words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is on the phone.]
RACHEL: Mom, would you relax. That was 10 blocks from here and, the, the woman was walking alone at night, I would never do that. Mom, c'mon, stop worrying. This is a safe street, this is a safe building, there's nothing [a pigeon flies in the window and lands on the table] OH MY GOOOD, oh my God, oh I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. [hangs up] OK, that's fine, you just read the paper, I'm gonna get a pot, it's not for you. [grabs a pot and lid] OK, that's fine, read the Family Circus, enjoy the gentle comedy. [puts pot over the pigeon] Aaahh, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, aaaaahh. [knock at the door] It's open you guys.
RACHEL: What? [in surprise she forgets she has the pigeon in the pot and lets it get away]
OPENING TITLES [Scene: Monica and Rachels apartment. The whole gang is there.]
MONICA: Of course I wouldn't approve, I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?
PHOEBE: Oh, I don't know. Umm, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace.
MONICA: Oh it's not big, not at all, you know, kinda the same lines as, say, oh I don't know, having a third nipple.
ALL: Yeah, show it. Show it. The nubbin, the nubbin, the nubbin.
JOEY: Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sex on it.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, and Julie are sitting on the couch.]
CHANDLER: Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.
JULIE: You know, in some cultures having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility. You get the best huts and women dance naked around you.
CHANDLER: Huh? Are, uh, any of these cultures, per chance, in the tri-state area?
RACHEL: [to Monica at the counter] Ooh, Julie's so smart, Julie's so special.
PHOEBE: Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan, he's skating tonight at the Garden, he's in the Capades.
JOEY: The Ice Capades?
CHANDLER: No, no the gravel capades. Yeah, the turns aren't as fast but when Snoopy falls. . . funny.
PHOEBE: OK, no. For your information I'm going to see him so I can put all those feeling behind me. OK, and the reason I'm dressed like this is because I think it's nice to look nice for your gay husband.
ROSS: [holding cream pitcher] Oh, darnit, we're all out of milk. [holds pitcher in front of Chandler's chest and flips the lid] Hey Chandler, would you fill me up here?
CHANDLER: Oh I see, I see, because of the third nipple thing. Ha ha ha ha. . .
[Rachel is still cleaning, Ross is laying on the couch. Ross kicks Rachel in the butt.]
ROSS: OK, what's the longest you've been in the relationship before ha, have, having the sex?
RACHEL: No, no no no, don't need to know the details.
PHOEBE: Um, the matador. [Duncan leaves] Ole, ha ha ha.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross and Julie are setting the table.]
RACHEL: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the uh, waiting thing?
JOEY: I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people. [Chandler puts the tape in]
RACHEL: Well, well um, you know, these movies are offensive and uh, degrading to women and females. And uh, and the lighting's always unflattering. And, Monica help me out here.
[video starts with the cheesy porn disco music]
CHANDLER: OK, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
MONICA: All I say is, she better get the job.
ROSS: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.
JOEY: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do. . . so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, [Joey from TV] you know that's bad fo r the paper tray.
JOEY: Thank you. Wait wait wait wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blockin' me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am. . .
PHOEBE: Oh. Well is she, is she the first that you've been with?
DUNCAN: Well, I've never told you this but, there were one or two times, back in college, when I'd get really drunk, go to a straight bar and wake up with a woman next to me. But I, I, I told myself it was the liquor and e-everyone experiments in college.
RACHEL: So. I mean, who here does not have the time to get to know Julie?
CHANDLER: I got the time to get to know Julie.
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, Duncan's dressing room. Phoebe is signing the divorce papers.]
PHOEBE: [handing him the papers] Here you go. You know what, I just have one more question, um, if you had figured this out sooner and um, I had been around, do you think that I would have been the one who. . . no, um, I'm sorry, don't tell me, I don't th ink either answer would make me feel better.
[Outside in the hallway, Chandler, Joey, and Monica exit]
RACHEL: Nothing, I mean, um, it is your first time with her and, you know if the first time doesn't go well, well then that's, that's pretty darn hard to recover from.
RACHEL: Maybe it, maybe it doesn't have to be this tough. I mean, maybe you were on the right track with this whole, you know, spontaneous thing. I mean, women really like that.
RACHEL: Yeah, I mean, you know it, I mean, if it were me I, I, you know, I'd want you to, I don't know, like catch me off guard, you know, with like a really good kiss, you know really, sort of um, soft at first, then maybe um brush the hair away from my face, and look far into my eyes in a way that let's me know that something amazing is about to happen.
