words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is still looking out the window as Joey enters.]
Joey: (sees Rachel) Oh, uh, hey Rach. I uh, I was just coming over here to uh Oh wait, I dont have to lie to you, you dont live here anymore. Uh, Im eating their food. What are you doing?
Joey: Whoa, I didnt know we could date your sister!
(Chandler and Monica enter from their room and Joey quickly hides the bag of potato chips behind his back.)
Monica: Joey we know you steal our food.
(Joey offers them some potato chips.)
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
Joey: Yeah you got 5 years left!
Chandler: Joey
Joey: You wanna make it 6?!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are watching ET.]
Joey: (crying) You didnt cry when Bambis mother died?
Joey: Come on man theres gotta be something that gets you choked up! Like uh, uh oh, what if you saw a three-legged puppy?
Joey: Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me."
Joey: No! Its not okay! Its not okay at all!! Youre dead inside!!
Phoebe: Youre just saying that because youre my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) Hes a fan. (To the fan as shes leaving) Bye! (Exits)
Joey: (to the fan) So, you saw me on Days Of Our Lives huh? Want me to, want me to do a little Dr. Drake Remoray for ya?
Joey: Oh, youre Phoebes fan!
Joey: Movies?
Joey: (laughs) I dont think so.
Joey: Hey Gunther, dont let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebes a porn star!
(Joey and Ross enter.)
Monica: (noticing the bag Joeys carrying) Oh great! Did you get a movie?
Joey: Uhhh, yeah. Yeah. But uh, I dont think its the kind youre gonna like.
(Joey and Ross exchange looks.)
Joey: Sort of
Joey: (holds up the movie) Phoebes a porn star!
(They all run over to Joey and Ross, Chandler grabs the movie and reads the title.)
Joey: Well down at the adult video place down on Bleaker.
Ross: And-and I, and I saw that Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to-to surprise him and, and then I pretended I didnt know he was in there. (They all kinda look at him.)
Joey: All right well, Id better take that back.
Joey: We cant watch that! I mean thats Phoebe!
Monica: (hands the tape back to Joey, but doesnt let him grab it) Yknow maybe a little bit!
Joey: No! Hey no! This is wrong you guys! Phoebes our friend! Well, Im not gonna watch it!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: (sitting at the kitchen table with his back to the TV) You sick bastards!
(Upon hearing this, Joey cant turn his chair around fast enough and knocks it over.)
Joey: Re! Re! Then I can watch that! Rewind it! Rewind it!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a paper as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Oh no, not you too!
Joey: Nice!
Joey: Thats great, but isnt it gonna bother that people still think youre a porn star?
Joey: You do?
Phoebe: Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where hes seen her before.) (To him) Youre trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, Ill give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: No, no, Emma has one Hugsy, the new Hugsy, huh? The other Hugsy, I don't know, I guess I'll just take it back.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, except Joey, is there. Phoebe is, well you y'know.]
Joey: (entering) Hey! Is uh, is she gonna be all right?
Joey: But what about how much taller he is than me?
Chandler: Hey, yknow what, if youre gonna do that, if youre gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. (Phoebe doesnt think so.) Oh, come on! Chandlers funny, sophisticated, and hes very loveable, once you get to know him.
(They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)
Joey: Hey-hey don't look at me! I just work here! (Walks away.)
Joey: Oh, well we watch it a second time and its Die Hard 2!
The Director: (entering carrying a newspaper) Here we go people! (starts reading the review) Boxing Day! The Lucille Lortel Theatre, blah-la-la-la Ah-ha! Joey Tribianni, gives an uneven performance, but Mr. Tribianni is not the worst thing in this production.
Joey: It's ah, step-ity, step and jazz hands.
Joey: (In a New York accent.) Fuggetaboutit. (She giggles.) How you doin?
[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, (And thats the last time for that line, no more Chandler and Joeys or Monica and Rachels, ever!) Joey and Ross are carrying the last table of Rachels. Rachel follows slowly, but is stopped by Monica.]
