words in movies
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
Monica: I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one of you people.
Rachel: Uh- which one of us are you talking to there, Barr?
Danielle: Well, I've been calling you, but it turns out I had your number wrong. And when I finally got the right one from Information, there was no answer. So I thought I'd just come down here, and make sure you were okay.
Ross: I...reorganized the fridge. See, bottom shelf: meats and dairy. (Theres nothing on the shelf.) Middle shelf: fruits and vegetables. (Theres one lone tomato.) And top shelf: expired products. (The shelf is jammed packed.)
(Rachel goes to hug him but Ross is holding one of her hands and doesnt let go, so she can only put one arm around him.)
Ross: Really? Which one?
Chandler: Well, Im sure you get another one at Ann Taylors.
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe comes up the stairs and hears drumming coming from Joey and Rachel's, so she enters smiling and then sees that Rachel, not Joey, is the one playing.]
Monica: What? Wait! Why? (He turns and heads for the door and she chases after him.) Chandler! Chandler! Wait! Im sorry, I was just playing for one second! I was trying to find you to tell you that, look if you don't want me to see Richard again, I won't! He means nothing to me!
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) All right! Let's get this over with! Ugh! (She walks by the table and notices that no one is looking and accidentally on purpose knocks over the open cereal box.) Ohhh! No! Look what I did! (She starts walking through the mess. {Also, notice the continuity error in this scene. Note the position of the box and dispersal pattern of the cereal before and after the camera cut.}) Oh, I mean, look at this mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to reschedule!
Phoebe: Okay, what did we say was your one gift to us?
Mike: You both wanna do it? Uhm... there's only room for one.
Joey: Strike three! You only get one more, Mike!
Joey: It's like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was leading this double life. He's like actually some spy, working for the C.I.A. (Considers) That'd be cool.... This blows!
Phoebe: I am one of Bens mothers. Im a lesbian. It was, it was difficult coming out to my parents.
Mike: That must have been one lousy movie.
Chandler: She's not gonna make you wear one of those big plastic cones, is she?
Rachel: Oh, youre one of those. But yknow what? I have two sisters of my own and we just-just tortured each other.
Ross: All right, you know that one was coming, but that doesnt mean you have unagi. (Does the finger thing.)
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
Ross: Nope, just the one. RACH!
Rachel: Uh-huh. No, I hear what youre saying and-and-and that makes a lot of sense but can I just say one more thing? (Takes out his picture.) Look how pretty!
Monica: I thought I lost it. I got a new one, like, a month ago.
Phoebe: Umm, I lost one of your earrings. I'm sorry! I am so, so sorry!
Rachel: (after a pause) Not even one more time?
Rachel: Hey uhm, do you remember that one really great time...?
Monica: No one wanted seconds, right?
[The next flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. Monica is at a job interview at a new restaurant.]
Monica: All right. I know you're not happy about us moving, but you're the only one who hasn't seen the house.
Benjamin: Well... there is just one small... stipulation...
[A montage of scenes from The One Where Ross and Rachel Take A Break follows.]
Rachel: He offered me one.
ROSS: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.
Phoebe: (interrupting) What are you doing?!! Why are you defending him?! Just get me another doctor! One who is not crazy and who is not Fonzie!
Rachel: He offered me one.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, The One Where The Monkey Gets Away, Rachel is watching a soap opera with Marcel.]
Chandler: Ooh, not so tight... (blows raspberry, and the hug ends) I'm sorry, just give me one more chance.
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean Ive been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a studentI mean I notnot it! I mean, I mean I dontWe havent done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, weve-weve-weve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a jokelighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Chandler: Alright. Wow, that is one disgusting miracle.
Monica: Okay, what if the person who adopts the other one is horrible?
Chandler: (To Monica) Well, now we have one of each! (To the doctor) And that's enough!
(Joey makes a sound imitating one person making a bed creak and Chandler turns and glares at him.)
Monica: Okay, now this one is rare, this one is medium well! Now go-go-go! (Phoebe enters) Hey Phoebe!
Mike: (To Phoebe) I want one.
Phoebe: One? How about a whole bunch?
Mike: Seriously. Wanna make one of those?
