words in movies
Monica: Okay, ooh, alright. Name, address... Okay, in case of emergency, call?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, check it. Definitely, I want some of that.
Rachel: (Tapping the clipboard) well, now, wait a second, who did I just put as my "In case of emergency" person?
Monica: (to the nurse) Hi, (tiny laugh) um, I'm gonna need a new set of (tiny laugh) these forms (tiny laugh).
Monica: (Tiny laugh) I am really an idiot. (Tiny laugh) you see, I was filling out my friend's form, and instead of putting her information, (tiny laugh) I put mine.
Chandler: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.
Joey: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it real expensive?
Joey: Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening?
Chandler: Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit.
Dr. Mitchell: ..you add a pinch of saffron, it makes all the difference.
Monica: I think it's totally insane, I mean, they work for the hospital. It's like returning to the scene of the crime. You know, I say we blow off the dates.
Monica: Well maybe we can make a, a, a 'B' out of one of those roses.
Phoebe's Friends: (Finally noticing the guest of honour) Surprise!
(The party falls flat. Chandler tries to think of a witticism, but even he can't help...)
Mr. Geller: I tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody had said to me, here's a tomato that looks like a prune, I'd say "get out of my office!"
Ross: Dad, dad, dad, I'm talkin' about the whole uh, baby thing. Did you uh, ever get this sort of... panicky, "Oh my god I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing?
Mr. Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is just getting off of the intercom and turns off the TV which is still in the SAP mode.]
Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist?
(Back at the couch, Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Rosen have concerns of their own.)
Dr. Mitchell: Willya relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine. (Baring his teeth to clean them with his finger) Go like this. (Dr. Rosen obeys.)
(Rachel brightly limps back across the apartment with glasses of wine for the cute doctors, leaving an open-mouthed Monica in her wake.)
(The doctors don't know what to make of all this.)
(Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction, Rachel almost loses her balance as she staggers backwards, eyes agog, gasping for breath, and literally not knowing which way to turn. Finally, she escapes into the bathroom while a resigned Dr. Mitchell looks philosophically at Dr. Rosen who seems about remind him of the good old days at the pagan altar.)
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business! (Rachel turns to Monica, clasping the receiver to her bosom so Dr.Green can't hear, while mouthing "You are...") ...dead!
(Monica smiles a sweet apology of regret, until she's distracted by Marcel as he clambers all over her nice furniture.)
Monica: We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms.
[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returns with two plates of chicken, but she only has time to set one on the table, when...]
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is neglecting the game of Scrabble, for he's busily drawing on his own childhood in an attempt to help Ross. Marcel chitters about.]
Chandler: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.
(Instead of scampering, Marcel stretches his neck as much as possible, and makes an unvoiced noise from his throat.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is playing "She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not" with the petals of a flower, alternately looking hopeful and annoyed. Phoebe enters, but not as herself, for she has changed the style of her hair and make-up to match that of her twin sister. She hangs up her coat, revealing her new cardigan. Nervously, she smooths out the identifying garment, approaching Joey who sits next to the main sofa.]
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me.
(He looks up at her face and Phoebe, slipping out of character, smiles back at him. Joey's voice becomes soft and warm.)
(Ross does not approve of Chandler's daft theory.)
(Ross does approve of this, but he's still not sure. The tiny figure stirs.)
(All of a sudden, Marcel grabs Ross's finger with his whole fist, and he squeezes it, so tight, that Ross finally knows what it is to be a father. He looks up at his friends, who smile encouragingly, Rachel tenderly resting her chin upon Monica's shoulder. Ross realises that Chandler was right and he's gonna make a great dad!)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is there. Rachel is looking out of the window and Ross is handing out some Chinese takeout. There's a small SAP in the corner of the screen.]
(Rachel points out of the window.)
ROSS: No, no it's not interesting. OK, it's very, very not interesting. In fact it's actually 100 percent completely opposite of interesting.
Ross: First of all its Professor Pittain! And second of all, that little bone, proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings, but didnt fly.
Phoebe: Congratulations! I didnt want to say anything in front of Joey cause I didnt know if he knew yet.
[they both pour in packets of cappucino mix]
Joey: Great! Thanks! Youre gonna love her so much. AndOh, shes the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. Hey, yknow the S.A.Ts?
[Scene: The museum, Joey is giving a tour to a bunch of school kids.]
ROSS: Yes, yes I am. Are you a, uh, a friend of Rachel's?
Chandler: Again, let's journey back... As I recall what Rachel said, was she had never notice the shape of your skull before. And Joey... Well, Joey didn't realise that there was anything different.
Ross: Well you said you couldnt go out so.... (pulls the cover off of the basket)
Joanna: Just a little gag gift somebody gave me. (Shes holding a pair of handcuffs) Put your hands together.
