words in movies
Joey: Yeah, the other day I was at the bus-stop and this lovely fall breeze came in out of nowhere and blew this chick's skirt right up. Oh! Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs. (Note: Actually, I think every guy is thankful for thongs. That and spandex. J )
Joey: I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering. I mean, it's amazing how much they can do with so little material! And the way they play with your mind! Is it there? Is it not there?
Chandler: No-no-no! I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me.
(And with that, we start a series of flashbacks to Thanksgiving's of years gone by.)
Ross: You're right. Yours is worse. You are the king of bad Thanksgivings.
[Scene: A Union battlefield hospital, Phoebe, in a past life, is tending to a wounded Union soldier. (By the way, for historical perspective, 1862 was the second year of the American Civil War.)]
Phoebe: Of course you don't sweetie. You're brand new.
Joey: Look. (He walks out of the bathroom with his head stuck in a huge turkey.)
Phoebe: Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head up a dead animal.
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Chandler: Oh, come on Monica, reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about. Y'know, for me anyway. And of course, the Indians.
Monica: Look umm, of all people, you do not want me to tell this story!
Monica: I'll get it! (She runs in, and she's her old fat self like The One With The Prom Video. Not only that, she's out of breath after running a short distance. She goes over and opens the door to reveal Rachel with her old nose.) Happy Thanksgiving!
Big Nosed Rachel: Well, you know that my parents are out of town and Chip was going to come over
(He brought home Chandler for Thanksgiving. Chandler is sporting the very popular Flock of Seagulls haircut. Yeah, it's another you have to see it to believe it kinda thing.)
Ross: Uh, everyone, this is Chandler! My roommate and lead singer of our band!
Mrs. Geller: I'm so glad you could come Chandler, we've got plenty of food so I hope you're hungry.
(As she is drinking, Monica laughs and Chandler's joke and Diet Coke comes out of her nose.)
Big Nosed Rachel: Oh totally, totally. Y'know it's not that big of deal, we already kinda did it once y'know.
(She opens the door to reveal Chandler and Ross. Unfortunately, they seem to have their holidays mixed up. They think it's Halloween and they're going as Crockett and Tubbs from that legendary TV show of the late 80's, Miami Vice. God, we looked silly back then!)
Rachel: Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it. Then, second of all you're not actually gonna have sex with him! You're just gonna make him think that you are.
Chandler: Monica, I was wondering if you can make me some of that righteous mac and cheese like last year.
Monica: Boy, I love carrots! Oh! (She picks up a bunch of them and holds them between her fingers.) Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. (She is rubbing her hip with the carrots.) Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife (She picks up a knife without putting the box down. She's holding the box between her cheek and shoulder) and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, (Pause) my body. (She doesn't have any exposed skin within reach of the knife, so while holding the carrots in one hand and the box between her face and shoulder, she rubs the knife on her stomach.)
Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.)
Mr. Geller: Of course it did. They're made of wicker.
Monica: Oh yes! I have it right here, on ice! (She takes a bag of ice out of her purse and hands it to the doctor.)
The Doctor: This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is standing in front of his door.]
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is sitting on one of the chairs and the duck is running around him and quacking.]
Monica: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)
Ross: Well look, I'm just trying to focus on the "I get to see my wife," part, all right? And not the part that makes me do this. (He takes a big swig of Pepto Bismol.)
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad .
Chandler: You dont have to stop having fun just because Im here. Kathy didnt cheat on all of you. (To Joey) Well, except you. (They hug and Chandler goes into the bathroom with the chick and duck following him.)
Chandler: No, it can mean anything. Like uh, all of the sudden you're jealous because I've become the apartment stud.
(Ross keeps giggling and Rachel decides upon revenge. She gets up and kisses the rather large man in the seat in front of Ross on the back of his head. The guy turns around angrily.)
Frank: I know! Why dont you get drunk! That worked for a lot of girls in my high school.
Joey: I would, but this is a nice place and my T-shirt has a picture of Calvin doing Hobbs.
Monica: Have you ever been to one of my weddings?
[Scene: Ross's apartment the next morning. Ross is very hung-over on the couch as Joey enters with a cup of coffee for him.]
Phoebe: (sips it) Its so good. (Monica and Rachel breath a sigh of relief.) Oh, thanks.
Ross: Oh, all right. (Joey flips the coin.) Tails! (The coin bounces off of the landing above them and falls to the ground.) Can you-can you see what it is?
Monica: Here! (She sets a bag down in front of him.)
