words in movies
[Scene: Days Of Our Lives set, Joey is doing a scene with a co-star as Rachel watches on a monitor.]
(Dramatic music plays and Joey does a little Smell-the-fart acting.)
Joey: (To Rachel) Okay, let me just get changed and we can go to dinner.
Joey: Im not telling, youll have to see it on TV!
Joey: No, couldnt care less.
Joey: Hey you too!
Joey: What? You werent in it.
Rachel: Oh! (Motions to Joeys co-star.)
Joey: Oh sorry. Uh-uh, Kash?
Joey: This is my friend Rachel. Rachel, Kash, Kash, Rachel.
Rachel: Well, Joey probably thinks Ill just embarrass him. Yknow, he thinks Im some kind of a soap opera nutWhich Im not! Im not. Although I do know that your uh, your favorite ice cream flavor is butter pecan. (Starts stroking his arm) And uh, and that your-your dogs name is Wally. Well look at that, Im just stroking your arm.
Joey: (grabbing her) Here we go! Here we go! (Starts to pull her away from Kash.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating at the counter as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Oh you know uh Kash, really liked you the other day. He said he thought you were charming.
Joey: Hey, Im with you. He even asked me if I thought youd go out with him.
Joey: I said no.
Joey: What? I I just figured since youre pregnant youre not gonna be seeing people.
Rachel: Okay Joey, first of all Kash Ford is not people. Second of all, what did he say when you told him I was pregnant?
Joey: I didnt tell him. I didnt know if you were telling people. This is back when I thought Kash was still people.
Joey: Rach look, I really dont think thats such a great
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her date and Joey is reading a magazine.]
Joey: Hey!
Joey: No. No. But Ill go see a normal person movie with ya.
Joey: Its no Ukrainian film.
Joey: I set her up with this actor on my show.
Joey: No
Ross: Joey what-what were you thinking?!
Joey: Well, I was thinking that itd probably be okay because Ross hasnt gone out with Rachel in five years!
Ross: Joey, Im not worried about her! Im worried about my baby! Whoever she dates my baby dates! Now-now where is this (makes the quote-marks sign) actor taking them?
Joey: Hey! Im an (does the quote-marks thing as well) actor too! Im not sure. I think theyre taking the ferry out to some Italian place on Staten Island.
Joey: Are we talking about one of those big boats that carry cars that go like five miles an hour?
(Theres a knock on the door and Joey answers it.)
Kash: Hey Joey.
Joey: Hey Kash. Uh hey-hey this is Ross. Ross, this is Kash.
Ross: Yes it is too slutty! (Joey slams the door before Rachel could hear the entire sentence.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are having dinner.]
Joey: So what movie do you want to seeAnd not another one I have to read. Okay? I get enough of that from books.
Joey: All right, car magazines, cereal boxes, but its like enough!
Joey: And just wait for Rachel to come back from her date?
Joey: Dude! What is going on?!
Joey: Why?
Joey: They go on one date and youre worried about them getting married?! Hes not you!
Joey: Well Ross, what did you think she was gonna do?
Joey: What do you mean?
Joey: Thats a nice picture. Maybe you can still have that!
Joey: Hey, can I ask you something? In this, in this picture of you and your wife, is your wife Rachel?
Joey: Good call. Yeah. But, the face Ross, the face isnt Rachel.
Joey: I know, but I dont think thats what she wants.
Joey: Thats okay Ross maybe you need a new picture. Okay? Its not gonna be what you thought, but no matter what theres gonna be a brand new little baby, your baby. Who cares what the picture looks like?
Joey: Hey, I tell you what. Lets you and me go out and have some fun. Huh? Whatever you want. Come on!
Joey: No, I said fun!
Rachel: Were both of those Joey?
Phoebe: It's a tarantula! (Joey almost falls down from his drum-stool jumping up) Oh! God! Rachel, look, I'm sorry. What was I thinking giving Joey this big, gross, scary spider in such a poorly constructed cage?
Joey: Okay. I'm in.
Rachel: Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!!
Ross: That's all right, Rach, we got the bags. Hi, hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica. This is Chandler. Phoebe. Joey, what up?
Rachel: So are things with you and Joey any better?
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is showing Phoebe around.]
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Listen, uh, you wanna go get a drink or something?
Chandler: I thought I broke Joeys chair! Thats why I replaced it with mine!
Joey: I'm sorry man, I tired, I really did.
JOEY: Hey Monica, why are we watchin' the business channel?
Joey: Im the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!
Joey: Oh good, uh youre here. Uh Pheebs? Listen uh sit down. I-I got something I want to say.
Joey: Oh yeah, I always picture your Mom when I'm having sex.
Joey: Alright alright. You're a monkey. You're loose in the city. Where do you go?
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, theyre all eating the wax, Chandler and Phoebe, dont like it. Joey tries some and makes a face like: Hey, thats not so bad.]
Joey: Yeah, I know, I sleep in the next room.
Joey: (in a gravely, painful voice) Okay. "Hey, Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you."
Joey: "Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die."
