words in movies
{Transcribers Note: This is an hour-long special episode. Which means that the first part of this episode is episode 615. The second part of this episode is episode 616. Since episodes 615 and 616 are combined into one file, thats why there is no episode 616 in the season 6 table of contents and the numbers jump from episode 615 to 617.}
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Monica's Boyfriend: (returning) Here we go, one Hazelnut Latte. (Hands it to Monica and sits down.)
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
Rachel: Ohh, so do you! Did you lose weight? (Shes not quite sure of that one.)
Ross: (answering it) 1987, the day after Christmas, at Sean McMahons party. I played you one of my songs, yknow Interplanetary Courtship Ritual.
Ross: Sometimes, you should come over (Joey returns from the bathroom) sometime! Ill play you one of my other
Joey: All right, heres a list of things for you to do today. Man, this going to be so great! Thank you so much! All right, I got to go to work Im delivering twins today, but only one of them is mine! (Exits.)
[Scene: A hospital hallway, Chandler is sitting on a gurney with his hands spread out behind his back. Then Monica comes and plops down on the gurney and one of his hands. Chandler immediately recoils in extreme pain.]
Chandler: Oh just great. He beeps me now with codes. One is, "Bring me food." Two is, "Im with a girl, bring us food." Three is, "Im lost and I cant find food."
Ross: Well I dont know umm, (Pause) what if we were too tie each other up? (Carols shocked and obviously doesnt like that idea.) Umm, some people eat stuff off one another. (Carol doesnt like that idea either.) Nah! Umm, yknow we-we could try dirty talk? (Carol still says no.) Umm, we could, we could have a threesome.
Joey: Wait a minute. That sounds a little familiar! Did they already do that one? Cause I think I read it!
Rachel: Ohh! And Im one of them!! Wow! Oh, I just cannot believe this! I mean, Joey Tribbiani!
Phoebe: Oh yeah, the doctor said that could be one of the side effects.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
(He takes her hands in his and kisses each one, then kisses her on the lips. When the break the kiss, Rachel starts to get nauseous and throw up. Joey backs away in horror.)
Monica: Absolutely! It would just be one friend (Points at Chandler) helping out another friend. (Points at herself.)
Ross: No! The reason Im asking is that I sorta had one last night.
Joey: Not the other one?
Phoebe: Youre in my office! Look, I have made a lot of cash for this company! Okay? I am talking big bucks! Pesos! Yen! Rubles! You make one little mistake
Monica: There was just one woman, wasnt there?
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Ross: Unreasonable? How about we have this conversation when one of you guys gets married! You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work! All right, it's about compromise! Do you always like it? No! Do you do it? Yes! Because it's not all laughing, happy, candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk all the time! It's real life, okay? It's what grown-ups do! (He storms out.)
David: ...it's uhm... i-it's two on each cheek and uhm... and one on the lips.
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks by)
[The next clip is from The One With The Jellyfish.]
Phoebe: Ok, so... 1800 minus twelve is... one thousand, seven hundred and...
Rachel: He was right there. He got down on one knee and proposed.
Monica: I'll get it! (She runs in, and she's her old fat self like The One With The Prom Video. Not only that, she's out of breath after running a short distance. She goes over and opens the door to reveal Rachel with her old nose.) Happy Thanksgiving!
Monica: Im just having one of those days where you realize youre in a dead-end relationship!
Robin: (starting to cry) Ooh, (to Rachel) Can I have a napkin, please? Could you please hand me a napkin? (Rachel tries to grab one, but is to slow for his tastes.) Would you--Give me this thing (grabs the napkin holder from her.) all right!! Enough! (to Billy) And you are no longer my friend! We are finished! (gets up to leave) Nada!! No more! You are a bastard for doing this!! (Billy follows him) Get away from me!!
Rachel: So wh..? He's smart, he's qualified. Give me one good reason we shouldn't try him out.
TV DOCTOR: You're the only one who can save her Drake.
Rachel: But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Okay, look, I know, all right, just one dinner, please, just one night for me, please. I just want him to love you like I do. (Ross looks at her) All right, well not exactly like I do, but, but, if you do come to dinner, Ill love you like I do in that black thing that you like.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is showing off more of her drum skills to Joey by rubbing one of the sticks back and forth across the drum.]
Rachel: Ross, shes not weird, she just wants her stuff to be one of a kind.
Rachel: And not one of your coupons for an hour of "Joey Love."