Phoebe: (hopping off the bike) Wait! This seat is really uncomfortable! Yeah, maybe before we start we should just get another one. Perhaps, like an airplane seator a beanbag chair!
Earl: Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. Ive been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no ones even looked up from their desk. Hang-hang on. (To the people standing around his cubicle.) Hey everybody! Uh, Im gonna kill myself! (Theres no response; no one even looks up.) Ill get back to ya. (To Phoebe) I got nothing. Wait. (He sets the phone down.) Uh, hey Marge! (Mimes putting a gun to his head, pulling the trigger, and splattering his brain on the wall behind him. Then points to himself. Marge watches this, then goes back to work.) (To Phoebe) Ehh, nothing. Nothing.
Phoebe: Just one? I drive you all the way down here, and I don't get to see how it works out?
RACHEL: [on phone] Hi, Mr. Treeger. Hi, it's Rachel Green from upstairs. Yes, somebody, uh, broke our knob on the radiator and it's really hot in here. Yes, it's, it's hot enough to bake cookies. Well, do you think we could have a new one by 6? Wha t, no, no, Tuesday, we can't wait until Tuesday, we're having a party tonight.
Chandler: You gonna buy a new one?
[The next clip is from The One The Morning After]
ROSS: Ohh, big smoker. [Packs the cigarettes and flings one on Mrs. Greene in the process. Finally gets one in his mouth and it look really out of place] Big big smoker. In fact I'm gonna go ou into the hallway and fire up this bad boy. [as he walks into the hall, he comes face to face with Mr. Greene]
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
Caitlin: Y'know what? That's okay, you guys have ordered so many that this one is on me! (Runs for her life.)
Dr. Zane: We do five because that gives you a 25% chance that at least one will attach.
Joanna: Thats fine, actually Im on the hiring committee, so therell be at least one friendly face.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Monica: I couldnt eat it! I had five friends who couldnt eat it, and one of them eats books.
Chandler: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.
(With that we go into a little flashback about the guys memories of the duck. The first one is Joey playing with him in the bathtub and drying him off. Then its Chandler sitting on his couch after they moved into the girls apartment, and Chandler reading to him in bed, and him watching Baywatch when all they had was the canoe and the duck was in a bucket of water. Then we see Ross eating some cereal and the duck watching him. He takes a lamp and moves the duck off of the table. Then its Chandler shooing them out of the bathroom in the girls apartment, Joey revealing their disco cubby hole in the entertainment-center, then Chandler playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with them, and its concluded with various scenes with the duck flapping its wings. And the guys staring into the distance in remembrance of the duck.)
Monica: I need more swordfish. (to one of the assistant chefs) Can you get me some more swordfish?
Ross: So do I. (Slowly walks in.) Okay Rach, before anything happens (He takes off his coat) I just want to lay down a couple of ground rules. (Turns back to face her.) This is just about tonight. I don't to go through with this if it's going to raise the question of "Us." (Rachel's confused) Okay? I just want this to be (Kicks off his left shoe) about what it is! (Kicks off the other one.)
JOEY: All right. I'll give you one hint. Warren Beatty.
Rachel: You know what, I can't do this. I don't know which one of you guys to pick.
Monica: What about all the guys that you've got the phone numbers from? Why don't you just kiss one of them?
Rachel: No, I-I just dont know how you decide who to hire. I mean Ive got it narrowed down to two people. One of them has great references and a lot of experience and then theres this guy
Joey: Chandler is a complex fellow, one who is unlikely to take a wife.
Ross: Okay. Okay. Yknow what? If you want to, we can do it one more time. I mean Id-Id be okay with that. In fact, I have some time right now.
Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, San Diego... right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, y'know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.
Monica: He used to lock himself in the basement for hours. No one was every allowed to hear, "The Sound."
Joey's Date: Ew, yknow what? One time I saw this guy from behind and he seemed like a totally normal guy and then he turned around and it was Stephan Baldwin!
