words in movies
Phoebe: Oh! You got it?!
Monica: What was it for?
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
Joey: Yeah, theres this guy from Chicago whos supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guys right after him. (Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.) Hello!
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
Joey: Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Uh, okay uh let me call you back. (Hangs up.)
Monica: Yeah. But a part of me also cant wait til its over. Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding.
Rachel: (laughs) Well okayWell dont ruin it! Just play along at least!
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Phoebe: Well if we make it yesterday, woo-hoo! Were done!
Rachel: Oh my God Phoebe, this is impossible! We cant do this by Friday! We have to find a place. We have to invite people! We have to get food! Theres just too much to do! Its impossible! We cant do it! We cannot do it! We cannot do it!
Rachel: Okay. Okay. (They sit down.) I think we can do this if we just get organized. All right? We have two days to plan this party. We just need to make fast decisions! Okay? All right, where are we gonna have it?
Chandler: I was not staring at her. Okay? I was just listening intently. Its called being a good conversationalist. Watch. (Stares at Monicas eyes.) Say something.
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah sure, just long as its handled tastefully and that barn is not too cold.
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
Monica: Wow! Wow! And its definitely all gone? Theres nothing there to work with? (Joey glares at her.) What were you thinking?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Rachel: Have at it.
Monica: Okay. (Opens the fridge.) All right, turkey. Eh, that wont work. Cheese? (Picks it up) That wont work. Olive loaf? (Picks it up) I hope that wont work.
Monica: No its umm, more like a wrap. Okay so uh, Im gonna go guys.
Phoebe: Okay but look! Look at what I got! Its her address book! (Holds it up.) We have a guest list!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, there is a knock on the door and Ross opens it to Cassie.]
Cassie: (hugs him) Its been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.
Ross: Oh. Oh, thats right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didnt.
Ross: Its okay. Come, come on in.
Cassie: Ill always remember that summer, because its when I got all of these freckles. (She pulls her blouse open to show him her shoulder and bra strap.)
Cassie: It took you that long to figure it out, huh?
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, its Monicas bridal shower and Phoebe is passing out some finger food.]
Phoebe: Thank you. (To the other woman) No? (She nods.) All right. (She goes to another pairing.) Oh, its so nice to see you.
Monica: Yeah! Okay, this one is a mushroom cap. (Points to it.) Umm, this one is made of bologna. (Points.)
Monica: Okay? (To a different group) Over here we have pink suede, which is nice. But umm, if it gets wet then you know its gonna shrink.
Joey: Well maybe we just take that one away. (Picks it up and throws it away.)
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
Joey: The Silly Putty! Its not so silly anymore!
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Monica: Phoebe! Rachel! Its Monica! I wonder what you could possibly need me for on such short notice! (She bursts into the apartment to find only Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.) Oh.
Phoebe: And then for forgetting to invite you to it.
Monica: You al-you already had it?
Phoebe: Yeah. Well, we called everyone in your phone book and bunch of people came, but it took us so long to get you here that they-they had to leave.
Monica: Well no wait a minute thats not true! No, what did, that was really sweet. And it kinda works out for the best.
Monica: Mr. Heckles, our friend lost a monkey. Have you seen it?
CHANDLER: Heads it is.
RACHEL: You still think of it as your apartment, don't you?
Hillary: After a while its like, shut your mouth, you know?
Chandler: I can't belive it.
Joey: Ok, Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here to highlight the anguish of the central figure. Touch it, it's really bumpy! (Reaches out to touch the imaginary painting).
MONICA: No. But I remember people telling me about it.
(Joey slides a plate away from Monica towards Chandler, who hides it under the table.)
Chandler: Well, maybe it was the kind of food that tasted good at first but then made everybody vomit and have diarrhea.
Chandler: I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast.
Chandler: Okay, we-we swallow our feelings. Even if it means were unhappy forever. Sound good?
PHOEBE: You wanna try it again?
(She goes for his magazine and he grabs it away before she reaches it. But she was only using the magazine as a decoy because she grabs his cookie and coffee, takes a bite out of the cookie and drinks some of the coffee.)
Ross: It was pretty funny when I, when I hid it for a while, huh? Anyway, umm, I-I am worried about that bathing suit, not because its revealing which Im fine with, no Im concerned about your health, sun exposure.
