words in movies
[Scene: Rachel's new job, she's in her new boss's office (Kim's) and with the other assistant (Nancy). Together they're deciding what clothes to buy or something, who knows, let's all watch/read to find out.]
Rachel: I mean what if this keeps happening? Y'know, they'll-they'll be outside smoking, making all the decisions and I'll just be up in my office breathing my stupid clean air, y'know? And then when the day comes when Kim wants to promote one of us, who do you think she's gonna pick? Me or Smokey Smokerson?
Chandler: Yeah, or you can do the easy thing and smoke.
The Casting Director: Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two (Points to Joey and Raymond) or you two. (Points to Kyle and Ben.) (Exits.)
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)
Joey: Look, if Im bringing home a woman who cant stand being around a baby, then maybe I dont want to be with that woman! Or maybe well just do it in the bathroom of the club!
Joey: Or an uncle...
Rachel: No, really. Really, Pheebs, youre not gonna be the one worrying about saving for college, or yelling at them when theyre bad, yknow, or deciding to put them on Ritalin when they just wont calm down. Yknow?
Monica: (entering) Ross (who has his foot on the coffee table), foot on the floor or come over no more!
Monica: Im fine. (She goes into one of those half sneezing, half-coughing fits that you get with a bad cold or flu.)
Krista: We'd better take these pants off upstairs or that stain's gonna set.
Chandler: (running up) Hey Joey, do you wanna play football or you wanna.. (sees Marhan) Hi, Im Chandler.
Joey: Name? (Ross looks at him.) I know Ross but whats it short for? You know like, like Rossel or Rosstepher.
Rachel: Or?
Joey: So, tell me. Was it like you and Chandler, and then you and me, or you and me and Chandler?
Phoebe: Oh! No problem! I (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
JOEY: Naa, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could have saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony or somethin.
Monica: No! Listen, Im not gonna go through this with you again, okay. Just once I wanna beat when you cant blame it on the broken nose, the buzzer, or the fact that you thought you were getting mono. Lets just call this, tie score and its halftime.
Phoebe: Yeah! Or too, you could be two stockbrokers and youre-youre-youre rolling around naked on the trading floor and everybodys watching! (Ross looks at her.) It never happened.
Ross: No, no, it was just our parents and 1 or 2 friends. It was a small wedding.
Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.
Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Rachel: HuhWait so Joey if you get this, youre gonna be like the star of your own TV show! I mean youll be like the Big Cheese! (To Phoebe) Or the Big MacHey! You love those!
Monica: Well, my breasts are going to get bigger weather you like it or not! And you know what? It's not just my breasts. My ass is going to get bigger too.
Monica: I cant believe it! What is it? Is it the rubbing or the smell?
Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.
Phoebe: Monica, in or out?
Chandler: Dont go! Im sorry. Im so sorry! (Sees another guy who is still asleep.) Look! This guy fell asleep! He fell asleep too! Be mad at him! (Looks at him more closely.) Or, call an ambulance.
Monica: Oh now that-that-that's funny, it seems like Chandler's conference could've been in Connecticut or Vermont.
Chandler: No-no, hes not back yet, but hell be here any minute. So uh, come on in. Have a seat. Bow or stern?
Chandler: Are we gonna talk about what you guys did last night? Or
Phoebe: (looks at her cards) Yes! (everyone looks at her) .... or no.
Monica: Do you want to go to the bathroom, or do you wanna play poker?
Ross: Well maybe he'll get to go soon, like on a class trip or something.
Ross: Thanks. (Phoebe gets up to get a refill.) (To Monica) Oh! So for tomorrow, do you want to rent a car and drive down together or what?
Phoebe: Or instead, maybe you could just not marry my brother Frank.
Monica: Uh, so, uh, Rach, uh... do you wanna save this wrapping paper, I mean, it's only a little bit torn... so are you gonna go for it with Ross or should I just throw it out?
Janice: Oh! Okay! (To Ross) You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me! (Does her famous, or is that infamous, laugh and exits.)
Phoebe: Or...or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks.
Ross: You're sure? Nobody uh, handed out uh, mints or anything?
Susan: All right, who should we call first, your folks, or Deb and Rona? (intercom buzzer rings)
CHANDLER: You or me?
Ross: So, guys, am I crazy, or does Phoebes mom remind anyone of a cat?
Phoebe: Pay the caterer! Look, I've had a lot of jobs, okay, and there are some people who just always try to get out of paying. It's either, you know, "that massage wasn't long enough, or, "I don't recognize any of those songs," or, you know, "these sombreros aren't big enough. Bad little white girl!"
Ross: Okay, okay, fine, youre right. Lets ah, lets take a break, (goes to the door) lets cool off, okay, lets get some frozen yogart, or something.. (opens the door)
Monica: Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. I've got a better question for you: Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes?
Rachel: Honey, come on, I have to be at work in like ten minutes (Ross starts kissing her neck) Oh, all right, well it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything. (they fall onto the couch)
Rachel: Ross, please, trust me. I buy 30 fashion magazines a month. Now, I don't know who's running for president or who that... NATO guy is, but I do know that you have to get as far away as you can from that hat.
Joey: Okay, so-so which route should I take the northern route or the southern route?
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Phoebe: You guys wanna try and catch a late movie or something?
Chandler: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Jill gives him a stick of gum, and a strange look) 'Gum would be perfection'? 'Gum would be perfection.' Could have said 'gum would be nice,' or 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.
Monica: (popping back up) Regular or decaf?
Janice: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I figured, you know, you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you can wear Rocky and Rocky,or, you can mix and match, moose and squirrel. Whatever you want.
