words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Rachel, and Joey are there as Ross enters.]
Joey: Oh hey, do you still have their final exams?
Joey: Oh, cause you can just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and boom, theres your admirer. (Ross is stunned.)
Joey: Oh, well think of it like this, when youre 90
Joey: No thats not what I was going to say at all. No, what I was going to say is when youre 90 youll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are eating breakfast as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey Chandler! Yknow that girl you went to college with who-who became a movie director?
Joey: Oh well listen, anyway shes directing the new Al Pacino movie. You gotta get me an audition!
Joey: No-no-no, please-please Chandler I-I-I would owe you so much!
Joey: Hey-hey dude, why are you changing the subject? Why? Will you make the call or what?
Joey: All right! Thanks! Youre the best! Now listen, the last day of auditions is Thursday. Okay? So I gotta get in there by Thursday. Okay? Just remember Thursday. Thursday. Can you remember Thursday?
Joey: (angrily) Thursday! Look if you need help remembering think of like this, the third day. All right? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day? Thursday! The third day! Okay?!
Joey: Okay.
Monica: Come on! (The girls all run out and Joey holds up Chandler by smiling.)
Joey: The part I want to audition for is a fireman, this is so meant to be!
Joey: (to the fireman) Hey buddy, do you think I can borrow your uniform this Thursday?
Monica: Joey! Hes working! (To Chandler) You would look good in that.
Joey: Oh, how bad is it?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is on the phone as Joey enters.]
Joey: Chandler, is that (Mimes someone using a movie camera and Chandler nods yes.)
Joey: Hey-hey listen (Chandler waves him away.)
Chandler: Okay! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm (Joey mimes throwing something in the air, catching it, rolling it out, putting it in an oven and cutting it.) Can you hold for one second please? (To Joey) What?!
Joey: When youre off the phone, do you wanna get a pizza?
Chandler: (on phone) Hi! Im back. (Goes to hang up the phone.) Yeah, that sounds great. (Listens) Okay. Well, well do it then. (Listens) Okay, bye-bye. (He hangs up the phone and turns around to see Joey standing close to him and screams.)
Joey: Hey listen, so whens-whens my audition? I mean I know its Thursday, but what time?
Chandler: (To Joey) We didnt get to the audition. Im gonna take her to coffee and then well do it then.
Joey: Ah-ha!
Monica: All right, well why dont I go out with an ex-boyfriend and do Joey a favor?!
Joey: Hey, you wanna do Joey a favor, maybe you go out with Joey. (He turns around to see Chandler glaring at him.)
Chandler: (laughs) Oh thats great, my friend Joeys in the movie business.
Chandler: (giggles) My friends name is Joey.
Monica: I know! Now look, theres only one problem though. Theres only room for one, so I guess one of you will have to stay at Joeys.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is showing Phoebe around.]
Joey: This right here is where I keep the pizza. (He points to the chair.) And uh thats where the napkin is. (Points to the floor next to the chair.)
Joey: I know! (Shrugs his shoulders.)
Phoebe: Yknow what Joey left on my pillow?
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is now showing Rachel around.]
Joey: This is where I keep the pizza. (Its the same location as before.) AndHey! Where did the napkin go?! (The napkin is not in its spot.)
Phoebe: What the smell from Joeys? No, I can hardly smell it over here.
[Cut to Joeys, hes on the phone.]
Joey: (in a funny voice) Yeah, so it turns out that it wasnt the hair straightener that started the fire. (Rachel prompts him on what to say next.) No-no, it was the candles. Its very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is (Phoebe suddenly enters.) Uhh Uhh Okay. Well, I have to go now. (Phoebe leaves.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Ross is telling Monica and Joey about his date with Elizabeth.]
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
Joey: Well Ross, it seems pretty clear. I mean whats more important? What people think or how you feel, huh? Ross, you gotta follow your heart.
Monica: Joey that is so sweet.
Joey: Hey-hey-hey! So, how did it go with Dana? Any reason I should leave a block of time open say Thursday?
Joey: You couldnt do it?!
Monica: Joey! You didnt even know her!
Joey: Ah whatever!
