words in movies
DR. REMORE: I'm sorry Amber. It's just like Brad to have to have the last word.
MONICA: We, we just wanna see the end.
[Everyone gasps. The show ends.]
JOEY: Well, I get the medical award for separating the siamese twins. Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramone. And that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big but it's cursed.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is at the foosball table trying to get Phoebe to play a game with him.]
PHOEBE: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ahh, hello, human-rights violation.
CHANDLER: Ya know Phoebs, don't feel so bad for 'em. After they're done playing, I break out the little plastic women and everybody has a pretty good time.
PHOEBE: Uh oh, ooh, are we not getting along with the new boy?
PHOEBE: Maybe that's because you haven't taken the time to get to know him. Let's remedy that, shall we?
PHOEBE: Hi, um, I just thought that it would be fun if the three of us had some beers and got to know each other.
CHANDLER: What're you kidding? I broke up with her. She actually thought that Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia.
EDDIE: That's good man, when everybody knows that the uh, the capital of Cambodia is uh...
EDDIE: Not Sean Penn. Alright, I, I've got a funny one, alright. My last girlfriend Tilly. Ok, we're eating breakfast, right, and I made all these pancakes, there was like 50 pancakes right. And all of the sudden she turns to me, alright, and she says, 'Eddie.' I say, 'yeah,' she says, 'Eddie, I don't want to see you anymore.' And it was literally like she had reached into my chest, ripped out my heart, and smeared it all over my life, ya know. And now there's like this incredible abyss, ya know, and I'm falling and I keep falling and I don't think I'm ever gonna stop. [finishes laughing] That uh, wasn't such a funny story, was it?
PHOEBE: And a crusty old man said I'll do what I can and the rest of the rats played moroccas. That's it, thanks, good night.
RICHARD: Um, we should go too, I got patients at 8 in the moring.
PHOEBE: Oh, this is so nice. Alright I have to make a speech. I just wanna say that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the best.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is there. There's a knock at the door. He answers it to see a young woman holding a fishtank.]
PHOEBE: Ok, ok, ok. Ooh, hey 'new doc on the block, Days of Our Lives' Joey Tribbiani.' Ooh, cool picture.
JOEY: Uh, well, kinda yeah. Like, remember last week when Alex was in the accident? Well the line in the script was, 'If we don't get this woman to a hospital, she's going to die.' But I made it, ' If this woman doesn't get to a hospital, she's not gonna live.'
PHOEBE: Ohh, ok, I see what you did there. Aren't you afraid though, that the writers are gonna be kinda mad when they read this?
JOEY: Huh? Never really thought about the writers. The scripts just kinda come to my house. But you know what? This makes me look good, which makes the show look good, which makes the writers look good so how could they be mad about that?
[Scene: At a writer's desk. The writer is working on a script for Days of Our Lives.]
[Scene: Joey's apartment. The next script is being delivered.]
JOEY: I fall down an elevator shaft? What the hell does this mean, I fall down an elevator shaft?
DELIVERY GUY: Uhh, I don't know, I just bring the scripts.
DELIVERY GUY: I don't think that's gonna affect the plot of the show.
MONICA: Two it is. Ok, time for bed, I'm gonna go brush my teeth. [goes in the bathroom]
RICHARD: Woah, woah, no wait a minute now. C'mon it's your turn. Oh c'mon. Ya know, I don't need the actual number, just a ballpark.
ROSS: Oh yes, the weenie from Torrini.
CHANDLER: Hey I didn't kill your fish. Look Eddie...[puts his hand on Eddie's shoulder] Would you look at what I'm doin' here. That can't be smart. So we're just gonna take this guy right off ya and put him here in Mr. Pocket. Tangellon? [picks up the fruit an tosses it to Eddie, it hits Eddie in the chest and falls]
RICHARD: That's it? That's the giant number you were afraid to tell me?
