words in movies
DR. REMORE: I'm sorry Amber. It's just like Brad to have to have the last word.
MONICA: We, we just wanna see the end.
[Everyone gasps. The show ends.]
JOEY: Well, I get the medical award for separating the siamese twins. Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramone. And that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big but it's cursed.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is at the foosball table trying to get Phoebe to play a game with him.]
PHOEBE: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ahh, hello, human-rights violation.
CHANDLER: Ya know Phoebs, don't feel so bad for 'em. After they're done playing, I break out the little plastic women and everybody has a pretty good time.
PHOEBE: Uh oh, ooh, are we not getting along with the new boy?
PHOEBE: Maybe that's because you haven't taken the time to get to know him. Let's remedy that, shall we?
PHOEBE: Hi, um, I just thought that it would be fun if the three of us had some beers and got to know each other.
CHANDLER: What're you kidding? I broke up with her. She actually thought that Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia.
EDDIE: That's good man, when everybody knows that the uh, the capital of Cambodia is uh...
EDDIE: Not Sean Penn. Alright, I, I've got a funny one, alright. My last girlfriend Tilly. Ok, we're eating breakfast, right, and I made all these pancakes, there was like 50 pancakes right. And all of the sudden she turns to me, alright, and she says, 'Eddie.' I say, 'yeah,' she says, 'Eddie, I don't want to see you anymore.' And it was literally like she had reached into my chest, ripped out my heart, and smeared it all over my life, ya know. And now there's like this incredible abyss, ya know, and I'm falling and I keep falling and I don't think I'm ever gonna stop. [finishes laughing] That uh, wasn't such a funny story, was it?
PHOEBE: And a crusty old man said I'll do what I can and the rest of the rats played moroccas. That's it, thanks, good night.
RICHARD: Um, we should go too, I got patients at 8 in the moring.
PHOEBE: Oh, this is so nice. Alright I have to make a speech. I just wanna say that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the best.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is there. There's a knock at the door. He answers it to see a young woman holding a fishtank.]
PHOEBE: Ok, ok, ok. Ooh, hey 'new doc on the block, Days of Our Lives' Joey Tribbiani.' Ooh, cool picture.
JOEY: Uh, well, kinda yeah. Like, remember last week when Alex was in the accident? Well the line in the script was, 'If we don't get this woman to a hospital, she's going to die.' But I made it, ' If this woman doesn't get to a hospital, she's not gonna live.'
PHOEBE: Ohh, ok, I see what you did there. Aren't you afraid though, that the writers are gonna be kinda mad when they read this?
JOEY: Huh? Never really thought about the writers. The scripts just kinda come to my house. But you know what? This makes me look good, which makes the show look good, which makes the writers look good so how could they be mad about that?
[Scene: At a writer's desk. The writer is working on a script for Days of Our Lives.]
[Scene: Joey's apartment. The next script is being delivered.]
JOEY: I fall down an elevator shaft? What the hell does this mean, I fall down an elevator shaft?
DELIVERY GUY: Uhh, I don't know, I just bring the scripts.
DELIVERY GUY: I don't think that's gonna affect the plot of the show.
MONICA: Two it is. Ok, time for bed, I'm gonna go brush my teeth. [goes in the bathroom]
RICHARD: Woah, woah, no wait a minute now. C'mon it's your turn. Oh c'mon. Ya know, I don't need the actual number, just a ballpark.
ROSS: Oh yes, the weenie from Torrini.
CHANDLER: Hey I didn't kill your fish. Look Eddie...[puts his hand on Eddie's shoulder] Would you look at what I'm doin' here. That can't be smart. So we're just gonna take this guy right off ya and put him here in Mr. Pocket. Tangellon? [picks up the fruit an tosses it to Eddie, it hits Eddie in the chest and falls]
RICHARD: That's it? That's the giant number you were afraid to tell me?
RICHARD: Now I do. [they kiss and fall to the bed]
ROSS: Oh, hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea, why don't you invite Paulo over and have a little romp in the sack and I'll just stand in the corner and tell knock-knock jokes.
RACHEL: But, what you and I have is so much better. Ok, we have tenderness, we have intimacy, we connect. Ya know, I swear, this is the best I have ever had.
ROSS: Until now. [jumps on Rachel on the bed]
[later in the bathroom Monica is looking in the drawer, Rachel runs up]
RACHEL: Oh they're in the top drawer. Hurry.
[they pull out the box of condoms but there's only one left]
MONICA: Hi. Uh, we'll be right there, we're just trying to decide something. [shuts the bathroom door]
ROSS: [comes out of the bedroom] Rachel. [growls then sees Richard standing there] Hey.
RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok, I will, I will, I, hey, I will clean the apartment for two months.
MONICA: Alright, I tell you what, I'll give this to you now if you can tell me where we keep the dustpan.
ROSS: No, no way. You've got it totally the other way around my friend. John Voit was...
RICHARD: Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand...
