words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are getting ready for the flight to London and Monica comes running in.]
Joey: Its all London, baby! Here we go. (He takes a picture of a less than enthused Chandler and starts towards the girls apartment.)
Joey: Yeah, in my third drawer on my dresser. You dont want to lose that.
(Chandler glares at him. At first Joey doesnt know why, it takes him a little bit to figure it out.)
Joey: Ohh!! (Runs to his room.)
Chandler: (entering, with Joey) All right! Lets do it!
Joey: Woo-hoo!!
Joey: London baby!
Joey: (louder) London baby!!
Joey: Bye, Pheebs!
(They all start out, Rachel gives each one a kiss, and says "bye." In the hall, Joey says )
Joey: London baby!! (And Rachel slowly closes the door, sadly.)
(And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show moves its entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
[Scene: Street in front of the London Marriott, Joey and Chandler exit. Joey is carrying a video camera and is shooting Chandler.]
Joey: Come on! Do something!
Joey: Okay, here! (Gives him the camera.) I wanna be the on camera guy. All right, first stop, Westminster Abbey. (Joey folds out his "pop-up" map of London. All of the major landmarks pop-up like in a pop-up book.)
Joey: Its London, baby! All right, the hotels here. (Points to the map.) Wait. No, we wanna go No. I know. (Sets the map down.) Im gonna have to go into the map. (So Joey literally steps into the map.)
Joey: I got it! (Picks up the map and starts walking.) Here we go.
Joey: Shhh! (Pause) Man, you made me lose it! (He goes into the map again.)
[Scene: Westminster Abbey, Joey and Chandler have successfully navigated the streets of London and are approaching the Abbey.]
Joey: All right! Westminster Abbey! Hands down, best Abbey Ive ever seen. Hey! (Pushes Chandler in front of the camera.) Okay. What do you think of the Abbey, Chandler?
Joey: Really? To what?
Joey: Man, you are Westminster Crabby. (He starts chasing Chandler towards the Abbey.)
[Scene: A park in London, Joey and Chandler walk up to a souvenir stand.]
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Check this out? Huh? (Joey has this big tall hat with a British flag on the front of it.) Yeah. Thats the stuff. What do you think?
Joey: Well, I like it. Here you go. (He pays for the hat.)
Joey: Oh, I embarrass you?
Joey: Oh yeah? (Puts the hat on.) If youre gonna make me choose between you and the hat? I choose the hat.
Joey: Thanks.
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys hotel room. Chandler is watching TV as Joey returns, still wearing his hat.]
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Oh. (Takes off the hat.) Sorry!
Joey: Me too.
Joey: Noo!! Ive had the best day ever! Dude, check this out!
Joey: Sh-shh-shh! (He motions for her to watch something he has taped.)
[Cut to the tape Joey made in front of some famous place in London with a rather famous English-type person.]
Joey: (on tape) Okay, so say hi to my friend and tell him that you like the hat.
Joey: (on tape) Oh, Chandler.
Joey: Thats Fergie baby!!
Fergie: Joey says you dont really like his hat, but I think its kinda dashing.
Joey: Well, I was trying to figure out how to get to Buckingham Palace, right? So, Im in my map and-and (Ross enters) Hey!
Joey: Wait up! (They both run to the bathroom.)
Joey: Yeah. (Pause) Hey, I hope Ross didnt think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here!
Joey: (on phone) Hey, Pheebs! Its Joey!
Phoebe: Hey, Joey! Hey! Ooh! Ooh! I just say someone on thethat looks just like you on the subway. And I was gonna go over and say hi! but then I figured, he doesnt care if he looks like you.
Joey: That just cost me four bucks. But uh listen, I just called to see how the chick and the duck are doing?
Joey: Kinda, but Ive just been having way too much fun.
Joey: No, I dont think so.
Joey: Whos seven?
Joey: Ahh, the babies miss me?
Joey: What? You ordered pizza without me?!
Phoebe: Yeah. But yknow we were thinking about you, yknow we ordered the Joey Special.
Joey: Two pizzas?!
Joey: Wait, well, where did you get it from?!
(Phoebe has already hung up, leaving Joey in the dark. So Joey decides to watch some TV and turns on a rerun of Cheers, with the theme song playing. At first, hes happy, but as the song progresses Joey gets depressed and homesick.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey are standing by the kitchen entrance. A waiter comes out.]
Waiter: Sir? (Looking at Joey.)
Joey: Whats in it?
Waiter: Goat cheese, water chestnuts, and panchetta. (Joey Looks down disgustingly at the food.)
Joey: (Looking up at the waiter)Thats not food...No, I dont, no...(Taps Chandler on the shoulder.) Everything's different here...I want to go home. I...I miss my family. I miss the coffee house. I cant even remember what Phoebe looks like.
