words in movies
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Ross: No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the baby like a football.) I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me.
Ross: Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, hah-hah, I just heave it down field.
Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I realise that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See I, I am so not ready to be a father.
Joey: Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking.
(Feeling a little better, Ross fetches more coffee.)
Ross: Wo-wo-whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday?
Ross: Tonight.
Ross: You take your time.
(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.)
(Ross is so startled that he throws his arms up to defend himself. The box takes off, then lands with a squishy thud, its contents oozing out onto the floor. Ross is not pleased.)
Ross: What the hell are you doing? You scared the crap outta me.
Ross: Yeah, yeah. I got a lemon schmush.
(The whole party gathers round as Ross puts the box on the coffee table.)
(As Ross opens the lid, everybody looks at the mess inside.)
Ross: (Still annoyed) Yeah, we'll just use our special cake tools.
Ross: Oh, we just...
[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross is having lunch with his father who is examining his next forkful.]
Ross: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?
Ross: Dad, dad, dad, I'm talkin' about the whole uh, baby thing. Did you uh, ever get this sort of... panicky, "Oh my god I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing?
Ross: No, no, Dad, I was just wondering.
Ross: Thanks, Dad, really, I ju... you know, I just, I just needed to know, um... when did you start to feel like a father?
(Ross is so moved by his father's charming story, that he stops eating.)
Ross: No, we can go to Williamsburg.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross, Phoebe, Chandler and Monica sit round the coffee table, playing Scrabble. Rachel, still in her dressing gown, is pleading on the phone, her free hand shaking with agitation.]
Monica: Ross, he's got the remote again.
Ross: Good. Maybe he can switch it back.
Ross: Maybe not.
Rachel: Hello? (Listens) Um, yeah, uh, (snapping her fingers at Ross who takes the remote from Marcel, then turns off the TV) Okay ah, hold on a second, lemme lemme just check and see if see if she's here.
Ross and Chandler: Hey!
Ross: Well did you try calling her?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is neglecting the game of Scrabble, for he's busily drawing on his own childhood in an attempt to help Ross. Marcel chitters about.]
Ross: Uh-huh.
Ross: Do you have a point?
Ross: It's just a fur ball.
Ross: Yours, I just got 43 points for 'KIDNEY'.
Ross: I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'?
(The unvoiced hissing continues. In alarm, Ross and Chandler look at the monkey, who is now in some distress.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Monica sits with Rachel, who is filling out an honest form at last. Ross and Chandler hurtle in. Little Marcel, wrapped in a fluffy towel, is cradled in Ross's arms. They dash up to the admissions desk. Ross is frantic.]
Ross: You've got to help me my monkey swallowed a 'K'!
Ross: No, no you don't understand the animal hospital is way across town he's choking I don't know what else to do.
(Ross and Chandler turn at the voice...)
(..then turn back to the desk when the surprise hits them, and Ross and Chandler whip around once more. Monica and Rachel recoil slightly.)
Ross: Lady, he is people. He has a name, okay? He watches Jeopardy! He he touches himself when nobody's watching. Please, please have a heart!
(Rachel, Monica, Ross and Chandler whip around for a second time, in formation.)
[Scene: The Hospital, Marcel lies on the operating table while recovering from the anaesthetic, tucked up under a sheet like an infant in a huge bed. Ross sits beside him, as a smiling Chandler, Monica and Rachel look on.]
Ross: He looks so tiny.
Ross: Yeah. The doctor got the 'K' out. He also found an 'M' and an 'O'.
(Ross does not approve of Chandler's daft theory.)
Ross: Well, the doctor says he's gonna be fine, he's just sleeping now.
Chandler: (Tapping Ross on his shoulder) So, you feel like a dad yet?
Ross: No, why?
(Ross does approve of this, but he's still not sure. The tiny figure stirs.)
Ross: (Quietly) hey, fella! How you doing?
(All of a sudden, Marcel grabs Ross's finger with his whole fist, and he squeezes it, so tight, that Ross finally knows what it is to be a father. He looks up at his friends, who smile encouragingly, Rachel tenderly resting her chin upon Monica's shoulder. Ross realises that Chandler was right and he's gonna make a great dad!)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is there. Rachel is looking out of the window and Ross is handing out some Chinese takeout. There's a small SAP in the corner of the screen.]
Ross: Aqui est�. (Here it is!)
Monica: Mira, Ross, Marcel se llevo el control remoto. (Look, Ross, Marcel's got the remote.)
Ross: �Lo que sucedio es que no le gusta la tele! (The thing is, he doesn`t like the program!)
Ross: Do you perhaps seeing a note on top of it?
Ross: (embarassed) Me neither.
Ross: Look, this is hard enough! I really need you guys right now.
Ross: Seriously?
Joey: Fine, I'll rent a car and drive...! Ross, you have to get that job!
Ross: Well, do you wanna marry him?
Ross: No, I barely even got to three Mississippi.
Ross: Um, I do not want her baby-sitting our child.
Ross: I don't think that's what this is.
Ross: I... I don't know..
Ross: I loved this place! To tell you the truth, I wish I didn't have to move.
(Ross enters)
Ross: (sees how strangely Monica, Chandler and Rachel are looking at him) What?
Ross: Hey guys. Monica and Chandler: Hi Ross.
Joey: But Ross, Ross. What do you, what do you think she's going to say?
[Monica and Chandler both are shocked. Ross gives Monica a take that! look.]
[Scene: Outside the Nursery, Ross is looking at Emma as Phoebe walks up.]
Ross: Why not?