RICHARD: Now I do. [they kiss and fall to the bed]
ROSS: Oh, hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea, why don't you invite Paulo over and have a little romp in the sack and I'll just stand in the corner and tell knock-knock jokes.
RACHEL: But, what you and I have is so much better. Ok, we have tenderness, we have intimacy, we connect. Ya know, I swear, this is the best I have ever had.
ROSS: Until now. [jumps on Rachel on the bed]
[later in the bathroom Monica is looking in the drawer, Rachel runs up]
RACHEL: Oh they're in the top drawer. Hurry.
[they pull out the box of condoms but there's only one left]
MONICA: Hi. Uh, we'll be right there, we're just trying to decide something. [shuts the bathroom door]
ROSS: [comes out of the bedroom] Rachel. [growls then sees Richard standing there] Hey.
RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok, I will, I will, I, hey, I will clean the apartment for two months.
MONICA: Alright, I tell you what, I'll give this to you now if you can tell me where we keep the dustpan.
ROSS: No, no way. You've got it totally the other way around my friend. John Voit was...
RICHARD: Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand...
CHANDLER: So, when I woke up this morning, he'd stolen all the insoles out of my shoes.
CHANDLER: Because sometimes, Phoebe after you sleep with someone, you have to kill the fish.
RACHEL: Chandler honey, I'm sorry. Ok, can we watch Joey's show now please? [they turn on the TV]
RACHEL: So, he's on the show, he knows what happens.
CHANDLER: Oh, I'm fine about my problem now, by the way.
DR HORTON: Hard day huh? First the medical award, this.
DR. REMORE: Well then, uh, I uhh, guess that's me. Anyone else need to go on the elevator? Dr. Horton, Dr. Wong?
ROSS: No. [sound of Dr. Remore's body hitting the bottom of the shaft] Now maybe.
[Joey opens the door]
MONICA: Sorry Joey [runs to the bathroom]
JOEY: Naa, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could have saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony or somethin.
JOEY: Phoebe, this was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
JOEY: No, I don't. It's like, ya know, you work your whole life for somethin' and you think that when you get it it's never gonna be as good as you thought it would be. But this so was. Ya know, it changed everything. Like the other day, I got this credit card application, and I was pre- approved. Huh? I've never been pre-approved for anything in my life.
CHANDLER: [throws it across the room while Eddie's not looking] Listen Eddie, um, I've been thinking about our current living situation and uh, why are you smiling?
CHANDLER: [looks in the fish bowl to see a fish cracker] Well that's not an, even a real fish. No, that's a goldfish cracker.
[Ross comes out of Rachel's bedroom in her bathrobe and heads for the bathroom. On his way back, Richard comes out of Monica's bedroom in her bathrobe.]
Gary: Okay, I'll see you at the station later.
Bonnie: So, anyone up for a midnight dip in the ocean?
Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!
[Sequence 2: Monica runs upfield and stops, waiting for a pass. Ross runs over and pulls her pants down, steps in front of her and intercepts the pass.]
Phoebe: Uh-huh! Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door?
CHANDLER: I can't believe the guys missed this.
Joey: Im gonna miss you, youre the hottest roommate I ever had.
Rachel: Okay. (Grabs the blender and starts to drink.)
Rachel: (grabbing the star) What the hell is that?
Chandler: Trust me, you dont want him there either. Okay? Nobody is gonna be staring at the bride when the father of the groom is wearing a back-less dress.
Cynthia: Oh, candles! (Notices something.) What is that? A blanket? A video camera? Oh my God! (As she storms out, Rachel returns and overhears the conversation.)
Chandler: I got a good one, I got a good one! I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy.
Ross: Green. To the green.
Chandler: No-no-no-no! That was the joke!
Joey: What the?! (Joey pounds the table and starts yelling at Rachel, and which is drowned out by applause. Rachel is desperately trying to tell Joey that hes on TV right now. He finally notices and he does his gracious loser face.)