Chandler: Joey, its been three days, okay.. Your just a little homesick, Okay. Would you just try to relax. Just, just try to enjoy yourself.
Joey: (Pointing at Chandler.) Your different here too. Your mean in England. (Chandler throws his hands up to his head in frustration. They walk away from each other.)
[Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner Hall. Chandler, Joey, Ross, Emily, Monica, and all the bridal party are seated at the table. Chandler gets up to make a toast.]
Joey: Hey, best man number two, Joey Tribbiani. Now Im not good with the jokes like Chandler here. Boy...but ahh, I just want to say congratulation to the happy couple. I first met Ross in this coffee house back home...Home...New York City...Where everybody knows my name. Well anyway, I love you guys. (pointing at everyone.) But not as much as I love America. (Looking at Chandler.) Could we please..go home now?
(One of the bridesmaids, Felicity, puts her arm around Joey.)
Felicity: (Putting her arm around Joey.) Are you going home? I was hoping to get to know you better.
Joey: (Putting his arm around her.) Im not going anywhere, sweetheart.
[Scene: Joey enters his hotel room. The phone is ringing.]
Joey: Hello?
Joey: Hey. I spent the night out. I met this cute bridesmaid. She is so...
Joey: Ahh Pheebs, you know youre still my number one girl.
Joey: Ohh great!!!
Joey: (Confused.) But, he loves Emily?
Joey: Okay.
Joey: Hold on. Hold on. (Picking up a note pad and writing and reading the message aloud.) Rachel coming. Do...Something.
Joey: Right!
(The guys hotel room. Joeys there. Chandler comes out of the bathroom in a robe.)
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Have you seen Monica?
Joey: (With a confused look on his face.) What?
Joey: Look weve got to find her. Phoebe just called!! Rachels coming to tell Ross she loves him!!
Joey: I know! Thats why we got to find Monica!! You know where she is?
Chandler: No!! Okay!! Whats with the third degree?! Why dont you just shine a light in my eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
Monica: (Angrily.) You can let some of them go by!(Judy and Andrea go to the front of the chapel. Joey approaches Monica.)
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. Ill cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
Joey: Okay. (They both walk off to watch for Rachel.)
[Scene: Joeys in the front entrance watching for Rachel. The bridesmaid he met at the rehearsal dinner come in.)
Felicity: (In a sexy voice.)Hello Joey.
Joey: Hey, Felicity.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: (In a New York accent.) Fuggetaboutit. (She giggles.) How you doin?
Joey: Oh, yeah.
(The front entrance. Joey and the bridesmaid are up against the wall kissing. Rachel comes in the door and walks by Joey unnoticed. She walks into the chapel and sees Ross and Emily kissing. She looks as though she wants to cry. Emily walks away and Ross turns and sees Rachel standing there.)
[Scene: Camera fades to one of the band members playing guitar at the wedding. The chapel is full of guest. A groomsmen escorts a bridesmaid down the isle. Joey is waiting with Mrs. Waltham to escort he down the isle. A cellular phone rings.]
Mrs. Waltham: (Slapping the phone into Joeys chest.) Joey theres a girl on the phone for you.
Joey: (Smiling.) Ohh great!! (Putting the phone to his ear.) Hello. (He begins to escort her down the aisle.)
Joey: No, but its okay. She just came in and gave him a hug, that it.
Joey: No.
Joey: Ah, Im-Im walking down the aisle...Still walking. (Mrs. Waltham takes her place.) Im about to pass the bridesmaid I hooked up with last night. (Looking at the bridesmaid.) Hey! (Talking to Phoebe.) I told her "Hey." And now Im at the front with Ross. Its Phoebe. (He shows Ross the phone.) He looks pretty mad. Uh...Id better go.
Phoebe: No!! wait, wait, wait!! Oh please, hold it up so I can listen. (Joey looks at Ross and holds the phone above Rosss shoulder.)
(Monica passes the Envelopes on to Ross, Joey and Rachel.)
Joey: Hey thats not true! Look at uh, look at Angela LansbAngelina Jolie!
[Scene: At Pyramid. Joey is with the woman now.]
JOEY: Great. Then you'll be able to spend more quality time with your real friends, the spoons.
(Joey sits sideways on his chair, looking at Sarah's chocolate torte, and then looking away from it, nervously playing with his fork, drumming with it on the table every now and then.)
Joey: Your thumb? Thats weird. (Makes a fist.) You sure youre punching right? Make a fist. (Ross just looks at him with his thumb in a cast.) Maybe later. Ross I feel terrible.
Joey: All right, fine... But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame... (Chandler turns his back to the TV. Joey puts the tape in the VCR, switches it on and watches what's on the tape... It's clearly a american football match, with the referee's whistle blowing, the crowds cheering...)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is on the phone and Monica is nonchalantly "minding her own business".]