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are eating spaghetti in the living room while watching TV and Rachel drops some on the floor.]
Rachel: Oh, Joey! Sorry!
Joey: No thats all right. Dont worry about it.
Joey: Rach! Hey! Its fine! Youre at Joeys!
Joey: Yeah! Look! (He throws some of his spaghetti on the floor.)
Joey: I know.
Joey: All right, dont waste it, I mean its still food. (He picks it up and eats it.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are throwing huge spitballs at the entertainment center.]
Rachel: I love it at Joeys!
Joey: Hey, here you go. (Hands her another one.)
Chandler: (To Joey) So, you busy Thursday?
Joey: Oh, very funny. I dont know if you remember, but my audition was supposed to be Thursday. (Chandler doesnt say anything until Joey figures it out.) You got me the audition?! Lets hug it up! (They hug.)
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (Joey puts him down.) What are you gonna do to me if you get the part?
Phoebe: Now I know that they said that the umm, the hair straightener started the fire but I think Im partly at fault. You see, I didnt, I didnt tell you but umm, but I-I had recently refilled the tissues and so yknow lets just face it, thats just kindling! So I think its better that I stay at Joeys.
Joey: Thats right, all the ladies want to stay at Joeys.
Joey: Yeah.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is eating pizza as Chandler enters.]
Joey: Hey!
Joey: So?
Joey: Wh? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when huh what? Thurs(He gasps in horror.) Oh! (Runs out and Chandler just shakes his head. After a second Joey runs back in to grab a piece of pizza and runs back out.)
Joey: What?
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, theyre finishing up dinner.]
Joey: Okay, all right.
(Joey enters, looking extremely pleased with himself.)
Joey: Fan out! Fan out!
Joey: All right, relax. Its just a shoe.
Joey: (jumping in triumph) OH YES!!!!!
Joey: I dont want to talk about it. Yknow, you couldve at least saved me a whole cookie. (He grabs whats left of the cookie and pops in his mouth.)
Joey: Huh.
Joey: I know.
(Joey finally wakes up.)
Joey: Whats the matter, Pheebs?
Joey: What?!
Joey: Its not just the stuff he paid for, I mean its-its everything. Yknow? He read lines with me. He-he went with me on auditions when I was really nervous, and then he consoled me after I didnt get parts that I really wanted. You always believed in me man. Even, even when I didnt believe in myself.
Joey: Hey! I'm in, they're gonna let me audition!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is getting ready to go to Joeys premiere and Phoebe is still on hold.]
Joey: (with food in his mouth) You talked to him. Are you crazy?
Joey: (to Ross) Wanna play strip poker for practice?
Ross: (to Joey) Oh no, she took down Monica... And I'm the crier in the family. Oh God! I could be next. Maybe she won't talk with me if it looks like we're deep in converstation. Oh, so that thing you said about the thing. It really made me think about that other thing.
JOEY: Yeah really, Ross, have you ever been beaten up before?
Joey: (even more abashed) A place to eat spaghetti.
(Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey all scooch over to let them sit down.)
Joey: Ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah! (He drapes it around his shoulders.) Enh? All right, what do you think?
Joey: Well so, how come you blew me off? Y'know? How come you were with him?
Billy: (to Joey) Hey, Im trying to have a private conversation! Is that okay?!
Joey: To tape the game? You do this every time Ross, youre not gonna be on TV!
JOEY: Ah, I was just in the bathroom, and there's mirrors on both sides of you. So when you're in there it's like you're peein' with the Rockettes.
Message: "Hi Joey, it's Jane Rogers can't wait for your party tonight" (Joey's upset and stops it)
Joey: Y'know what, hold on, let me go get Chandler. (gets up and leaves.)
Joey: Who-ah-ho.
Joey: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the math.
ROSS: Well, I was going to, but after I talked to you, I talked to Joey.
Joey and Chandler: Gnight.
JOEY: No, but if you're willing to cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. And then... [rubs his fingers together]
Joey: Uh, yeah but uh, (In Drakes voice) I may have said those things before but, I never truly meant them. Until now.
Joey: Oh no! No!! My hole!!
Joey: Well, theres really only one thing you can do.
