words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, its later that morning, everybody has gotten up and Ross and Phoebe has joined them for breakfast. Rachel is returning from shopping.]
Ross: Hey, what are you doing shopping at eight in the morning?
Ross: Now, how will they know if youre ready?
Chandler: (to Rachel) And you Ross, I believe, if you check Rachels bag you will find a half-eaten box of cookies in there.
Ross: (He does so, and finds a half-eaten box of cookies.) Youre good. (Tries a cookie.) These are not.
Joey: Oh yeah? Ross, how many items left in that bag?
Ross: Five.
Ross: Challenge extended.
Ross: Challenge excepted.
Ross: Well be starting with apples.
Chandler: (to Ross) Stop that now!
(Ross reveals a bag of apples.)
Ross: Yes. Yes. Yes. (Theyre perfect so far.)
Ross: They have another guess.
Ross: How did you know she would buy scotch tape?
Monica: Ross will do it.
Ross: Oh sure, "Ross will do it!" Its not like he has a job, or a child, or a life of his own.
Ross: No-no-no, I-I wanna play.
Ross: The test is ready.
Ross: Okay, each team will answer ten questions. The first team that answers the most questions wins. Okay, the categories are, Fears and Pet Peeves, Ancient History, Literature, and Its All Relative. Now, the coin toss to see who goes first. (He flips the coin and they all watch it hit the table and stop. Then they all look up at him, to see who goes first.) Okay, somebody call it this time.
(Ross flips the coin again.)
Ross: Its heads. (The guys celebrate.) Gentlemen, pick your category.
Ross: What is Monicas biggest pet peeve?
Ross: Thats correct. Ladies?
Ross: According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejeezus out of him?
Ross: That is correct.
Ross: Gentlemen, youre pick.
Ross: Monica and I have a grandmother who died, you both went to her funeral, name that grandmother!
Ross: Althea is correct.
(Ross motions for the girls to pick.)
Ross: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joeys apartment. What name appears on the address label?
Ross: Im afraid the TV Guide comes to Chinandolor Bong.
Ross: All right, the score is nine to eight in favor of the guys. Ladies if you miss this the game is theirs, pick your category.
Ross: You dont have to shout everything.
Ross: Ooh. What is the name of Chandlers fathers Las Vegas all-male burlesque?
Ross: All right, we have a tie. Luckily, I have prepared for such an event. (He opens up an envelope and holds up some note cards.) The Lightning Round!
Ross: Thirty seconds, all the questions you can answer.
Ross: 150 dollars.
Ross: 200 dollars.
Ross: Excuse me.
Ross: All right, gentlemen, youre up first.
Ross: You have 30 seconds. And the lightning round beginsstop it (Chandler stops jumping)now. What was Monicas nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Ross: Correct. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie
Ross: Correct. Her actual favorite movie is...
Ross: Correct. In what part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14?
Chandler: Oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear and then in Rosss ear.)
Ross: Eww! No!! Her ear! All right, Monica categorizes her towels. How many categories are there?
Ross: Two seconds
Ross: 11, unbelievable 11 is correct. (The guys celebrate.) All right, thats 4 for the guys. Ladies, youre up.
(As they change places, they give each other the now patented Ross maneuver. If you dont know what that means, click here to find out The One With Joey's New Girlfriend.)
Ross: 30 seconds on the clock. 5 questions wins the game. The lightning round begins now! What is Joeys favorite food?
Ross: Correct. Chandler was how old when he first touched a girls breast?
Ross: No, 19.
Ross: Joey, had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?
Ross: Correct, his profession was?
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bings job?
Ross: 10 seconds, you need this or you lose the game.
(Ross stops the clock, signifying the end of the lightning round.)
Ross: Dont blame the questions!
Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'.
Ross: Then I'm happy too. (They're still hugging - fade out)
Ross: We have 8:00 reservations at Grammercy Bistero.
Ross: (annoyed) um... I've never heard of a "Boscodictiasaur".
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments, Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are coming up the stairs.]
Ross: That ring? When my grandmother first came to this country, that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her.
Ross: There's no way around it Pheebs, you just gonna have to accept the fact that this is gonna cost you a lot of money.