Rachel: Wait a minute! (To Monica) You let Ross drive the Porsche and when I ask you, you say youre the only one whos allowed to drive it.
Monica: Do NOT let me sit in one of those. We'll be here for days.
Mr. Geller: Oh, I'm not falling for that one!
Rachel: Yeah, I mean, come on Ross, no one will even notice. I mean theyre probably not even listening!
Phoebe: Oh, just as well, I broke this one.
EDDIE: Ohhhh. Relax, take it easy buddy. Tell me twice, you want me to go? Alright, alright, guess I'll be back for my stuff. [walks out the door and after a pause comes back in] But if you think for one second I'm leaving you alone with my fish, you're insane Jack!
Chandler: I am only one man! (Monica heads out) Okay Ross, time is up!
Amy: Listen, um about the hair straightener, honey.. I really need one. I'm going to have dinner at my boyfriend's house.
Phoebe: Oh, its Ross on one of his drives!
Phoebe: Sure! (When Monica gets close to the door.) (Yelling) Yeah! Las Vegas, number one!
Mr. Waltham: Rachel, one of your customers seems to have left his billfold. A Joshua Bergen.
Rachel: Yknow, bonus night. Yknow, when two people break up but they get back together for just one night.
Rachel: I know you did! I bought the same one! And if she sees your table shes gonna know that I lied to her. I told her ours was an original.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. He deserves to do the thing he loves one last time.
Phoebe: No he wont. And thats not even the point! Monica, I made a whole speech about you do not cancel plans with friends! And now yknow what? Just because, potentially, the love of my life comes back from Russia just for one night, I-I should change my beliefs?! I should change beliefs! No! No! No, if I dont have my principles, I dont have anything!
Ross: I can't! If he realizes that I'm the one that put him to sleep, I won't get the job!
[Two guys walk over and interrupt her. Theyre both names youve already heard. Ones Billy Crystal. Yes, that Billy Crystal from City Slickers. The other one is Robin Williams. Yes, that Robin Williams from Mrs. Doubtfire.]
Chandler: To be fair this one does have nuts.
Monica: Wait. He pooped in my shoe? Which one?
Phoebe: Fine. (She hands her bell to Ginger and starts to take down her signs.) (The same old lady walks by again.) All right, I'll give you one pointer. Look out for that bitch. (The old lady.)
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
[Scene: Subway station, Phoebe is following Malcom by finding behind the pillars until she comes up to one with a wire mesh garbage can next to it. Malcom stops and starts walking the other way and passes Phoebe, who quick tries to hide behind the garbage can. But, Malcom sees her.]
Ross: No, no, thats funny. But maybe its time to move on, let it go, yknow? Stop it! Besides, Rachel is going out with Elizabeths father, so ah, hes much older than she is. Looks like Im not the only one interested in fossils, huh?
Megan: Oh no, these dresses are all so amazing but there is no way I could afford one.
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Screw it! Im having one. (Takes out and lights a cigarette.)
Joey: Well maybe we just take that one away. (Picks it up and throws it away.)
[Scene: Monicas Restaurants Kitchen, shes cooking as one of her waiters, Stu, comes over to talk to her.]
Phoebe: See no-no, I made a batch and I froze it, and this is the only one left.
[Scene: The delivery room, Ross has returned with another doctor. This one, is well, younger.]
Joey: (trying to act like hes not the one that stinks.) Whoa! Yeah, what the hell is that? What smells so bad?
Rachel: Ok, Monica. I just have to know one thing. Did you go with her to Bloomingdale's? (Monica looks away.) Oh! Ok, ok, ok, I just really, uh, I just really need to not be with you right now. (Exits.)
Phoebe: I want to keep one. (Giggles in excitement.)
Ross: Umm, oh, hey, I dont know. How about a big one?
Chandler: Excuse me little one, I have a very solid backhand.
[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.]
(from 1.01 - "The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate - The Pilot")
Rachel: Oh, no, no, I don't have one. I just need to talk to my friend.
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
The Director: Look Joey, theres nothing I can do. Besides, youre probably gonna be out by four anyway. Weve just got one short scene. Its just you and Richard, and God knows hes a pro. Youll be fine. (Walks away and sees Richard entering.) Morning Richard.
Monica: Have you ever been to one of my weddings?