JOEY: Well she better get here soon, the outlet stores close at 7.
Ross: Look, you guys, you guys should go. (Joey tries to say something, but Ross cuts him off.) No, Im, you, you planned this all out, and I dont want to ruin it, so you guys should just go.
Joey: Alright, well, I'm gonna order a pizza. (gets up)
Joey: Me too.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the results of their election. Somewhat faster than Florida I might add.]
Joey: No?
Joey: It was, yeah. I kind of don't want it to end. Hey, you wanna come in for a drink and a bite of corsage?
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
[Scene: The Xerox place, Chandler and Joey are waiting in line.]
Joey: Its between us and the sea, Ross!
Joey: Toutes la smore! Bu blu-ay bloo blah ooh! Pfoof!
Joey: Man, she is going to have a great time! Is she staying at the Hotel Corona?
Joey: Nope.
Chandler, Monica, and Joey: NO!!!
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joeys with Monica in trail.)
Joey: All right. (gets up)
Ross: What happened? Joey?
Chandler: And then Joey remembered something.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are there as Mona enters.]
Chandler: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.
(In horror, Joey wipes his neck and smells it.)
Joey: (to Chandler) The Irish gig guy?!
Joey: You know, on the one hand you're happy for them, but on the other hand it's hard to let go.
Rachel: Okay. (Starts to go.) God yknow, if someone told me a week ago that I would be peeing in Joey Tribbianis apartment
Joey: Oh, youre switching apartments?
JOEY: Eggs. Who's eggs do you like better, his or mine, huh?
(Joey leaves with Lorraine. Chandler sits back down with Janice.)
[Flashback to Monica and Chandlers apartment. Chandler has a bunch of people over in formal wear to give Monica a surprise birthday party. Joey is coming out of the bathroom and removing his tie.]
Joey: Because, Monica, the guys so good, and I really, really want this part.
Joey: Look, were not throwing it out! I built this thing with my own hands!
Joey: I mean naked game. Strip poker, we should totally play strip poker.
Phoebe: (on phone from Central Perk) Hey Joey, I just wanted to let you know that I found a selfless good deed. I just went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.
Joey: Half hour. (Rachel turns to look at him and he nods yes.)
Joey: Looks good, uh?
Joey: Oh. What do you do?
JOEY: How can they do this to me?
Joey: What? Whats wrong?
Joey: Oh hey but, before you guys do that (To Rachel) I need to talk to you, and Ross, I need to talk to you.
Joey: Yeah that's not such a bad situation they got going over there. I'm thinking of getting me one of those.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel, Chandler, and Joey are decorating the Christmas tree.]
JOEY: Uhh, well, right now I'm in between things. You know how it is. One day you're processing, the next day you're not so much... processing any more.
Rachel: Oh yeah, Joey broke it. Had to get rid of it.
[cut to Chandler and Joeys apartment, Tommy is using the phone]
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Goodnight.
Joey: Pretty nice?
[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.]
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey is giving Chandler the bracelet from season 2.]
Chandler: (to Joey) Is that your new walk?
Joey: (to Peter) Good for you!!
Joey: (to Chandler) Nana?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading a script as Ross enters]
Monica: Oh, no. He doesn't have time for that. But if you want, you can go help him and Joey pack up the guest room.
Joey: (pause) Hows that going?
Joey: Well I tell ya, I should probably buy a place in the city first. (Realizes.) And I just got what you meant againThat isI tell ya, that is a tricky one!
Joey: Uh, Pheebs, about your mom...
Monica: We left Joey alone with the food! (Walks towards the window and looks out) Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog!
Joey: I took a shot.
JOEY: Take it easy. If it means that much to you, I'll uh, I'll go find something else.
JOEY: It's my VISA bill. Envelope one of two. That can't be good.
Joey: No! No. Umm, just myself and if they dont like me for(Laughs.) Im sorry I couldnt even get through that.
Joey: Okay, good, good, good, cause, good, cause I was kinda having second thoughts too.
Monica: Okay, if Joey does the ceremony, then we have to find someone else to walk Phoebe down the isle.
Joey: Yeah...