Chandler: Joey, can I talk to you for a second? (He grabs him and starts to drag Joey into Monica's room.)
Joey: Dear Lord.
Joey: Oh, ooh the food smells great, Mon!
Monica: Come on! (The girls all run out and Joey holds up Chandler by smiling.)
Joey: (turning around) Alright, alright. I'm around. Go ahead.
Joey: I love that movie. (Joey is using it as a pillow)
Joey: No it isn't! No, it's not. Because you can also explain it with the truth!
Joey: Hey, dont get religious on me, ok. (Ross looks a little confused.) A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing. You know. Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs? Huh...come here sit down. (Ross sits down.) Ready? (Joey flips the foot rest up.) Ahh!! (He reclines the chair fully.) Ohh, yeah!! Huh?!
Joey: Oh, hey let me. (Opens the door for Janine and after he closes the door behind her gasps ecstatically.)
Stanley: Eh, worth a shot. (Gets into his car.) Look Joey, let me know where you're staying, okay? (The car peels away.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey is eating breakfast, Rachel has just gotten up, and Monica is on the phone.]
Rachel: Oh good. (She walks to the closed bathroom door, opens it, and finds a naked woman wrapped in a towel.) Ahhh! My God, sorry! (She closes the door and confronts Joey.)
Joey: Great. (He doesnt like it.) You got anything thats not Ralph Lauren?
CHANDLER: Actually, uh, we're both the father. (Puts his arm around Joey)
Charlie: Yeah! Actually Joey and I are going to the movies tonight, wanna come?
JOEY: I figure my character has kids.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as enter except Joey enter.]
Joey: Wait! Terry! WaitLookWait I-I Look, Im really sorry about before. I was an idiot thinking Im too big to audition for you. You gotta give me another chance.
Joey: Only if you think its better than this... (holds up an aerosol can) snow-in-a-can!! I got it at work. Mon, you want me to decorate the window, give it a kind of Christmas lookie.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are getting ready for the flight to London and Monica comes running in.]
Joey: Forget about it. Its no big deal.
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Hold on please. Joey, its your mom. (Hands him the phone.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are returning from Central Perk.]
Rachel: (Joey walks to the door) Although...
Joey: Oh, cause you can just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and boom, theres your admirer. (Ross is stunned.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Joey enter having just woken up.]
Rachel: Okay, well if I stop playing with Joey and Chandler, can I play with Mark?
Joey: Great, you can cover Chandler.
Phoebe: (running after her) Rach, its gonna be okay! (To Ross and Joey) You guys are the best!
JOEY: Why would I want another apartment, huh? I've already got an apartment that I love.
Rachel: Whoops. (Starts to go into Chandler and Joeys.) Oh, hey, do you need help with that?
Joey: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so... (crosses fingers)
Monica: You cant say that!! You-you dont know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldnt...bend that way. So... (looks at Joey.)
Joey: Oh, and guess what, I got an audition for All My Children.
(They wait for Joey to go into his room and close the door and then start making out again.)
Joey: 18, uh? (starts to prepare himself to say his "How You Doin'" line) Ross: Joey, NO!
Chandler: Hey! Im sorry! That(sees that Joey is about to leave) where are you going?
Joey: No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole.
Joey: Oh Monica, listen, I ah, I saw down at the hardware store, they got those designer tiles on sale. If you ever want to redo the bathroom floor.
Joey: Hey, you know what naked card game is never boring?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone is reading Joeys interview.]
Joey: Well (taking his cell phone out of a pocket) I’m wanna hear it, because she keeps doing this.
Joey: (entering) Hey Ross! Listen, do you want to go see that new Imax movie on tide pools?
Rachel: Hey! Joey, would you mind giving me and Ross a hand moving his couch?
Joey: Do you guys have like a big bowl I can borrow?