[Cut to outside the window, with Ross reacting with disbelief. The shot pans back until we see Marcel sitting on the window ledge.]
Monica: You bought the beach house when I was 23!
Chandler: (swallowing hard) It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very happy were gonna have all the sex.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Chandler is asleep in his chair holding a paper in one hand and a pen in the other. Joey walks in, waking up Chandler who covers by pretending to write on the paper.]
(Basically Chandlers face looks like hes not all there and is staring off into the distance )
Joey: I know, but Im a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me.
Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, its a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why cant we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joeys sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.
Monica: Oh my God, oh my God. (on intercom) Call me on the phone!
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross is getting coffee at the counter. Chandler walks in.]
Joey: Hey-hey dancer girl! Can I go to the bathroom? I just.. (The girl starts dancing really close to him, so he picks her up, twirls her round, and puts her against a platform) Here we go. (He walks away to find Monica and Ross doing a really out of place dance) Looking good Gellers!
Phoebe: Oh no! No-no! I understand the pain! Dont-dont hurt the puppy.
Charlton Heston: Who in the hell are you?
Rachel: Alright, come on... (starts to knock on the door) Alright, you guys. We're so sorry we're late. Please let us in, so we can have dinner together.
Rachel: (bursts into the room) Joey! Joey!
Phoebe: (to the director) Merci. Au revoir. (Translation: Thanks, goodbye.)
Chandler: OK, alright, last minute lesson, last minute lesson. (holds up two cards) Joey... three... eight. Eight... three. (Joey is unamused) Alright babe, deal the cards.
Mr. Geller: And we kinda figured about the porch swing.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in one of the black chairs, and turns to face the other one.]
Monica: And the musicians, look, they can go over here (Points to a little alcove), okay? And the chairs can face this way (Points), and (Points to Ross) You go.
Chandler: I dont even know the man. Okay? Were not the close. I havent seen him in years.
Rachel: Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think Ive ever heard.
Monica: Yeah-yeah, yknow what? Yeah, thats it-thats it, everything will be mine! Nothing will be yours! Thats-thats what I said! Oh come on, Chandler! Im talking about the barca lounger! It just, it doesnt match! Where is it gonna go?!
Monica: (coming) Are you still crying about your damn baby? Pheebs, you gotta keep the line moving, remember, 20 seconds per person. Your see these clowns all the time! (she takes off)
(Phoebe goes to leave the room, but the door is locked.)
Mrs. Geller: (to Ross on the stairs) I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Joey: Ahh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma?
Rachel: Okay, wow, wow, wow. Watch the tongue people, we've got a baby over here.
Monica: Yeah, yknow, but something like salmon which would be so much more elegant than the chicken. And, you wouldnt have to worry about the salmonella. (Ross pushes her.) So, I cant wait to see this place youre getting married!
Ross: Oh, no! The MET! The Metropolitan Museum of Art.
[The next flashback is from The One With Rachel's Crush.]
Chandler: Yeah, she couldn't live without the Chan Love. (They start kissing.)
Ross: Dude, it's just "Days of Our Lives"... there's no the.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. The others are still there.]
Phoebe: Hi, Ben. I'm your father. I am... the head. Aaaaaahhhh.... (puts picture down, sees Ross staring at her) Alright, this barbecue is gonna be very fun.
Phoebe: For 99 cents, I'd eat you. (Sees the casino) Okay, I can totally settle down here. It's got everything I could ever want, including Joey! Look! (Points to Joey in his gladiator suit posing for a picture with two old ladies.) Oh! Look! Hi!
Monica: I'm telling you, she went to the airport, and she's gonna go for it with Ross!
Rachel: Ross, I'm telling you, she's giving up getting her eyebrows (points at her own to emphasize the word) shaped to do this alright? Do you understand how important that is in our world?
