (He picks up the beer.) Beers still cold. Something terrible mustve happened here! (He decides its not that important; sits down on Rosita, and the back falls off causing him to flip over.) Oh no-no-no-no-no-no! (Runs over to Stevie.) Stevie, I was never here! (Runs out.)
Mr. Geller: Hi. God, it seems like just yesterday you guys used to come out to watch me work.
Mr. Geller: Well, its time for a new family to start their memories here and hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack in the foundation and the asbestos in the ceiling.
Monica: Hey, it is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies! (She goes to the attic.)
Ross: Cool! Dad! My report cards! Hey, check this out dad, (reading his grades) Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym (He puts it away and finds something else.) Oooh, my rock polisher!
Ross: Its a clown kit! Clown kit!
Mr. Geller: Well, the white seems to be untouched. (He throws it back into the box as Mr. Geller moves a tarp and makes a discovery.) Uh-oh.
Ross: Oh no. Dad! Dad! What (He goes to open one of her boxes and it rips apart.) Oh God everythings ruined! Dad, shes gonna be crushed!
Mr. Geller: So its just your mother then.
Earl: Well I only have one thing to do today. (He looks at his board in his office that reads, "Todays Tasks: KILL SELF.") I guess I could push it back.
Earl: Its just that I uh, have been working for ten years now at this meaningless, dead-end job and nobody here even knows I exist!
Rachel: You will like it!
Joey: Because, I know what I like and what I dont like! Its not the same thing!
Joey: Well, I guess youre right. Maybe, maybe Ill take her down to the incinerator. Its gonna be so said, and kinda cool. (He goes to remove the back, but it doesnt come off. So he sits down in it, puts his feet up, stands up, and looks back at it.) Shes heeled!
Joey: No its not weird, its a miracle!
Rachel: Its not a miracle Joey! Im sure theres some explanation.
Rachel: No, yknow what? Maybe somebody came in here and fixed it! Or something!
Mr. Geller: Well, shell understand right? Its not like I did it on purpose.
Ross: Dad, dad I dont want to hear about it.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting the now heeled Rosita as Rachel is sitting in the newly arrived Francette. Francette is one of those new chairs from La-Z-Boy that has and does everything except cook and go to the bathroom for you. Its got a small refrigerator under one armrest it has phone jacks for the Internet and regular phone, and so much more.]
Rachel: Yeah! You can hook it up to your TV and you get radio!
Monica: Okay. (Starting to go through them) Oh! A coloring book! (Holding it up.)
Ross: Yeah. Yeah, oh you loved that thing. You always had it with you. You never went anywhere without-without that coloring book.
Monica: (looking through it) Really? Wow! It looks like I had some trouble staying inside the lines.
Ross: Nu-uh! (Grabs it and examines it.)
Mr. Geller: Oh, yeah you loved that glove! You took it every place you went. You never went any place without that glove.
Monica: Wow! Look at this! (Picking up a shirt.) I cant believe I even fit into this shirt! (She holds it up and it reads: Tyrannosaurus Ross.) (She turns it around and looks at it.) Oh, this is yours. (Hands it to Ross.)
Monica: (holding up a small cowboy hat) This isnt mine. (Sets it down and looks at the rest of the boxes.) Hey, this isnt, this isnt my stuff! Ugh, Ross! (Grabs and holds up a doll.) These are your boxes! Where are my boxes?
Mr. Geller: Well, the garage flooded sweetie and it ruined everything in your boxes. Im sorry.
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Screw it! Im having one. (Takes out and lights a cigarette.)
Rachel: Well what if I told you, you can do it in my apartment?
Chandler: Thats awesome! Thats great! What made you do it?!
Rachel: Well, its a long story, but umm I broke Joeys chair
Chandler: I thought I broke Joeys chair! Thats why I replaced it with mine!
Rachel: Ohhhhh. Thats how it got fixed!
Chandler: Well, what did you think, that-that elves came in and fixed it?
Joey: Well, it looks like it wasnt heeled after all! Yeah! So, I guess this chair is mine now! (Sits down in it and groans.)
Phoebe: Umm, look it, you-you cant kill yourself.
Phoebe: No-no I cant! I cant let you do it!
Phoebe: Because it was fate that made me call you today!
Earl: I thought it was toner.
Phoebe: No! Think about it okay? This isnt even my regular job! Okay? And my first day on the job, youre my first call! And-and somebody else mightve hung up on you, but I wouldnt do that because I know about this stuff. My mom killed herself.
Earl: Couldnt it just be a coincidence?
Phoebe: No, its fate!
Earl: It doesnt really seem like enough to be fate.
Earl: (inspecting it) Really?
Phoebe: Well, yknow Im wearing layers and its warm.
Phoebe: Yknow, I dont-I dont think its you. This is a freaky place. (To All) Hey! Guys! (Everyone looks up.) (To Earl) Oh no, its you.
Monica: Oh, this terrible! Everything is destroyed! Look at this. (She picks up some kind of furry thing.) It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I dont even know what it is! Ohh, its still soft. (She rubs it against her cheek.) What do you think this is?
Ross: All right. I think it was a mouse.
Mr. Geller: Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, Im sorry about everything that happened and Id probably never be able to make it up to you, but heres a start. (He hands her a small box.)
Monica: (opening it) Whats this?
Mr. Geller: Its the key to my Porsche. Well, the key to your Porsche.
Mr. Geller: Ive been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mothers right, I do look like an ass.
Mr. Geller: (To Monica) Why dont we take it for a spin?
Rachel: Oh yeah, Joey broke it. Had to get rid of it.
Mona's Date: Oh, its okay.
ROSS: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.
Kim: Forget it Rachel! We're both so proud of how well you're doing. I'm not gonna let you blow it. In fact, if I catch you with a cigarette, you're fired. So go on, get out of here! Go on, I don't want you breathing this stuff! Go on!
Chandler: I'm telling you, she gives the worst massages ever!! Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up I justI didn't know what it was!
Mona's Date: Its awfully pink. (Ross mouths, "Its salmon!")
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Jim: It aint no thing, Im wild too.
Phoebe: Oh stop it.
Rachel: All right, easy mimey, the moment has passed, it aint gonna happen!
Jim: Im sorry. Im staring. Its just that you have the most beautiful eyes.
Joey: Lets just say I took care of it.
Mr. Zelner: Oh I think its best that I speak first.
Phoebe: Oh there it is.
[Chandler makes a fake "I know I couldnt believe it either" gesture.]
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Monica are walking down it.]
Monica: Alright, you know what? Thats it. Youve had your chance.
Guy: Im sorry, its just that youre so incredibly beautiful.
Monica: I'll get it. (On phone.) Hello. (Listens.) Hi Emily! (Listens.) Yeah, uh you-you tracked him down. Hold on one second. (She hands the phone to Ross.)
JOEY: I just... I just don't think that I want it that way though, y'know? I mean, let's say I do make it, alright? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of.. y'know, the Little General.
Joey: Hey youre right. Yeah, its kinda been like us again a little bit.
Rachel: Ok, that's it! Just give'em to me! I'll split them up! (she tries to snatch the bowl from Joey's hands but she can't, so she pinches his nipple and she manages to take it)
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Chandler: Its a dog.
Ross: Ezel? Ezel? Ezel? (Looks it up in his book.)
Chandler: But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so shed know I was okay.
[Scene: The Midfield Day School, its after school and Ben is taking a drink of water as Phoebe enters.]
CHAN: Well it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me. OK, so what is it, am I hideously unattractive?
Monica: Its out on the island. Its in Massapequa.
Rachel: Its not kicking right now. Although we would love to see you do (Mimics him) that again.
Phoebe: Don't worry, don't worry. We'll come up with a good lie. I'll help you practice it.
Chandler: Yes you did! Admit it! You freaked out!
Monica: Hey. Oh good-good youre here! All right, I figured it out. Im gonna take two tables of eight, Im gonna add your parents, and Im gonna turn them into three tables of six. Okay? And I called the caterer; I added two extra meals, we are good to go!
Monica: Its just that, its so much.
PHOEBE: It's not even that. I used to do my songs because it made me happy, but now it's like, it's just all about the money.
Rachel: Open it! Open it! Open it!
Ross: No, no, it was just our parents and 1 or 2 friends. It was a small wedding.
Man: Where did you have it?
Rachel: Okay, Ross, it has to be realistic.
Joey: (Unimpressed) A book? (Suddenly interested) Is it like a book that's also a safe?
Joey: All right. Okay. Well this is the same kind of deal. If youre going to do something wrong, (He grabs two steaks from the freezer) do it right!
Phoebe: Then you better do it now.
Phoebe: Are you sure it wasnt an oyster?
Phoebe: Oh look its Parker!
Phoebe: I cant. I cant believe I have plans, I cant. Can you do it tomorrow night though?
Parker: Look! Its the bunny hop!
Phoebe: Oooh I love it!
Ross: Oh, no, Mom, its just Monica this year.
Mrs. Geller: Thank you Monica that was uh, interesting. Wasnt it interesting, Jack?
Rachel: No! No! No! No its not! No its not! Come on! Phoebe, ours is totally different! I mean we dont have the (Looks desperately for something different.) We dont have the that lamp! And-and that screen is yknow, on the other side.
Rachel: All right I know, I know how it looks Pheebs, but Im telling you
Rachel: Yeah, I admit it. I have a crush on you, and uh, and, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and-and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is-is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now.
[Scene: Monica's eye doctor's office, Monica and Rachel are waiting in an exam room and looking at this big white thing used to check eyes. I have no idea what it is, and if an ophthalmologist happens to know what that is, let me know.]
Rachel: Ross, it just wouldnt have been feasible.
Chandler: I did. (Looks at his still deformed hand) But it came at a price.
Ross: I know, I know it was stupid.
Rachel: It was really fun being married to you tonight.
Rachel: I will think about it.
Monica: Okay thats it. I give up. At mom and dads 40th anniversary, youre the one giving the speech.
Monica: (starts to cry) Oh good God, Ross! How the hell do you do it?
Rachel: Okay, you go do it! Ill come back to that set! Ill meet more actors! Ill meet em all!
Joey: Oh, not at all. Happy to do it.
Lauren: So this is it? Victor?
Joey: Ah-ah-ah Mr. Smartie Pants, its just not my character thats not brain dead. Hey, so Pheebs, we still on for tonight?
ROSS: Well then that's it. And if George and Adelaide can't accept that, then the hell with them. Look, if my parents didn't want me to marry you, no way that would have stopped me. Look, this is your wedding. Do it.
Ross: I uh I dont know. I mean I I honestly didnt watch it.
Rachel: (with the sticks in her hands) Um... (She goes to the tarantula-cage and puts the sticks into it) Done!
Joey: Well, there are so many things, its hard to pick just one.
Phoebe: I know! You see it is stuff like this which is why (Looking down) youre burning in hell!!
Ross: Oh dude, don't worry about it, I found an unattended maid's car. We're way ahead of the game.
Phoebe: Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!
Joey: Oh! Maybe its because Im on television. Im an actor on Days of Our Lives.
Monica: Y'know what, dont tell us. Well just wait until Chandler gets home, (to Phoebe) because itll be more fun that way.
CHANDLER: Yeah.� I feel so bad.� Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
Joey: I cant! Yknow? You guys dont know what its like to put yourself out there like that and just get shot down.
Monica: All right guys stop it. Rachel, were very sorry that is a very insensitive thing for us to do. And yknow what? Let us make it up to you, we have two really great guys for you.
Chandler: You wanna see if we still have it?
Chandler: Can you believe it? I mean, don't I seem like somebody who should be doing something really cool? You know, I just always pictured myself doing something...something.
Chandler: Wish it! (To the woman, Kathy, he likes) Hi. Hi, I-I was just sitting over there, and uhh, Chandler. My name is Chandler. Did I say that?
Joey: I like it.
Ross: It tastes like feet!
Phoebe: I just talked him into it, dont tell me I have to do you too. The puppet master gets tired people.
Rachel: Oh! Yay! Look! Theres a piece that doesnt have floor on it!
Joey: It was so stupid, I said some stuff in an interview that I shouldnt have said. But believe me, thats not gonna happen today.
MONICA: Two it is. Ok, time for bed, I'm gonna go brush my teeth. [goes in the bathroom]
Monica: All right, look Im just gonna unplug it.
The Interviewer: How do you spell that? So we can get it right.
The Interviewer: So it seems like you have a lot of friends, who would you say is your best friend?
The Interviewer: Great! Well, it was nice meeting all of you.
Joey: I couldnt help it! When a fist comes at your face, you duck! Look! (He goes to punch Ross, expecting him to duck, but he doesnt and Joey punches Ross. Gunther is amused.)
Joey: No thats all right. Dont worry about it.
Joey: Rach! Hey! Its fine! Youre at Joeys!
Chandler: It hurts me. It physically hurts me.
Joey: Why would I return it? I love this bag!
Wayne: I spent two years developing this machine, its absolutely state of the art.
Monica: Emily has probably been planning it since she was five! Ever since the first time she took a pillowcase and hung it off the back of her head. Thats what we did! We dreamed about the perfect wedding, and the perfect place, with the perfect four-tiered wedding cake (Starting to cry), with the little people on top. (Ross gets thrown a box of Kleenex from the bathroom and he gives her one.) Thanks. But the most important part is that we had the perfect guy who understood just how important all that other stuff was.
Joey: Yknow, when we talked about face to face, I dont think we thought it all the way through.
Monica: Oh come on, its only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire?
Ross: It really was.
Joey: Its not what you said. Its the way you said it Oh My God, Im a woman!!!
Phoebe: Thats good. I got to admit, I thought it was something else.