[Scene: The next morning on the street. Ross is dancing along, Singing in the Rain is playing. Two old ladies are sitting on a bench.]
Rachel: I think he's across the hall.
[Scene: A doctors office, Rachel is on an examining table with her legs in the stirrups.]
Helen: (Over the intercom) So you still want me to send her psychological profile to Personnel?
Chandler: (interrupting) All right, hold on! If you win, we give up the birds.
(The intercom buzzes.)
Joey and Monica: (jumping up from behind the couch) Merry Christmas!!
Phoebe: Okay, okay, okay, the black. But, oh, do you have black, with the little strappys?
(She rolls the dice, but one bounces out of the table.)
Monica: When I fall asleep on the couch after reading, she covers me over with a blanket.
Monica: Yeah. (to Chandler) I bet you cant guess what color my tonsils are? Ill bet the apartment!
The Waiter: Because we can remember them.
Joey: (reading) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I can not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and " And then I cant think of a good word for right here. (He points to the stop on the paper where he left off.)
Joey: Hit me! (He does so.) Ohh man! (Joey busts and loses all the money, but when the dealer starts to collect the cards Joey notices something.) Wait! (He holds his hand next to the dealer's hand.)
Monica: Yeah, she's here. Hold on a second. (She hands the phone to Phoebe.)
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, David has a cab waiting to take him to the airport and hes saying goodbye to Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Fine! Fine! (slams the phone down, breaking it) Oh-oh!
Ross: Yknow what? I-Im not even gonna talk about this. Okay? This little thing is over. I know you have a girlfriend! Okay(Ned looks shocked)Yeah! And I know about the other professors! How do you think that makes me feel Ned?! You used me! You dont love me and you never did! (Ross turns around to make a grand exit but runs into two colleagues.) Ah Professor Winston, Professor Fredrickson, Ill be right with you. (To Ned) Dont make this worse and Ill give you a C. (To the professors) Shall we? (They leave.)
Ross: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didnt even watch it! Anyway, here. (He takes the tape out of his coat pocket.) I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. (Tosses her the tape.)
Rachel: (running from the guy's apartment with Joey in tow) Hey, what's-what's going on?!
(Chandler, Ross, and Phoebe all stop dead in their tracks at the news.)
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. There's no-one else in the world I would ask to marry me... three times. But I wanna take care of you, have babies with you, and grow old with you... Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Joey: (climbing out of the hole) What?! What?!! What is it?!
Rachel: Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met the nice people. Not to shabby for Rachel. (Goes and puts her luggage away.)
(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)
(The player stands up and smiles. Showing that he has no front teeth.)
Phoebe: Thats all right, Ill work here. This is goo, next to this plant. (She picks a place in the lobby next to a plant.)
Chandler: I wanna quit the gym.
Monica: So I did tell you. Okay, y'know, that really isnt the thing. Umm, the thing is that, right now Im just in a place in my life where I need to focus on me. Y'know what I mean?
Joey: Yeah, so no one touches the remote. And no one touches the TV!
Joey: Listen uh, Im really sorry, it looks like Im gonna be stuck here for a while. I got the transmission fluid, but when I went to put it in the car, the transmission wasnt there!
Monica: (entering from her room) Phoebe! (Motions for the earrings. Phoebe gives her the one-minute sign.)
(Phoebe gets up, holds the picture of Ross up to her face.)
Joey: Question. Was ah, Egg the Gellers! the war cry of your neighbourhood?
Ross: They gave him a lot of medication, ok? He wouldn't even know if you were there. Look, we'll go see him first thing in the morning, ok?
The Doctor: Thats it.
Phoebe: Oh I know, Ive been there. I remember toward the end
Phoebe: But, I mean, do you think hes gonna enjoy it when hes up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, (she walks behind them again, and hey again turn to follow her) and it-its not fair to the babies, and y'know what, its not good home economics.
Ross: (to Joey) Good morning. Nice breasts by the way.
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. Ill cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the next morning. Joey is getting the door in his dressing gownit's Ross.]
Chandler: Hey honey, you got the kind with the little girl, you said we were gonna to get the kind with the baby.
Chandler: You kidding? Youre the most beautiful woman in most rooms (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whats going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
(He then stops turning, facing one of the nozzles, which starts spraying in this face and front again.)
[Flashback to the gang in Central Perk in The One Where Nana Dies Twice, theyre all going through an old photo album.]
Joey: I just wanna say that I'm sorry I referred to the vein as a seperate person...
Ross: (opening the door to see Mona standing there) Mona? What arehi! What are you doing here? Im, um, supposed to pick you up!
Ross: Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party!
Chandler: Wow! Just like in the pros.