Joey: Arg... Alright, I'll take care of it. <throws hands out in the air>
RACHEL: What, so you go over there, you tell him you think he's cute, what's the worst that could happen?
Rachel: Yes! Id love to! Have her come by the office.
Ross: and the miracle was that that little bit of oil that shouldve just lasted just one day, burned for
[Scene: The Table Store, Joey and Chandler and looking for their new table.]
Phoebe: Hey! It's raining. I don't want to fly in the rain. So
Joey: Of course it's true! How else would you explain all the weird stuff that's been going on?
Rachel: Ross, what's the matter?
The Dry Cleaner: He went out with my wife!
Supervisor: Im the supply manager.
[Scene: The subway, Joey spots a gorgeous woman waiting. He goes up to her.]
The Casting Director: Well, the director thinks youre really right for the part and wants to meet you tomorrow.
Ross: (noticing a beautiful woman moving in down the street) Well hello! Shes cute! Should we uh, go try to talk to her?
Phoebe: No, no, Im fine, and yknow why? Cause of all the riboflavin.
The Waitress: She says its to dry now and she wants to come back here and explain to you exactly how she wants it.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Phoebe: If she says no, can I have the ring?
(Janice returns from the bathroom.)
[Cut to a close-up of Rachel, eagerly awaiting Ross's arrival... not knowing he is getting off the plane with another woman.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler is sitting on the couch watching TV as Monica comes out of the bathroom.]
(Chandler picks up the chick and drops it in the water.)
PHOEBE: Oh. Mine does. (singing) Stephanie knows all the chords. (makes a face)
Monica: Just uh, do the right thing. (Uses some breath spray)
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business! (Rachel turns to Monica, clasping the receiver to her bosom so Dr.Green can't hear, while mouthing "You are...") ...dead!
Joey: When have I ever done that?! (And does the sound again.)
[Scene: The Department Store, Joey and the Hombre man are facing off in Joey's section.]
LIPSON: Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The macaws wear hats. Well it's a lot cuter if your monkey hasn't just died.
Rachel: (running into the living room) Thank you, thank you, thank you, Pheebs.
Chandler: (excitedly) Are you telling me that you bought the chair that is making all other lounge systems obsolete? The chair that Sit magazine called the Chair of the Year?
(they sit down and Roy plays "You Make Me Feel" by Sylvester on his boom box, and starts... With his back towards the girls, he starts waving his hands, then backs towards the girls slapping his butt, then swings it around, and makes thrusting pelvic movements in front of Phoebe. He dances around the tables in between all the girls, and gets back into the kitchen part of the room. He then tears off one of his sleeves and throws it towards Monica and Rachel, who fight over who gets it. He then tears off his other sleeve and moves it back and forth between his legs, getting closer to Phoebe.)
Joey: Oh-oh! (Shows him whats on the back, "Best Man Joey Tribbiani, with a huge picture of him.)
(Ross, urged on by his team-mates, jumps on top of the scrum and falls headfirst into the middle, leaving his feet sticking straight up.)
[Time lapse. The gang is around the table, eating grilled cheese sandwiches.]
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait. Youre telling me this actress person is the only woman you ever wanted who didnt want you back?!
Doug: Oh yeah-yeah-yeah, yknow I did it and I felt a hell of a lot better and if you whip it just right you might hit a seagull in the head.
Chandler: I'm just hanging out. Y'know, having fun. Y'know with the girl that I'm seeing casually.
Phoebe: (to Rachel) What's the matter? Why so scrunchy?
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!
Monica: (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?
(The lights dim.)
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse. Phoebe is now looking at the covers of two different books.]
Ross: Okay, okay, we were on the ride along with Gary, right?
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. David is still there. Mike closes the door.]
(They all decay into massive bickering as Phoebe returns from the bathroom.)
Ross: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, but then the coffee table won't be centered in the seating area.
Ross: (looking at the table) Excuse me ladies. (To Phoebe) Im sorry?