Ross: (happily) My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this. (He hugs them both.) (To Joey and Rachel) You guys probably wanna get some hugs in too, huh? Big news!
Ross: Oh, Rach...oh..."gleba" is not a word.
[Scene: the bar, Ross is entering, Phoebe is at the bar, they are the only two in the place.]
Ross: Just a smidge.
Ross: Anyway, she thought the very idea of me playing rugby with him was like hilarious. So Im gonna show her how tough I really am!
Ross: Baking it didn't help, huh?
(Ross continues south and his now wrapped around Joeys legs.)
Ross: I bet someone could use one of Monica's freshly baked cookies.
Ross: Right, um, but, on Hanukkah, Hanukkah is a celebration of a miracle. See, years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees.
Joey: Oh come on Ross! Hey Ross-Ross dont
(Ross, inside the door, releases a sign of relief.� Back in the hall, Mike's cell phone rings.)
Ross: Oh! (She kisses him) Ah. (They kiss more, and move down onto the couch. Ross's hand moves under some garbage) Aw! (His hand is covered with something brown and gooey.)
Ross: Oh thats right. Well uh, would you be interested in seeing a Ukrainian film?
Ross: Not her. Yeah, this is someone else I meet, and I-I cant decide between the two of them. Yknow the one from Poughkeepsie, even though shes a two hour train ride away, is really pretty, really smart, and-and a lot of fun. But this other girl, well, she lives right uptown. Yknow shes, well shes-shes just as pretty, I guess shes smart, shes not fun.
Ross: Yep. (Phoebe slams the door shut.) Okay.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Elizabeth are deciding what to do on their second date.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Monica are watching Phoebe sleep.]
Phoebe: Yeah, no kidding, this just proves no good can come from having sex with Ross!
Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.
Ross: Yknow what? I-I-I I-I have had enough of this! Yknow, I-I-I care a great deal about your daughter and I have treated her with nothing but respect! So if-if youve got a problem with me, frankly
[Scene: A hospital, Phoebe is recovering from her heart attack as Ross, Monica, and Chandler are there to comfort and support her.]
Ross: Hi. (He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose. He tosses some forms onto reception desk.)
Ross: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to the museum.
Ross: I think, sub-consciously
Ross: No, no, no, I'm sure you have a great excuse, wh-was it a hair appointment, a mani-pedi or was there a sale at Barney's?
Ross: Sure! Oh, and Joeys got the mashed potatoes if you want to exchange them.
[Scene: Rosss birthday, Joey is now trying to get his car out while Ross is directing him.]
Ross: Yknow of-officer I uh I had the weirdest dream last night
Ross: Hey, yknow what nickname never caught on? The Ross-A-Tron! (Monica shakes her head in disgust.)
Ross: Yeah, tell me about it. (He stands up, turns his back to Joey, and enjoys another sip.)
Ross: (grabbing the necklace) The necklace I got you was gold, this one is silver.
Rachel: Im just bummed about the way I left things with Ross. I shouldnt have lied to him about having to work. He seemed so mad at me.
Ross: Hey, itll grow back, right? And she-shes really fun, and shes cool, and-and Im finally moving on. Y'know? I mean getting over Rachel was so (makes an incoherent nasal sound), y'know? Y'know, and Im finally feeling sane again. And now if I go up there, and-and I kiss her, and, Gooood I wanna kiss her, and-and-and it doesnt work out, right? Do I really wanna put myself through that again?
Ross: Hey, what took you guys so long? Your cab left when ours did!
Chandler: It's, all good! Okay bye-bye Mon! (To Ross) She's-she's gonna kill me.
Ross: (closes the door) Did you umIm sorry, did you just say its Rachel?
[Scene: The Library, Ross enters and heads to the desk to talk to the male librarian on duty.]
Ross: (To Monica) Okay, I know Im not supposed to know, but I do. And Im so excited for you!
Ross: Hey! All that stuff you said about true love, you were right, I mean, we did learn a lot from Mom and Dad! And that picture of Chi-Chi with her mischievous grin. And what you said about Nana. Ohh, yeah she really wouldve wanted to be there. And you know what? I think she was.
Ross: Well, ahem... you know, by the time we'd finished with all the dirty talk, it was kinda late... and we were both kind of exhausted, so uh...