Joey: (turns round again) seriously Gunther you should see someone about that cold, if it gets much worse you could DIE! (Gunther looks scared)
ROSS: Uh Joey, that's just the minumum amount due, that's your total due.
Joey: Whoa!
Joey: Am I in it?
Joey: What?
Joey: But then you left.
Joey: Glass of fat?
Joey: What's the big deal, sit somewhere else.
Joey: How is this your seat?
Joey: Oh, no, that's okay, I don't need your help. I worked on it myself and I gotta say, I am pretty good!
Joey: Well y'know, Ive been walking the same way since high school. Y'know, y'know how some guys they walk into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a take notice walk.
Ross: I dont think so. Hello? (Knocks on the glass, which angers the big, large, angry dog behind the glass and causes them to jump to the other side of the landing.) When you get in there (Joey nods his disapproval.)
Joey: You think I need a new walk?
(we see Joey and Chandler standing there, and Chandler is wearing the blue Ichiban lipstick!)
JOEY: [uses a dentist mirror to see] Naa, she's lyin'.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Fat Monica, and her boyfriend are sitting on the couch. Monicas boyfriend is getting up to get something. For future reference, for the rest of this episode Monicas fat, I wont be calling her Fat Monica throughout.]
Joey: Monica, how are you gonna do that?
Joey: Got it! (Goes towards the front door and stands with his back to it) Hey hey hey! (to Chandler) Where do you think you're going?
Joey: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What about you, having those babies for your brother? Talk about selfish!
JOEY: No, but with this new car smell, you'll think you do.
Ross: Okay, now hold on. Joey, why, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?
Joey: (entering) Where's my underwear?!
Joey: Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now.
Joey: Stalin...Stalin...do I know that name? It sounds familiar.
Joey: When's that?
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
Joey: Je te flouppe Fli.
Chandler: Here! (Hands him one. Joey adds it up and discovers that he was right.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters with her nose stuck in a book.]
(Joey enters wearing a lot of clothes)
Joey: Hey, Ross, want some cider?
Joey: Let's see what else he'll do!
CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
Joey: See this is what I was afraid of, I didnt think I should be here either but somebody (Looks at Chandler) said hed be over it by now.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are on the couch as Joey enters with his new bag.]
Joey: Now she sounded breezy.
Joey: Hey.
JOEY: Uhh, this is it, this is how we're gonna die. Ready?
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, I can help you decide who should do it! Yeah, we could have like uh, like an audition and see how youd handle maid of honor type situations.
Joey: This will just be my batch.
Joey: Okay, if Ross and Rachel ask, I've been here the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME!
Monica: Oh my god, Joey, for all we know this guy could be horribly...
Joey: (in a very aaaaahhhhh sweeeeeet voice) Aaahhh, look at you two... holding hands... huh is this getting serious? (Phoebe and Mike, embarrassed, start babbling and look away.) Have you not talked about it yet? (They say nothing now, but smile) Am I making you uncomfortable? (smiles are becoming forced now, and he speaks to Mike) If you were bigger you'd hit me, huh...? Aaaaaahhhhhh (he turns away to the bar)
Joey: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
[Cut to Las Vegas, Joey is on the phone and wearing his gladiator costume.]
Joey: I'm so sorry.
Joey: But the drawer full of take-out menus is okay, right?
Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.
Joey: See look, women, carrying the bag. (He puts it on his shoulder and looks at himself in the mirror and likes what he sees.) But it is odd how a women's purse looks good on me, a man.
Joey: Aww. (tastes it) Ohh!
Monica: Joey, take your time with that. That's my last batch.
Joey: Put your hands together.
Joey: Oh my, would you look at that! (holds up crossed fingers)
Chandler: (nods his head) Do you mind if we stick you in another cabinet? (to Joey) They seem all right with it!
Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule!
Monica: Joey, this is you!
Chandler: That's sweet, Joey.
Joey: I dont know. I guess theres just always been this distance yknowI mean we both try to pretend its not there, but it is.
Joey: Hey, opposite, is opposite! (leaves)
Joey: (laughs) Monica, look... I don't think you and I have any secrets anymore... (Monica keeps looking at Joey) Not ready to joke about it yet, okay, I see you later. (Joey walks out)
Joey: Hey.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering]
Joey: Sounds nice.
Joey: Sperm or regular?
Joey: No kiddin', hmm.
Joey: Where you going?
Joey: So you're really doing this, huh?
Joey: Yeah!
Monica: Okay, I got it. Phoebe? All right, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can. (Joey starts giggling.) Joey? Now is not the time!
Monica: I like that. (Joey starts laughing) What?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is finishing off the last of the jam]
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Like-like when Im doing something exciting and I dont wanna get too excited, I just ahh, yknow try to thing of other things like ah sandwiches, and ah baseball, and ah Chandler!
JOEY: Oh yeah yeah. I process. People want the processing, I'm the one they call.
Joey: You guys, can we please not watch this all right.
Joey: No more jam?!
Joey: Can we please turn this off?
Joey: Pheebs! Wait up! (She stops.) Listen uh, close your eyes. (She does so and Joey passionately kisses her.) Maybe thats one thing you can cross off your list.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.]
Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've known that!
Joey: (entering) Hey!