Rachel: Okay (desperately hands the receiver over) no, you do it.
Monica: That's Dudley Moore. I said I wanted it like Demi Moore.
CHANDLER: I think they get it.
Jack: Last winter I went up on a church lawn and drove right through a manger scene. The papers thought it was a hate crime.
CHANDLER: Alright, I'll tell you what, you call the couch and then, and then we'll call the couch, and we'll see who it comes to.
Chandler: Well, maybe it was God, doing me.
MONICA: Remember it? What do you think this is, a freckle?
ROSS: No, no, I don't wanna put it off, I just, God I just, I spent last year being so unbelievably miserable, ya know, and now, now I'm actually happy. You know, I mean, really happy. I just, I just don't wanna, I don't wanna mess it up, ya know.
CHAN: Joey, be a pal. Lift up my hand and smack her with it.
(Why was this the trailer? Well, thats because it was an introduction into the special out takes episode that immediately followed the show. The entire out takes episode, Friends: The Stuff Youve Never Seen can be read by following this link.)
Rachel: I cant! Its too late! Terry already hired that girl over there. (points to her) Look at her, shes even got waitress experience. Last night she was teaching everybody how to make napkin.... (starts to cry) swans.
Steve: (from the living room) Is it dry in here? (licks his lips)
Phoebe: Yeah! No, thats right. And I thought it was a really good idea.
Monica: Well, my breasts are going to get bigger weather you like it or not! And you know what? It's not just my breasts. My ass is going to get bigger too.
Monica: Maybe. I just hope she realizes how hard its gonna be.
JOEY: Check it out, check it out. Heckles' high school yearbook.
Rachel: (pauses as she thinks and exhales loudly) We We are not going to let it be a problem.
Phoebe: What a beautiful night to be running around the street, looking for tickets. And the wind sure made it fun.
Phoebe: Okay, dont sweat it. (Looking around her.) Chandler is nowhere around so go ahead get it out of your system. That guys cute. (Points to a guy sitting behind Monica.)
PHOE: So, I figured it out.
Ross: Hey, youre not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!
MICH: Well, you know, there's no one way really, it's just, you know, whatever it takes so that you can finally say to him, "I'm over you."
Ross: Yeah, ooh yeah, I think there is one from batch 17 left, uh (Grabs a cookie and takes a big bite out of it and doesnt like it.) Its batch 16! 16 people! Get out of the way! (Gets up and runs for the bathroom.)
Rachel: Well, alright, then, forget it. (Getting up to go) Might as well just go home. Ow ow ow ow!
Rachel: All right. All right, all right, all right, all right, I know it's stupid! I will go see him this afternoon, and I will just put an end to it!
Monica: See, Ive been waiting my whole life to be engaged, and unlike some people Im only planning on doing this once. So, uh yknow, maybe this is selfish and Im sorry about it, but I was kinda hoping tonight could just be about that.
Joey: Oh! I got it! Ok, everyone pick a number from one to ten. Alright? Whoever gets the highest number gets to go first.
MONICA: If it makes anybody feel better, then we can just forget the thing, and we'll just do the gift.
JOEY: So, so how did it happen?
RACH: Alright, I got it Ross.
Joey: Oh, no no no. Its for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, I do that cause it makes me look taller.
ROSS: I, I don't know, it's got all this stuff about wind and trees and there's some kind of sacred pool in it. I mean, I don't really get it but she's, she's pretty upset about it.
RACH: It was unbelievable!
RACH: Oh, it ended very well.
Phoebe: Wow, that sounds great! And what are you making Monica, in case Rachels dessert is...[about to say bad] so good that I eat all of it. Theres none left for anybody else!
Ross: Than I want mine, too (takes the bowl from Joey)! And if I win I'm gonna put it all into a very low-yield bond.
ROSS: [impatient] Play it.
Chandler: Deposit my specimen? You know, usually I have to call a 900 number for that kind of talk. Thanks, got it.
[She tastes it, and obviously hates it.]
Phoebe: Alright, so, can we turn this off? Can we just make it... make them go away? Because I cant, I cant watch.