Joey: Oh yes I do. Otherwise whats next? Today Im just a guy who cant finish a turkey, but tomorrow Im the guy who eats half a Powerbar, wraps up the rest, and puts in the fridge? No! No, I just I justI gotta change my pants. (Gets up and heads for the door.) Jeans have no give. (Exits.)
Joey: You damn right I am, I've been waiting for a cookie for 7 minutes.
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! Great news, I was able to get you and one guest tickets to your premiere.
Joey: A monologue? I don't have.. (sees the book he was reading before for his "dramatic reading") I got it. (hangs up) (announces to the room) Aah! so... I'm gonna take off!
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys hotel room. Chandler is watching TV as Joey returns, still wearing his hat.]
Joey: And Chandler I cant believe I let you pay for this one. (They hug and he whispers in his ear.) Thanks man.
Joey: Oh, come on! Have you seen what my kid can do?! Huh?! I mean he dials phones! He-he-he eats tortilla chips! He-he plays soccer with the cartoon tiger!
Joey: What?! Thats not fair! Its not my fault! I was off with my brides maid! And whos to say I wouldve even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I wouldve said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!
Joey: Now you cant tell anyone, but uh I put on shiny lip balm.
Joey: I've been thinking. Y'know, about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls...
Joey: Okay, uh sit down. (they do) Um theres this woman that I like. A lot. But, uh it cant happen.
Joey: (interrupting him) Don't do it!
Joey: All right well, I guess I gotta go get a job. Im gonna go see my agent.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross has told Chandler and Joey his terrible act.]
Joey: Yes thats the one about the soldiers who fight in World War I!
JOEY: Well if he's not gonna eat it, I will.
Joey: (entering) Hey. (Ross turns to see who it is, and seeing its Joey he just ignores him and turns back around.) Ross, I know youre pissed at me, but we have to talk about this.
Rachel: Yknow, I never thought Id say this about a movie, but I really hope this dog dies. (Joey brings over a stool at sits on it next to Rachel whos in the big chair.) What are you doing over there? Come sit here, you protect me.
Joey: Uhm... Aren't you a little overdressed?
Joey: We dont need that wizard guy. We hit a couple of clubs, talked to some strangers, and uh, after this, well head down to the docks and see about that boat thing.
Joey: Its no big deal. Hey, yknow, you do what you gotta do. Right?
Joey: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are there. Phoebe walks in ringing a bell.]
Joey: Is it on me? I feel, I feel like it's on me! I got, hey! (He storms into his room)
Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!
[Chandler and Joey come sprinting in]
Joey: Thanks, man. And oh, while you're at it, could you get her a card?
Rachel: (interrupting him) Hi! Im gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, Im the one you come too. This might be Joeys baby (rubbing her stomach), who knows? Im just kiddingSeriously, (leans into the cassette recorder Shelley is using) gal pal Rachel Green.
[Scene: The hallway, Joey, Janine, Monica, and Chandler are returning from their second date.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is coming back from work to find Phoebe, Rachel, and someone else with her back turned is there.]
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is eating pizza as Chandler enters.]
Joey: You can't just give up! Is that what a dinosaur would do?
Joey: All right look, Ross, hes right. Emilys great, shes great! But this way too soon, youre only gonna scare her!
Joey: Leetch spots Messier in the crease- there's the pass! (He kicks it to Ross, but Ross is staring into a shop window.)
Joey: What, oh, oh, oh, no, no, I cant, I cant tell you that, its like the most awful, horrible thing Ive ever done my whole life.
Chandler: (laughs) Oh thats great, my friend Joeys in the movie business.
Joey: So! You and Phoebe huh? How long have you been going out?
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Monica, Chandler, Rachel, and Ross are playing Monopoly as Phoebe enters angrily.]
Joey: Hey, dude, let me in. I got a girl out here!
Chandler: How about Joey... Pepponi?
Chandler: Yeah, Joey said I uh, I needed to relax so he gave me an antihistamine.