The Assistant Director: (to another actor) Richard? Were ready for you. (Richard approaches.) Joey Tribbiani? This is Richard Crosby hes playing Vincent.
Joey: (after Ross is gone) What is he doing? What, Emily, thinks Ross's furniture has got Rachel coodies?
Joey: Oh-oh!
Chandler: Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process. Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails.
Joey: I am pretty wisdomous.
Joey: Monica face it, Chandler is against marriage. And-and always will be!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, has split up his newspaper so Joey can look at the funnies, while Ross's inappropriate joke at Lamaze class has come back to haunt him.]
Joey: What the hell are you talking about, (in a Jamaican accent) "The south will rise again man."
JOEY: Well, I get the medical award for separating the siamese twins. Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramone. And that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big but it's cursed.
Chandler: You say that now, but it could take us a long time to get back home. Plus Joey could get lost and and they could have to page us to go pick him up.
(They go out to investigate, and find Joey wrapped in a blanket watching their television.)
Chandler: OK, I'm officially unpacked. Thanks for helping me man. (Turns around and sees that Joey isn't there.) Joe? (Hears giggling coming from a box) Well, I guess Joey went home. Oh and look, there's still one box that I have to unpack. (Hears the giggling again)
Joey: Really?! I like your natural color. Come on man, its a great part. Look, check it out. Im the lead guys best friend and I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listen-listen. Im sorry, that seats saved.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is returning from having removed Rachels panties.]
Joeys Sister: No, Im Mary-Theresa.
JOEY: How far'd ya get?
Joey: Oh! I see what happened. It's because I was trying to repel you. Right? Believe me, you'd feel a lot different if I turned it on.
Joey: Yknow, Monica and Chandler are married. Ross and Rachel are having a baby. Maybe you and I should do something.
Joey: Ah!! Okay! Eyes open at all times! Oh, hey, how do we decide where we... (clears throat) y'know each would, (clears throat again) y'know (pause) be?
(She puts her head on Joey's shoulder and Joey kisses her on her head.)
Monica: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go (Takes two cups and marks the start and finish lines with them) from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!
Joey: Ohh, hey! Why dont you book a date for both of you at one of those romantic spas?
Joey: Well, you gotta give him something that he cant say no too. Like uh, Knicks tickets! Invite the guy to a Knicks game, youre guaranteed hell say yes!
[Scene: the Pharmacist convention. Joey and Rachel are walking out of it, drinking cocktails]
Joey: Rach, I told you everything I knew last night! Look, it's not that big of a deal, so Monica and Chandler are doing it.
Joey: My identical hand twin! The person whose hands are exactly like mine! This thing is a gold mine!
Joey: That's it! I'm tired of covering for you two! This has got to stop! (Realizes he still has the underwear in his hand.) Ahh! (Throws them towards Chandler's room.) And tighty-whiteys! What are you, 8?
Joey: Huh, un, blu, bla, flu, flenk!
Joey: What?! Wait-wait-wait! The handsome man was about to enter!!
Joey: Of course you do! I saved him! You're mad at me! It all adds up! You want Ross out of the picture.
Joey: Yeah, I just… I just feel bad about firing Estelle. This is got to be killing her.
Joey: Hey! You hold on pal! Now you made my friend, Rachel, cry. So now, youre gonna go up there and apologize to her, unless you want me to call the landlord.
Joey: Na-uh! (To everyone there) Hey did anybody lose their keys?
Joey: What do you have against the duck?! He doesnt make any noise!
[And with that we go into the save the budget portion of the show, which features flashbacks from previous episodes. The first set of auditions feature high lights or low lights of Joeys acting career. The first flashback is from The One With The Lesbian Wedding.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Joey are standing at the counter. Monica is flipping a light switch on and off next to the door.]
Ross: Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five is good. (Gunther leaves, hurt) Well, I'm gonna have a loogie in my coffee tomorrow.
Chandler: (to Joey) You are really frightening me.
JOEY: Hey no, seriously, I don't need you to pick me... [Fun Bobby picks Joey up off the ground, bounces him. Joey laughs.] Alright! It still works.
Joey: Whoa, whoa. And the fact that you dumped him because he hit on Phoebe?
Joey: Rach?! (He walks over to the fridge to put it in, but it cannot be opened either) Rachel!!!!? (He walks to the bathroom and tries to lift the toilet seat cover. It won't come up.) So I can't do anything I like????
Joey: (pointing at himself) Growth!
Joey: Okay. I went down to the Mattress King showroom and, and I saw Janice, kissing her ex-husband.
Phoebe: Joey, you pick who ever you want. Okay? You just listen to your heart. What does it tell you? (Mimicking a heartbeat and tapping her chest.) Phoebe, Phoebe.
JOEY: What happens if you flick it?