Ross: Everyday I am gonna do one thing that I haven't done before. That my friends is my New Year's resolution.
Ross: I did give up a career in basketball to become a paleontologist!
[Cut to Living Room, Rachel is trying to close the door on Ross.]
Ross: Hey, when the music starts up again, I was thinking of maybe goind into the robot, yknow? (He mimics a robot)
Ross: (innocently) What?
Ross: Mmm-Hmm. (Picking up their wine glasses.)
Rachel: Well, yeah, yknow how Ross and I were on again, off again, on again, off again? I guess I just figured that somewhere down the road, we would be on again.
ROSS: [childishly] OK. OK, this is a picture frame from Ben to my parents, huh.
[Scene: Delmonico's. Ross is still waiting for his date and drinking wine. The waiter comes up to him again.]
Ross: Why dont you come, I mean, I-I have two tickets, why not?
Joey: (pointing to the TV) Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here. Thats called a scrum, okay? Its kinda like a huddle.
(Rachel kisses him, and goes upstairs. After shes gone, Ross frantically tries to find and read the Does it? part.)
Monica: (fingering her elbow): Ross?
Ross: (stares at her briefly) Okay, why are you here?
Monica: Oh, she was a cruel, cranky, old bitch! (Ross gives her a look) (to Ross) And Im sorry she died. Did Dad say I get the dollhouse?
Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, youre, youre, youre making this too hard.
(they both run off, leaving Ross, Phoebe and Rachel stunned.)
Ross: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, yknow no commitment.
Joey: Guys, do you think we should ask Ross to come along?
[Scene: A hallway, Ross is selling Brown Bird cookies for Sarah, he stops and knocks on a door.]
ROSS: Hey, we can rescedule for Saturday.
Ross: she came and dragged me out of the labor room to ask me why Im not with Rachel.
Monica: (lying on the couch suffering from her cold) Ross isn't here.
Ross: Don't make jokes now.
Ross: With the circus? He's behind the elephant.
Ross: (nonchalantly) I'm never gonna find love again.
(Two girls sitting at a table next to them look up in disgust, and Ross and Joey move away)
Monica: I know what you need, you need a bodyguard. Hey Ross, what is Ben doing after preschool?
Monica: Relax, Ross. She's not made of ice cream!
Ross: How do you think it's gonna look when you get her something incredibly meaningful and expensive and her boyfriend Joey gives her an orange?
Ross: Well sure. But I get married all the time so
(Joey moves close to Ross and whispers something in his ear)
Ross: Oh no, no, no, wait, wait, Isabella. Dont, dont just dismiss this so fast. I mean this is a once in a lifetime opportunity...
Rachel: Okay. So these signals Ross, explain this to me, cause maybe I need to be more careful. I mean, am I sending you these signals right now?
Ross: Oh, on a date. Yeah, I met this girl on the train going to a museum upstate.
Ross: Rach, I promise first thing tomorrow we'll find another doctor, but I gotta get up early and I'm not feeling all that well.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are there. Phoebe walks in ringing a bell.]
Joey: Yeah! I was thinking about maybe going upstairs and taking a little nap on my couch. (Raises his eyebrows, questioning Ross to see if he wants to join him.)
[Scene: Dr. Longs Office, Ross and Rachel are waiting for the doctor. Ross is drumming his fingers on the bed.]
Ross: God that is the most beautiful engagement ring ever!
Ross: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, but then the coffee table won't be centered in the seating area.
[Scene: The playground. Ross put Emma on the swing and they’re ready to play]
Ross: What kind of job is that for a man? A nanny? I-It's like if a woman wanted to be...
Ross: Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for like six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was: "My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."
Monica: Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.
Ross: Youre weird today. (He turns to Rachel and Joey puts the ring back.) (To Rachel) Listen I uh, wanted to talk to you about something.
Monica: Ross, cough drops, please?
Ross: Yeah, we kissed, but... nothing else... nothing else happened, okay.
Ross: Oh good, you scared me for a minute.
Ross: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we?
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross is checking his messages.]
Joey: Nope. (To Ross) Man look at this! Ross, I cant believe you said youd play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!
Ross: Yes, but also (Pauses to let Ben answer, but he doesnt.) Hanukkah! See, you're part Jewish, and-and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday.