words in movies
Joey: Yeah, the other day I was at the bus-stop and this lovely fall breeze came in out of nowhere and blew this chick's skirt right up. Oh! Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs. (Note: Actually, I think every guy is thankful for thongs. That and spandex. J )
Joey: I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering. I mean, it's amazing how much they can do with so little material! And the way they play with your mind! Is it there? Is it not there?
Chandler: No-no-no! I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me.
(And with that, we start a series of flashbacks to Thanksgiving's of years gone by.)
Ross: You're right. Yours is worse. You are the king of bad Thanksgivings.
[Scene: A Union battlefield hospital, Phoebe, in a past life, is tending to a wounded Union soldier. (By the way, for historical perspective, 1862 was the second year of the American Civil War.)]
Phoebe: Of course you don't sweetie. You're brand new.
Joey: Look. (He walks out of the bathroom with his head stuck in a huge turkey.)
Phoebe: Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head up a dead animal.
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Chandler: Oh, come on Monica, reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about. Y'know, for me anyway. And of course, the Indians.
Monica: Look umm, of all people, you do not want me to tell this story!
Monica: I'll get it! (She runs in, and she's her old fat self like The One With The Prom Video. Not only that, she's out of breath after running a short distance. She goes over and opens the door to reveal Rachel with her old nose.) Happy Thanksgiving!
Big Nosed Rachel: Well, you know that my parents are out of town and Chip was going to come over
(He brought home Chandler for Thanksgiving. Chandler is sporting the very popular Flock of Seagulls haircut. Yeah, it's another you have to see it to believe it kinda thing.)
Ross: Uh, everyone, this is Chandler! My roommate and lead singer of our band!
Mrs. Geller: I'm so glad you could come Chandler, we've got plenty of food so I hope you're hungry.
(As she is drinking, Monica laughs and Chandler's joke and Diet Coke comes out of her nose.)
Big Nosed Rachel: Oh totally, totally. Y'know it's not that big of deal, we already kinda did it once y'know.
(She opens the door to reveal Chandler and Ross. Unfortunately, they seem to have their holidays mixed up. They think it's Halloween and they're going as Crockett and Tubbs from that legendary TV show of the late 80's, Miami Vice. God, we looked silly back then!)
Rachel: Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it. Then, second of all you're not actually gonna have sex with him! You're just gonna make him think that you are.
Chandler: Monica, I was wondering if you can make me some of that righteous mac and cheese like last year.
Monica: Boy, I love carrots! Oh! (She picks up a bunch of them and holds them between her fingers.) Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. (She is rubbing her hip with the carrots.) Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife (She picks up a knife without putting the box down. She's holding the box between her cheek and shoulder) and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, (Pause) my body. (She doesn't have any exposed skin within reach of the knife, so while holding the carrots in one hand and the box between her face and shoulder, she rubs the knife on her stomach.)
Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.)
Mr. Geller: Of course it did. They're made of wicker.
Monica: Oh yes! I have it right here, on ice! (She takes a bag of ice out of her purse and hands it to the doctor.)
The Doctor: This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is standing in front of his door.]
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is sitting on one of the chairs and the duck is running around him and quacking.]
Monica: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)
Richard: Of course! Im-Im sorry. I-Id hate you to miss anything like that on account of me. I can do this!
Shelley: Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league.
Monica: (holding up a small cowboy hat) This isnt mine. (Sets it down and looks at the rest of the boxes.) Hey, this isnt, this isnt my stuff! Ugh, Ross! (Grabs and holds up a doll.) These are your boxes! Where are my boxes?
[Scene: Monica's party. She is seeing off the last of the guests.]
Monica: Okay, we have a lot of options here, a number of prototypes for you to try on.
JOEY: Huh? Days of our Lives picked up my option.
Joey: Uh, de-clawing cats. Hey, tell ya what. Let me walk you home. Well stop by every news stand and burn every copy of their Times and the Post.
Chandler: Its not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybodys! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And Ive met me; I am not Paul Newman. I dont race cars! I dont make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity.
[He walks out of the bedroom and Monica starts to remake the bed.]
Monica: Because hell know what to do? (Rachel comes out of her room with a bear thats dressed in a rain suit.) Oh my God, youre a genius!
(The woman and Ross stare at each other. Finally she takes her stuff out of the machine and leaves.)