Ross: You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing, and adorable, and sexy you are, you know? Someone who wakes up every morning thinking "Oh my god, I'm with Rachel". You know, someone who makes you feel good, the way I am with Julie. (Rachel has moved closer, but hearing that she starts to back up.) Was there a second of all?
Ross: Hi, I was wondering if it is possible to increase security in the Paleontology section? See I-I wrote a book up there and instead of reading it people are-are-are well, rolling around in front of it.
(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway. The poster says: What Mario isn't telling you...V.D., you never know who might have it. A variety of scenes are shown with the poster displayed all over New York City.)
Rachel: Oh my God! What if he thinks I'm the kind of girl that-that would just sleep with him?
Chandler: (excitedly) Are you telling me that you bought the chair that is making all other lounge systems obsolete? The chair that Sit magazine called the Chair of the Year?
Ross: And then, you try to make the best of a bad situation, so you float the idea of a threesome?
Rachel: (on the verge of tears) Yeah, Im fine.
Rachel: I accidentally kissed him in the interview, and now he wants me back y'know of course, 'cause "Let's bring the girl back who kisses everybody!"
JOEY: Chandler gave me word of the day toilet paper. I'm gonna get some coffee.
Joey: Well, Ive just never seen a guy stare so hard at a piece of paper that didnt have naked chicks on it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]
Joey: Hey, everybody lies on their resume, okay. I wasn't one of the Zoom Kids either.
RACH: Why didn't he call? He's gonna stay with Julie, isn't he? He's gonna stay with her and she's going to be all, "Hi, I'm Julie, Ross picked me, and we're gonna to get married, have a lot of kids and dig up stuff together."
ROSS: Look, that has nothing to do with this, ok? She's my ex-wife. If she were marrying a guy, none of you'd expect me to be there.
(The elevator doors opens, Bob boards the elevator, Chandler walks away, and Mr. Franklin steps out of the elevator.)
Phoebe: Oh! Since tomorrow. I met this really cute guy in the park and he like y'know, jogs, and blades, and swims, and so y'know we made a deal thats hes going to teach me all sorts of jock stuff.
Monica: Whew. Although yknow, this is part of a salt and pepper set. I mean I guess yknow it may just count as a half a present. What do you think?
Ross: Well, oh just ah, I was just wondering, when you and I split up, did you get the tape that was half the last episode of M*A*S*H and half the hostages coming home?
Don: Uh, not really. But when it comes to cheese, Im one of the people who thinks the smellier the better.
Gary: Phoebe, it's okay that you feel this way. I mean it is soon. And there's a lot of things we don't know about each other, and I just figure that everything I really like. And the things I don't know, I get to learn about at someplace with both our names on the mailbox.
(She lets go of the steering wheel to get her cell-phone from her purse. Ross screams and reaches over in order to hold onto the wheel. Cut to the plane. Rachel is sitting in her seat when her cell-phone rings.)
JOEY: He paid a lot of money for it.
Ross: Im sorry the answer there would be...none of us.
[Scene: Monicas Bedroom, Monica and Phoebe are removing the rest of their wax strips.]
Erica: Yeah. It's a sonogram they took of the baby last week. I thought you might want to see it. (gives it to Monica, who looks at it for a long time, and then shows it to Chandler)
RACHEL: Ya know, I just, so weird. I mean I was in there just listening to them bitch about each other and all I kept thinking about was the fourth of July.
RACH: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time.
CAROL: Mommy is so proud of you. Hi. Hi.
Phoebe: You were great. But they still made fun of you.
Tag: (pause) Yes. I have a weird sense of humor, and Im kinda strangely proud of my butt.
Jennifer: Lisas laugh though TheresIts so infectious. Its one of those things just forget about it. Once it starts, its all gone.
Ross: (sarcastic) That would be a good way to get rid of all the PCP we have lying around.
Janice: Hey you guys, umm do either one of you want to get in there before I take my bath.
(Chandler sticks out is tongue and its a horrible shade of green.)
RACHEL: But I do not want to have everything decided for me. I spent my whole life like that. It's what I had with Barry, that was one of the reasons I left. I, I like not knowing right now and I'm sorry if that scares you but if you want to be with me you are gonna have to deal with that.
Rachel: You know what? Uhm, I have some goodbye stuff that I wanted to say to each of you and I was gonna save it until the end of the night, but come here (they go into the guest room).
Ross: No, but come on, were off to a great start arent we? I knew Id get you here fast, but this has got to be some kind of a record!
JOEY: You and Milton have to join us on the boat. Karen'll pack a lunch, you'll bring the kids, we'll make a day of it.
Monica: It's okay. Chandler, are you afraid of me or something?