Chandler: Oh, yes, could I have one of those. (Points)
Ross: Yes, yes I am, one of the many things Im feeling. Well.... (picks up her coat)
Joey: Yes it is perfectly good, and it is not one of the places the duck got sick!
Rachel: No! I'm sorry, honey, it's just that last week I got all but three answers and I really want to finish a whole one without any help.
Chandler: Oh, thats uh, thats pretty nice but Im gonna go with the one I picked first.
Monica: Rachel! What is your cat doing in one of my bowls!
Joey: You got it. Thanks man. Thanks for doing this, I owe you one. (Joey leaves, comes back in.) Oh, hey! There wasn't any change from that twenty, was there?
Mike: One more thing... There... might be a picture of Precious on my coffee table.
Chandler: She's really going to love this, you know? The bottom line is I want her to have it, even if I don't get to be the one who gives it to her.
Janice: Uh-oh, I feel another one coming. (She makes a sound like a goose during the contraction.)
MR. GREENE: Thank you. Is that one of my cigarettes?
Mr. Geller: I tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody had said to me, here's a tomato that looks like a prune, I'd say "get out of my office!"
Monica: You may be okay about getting hurt, but I am not okay with being the one who hurts you. Thats why I cant take this job.
Ross: Actually, Billy Tratt is gay now. So-so that ones not really our fault.
Phoebe: Because this one is now! And-and its two of our best friends! Who knows what youre gonna marry!
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross and Rachel.... You Know.]
Joey: Oh my God. So thats it?! I only get to bring one guest?
Cecilia: That is a tricky one. Well, Joey I really wanna thank you. Youve, well you made a very difficult time for me a little less painful.
Rachel: What?! Wait a minute! No wait a minute! (She does so.) Okay? Look, that night was the one wild thing I have ever done in my entire life, and Im not gonna let you take that away from me! Okay, so if you dont remember that, maybe you will remember this! (She grabs Melissa and kisses her on the lips.)
[Cut to Phoebe in Rosss new apartment looking at Monica and Chandler and what theyre about to do in The One Where Everybody Finds Out.]
Rachel: (taking the brush back) Okay. Lets use this brush. (Hands him another one.)
[Scene: The Charity Event, theyre holding a silent auction, Rachel is looking at one of the items and Phoebe walks up and hands her a glass of wine.]
Joey: Well, I started building one. But then I decided to take it to the next step.
Phoebe: Thats so funny to think if youd just done that right after the last contest, no one would have had to move at all.
Joey: Six and a half! You knocked that last one out of my hand! Remember?
Joey/Drake: Fine. I'll go. But let me ask you one question...
Monica: Okay, look at this one. This is my favourite. (Its a little pink and white dress for the girl baby.)
Ross: Okay. I can, I can see that. Umm, but I think if you give me umm, one chance I can, I can change your mind.
Phoebe: No, no, no, I wouldnt do you myself, I mean that would be weird. Yeah, no, Ill get one of the other girls to do it. Oh, this will be so much fun! Hey! Are you excited?
Rachel: So. I just thought the two of us should hang out for a bit. I mean, you know, we've never really talked. I guess you'd know that, being one of the two of us, though, right?
Monica: All right, youre telling me you can eat an entire turkey in just one sitting?
Joey: Because... look, no one wants this to happen more than me, ok? (in a trembling voice) I have gone over this moment in my head a hundred times and not once did I ever say no! (sighs) I couldn't do it to Ross!
[The next flashback is from The One With The Candy Hearts. Joey and Chandler are waiting at a restaurant as Lorraine and her friend arrive.]
Ross: Oh, that is so sweet.(listens) No, no, ok, you hang up. Ok, ok, one, two, three.(He doesn't hang up and motions for Rachel to be quiet.) Well you didn't hang up either.
Chandler: Its gotta be the first one.
Chandler: Oh come on man! At least let me finish this last one.
Receptionist: Were actually at the end of one of our research cycles, so were not looking for applicants right now.
Monica: Yknow dad, Chandler is one of Rosss very best friends!
Joey: Oh man. Please tell me one of 'em is Ma.
Rachel: Hey! Yknow, sometimes you can do everything right, everyone can wear everything theyre supposed to wear, and one of those little guys just gets through!
Phoebe: Well, I think you're gonna appreciate it the crap out of this one (she gives him a check)
[The next clip is from The One The Morning After.]
The Stripper: You are really good at that. So uh, I had fun tonight, you throw one hell of a party.