CHANDLER: So, when I woke up this morning, he'd stolen all the insoles out of my shoes.
CHANDLER: Because sometimes, Phoebe after you sleep with someone, you have to kill the fish.
RACHEL: Chandler honey, I'm sorry. Ok, can we watch Joey's show now please? [they turn on the TV]
RACHEL: So, he's on the show, he knows what happens.
CHANDLER: Oh, I'm fine about my problem now, by the way.
DR HORTON: Hard day huh? First the medical award, this.
DR. REMORE: Well then, uh, I uhh, guess that's me. Anyone else need to go on the elevator? Dr. Horton, Dr. Wong?
ROSS: No. [sound of Dr. Remore's body hitting the bottom of the shaft] Now maybe.
[Joey opens the door]
MONICA: Sorry Joey [runs to the bathroom]
JOEY: Naa, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could have saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony or somethin.
JOEY: Phoebe, this was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
JOEY: No, I don't. It's like, ya know, you work your whole life for somethin' and you think that when you get it it's never gonna be as good as you thought it would be. But this so was. Ya know, it changed everything. Like the other day, I got this credit card application, and I was pre- approved. Huh? I've never been pre-approved for anything in my life.
CHANDLER: [throws it across the room while Eddie's not looking] Listen Eddie, um, I've been thinking about our current living situation and uh, why are you smiling?
CHANDLER: [looks in the fish bowl to see a fish cracker] Well that's not an, even a real fish. No, that's a goldfish cracker.
[Ross comes out of Rachel's bedroom in her bathrobe and heads for the bathroom. On his way back, Richard comes out of Monica's bedroom in her bathrobe.]
Rachel: No, it wasn't. It was actually the
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang minus Rachel and Ross are talking to Pete.]
Joey: (To the pledge volunteers) How ya doin'? Welcome. Good to see ya!
Phoebe: It's, yes, my little black book. It's got the numbers of all the guys I've dated.
Rachel: Joey, is what she just said ummOh my God. (Looks around the room.) You were actually gonna (Chandler picks this moment to return to the living room.) (Rachel stares in shock.)
Phoebe: Great. (Goes to take the test.)
[Scene: Silvercup studios, Joey is taking a shower in Charlton Hestons dressing room. Heston enters the room, Joey panics, and walks over to the shower and confronts Joey about the use of his shower.]
Phoebe: I need to change my name, please. See, I need to change it because I'm-I'm hiding from the law. (the clerk shows no change in expression whatsoever) You're fun.
Rachel: (noticing a bunch of pictures around the door that werent there originally.) What-what are-what are these?
Chandler: Oh. (takes the cassette and puts it on his arm like the stop smoking patch, and it falls off.) Nope, that patch is no good. (Joey and Monica both do their fake laughs.)
Joey: Jan-ice. 'Cause I, just, I feel bad for Ross, you know, we-we always go together, we're like the three hocke-teers.
Ross: Thank you, thanks. (Sits down next to the girls) Yeah, I lost it. Yknow, Im not gonna play anymore, (to Phoebe) would you, can you finish my set?
Chandler: Yes, I know, as it happens my room is very very close to the parade route.
Joanna: Congratulations! You now just crossed the line into completely useless. Get out. (Sophie starts to cry and leaves)
Chandler: If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?
[Cut to the living room.]
Joey: Who cares?! I-Ill make payments, whatever it takes, I want the Mr. Bowmont!!
Commercial: (in the background their singing Smelly Cat) Problem odour in the litter box? Dont change your kitty, change your kitty litter.
Rachel: (going out the door) Yeah, uh you-you probably need that for stamps, right?
Joey: Oh... yeah... Probably you don't even remember my name. It's Joey, by the way. And don't bother telling me yours, because I totally remember it... lady. Yeah! I waited weeks for you to call me.
Phoebe: Oh, the Olympics.
Ross: But we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig.
Rachel: All right, look you guys... Look, we appreciate all the advice, but this is between Joey and me and I think we can handle it...
Monica: Okay ah, please dont freak out. Umm, but ah, theres a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and theres no way to know which one.
Chandler: Thank you for writing your book. Its-its uh, great book and you are the queen of everything.
Monica: (reading the sign) Whats pleh?
Ross: Great! Im across the street having sex with her right now. Your story sucks!
Tag: (interrupting) Uh Mr. Zelner, Im the one who filled in that evaluation.
[In the hall.]
Monica: When two people finally realise their feelings for each other, and-and they talk for hours, and they-they learn all about the other person!
Monica: Yep! You got the tickets?
The Teacher: Are you one of Bens mothers?
Monica: I get the dollhouse!
Phoebe: Yeah, this is the guy I was telling you about.
Director: (To Cameraman) Make sure you get this, theyre gonna want it for the bloopers show. (To everyone) Alright cut! Listen up everyone, when we start again its gonna be the countdown to new years, so I wanna see everybodys excitement.
Joey: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire!
(Mike's face changes from happy to sad, and he looks at the cake, disappointed.)