Ross: (entering out of breath) Jasmine?
Chandler: All right, I have to get that, but no-no. (answering phone) Hello? (listens) (happily) Hi! Yeah listen, I'm, I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that you do that. (listens) Let me ask you this, what, what do you do for the extra hundred? (listens) So would I, would I have to provide the grapes?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Janine are pretty much making out at one of the tables as Monica and Rachel look on from the couch.]
RUSS: Actually, I'm a... kind of a.... you know, a... date-type... thing... of Rachel's.
JOEY: Hey Ross, I'm aware of what I owe.
Joey: (to Rachel) Will you hurry up? Did you not hear me before when I told you that all of Janines friends are dancers?! And that theyre going to be drinking alot!?
Rachel: Wow! I mean, I justI cant, I cant believe this. Yknow, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe whos always been somewhat of a question mark.
Ross: Yeah, y'know what? I'll take it myself, thank you! (He signs the form and hands it back to the salesman.) All right Rach, let's go! (He picks up one end of the couch.)
Joey: Hey, Pheebs! Check-check this out. (Holds up his hand in one of Phoebe's chords.)
(Chandler has moved forward and is now underneath the couch as it heads up the first set of stairs.)
Phoebe: (on the other side of the line, still pretending to be Estelle) Joey, it's Estelle. (Joey's eyes bulge up, he looks afraid)
MONICA: It doesn't go with any of my stuff.
Mr. Treeger: Then I made the mistake of turning off the TV, I never got it back again. And Im sad. (Exits.)
Ross: Well, Im just saying, I mean why else would he just, y'know, swoop in out of nowhere for no reason.
Chandler: (entering) Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?
Dedicated to the Memory of Pearl Harmon
Frank: Oh, hes so cute, he reminds me of my old dog, Tumour.
Monica: A small puff of air, now come on!
RACHEL: OK, here we go. Honey, I'm sorry, they were all out of apple pie, someone just got the last piece.
Chandler: Y'know, of all my friends, no-one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.
Joey: Ross! Ross! If youre going to the airport, could you pick me up another one of those Toblerone bars? (Chandler nods his head no.)
Kate: Yes. Are you one of the retarded cousins?
Rachel: (getting of the elevator and noticing Ross) Hey!
Ross: No, Mike, no, no. You wanna pick me, I mean... watch! (he mimics the groommens way of walking down the aisle with a bridesmaid) Huh?
Joey: Oh. (realises) Ohh. Ohh, youre out of your mind.
(Kathy runs in, hair all out of place, and hugs Monica.)
Joey: ...feel like getting a cup of coffee?
Chandler: (to Monica) Okay, how many of that girl are you seeing?
Chandler: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.
Phoebe: (Removing one of the strips) Ow-ow-ow-ow! Oh my God!!!
(He bends over to pick them up, right in front of Rachel, who then gets a free peep show.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah, Ive done it for years. I actually stopped because I was so accurate. Yknow, and-and yknow, one of the great joys of life is its-its wondrous unpredictability. Yknow? And also tea tends to give me the trots.
EDDIE: I uh, I gotta tell you man, I mean, that's uh, it's kinda out of the blue, I mean don't you think?
Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
Conan: When you have to do physical business for a scene, I mean there must be; there must be a lot of funny moments when you have to physically do a task as part of a scene.
Joey: Get out of here, really?!
Joey: Yeah. Sure. (They both half stand up, Joey pulls the neck of his sweater out, and Rachel looks down it to see his T-shirt.)
Phoebe: We were out of Doritos.
[Scene: Rachels office, Joannas telling Rachel, her side of the story.]
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Chandler: Pheebs, I dont understand. How can you have a roommate that none of us know anything about?
The Saleswoman: I'll give you store credit in the amount of four dollars.
Ross: Okay, Phoebe, this Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or any of the Happy Days gang.
Phoebe: Okay. Would you rather live in the shirt pocket of a sweaty giant, or inside his shower drain?
Chandler: Thats what you say at the end of a date.
Ross: Wait, wait a minute, there's no light on the back wall! How do I know when it's gonna start? Hello? (he slowly turns and the spraying begins, on his face) Ah, oh, ah! (he turns, but then he turns again and is sprayed in the front again) Ah! (he spits and angrily goes out of the spray-on tan booth and the assistant enters the room) The same thing happened again!
Joey: I hate that thing, it's like a... bolt of lightning.
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.
Joey: Look its not that bad. So what, it blocks a little of your door, a little of my door.
EDDIE: Ah, just some basic dehydrating of a few fruits and vegetables. MAN ALIVE this thing's fantastic!
[Scene: Later that evening at the rehearsal dinner. Chandler and Monica are sitting on a sofa. Chandler is covering his face in embarrassment because of the toast.]