Phoebe: All right, everyone calm down! Everyone calm down! I have something that I would like to say! Who here likes Ross? (Ross is the only one who raises his hand and Phoebe glares at him to put his hand back down.) Of course you don't like him! He-he didn't give you any money, he raised his own hand when I asked, "Who hear likes Ross," and he's wearing two nametags! (He takes one off.) I-I'll be honest with you guys, when I first met Ross I didn't like him at all! But then once I got to know him I saw that he's really sweet and caring and very generous. I mean, all I'm saying is don't judge Ross before you get to know him all right? I mean, I like all you guys now, but when I first meet you y'know Kurt, I thought, y'know abrasive drunk, umm Lola, mind numbingly stupid! And okay, you guys (She turns to an elderly gentleman and a 20 something woman, who're a couple.) (To the girl) Gold-digger, (To the old guy) cradle robbing perv! So, I think you all know what I mean.
Sandy/Grumpus: And what's the one kind of boat that can never, ever sink?
Chandler: Let me see what you wrote about yourself: "Doctor Paleontology, two kids... " (pause) You split with Carol because you have different interests?... I think you split with Carol because you've one very similar interest!
Phoebe: Wow! Oh my God, well if theyve ripped off our table ours must be much more than one and fifty dollars!
Phoebe: Would you care to venture one?
Ross: Yeah, see, I dont think its gonna that difficult considering this one wont be taking place in the basement of a Pizza Hut.
Phoebe: Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just because I didn't ask! Y'know?
The Cooking Teacher: Welcome to introduction to cooking. Now, before we start, can anyone tell me the difference between a hollandaise sauce and a bearnaise sauce? (No one can.)
3rd Customer: Actually I do have one small complaint.
Monica: Chandler, relax its not a contest. (To Rachel) Certainly not a close one.
Rachel: Oh its all right. Im guess Im just done with the whole dating thing. Its one more thing in my life thats suddenly completely different. This is hard.
Rachel: She climbs out of the frame, and then drags her half-a-body across the floor, just looking for legs to steal. (in a spooky, slow voice) And then with her one good hand, she slo-o-owly re-e-a-aches up and turns your doorknob.
Ross: Oh, I'm sorry, no. He did ask me one. Uhm... How do you spell Mboscodictiosaur?
Phoebe: Oh, I got tired of naming states. So I decided to list the types of celery, and I have one: regular celery.
Rachel: Ok, well Monica, suppose one of your "special" tickets win? How are you gonna feel when you win the lottery and you lose all your friends?
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Joey: Well, thank you. So, can we play 20 Questions now? Ive got a really good one! Ive been thinking about it since Kansas.
Chandler: Hmm, the game's at one.
[Flashback to The One With Phoebe's Uterus, Monica is teaching Chandler how to turn a woman on. They're in Monica and Rachel's apartment and Monica has just drawn a diagram of a woman.]
Phoebe: I would, but you're the last one.
Joey: Hey, don’t get mad at us! No one forced you to raise the stakes!
Rachel: Well yeah, I wish that you would. (He opens the top drawer.) Well, no its not in there! (Closes it.) How about that drawer? (She points to the bottom one and he opens it. She doesnt see the folder she planted and bends over to check.)
Joey: Oh yeah, sure, no problem, Ill justhold on one second. (He turns around and puts his hand in his pants and groans in relief.) (In a relaxed voice.) "Hey Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you!"
Ross: One night, just-just sex. No strings attached?
Ross: Well, her thought is, and I agree, fresh new furniture, why not a fresh new apartment? Her cousin has this great place to sublet, it's got a view of the river on one side and Columbia on the other.
[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returns with two plates of chicken, but she only has time to set one on the table, when...]
Monica: Oh no-no-no, its only one night a week, and plus I get to take all of you out for a lot of free dinners.
STEVE: How are you? Look, you guys wanna meet the group? Come on. So, are you one of the ones who fooled around with my dad?
Joey: Oh, hey, how about this one. Ah, its says so in the script! Y'know ah, I-I dont know why my character likes you either, I mean it says in the script here that youre a bitch.
Kim: I don't know which one, but I do know I need a cigarette. So what do you say we take a break, we go outside, and we'll figure this out when we come back?
Joey: (in a funny voice) Yeah, so it turns out that it wasnt the hair straightener that started the fire. (Rachel prompts him on what to say next.) No-no, it was the candles. Its very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is (Phoebe suddenly enters.) Uhh Uhh Okay. Well, I have to go now. (Phoebe leaves.)