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Ross: Oh, I am sorry, did you not like her, because I was hoping that we could come to one of your kissing parties onthe balcony.
Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello.
Ross: Seriously you guys, I can't believe you're going to spend 250 dollars on the lottery, I mean that's such a bunch of boohaki.
RACH: Oh, well, that's, that's mighty big of you, Ross. [to the others] I said don't go!
Phoebe: Its mostly just photographs of lesbian love scenes interspersed with video games and free sandwiches.
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
(Joey tires of this, so he gets up to leave.)
Ross: Finally, factoring the profusion of new species recently discovered: Gigantosaurus, Argentinasaurus...
Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.
RICHARD: I thought of a thing.
RICHARD: Yeah. I have to sleep, have to, on this side of the bed.
GRANDMOTHER: Alright, that is not your father, that's just a picture of a guy in a frame.
ROSS: Ok, Phoebe, this is it. In this briefcase I carry actual scientific facts. A briefcase of facts, if you will. Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old.
Chandler: (in accent) Oh, just a bit of shopping. How've you been?
Phoebe: Oh my God! (Starts reading them.) Dizziness, nervousness, drowsiness, facial swelling, nausea, headacheHeadache. Vomiting, stomach bleeding, liver damage! Now okay, I dont recall any of this coming up when you gave me these little death capsules! Oh Im sorry, extra strength death capsules!
Ross: And-and I, and I saw that Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to-to surprise him and, and then I pretended I didnt know he was in there. (They all kinda look at him.)
Rachel: No, it was just the three of us.
Chandler: Wait a minute, its perfect. We got a lot of time to kill and were in a building thats full of beds!
(They follow him and meet him in the hall coming out of his apartment carrying a sweater.)
MONICA: Alright, well tell me one of yours.
Ross: Actually this looks like pretty good! Yeah!(he turns and watches his back and there’s a sign on the back of the jacket, “boys will be boys”) Boys will be boys?
Chandler: Okay, well, it's definite, two more weeks of winter.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Cassie is eating dinner and Ross is pacing behind her because of what shes eating.]
Chandler: So if you want people to see them, then by definition you're not having them taken out... say, at the break of dawn?
Monica: You bet your ass Im gonna fire you! Get out of my kitchen! Get out!! (Joey leaves) All right! Anybody else got a problem? How bout you Chuckles? You think this is funny now?
Monica: I really like to say that Im-um (Pause) Yknow what Id really like to say? Im drunk!! (Mrs. Geller pulls the camera down.) Thats right mom and dad your little Harmonica is hammered!! (Ross grabs the camera out of his dads hands.) And guess what! Ive been drunk before! And Ive smoked a cigarette! And I got a box of Ding-Dongs hidden in my underwear drawer! Its all okay. Its okay because I turned thirty today. And, and I can do anything I want! Because I am a grown up. (Falls over sideways with Ross filming the fall.)
Ross: Yes. And another time after that. Boy Im getting hungry! Hey Joey, have you ever been so hungry on a date that when a girl goes to the bathroom you eat some of her food?
Chandler: Of!
Monica: Okay, heres batch 22. Ohh, maybe thesell taste a little like your grandmothers. This has a little bit of orange peel, but no nutmeg.
Phoebe: Well, I said, I told him y'know, that I was the executor person of Francis' will and that I needed to talk to him so I'm gonna meet him at the coffee house later.
Rachel: Were both of those Joey?
Ross: Oh, she didn't think it would be that big of deal.
Ross: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do-
Chandler: (walks away from window) OK, that's enough of the view. Check this out, look at this. Sit down, sit down.
CHAN: One. . . two. . . two and a half. OK, just show me one of them.
Phoebe: Okay, all right, so, your in a meadow, millions of stars in the sky....
MONICA: Phoebe, he's a friend of my parents. He's like 20 years older than me.
MONICA: Yeah, we switched meat suppliers at work, and the new guys gave me the steaks as sort of a thank-you.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is balancing a mini hockey stick on his hand as Chandler enters from his room carrying a bunch of bills.]
Tag: Right there! That's my car! (Sound of a breaking car-window) Hey!!
MR A: Well, I don't know what to tell you dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.
Ross: (he takes a baby blue beret out of a shopping box and puts it on) How does this look?
Rachel: Someone? I brought people. Mr. Thompson, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, this is Mr. Thompson. (She introduces them.) Hes the head of my department.
[Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
Mike: Hey, when did we become one of those couples whose lives revolve around their rats?
Chandler: Alright, lo�look. I don�t smoke anymore. But if the rest of you want to light up, go ahead, it�s fine. (everyone lights up) So you all smoke then? That�s almost rude, that I�m not.
Chandler: Yeah, and there's a bowl of cranberry sauce that... (speaking lower to Monica) what happens to cranberry sauce?
Ross: To wear in front of people?
Phoebe: She's gonna say goodbye to each of us individually.
Ross: Hey, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.
Woman: I can dial 9-1-1 at the touch of a button, y'know. Now, go away!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is trying on a pair of new boots as Chandler enters.]
(Joey enters wearing a lot of clothes)
Ross: Oh, I'm so excited, I mean, apparently I beat out hundreds of other applicants, included five guys I went to graduate school with. Not that I'm keeping score or anything... five!
Chandler: It is going to be perfect. I am taking her to her favorite restaurant. Im going to get her a bottle of the champagne that she really loves; therefore knows how expensive it is. Then when the glasses are full, instead of proposing a toast Im just gonna propose.
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)
(Rachel throws the alcohol in the fire. A burst of flames shoots up from it.)
Joey: See this is what I was afraid of, I didnt think I should be here either but somebody (Looks at Chandler) said hed be over it by now.
Rachel: What if, um, if he calls his own cell phone to find out who found it and I answer and we start talking and we fell in love. I mean wouldn't that be a great story? Kind of like a fairy tale for the digital age.
Chandler: Or facing a bitch of a commute.
Chandler: Where did you, when did you, how did you... (Joey hits the back of Chandler's head) How did you get a girl like that?
Parker: Rachel, you have life growing inside you. Is there anything in this world more miraculous thanOh a picture of a dog! Whose is this?
MR. GREENE: Thank you. Is that one of my cigarettes?
Monica: Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof!
Cecilia: That was good, that was really good. But I-I think your hands maybe a little off, they should be maybe right like (She grabs the back of his neck and kisses him passionately causing them to fall onto the couch.)
Monica: Hey. Its three in the morning. They dont know that Ive come home yet. You notice how neither one of them are wondering where I am.
Joey: Uh, wow, you just said a bunch of stuff I didnt know there.
Monica: Well, after 15 years of mom and dad keeping it as a shrine to you, its time the velvet ropes came down.
Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us.
Rachel: Oh man! This is so great! I actually feel like Im going on a real date! Although, I have a hint of morning sickness, and Im wearing underwear that goes up to about (She snaps the waistband on her underwear that is just slightly below her breasts) there.
Mark: Ive kinda of had this ah, this crush on you. (Rachel is shocked) But since you were with Ross, I-I didnt do anything about it. But, now that youre not, Id really like to ask you out sometime. So-so thats-thats what Im doing, now.
JOEY: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want. [Chandler starts to sit in one of the chairs] Not that one.
PHOEBE: Yeah, but he did have to have a bunch of stitches and he said that only once in a blue moon does a dog's ear grow back so...still hoping.
Gym Employee: Okay, no problem. (To someone out of the picture) Could you come here for a second?
TILLY: He's kind of intense huh?
Phoebe: Cut her out of our lives! Just ignore her calls and dodge her 'till she gets the point!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Like-like when Im doing something exciting and I dont wanna get too excited, I just ahh, yknow try to thing of other things like ah sandwiches, and ah baseball, and ah Chandler!
Monica: This is me in The Sound of Music. See the von Trapp kids?
SUSIE: Oh, somebody's been doing his buns of steel video.
Rachel: Okay. So, can I serve you a little ofWhat? What? What? (She sees that Joshua isnt relaxed.)
Phoebe: Well, it was just, it was all so crazy, you know. I mean, Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10, and he was up to 7 and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I-I-I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See, all of it. (shows him her hand)
Monica: Honey, having a heart attack is natures way of telling you to slow it down.
RACHEL: So do you uh, think we can get you one of those uh, uniform things?
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica enters her bedroom with a roll of duct tape. Richard is sitting on the bed.]
Ross: (to Joey) Where there is no fear of commitment.
Monica: (closing the fridge in disgust) Shoot! Were out of soda.
Joey: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know?