{Transcribers Note: As with all the cliffhangers, there was no credits scene. There will be a ninth and final season of Friends starting sometime in September. See you then, have a good summer everyone.}
Chandler: Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to a couple of bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers... called a couple of the author's grandchildren.
Kathy: Ahahaha... haha.. yes I can, of course. Excuse me.
Joey: Youve seen my huge stack of porn right? (Phoebe nods.)
MNCA: You know what? It seems like you've been making an awful lot of stuff Irish lately.
Ross: Wow! Great! (Finds a pack of cigarettes.) Wait, dad who-whos cigarettes are these?
Joey: No thats not it. They let me keep my key the last time they were out of town.
MONICA: This wasn't addressed to Days of Our Lives, this is, this came to your apartment. There's no stamp on it, this woman was in our building.
(Joey makes a sound like a game show wheel spinning with the pointer bouncing off of the bars on the wheel as it slows and comes to a stop.)
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is returning from work to see the hallway jammed full of people waiting outside their door.]
Ross: (to Phoebe) Ranion's theory of species variegation?
Phoebe: But there's a whole table of mini-muffin baskets. Which one did you send?
RICHARD: Glad to be of help. Matches. [walks out to the balcony]
{Transcibers note: In case youre wondering, and I know you are. Their names are all back to normal. Just in a slightly smaller font than usual to allow Courteney Cox Arquette to fit on one line and not be smaller than the rest of their names. Now, on with the show }
Chandler: Oh, well... Maybe I'll join them some time. I just hope the club doesn't slip out of my hand and beat the moustache off his face.
Phoebe: Oh right, because youre so capable of change.
Russell: And well need to have witnesses who can testify that you were not of uh, sound mind.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there. Monica is holding a piece of paper.]
(Rachel looks bored. At this point, Rossa figment of Rachel's imagination shows up on the balcony and starts talking to her.)
Rachel: Well of course that is what Im here for!
[Scene: The lecture, Rachel is listening closely, Ross is bored out of his mind.]
Monica: Phoebe! But I could take one of those little feet and put it in a pita pocket.
Richard: Well of course I am!
Ross: Oh, why dont you make her one of your little jokes.
Monica: No, you�re right. Mnya, we shouldn�t do it like this. Huch. For what it�s worth, I�m, I�m sorry. I shouldn�t have come down on you so hard about the smoking. So you had a few cigarettes, not the end of the world.
JOEY: Well, I'm makin money now and this is payin' you back for head shots, electric bills, and so many slices of pizza I can't even count. I love ya man.
Richard: The picture of my wife! In your pack!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is watching a show about the extinction of the dinosaurs.]
Phoebe: Plus, it totally ruined my schedule! I I havent done any of the things I wanted to do by the time I was 31!
[Scene, Monica and Chandlers, Chandler is there. Everything is out of its place and Chandler's cleaning.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. They are preparing to show Laura around. Laura is standing with her back to the window, Chandler and Monica are standing on either side of her, facing each other.
The Director: What kind of surgery?!
Ross: For what? For letting you throw me out of your office?
Ross: Then you are neither of your parents!
Monica: Ross is really strong! Okay, hes the strongest out of all three of you! (Joey looks at her.) Except for Joey.
Rachel: Oh, great could you make me four copies of those?
Ross: (he starts reading directly from his cards word for word very quietly) "There are three primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. Each of these theories can be further subcategorized into two distinct "
Rachel: Here you go Pheebs. Who else wants one of my special homemade brownies?
Director: Next on the platforms are (He points to the right of Ross and Monica, so they dance over to where hes pointing to. He points away from them) you two! And (He points the other way, and Ross and Monica follow his arm. Again he points away.) You two!
Joey: Yeah, well, I couldnt find any cards, so it was either this or Strip Bag Of Old Knitting Stuff.
Joey: You fell asleep!! There was no kangaroo! They didnt take any of my suggestions! Thats for coming buddy. Ill see you later. (Starts to walk out.)
Monica: Hey, the point is that he was at everyone of your swim meets and he was there cheering you on! Okay? Thats a, thats a pretty great dad.
Erica: Hey, well, in a couple of weeks I won't be able to travel.
Joey: (smiling) I don't know. This little, old lady lives for my career. When they dumped me off of Days of Our Lives she almost died.
Chandler: Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes
TRAINER: Hey don't take it personal, he's under a lot of pressure, ya know, starring in a movie and all.
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
Phoebe: Fine! You go learn from your qualified instructor! But don't come crying to me when everyone's sick and tired of hearing you play Bad, Bad Leroy Brown!!
Woman At The Wedding: Oh! Of course. (Ross and Chandler pose and she takes the picture.)
[Scene: The Days of Our Lives producers office, Joey is entering to find Terry there.]
RACHEL: Ok, let me take these cakes back 'cause they're gonna take that out of my paycheck.
(they all drink from the champagne, but clearly dislike the taste of it)
Monica: No! No you should! A lot of major actors do nude scenes! I mean the chance to star in a movie? Come on!
Courtney: It is one of those days!
Phoebe: Umm, when I get married will you be my maid of honor?
(She picks up the box and the bottom falls out, spilling all of the pictures onto Monica's neat little piles.)
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Umm, maybe you can start with, "Chandler, even though we were friends; there was a part of me that always knew I wanted more."
(Phoebe jumps to the floor as Ross tackles Rachel off of the couch. Chandler helps push Rachel onto the floor by jumping over the back of the couch. Phoebe grabs Rachel's head to hold it still and opens Rachel's eye as Monica jumps onto Chandler's back to administer the torture--I mean medicine.)
The Guys: Ohhhh! (They all look up in a moment of reflection.)
ROSS: Hi. Uh, I have been in the bathroom. Stay clear of the salmon mousse.
Phoebe: Oh my God! Thats the creep that youre with at the Statue of Liberty.
Ross: Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you now have dates.
Chandler: Not that big a deal? There there was touching of things.
Ross: Okay, you're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now you wait for her to drift off, and then you hug her (demonstrates on the cushion) and roll her back over to her side of the bed. And then you rollll a-way. Hug for her! Roll for you.
Mrs. Geller: Yeah, the list thatof people were allowed to sleep
Chandler: Trust me, you dont want him there either. Okay? Nobody is gonna be staring at the bride when the father of the groom is wearing a back-less dress.
(She runs to the bathroom, while Chandler starts acting like a chicken in front of Emma. Emma is silent, however.)
Rachel: See, Gavin, you're capable of being a nice guy. Why did you give me such a hard time?
Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.'
Ross: It is time for you to give your maid of honor speech.
Chandler: (to his children) Look around, you guys. This was your first home. And it was a happy place, filled with love and laughter. But more important, because of rent control, it was a friggin' steal!
Phoebe: Hey Ross! So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl, are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? What is that, come on, a piece of paper?
Joey: I guess it couldve been, I didnt really look at it. Yknow, I just wiped it on Chandlers coat and got the hell out of there.
Rachel: Well yknow, some people make deals with a friend, like if neither of them are married by the time theyre 40, they marry each other.
Joey: Well, we got plenty of space! There-there's still some over there (Points to where the window is but sees that there isn't any space there and points towards his door.) by-by that speaker. Please, just stay!
(Chandler runs around behind Ross, who pitches him the ball. Chandler runs upfield, and Joey knocks the ball out of his hands.)
Chandler: Well, she walked in when I was looking at the ring brochures. You can understand that, right? (Ross and Joey look at each other and go back to watching the game on TV.) Guys? Guys? (Walks in front of them again.)
Joey: Please I have an extremely high threshold...Holly Mother Of God! My face! My face!! I'm all right! I'm all right!Just a little bit of shock that's all but I'll be fine you can go again. I'm OK(He tries to avoid the tweezers) Dammit! Woman!! How Hoooow!
Rachel: Im Monicas maid of honor. Okay? Dont try to blue pin me!
Monica: Oh Ross, sometimes grown-ups have commitments they just cant get out of!
KID: Hi. Uh, did I accidentally drop a condom in your case? It's kind of an emergency.
[Scene: Rachels office, she is coming in for the day carrying a picture for her new office. Mrs. Lynch is coming out of Joannas office, carrying a box.]
Phoebe: I dont know, they both want to live in a house of cheese! I dont know how you fight that.
Ross: What? Of course you can! Hop on!
Monica: Maybe because it's you hung your head out of the window like a dog the whole ride here.
(Monica (Courtney Cox) and Chandler (Matthew Perry) are laughing. That then causes Lisa and Jennifer come out of character and start laughing hysterically. And that finally causes David Schwimmer to come out of character and start laughing as well. Matthew decides to sing along now as well.)
Rachel: Oh yeah, Joey broke it. Had to get rid of it.
(There is no credits scene, just a preview of the next couple of episodes.)