Chandler: Im only going to pretend Im moving to Yemen, its the only way I can get rid off her.
Rachel: Okay, I need a, I need a drink! (Makes a beeline for the mini-bar.)
(He brought home Chandler for Thanksgiving. Chandler is sporting the very popular Flock of Seagulls haircut. Yeah, it's another you have to see it to believe it kinda thing.)
Joey: Come in. Thanks for comin back, umm, okay there have been a lot of people interested in the room, but I have narrowed it down and you are one of the finalists!
Ross: Hey, when the snippy guy sees the routine, hell wanna build us our own platform!
Paul: (entering) Here you go honey! (Rachel kicks Ross back under the couch.)
[cut to another clip, this one is from The One With The Prom Video]
Rachel: Yeah, it's in there. (Points to the bathroom.)
Phoebe: Yes! You know, in six months the Statute of Limitations runs out and I can travel internationally again!
Chandler: Thanks for trying. (grabs the ticket and starts to leave) Oh, and by the way there is no Count Rushmore!
Ross: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! (After Joey walks past, Ross throws the ball down in pain.) Ahh! (Chandler shows him the burn spots on his oven mitts.)
JOEY: "Heckles, you crack me up in science class. You're the funniest kid in school.
Ross: (seeing the thumbs up) Ahhhh!! (Hugs Rachel tighter.)
[cut to Rachel and Monica at the counter.]
Ross: Oh-oh, wait, my mother is gonna be here any minute. And she has the keys.
Rachel: Well said. And a uh good example of the fun I was referring to uhh, but I just think Im past the point where I think I can yknow, just have fun.
Monica: (to the clerk) Ooh, an ink stain! Hey, can I watch how you get this out?
Ross: I got tenure. I didn't win the lottery... Hey Rach, so uh... how did your thing go?
MONICA: Ok, everybody, there's food and drinks on the table. Go across the hall.
(Phoebe snaps the ball to Monica, who pitches back to Rachel.)
(They start singing, and Phoebe covers her mouth at the American part.)
Ross: Wait a minute! No! Im the nice one! Im the one who danced with the kids all night! How How small are your feet?! (They all look down.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters and walks quickly over to the window to watch Rosss apartment. We see that Rosss apartment is empty.]
Joey: (looking a little agitated now) Looks like someone IS the ladies!!
Monica: Honey, sweetie, by the edges.
Ben: (on the bike) Im ready!
Phoebe: (to Rachel) Ok, I just wanna be really sure this time. Andie McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings and a Funeral, right?
CHANDLER: What's in the bag?
Joey: Whoa! Hey! Whoa!! Hold up! Are you serious?! So like 3% of the time they dont even work?! Huh? They should put that on the box!
(Ross and Rachel trade looks while watching the tape.)
Phoebe: That's odd, 'cause this dog's been living here for the past 3 days
Chandler: (pretending not to sense the tone) Oooh! I hope you're happy too, honey!
Joey: What's the matter Ross?
Ross: Oh the bands ready! And wellI-Iwe gotta do what the band says, right? I dont care about the stinkin band!!
The Salesman: You dont have, anything?
Chandler: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen]
[Scene: Central Perk, The gangs all here. Monica is walking in.]
CHANDLER: Hey, come on, we got the gift, the concert, and the cake.
Monica: Come on! (The girls all run out and Joey holds up Chandler by smiling.)
Phoebe: Well, same thing we did all day, hang out at Gary's apartment. He is so amazing, we never left the bedroom. But have fun at the movie.
Joey: I like to see the previews. (Rachel looks at him.) The candy.
Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta. (Joey grimaces)
Joey: OK... my weirdest place would have to be... the women's room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library.
Monica: Oh! Did anybody see that-that documentary on the Korean War? (Joey is pissed)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading the newspaper.]
Wayne: I spent two years developing this machine, its absolutely state of the art.
(Rachel enters from the bathroom and sees the coat.)
Joey: Saw the Porsche out there Mon, lookin good. When do I get to take that baby out again?
Hums While He Pees: Hey uh, I dont mean to be presumptuous but I have these two tickets to the ballroom dancing finals tomorrow night if you want to go?
Phoebe Sr: All right, the man in the picture is Chuck Magioni.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is on the phone with a computer hotline.]
Joey: Me too! Me too! Me too! (Yeah, he does the same thing.)
Monica: What-what's the matter? Is there, is there something on my dress? (She turns around making sure he gets a good look.)
Phoebe: Oh, Im sorry. I didnt hear you over all the winning.
Rachel: Really?! The Plaza?!! Oh daddy!! (Hugs him and Phoebe glares at her.) Right. Daddy, I need to talk to you. Please, sit down.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting a phone number from a woman (Casey) as Chandler watches from the doorway.]
Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
Monica: Whats the charity?
Joey: (looking at the timer) Thirty seconds left on the timer!
(Monica pats Joey on the shoulder.)
Ross: You get the dollhouse.