Ross: Do you remember the scene with, um, Jabba the Hut? Well Jabba had as, as his prisoner, um, Princess Leia.
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
Ross: That's not a thing!
Ross: Listen, you are hearing one side of the story, okayand F.Y.I she mustve shown Kyle over 30 paint samples before she painted that room! And his response to each one was, "I dont give a tiny rats ass."
Ross: Hey Mon, that was really nice of you to loan Rachel your car so she could go and get the cake.
(Amy looks at Ross, angrily. Rachel clearly doesn't understand what he meant and looks at Ross who gestures "later".)
Ross: I can't believe you'd rather go out with him than me.
Ross: Pheebs, what's wrong?
Ross: Hey! (she turns to him) Well...? (in expectation)
Ross: Of course you would, your brains are smaller than mine!! (Rachel nods) Man, I can't compete with the guys she goes out with, they are so out of my league! oh my God!
Ross: I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation, ok? I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump! (he goes to Rachel's room, knocks the door and enters the room). (very fake gasp) Oh! My God! You're breathtaking!
Ross: (to Charlie) Hey!
Ross: Yeah. Why?
Ross: Your ex-boyfriend?
Ross: Well, if you think it would help.
Ross: Ok, now, is there anything I can do to... you know, butter him up? Anything he really likes?
Ross: We'll see how dinner goes.
Ross: (taping Joey with the cam) Hey, there is uncle Joey!
Ross: How come its always us left in the field holding the ball?
[Sequence 4: Ross hikes the ball to Chandler, and the camera pans down to show Rachel standing deep in the end zone, playing with her gum. Something hits her on the head and she looks up to see where it came from.]
RACH: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . [jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.]
(They disappear into the bedroom leaving Ross standing in the living room holding Susans coat.)
Ross: I'm ok.
Ross: Perhaps I can persuade you. What if you can give your son this (Takes a huge egg out of his back) genuine pterodactyl egg (whispers) replica.
Benjamin (to Ross): You weren't there!
Ross: What?
Ross: Did you just say "break up with Charlie"?
Ross: No!
Ross: Are you serious?
Ross: (Rolls his eyes) I guess!
Ross: See? I told you something good would come along. And he seemed really nice. I've met him before?
Ross: Oh come on!!
Ross: No, but I want...I want the pinecones!
Ross: (Sarcastic) No! Stop!
Ross: (Skeptical) Really?
Ross: Crazy!
(Ross shakes his head)
Ross: (Yelling) Get out! (Benjamin leaves)
Ross: I have to break up with Charlie?
Chandler: Ross, what're you... what're you... what are you doing? (looks at laptop screen)You're having a memorial service for yourself!?
Mark: Sure, sure. (To Ross) What's with the chair. (Rachel signals him not to mention she's been fired)
Ross: Monica told me you had a blind date.
Ross: Damnit!
Joey: Come on, Chandler, Ross is our friend. He needs us right now, so why don't you be a grown up and come and watch some TV in the fort!
Ross: (annoyed) May 12th?
Charlie: I'm sure he was just joking, Ross.
Ross: What?
Ross: or...
Ross: (indignant) No!
Ross: Well, Kathy gets half-naked and simulates sex with a real good lookin guy.
Ross: Okay, that's it. WE ARE SEEING OTHER PEOPLE!
Ross: Hey you guys!
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: (skating over, embarrassed) Ok!... Uh... excuse me? Yeah?
Ross: Hey, what are you doing?
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is coming up the stairs as Phoebe leaves Joey and Chandlers.]
Sandy: Like in my last job, I met Daniel when he was three weeks old. And I got to watch him grow into this awesome person... When I left, I said: I'll see you soon... And he said to me: Skdandy... (Ross and Rachel look puzzled) That was his name for me... I'll see you every day... right in... (points at his heart, but starts to cry before he can finish his sentence. Rachel tries to comfort him, but Ross has this "you've got to be kidding me" look all over him)
Ross: Wow! This picture of you sure is steamy.
Ross: Oh, good!
Ross: (he enters) Hi!
Ross: Seriously?
Ross: Be-caaauuuse...
Phoebe: No-no, thats not, thats not me Phoebe, thats her pal Phoebe. According to her high school yearbook, they were like B.F.F. (Ross and Bonnie look at her quizzically) Best Friends Forever.
Rachel: Ross, those things go like 40 miles an hour! Ok? When you're... and there is that moment when you are at the top, when you just don't know if you're gonna return back to earth!
Rachel: That was one time, Ross, and they were only like 5 milligrams.
Ross: Ok.
Ross: Here we go! (He starts pushing Emma)
Ross (to Emma): Ready sweety?
[Fade to Black, then fade in again with Ross stopped at the doorway.]
Ross: See, I told you!
Ross: Oh, absolutely!
(Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of silence follows.)
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
Ross: Okay, Im sorry, this is insane! I-I-Im not addicted to heroin, Im not gay, and there is no problem with my ability to consummate anything! Look, Ill consummate this marriage right here, right now!
Ross: Well that stinks. I was looking forward to us wearing our celebrity tuxes together.
Rachel: Oh, oh Ross, oh my God, are you okay?
Ross and Rachel: Hmmmm .
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is there except for Rachel and Ross, who both come storming in. Rachel is still going off about Rosss secret marriage.]
Ross: Good.
Rachel: (returning) Wait-wait-wait, I just thought of another story about how nice Ross is!
Ross: Yeah, um, okay see, you were, you were on the list but my friend, Chandler (Chandler waves) brought up the very good point that you are international, so I bumped you for Wynona Rider, local.
Ross: A-a-and... record.