Monica: I know, but now we have this second one and it just, it feels like its snowballing, yknow?
Rachel: Right,.. well,.. we never actually got to that... Oh, it was just so nice to see him again, y'know? It was comfortable, it was familiar... it was just nice!
Chandler: (not knowing the true meaning of her exclamation) I know, but just let me say it.
[Rachel runs to the sink to spit it out.]
RACH: Hey Phoebs, how'd it go with Scott last night?
CHANDLER: Listen, I'm, I'm sorry I didn't make it over there today.
RACH: Well what is it? Let me see.
RACH: What's that? What? I saw my name. What is it?
ROSS: That's it? That's all you wrote? You're the worst writer in the whole world.
RACH: And I'm in it? Then let me read it.
Joey: Dina, if youre having a baby you should be married! Even if it is to Bobby! (Bobby gets happy.) Dude, thats not a compliment!
CHAN: Yes, yes it is, short story, that I was writing.
JOEY: Hey, uh, why don't you read it to her?
Joey: Wait a minute! Why don't I do what that guy did? I'll take this $100 and turn it into $5,000! And then I'll turn that into enough money to get my movie going again!
Phoebe: Huh, well, the girls in the satin nighties on the commercial dont seem to think its that bad.
Joey: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is, but I definitely want to be a part of it.
Rachel: Oh God, I can�t believe you�re making such a big deal about this. It was one kiss, one guy, one time!
Rachel: I still dont get how you know when its false labour.
Tag: And if that person is already in your life, you should do something about it right?
Man: For God's sake, will you let it go? There's no Rachel!
Joey: Bye-bye. (The interviewer leaves and he sits down with the rest of the gang.) I did it!
ROSS: He won't? [remembers what it is] He won't! Because, isn't that, isn't that the, the short story you were writing?
Ross: I don't get it. What do you see in this guy, anyway?
Chandler: Okay, but let's do it now though, because Chopper 5 just lost it's feed! (He grabs their bags and sprints out.)
(She starts walking across the darkened room and hits her head on a wind chime hanging from the ceiling, to stop it from making a noise she grabs it and Shhhs it. She goes into the kitchen and finds Phoebe Sr.s appointment book, to read it she opens the freezer. Just as she starts to read, Phoebe Sr. jumps out from her bedroom with a coat hanger, startling Phoebe.)
PHOEBE: It's not a blue screen... it's just, maybe it was just really clear that day. OK, I have to talk to my grandmother. [turns to leave]
Sandy: Oh, oh, I can do it for her, if you want...
Chandler: The bath salts! Theyre starting to effervesce! Its different. (Pause) Its interesting.
Rachel: Oh, its just like a bloodbath in here today.
Chandler: Well, I like that idea. Obviously! I was thinking maybe-maybe-maybe it could be a game room, yknow? I mean you can buy old arcade games like uh, like Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200, the real ones! The big-big ones!
Mrs. Green: Its like youre a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You dont know how overwhelming this is going to be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. Kay.
MONICA: Well put it back.
PHOEBE: Yeah, I just don't buy it.
Amy: Well, it should be. I'm gonna help babies learn how to accessorize, what colors to wear, what clothes are slimming...
Joey: Hey! Well I hope it goes better than the last time you did it for that girl downstairs, remember? (Phoebe glares at him.)
ROSS: It uhh, it won't go back.
Chandler: Yes, I distinctly remember cause I thought it was a joke. Now just give her a chance, okay?
MONICA: Really? I'm perfectly comfortable. [one of the guest opens the refrigerator] Hey, hey, hey, get in line buddy, I was next. [she opens the refrigerator and leans into it]
Joey: (entering with Ross) Hey! You guys! Check it out, check it out! (Hes wearing a blue blazer) Guess which job I got.
JOEY: You and Milton have to join us on the boat. Karen'll pack a lunch, you'll bring the kids, we'll make a day of it.
MNCA: Just waiting for it to stop bubbling.
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Alice: Phoebes right Frank. I know its hard to hear, but it wouldve been wrong to go through with it. I-I-I was being selfish, even though we, we want the same things now, in the future we may not. (to Phoebe) Is that it, is that what it is?
JOEY: No, no, no, it.. it's too hard. It's not worth it. I quit.