RADIO: The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him. (With or Without You plays)
David: I keep a straight face he-he delivers like this look, a reaction to you, or a certain take, I-II mean I find it so funny.
Phoebe: You mean whenever Monica and Chandler where like y'know doing laundry or going grocery shopping orOh! All that time Monica spent on the phone with sad Linda from camp!
MONICA: You're still gonna pay me, right? Or something a little less selfish.
Rachel: Did-did you come up here to work on that term paper or something?
The Croupier: Comin' out. Place your bet. (Monica does so.) Dice are out. (The woman next to Monica rolls the dice.) Double or nothin'! Pay the front line! (Monica won and doubled the chip.)
CHANDLER: Hey, do you want this done quick, or do you want this done right?
Joey: Oh my God, Im sorry, Im being so rude. (Turns to Rachel.) Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.
Joey: Its Ba-go-ta, but close enough. Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wango card.
David: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. (Sweeps the remaining papers off the desk and grabs Phoebe) You want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just hop?
Phoebe: No, which one? The right or left? 'Cause the left one is lucky...
JADE: So, are we gonna get together or what?
PHOEBE: I sense these things. It was either but or butter.
MONICA: Rachel, you say you're sorry or your sweater gets it.
RACHEL: Monica, Monica, look at this lamp. Is this tacky or what? We have to have this.
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, Ive never been able to cry as an actor, so if Im in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, lets say I wanna convey that Ive just done something evil. That would be the basic I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it (Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.) Okay, lets say Ive just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And thats how its done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
Rachel: Doctor you gotta do something! I think you gotta give me drugs or you gotta light a fire up in there and just smoke it out.
Gavin: Well, let me explain how birthday parties usually work. There are presents, and a cake, perhaps a fourth or fifth person. Ok, I ... got you the present to make up for being such a jerk to you earlier.
Rachel: Chandler! Patrick just uh, ended things with me. Did you or did you not tell him that I was looking for a serious relationship?
Chandler: Hey! Well, Ive been preparing for that my entire life! Or something about you thats mean!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me.
Another Scientist: And I need to flip the light switch on and off 17 times before I leave a room or my family will die.
RACHEL: I'm off my break now so uh, um here you take this [hands back Ben] and um, I am gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee. Ok. Oh look at that, I don't have a pot. I don't have a pot. Well, hey, maybe I've got one at home, or in Scarsdale. Hey is that a door? [leaves]
CHANDLER: [to guys wering yellow isolation suits] So, are you guys in the movie, or are you just really paranoid.
PHOEBE: Does it matter? You're ultimately just gonna die or get divorced or have to blow your pets head off.
Monica: You! Its not like its a big deal! You-you dont still do it or anything!
Monica: Phoebe, that's how it starts. I don't need to eat the cake, I'll just smell the icing... why don't I just eat a little sliver, or, okay, just a slice or two. And next thing you know, you're 210 pounds and you get wedged in going down the tunnel slide. Phoebe, honey, I know this is hard. Look, if you talk to him, you're going to wanna see him. And if you see him, you're going to want to get back together with him. I know that's not what you want. (pause) Give me your phone.
Joey: Because it's impossible to find her apartment! She lives in some like of hot girl parallel universe, or something.
Phoebe: Wow, what is with all the negativity? You sound like Monican't , not Monican... (Monica looks almost puzzled) ...Monica. Look, you know, you have been playing around with this catering thing for over three years. Do you want to be a caterer or not?
Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.
DR. BURKE: No, no, there's no rush or anything.
RYAN: Chicken or small?
ROSS: Y-ello. No, Rachel's not here right now, can I take a message? Alright, and how do we spell Casey, is it like at the bat or and the Sunshine Band? OK, bye-bye. Hey, who's this uh, this Casey?
RICHARD: Or so I would have you believe.
Ross: Well let therewhat if a man comes along and puts a gun to your head and says, "You ride this bike or Ill sh Ill shoot you."
RACHEL: Wow. Is it, is it 'cause she's so cold in bed. Or, or is it 'cause she's like, kinda bossy, makes it feel like school?
Rachel: (entering from her room) Okay, Pheebs, quick, what shoes should I wear? The black or the purple?
Ross: Oh sure, "Ross will do it!" Its not like he has a job, or a child, or a life of his own.
Rachel: What are you talking about, Ross, you just said that you read it twice! Look, y'know what, either it does or it doesnt, and if you have to even think about it...
Chandler: David, let me stop you there 'cause I think I see where this is going. I'm not very good at giving advice. So if you want advice, go to Ross, Monica, or... Joey, if the thing you wanna advice about is pizza toppings or burning sensation when you pee.
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
RACH: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?
Ross: Oh, I'm so excited, I mean, apparently I beat out hundreds of other applicants, included five guys I went to graduate school with. Not that I'm keeping score or anything... five!
Monica: Uh, huh. (to Ross) Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away. (Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe leave)
Monica: This isn't easy for me either. I wish things were different, I... If you were a few years older, or if I was a few years younger, or if we lived in biblical times, I would really...
ROSS: Hey Rach. I, uh, got you a little present. [Rachel is not impressed]. . I'll open it. It's a Slinky! Remember, huh. [sings] Walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, everyone knows it's. . . just a big spring. Alright, you still mad at me becuase of the whole. . .
MONICA: God, this is so hard. I can't decide between lamb or duck.
Joey: Sperm or regular?
Monica: Ahh, Pete, the other day when you said you needed to talk, umm, just so I know, is it good news or bad news.
Joey: Listen, uh, you wanna go get a drink or something?