[Scene: The Subway, Joey sees his poster and he peels off the caption on his poster, revealing more posters underneath. The captions read, as follows:
Joey: (to his team) All right, huddle up, right over here.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are there as Phoebe enters carrying a large box.]
(The pianist starts to play, and Joey readies himself, and then runs out of the audition.)
Joey: All right. Hey Rach, while you're in there, throw something on Alicia Mae.
[Scene: The Wedding reception, Ross and Emily are in the bathroom and Emily is yelling at him. Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are standing outside the doorway.]
Chandler: Thank you Gunther, put it there. (He gets up, and shakes Gunther's hand. A bunch of coins fall out his hand. He sits down next to Monica.) Definitely not easier with coins. (Joey gets up and picks up the coins. Chandler thinks, Joey is just helping him to pick them up.) Thank you.
Joey: Yes, and they should name one of their kids Joey. I may not have kids; someone's gotta carry on the family name.
Joey: Hey, what is with the secrecy Phoebe? Huh? And what about this Denise, is she cute?
(The door opens and Joey and Chandler ride in on the big, fake dog in triumph)
Joey: Oh thats on the house courtesy of Joey Tribbiani.
Joey: Oh what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? (Chandler looks annoyed at him and Joey leans in to him) Oh! Secret teapot?
Joey: Why are you going? He said, she wanted the shrew! (runs after the waiter)
Joey: (yelling at her) I’M CURVY, AND I LIKE IT!
Rachel: (carrying a tray of drinks) Alright, don't tell me, don't tell me! (Starts handing them out.) Decaf cappucino for Joey.. Coffee black.. Late.. And an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at this!
Joey: (manages to pry off only a small piece) Aw! Look at that, every inch of this stuff is glued down. Itd take forever to pry this up. You should ah, you should just leave it. (starts to walk away, but Monica grabs him)
[Time lapse, Ross has been demoted to the back seat with Joey and Chandler. He's not too happy about it.]
Joey: Listen, I ah, I know its a longshot. But, by any chance did she find that funny?
JOEY: Oh yeah. Well you can't fire Joseph. You know why, 'cause he's not in your department.
Joey: Oh-ho, yeah!
Joey: Hey I was crying because, because nobody believed Quincys theory. Okay?
Joey: I don't know uhh (Pause as he thinks about it.) Well, I'm Joey. Yeah, I'm disgusting, I take my underwear off in other people's homes.
(The ladder retracts, taking Joey up into the spaceship for his voyage to Blargon 7.)
[Cut to Monicas work kitchen, shes on fire again and Joey is putting her out.]
Joey: The blizzard. I just saw on the news, it's like the worst snow storm in 20 years! They already closed all the bridges and tunnels. (Opens the curtains to reveal a snow storm outside)
Chandler: Will you marry me? Will you marry me? (Makes like a gun with his fingers.) Hey, you marry me! (He gives up as Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, and Ross slink in all excited.) Whats going on little elves?
[Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the table, looking at the Geller siblings like theyre weirdos.]
JOEY: Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. We live in the building by the uh sidewalk.
(They both start to frantically rip each others clothes off, but are interrupted when Joey tries to open the door.)
Ross: Oh! That is so thoughtful. (To Joey.) She's a keeper. And what did you bring me? (Grabs the bag that Charlie brought for Joey.)
[cut to later, Joey, Rachel, Ross, and Tim are watching the football game, and they all cheer loudly.]
Joey: No, in Ross's building! (He throws Rachel onto the chair and heads to the window.) She's back! She's back! (Pantomimes) Okay, wait there, I'll be over in a second. (He counts where she is again.) Got it! (Runs out and does a little hot over a chair.)
Joey: Nah, Im too depressed to eat. Ill probably eat in like 5 minutes. So I guess Ill just fly home with you guys, what times your flight?
Joey: (slightly irritated)I'm not really comfortable with these questions!
Joey: Or not. Uh, Rach, why dont you just move in with me? (Rachel sighs.)
Joey and Ross: Kristen Lang.
Joey: Hey Ross, is uh, is Staten Island really an island?
Joey: I'm surprised you didn't go home wearing your lunch.
Joey: (sticking his head out the window) Fights over!
Joey: Actually, that will be long. You know, I really need to organize my thoughts.
Joey: Salami, anchovies, jam!
Joey: Whoah, boy, hockey was a big mistake! There was a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight!
Joey: Yeah, I saw her this morning walkin it by the park.
Joey: Oh, come on! Last night I was finishing off a pizza and she said (aping Amy badly) "Uoh oh oh, a moment on the lips, forever on the hips!" I don’t need that kind of talk in my house!
Joey: A meatball Sub? Thanks! (he got a meatball sandwich)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Monica are holding the twins. Joey and Phoebe are sitting by the window, while Ross and Rachel are standing together. The apartment is completely empty. Two men are carrying a large dresser.]
Joey: Good, I uh, I saw a pretty big pigeon.