Monica: So, we did okay at the strip club, right?
Ross: (Answers the phone.) Hello?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is sitting in the living room as Monica enters.]
Monica: Why would I say anything? That two of our best friends could start the greatest love affair of their lives! And they would have me to thank, and we could all start having babies?
Ross: Yknow what? I think I can take care of myself, Ill talk to you later. Good-bye. (Hangs up the phone and turns to find Jill sitting really close to him.) Whoa! Uh, that was your sister actually. She-she thinks that youre just using me.
Chandler: (To Joey) We didnt get to the audition. Im gonna take her to coffee and then well do it then.
The Doctor: Doctors are wrong all the time.
Phoebe: (walking up) Whats up? (Rachel hands her the note and she reads it.) Tell Monica Im sorry. (Pause) Tell her yourself!
The Saleswoman: You're telling me this couch was delivered to you like this?!
Joey: All right, Jester man, look we wanna see the king.
[Scene: Airport. Madonna's Take A Bow plays in the background as Rachel waits at the gate with flowers.]
Conan: And then it just builds on itself and theres no doing the scene after. I mean you probably wait and really get it together and do it.
Rachel: (interrupting him) No-no-no-no-no Ross! Please, come on we do not have any of the big stuff we need! We do not a changing table! We do not have a crib! We do not have a diaper service!
Monica: All right, lets be practical, if Ross isnt willing to do it, hes not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow ChandlerChandler is good!
Joanna: With them, under them, whats the difference? Eh, Rach?
Monica: Yeah, good for you. Y'know you're tough, you lived on the streets.
Emily: So why did you plan a party at the same time?
Joey: (entering the hall) Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?! I wanna sit in my chair!
The Interviewer: All right then, well have a definite answer for you on Monday, but I think I can say with some confidence, youll fit in well here.
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Joey: You got it. Come here. (They hug and are observed by the hooker.)
Rachel: (crying) Do you guys have to go to the new house right away, or do you have some time?
Mr. Waltham: In a moment, please, Im in the middle of a task. And you have a customer.
(Joey closes the door behind her.)
Joey: Aww, man. Thats the girl I was hiding from. When she finds out hes my roommate, shes gonna tell him what I did.
Monica: Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.
Director: I dont see it. (To Janine) You are dancing with the tall guy over there. Tall guy, raise your hand! (He does. Janine goes over to him.)
Woman: Well you can have the suite if you want. We dont care about where we stay. Were here to celebrate our love together. We dont have to get free stuff. We just want to be together.
Monica: Ok, let's see... uhm, okay, the turkey is in the oven, the stuffing is ready...
Rachel: (holding the phone out to Chandler) Chandler? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you.
Rachel: What am I making him by the way?
Phoebe: Oh, did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are sitting at the kitchen table.]
Ross: Uh, no... no. I couldn't find him. I'm just gonna talk to him on the plane.
Ross: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.
Rachel: The beef? Yeah, that was weird to me, too. But then, yknow, I thought well, theres mincemeat pie, I mean thats an English dessert, these people just put very strange things in their food, yknow. [To Joey] Oh! by the way, can I borrow some Rum from your place?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are on the couch as Joey enters.]
Monica: Really? Cause I'd need like $500 for all the food and the supplies and stuff.
Gym Employee: Okay, Dave in the membership office, handles quitters. (Both Chandler and Ross start to make their way to the membership office.) Uh, excuse me, (to Ross) are you a member?
Joey: Relax. Here hold this (hands her his beer). This old stuff just comes right off. (he bends down to try and lift some tile right in the middle of the floor, in his tight pants.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's kitchen, Chandler has a jug of milk in his hands and decides to make some warm milk. He opens up the cabinet to get a pot and manages to knock several other pots onto the floor making a lot of noise.]
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Talk about crap. Try listening to Stella Niedman tell the story of her and Rod Steiger for the hundredth time.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
The Bass Barber: It's nice to have a boyfriend.
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom wearing a big, pink bunny costume) Monica! Can I talk to you for a second? Listen, I appreciate you getting me the costume
EDDIE: Oh yeah, that's right, look I got us a new goldfish. He's a lot fiestier that the last one.
JOEY: You know what the. . . [sees Chandler on his knees, holding the couch cushions]
Ross: Yeah, well you never have the time. I mean, I dont feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore, Rachel.
Joey: There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, alright?
Woman: Great! (Calls down the hall) Dad! (Her old father walks in.) Thank you so much, Ill be back to pick him up in an hour. (She walks away.)
Chandler: Hey, what time is it? The big game is about to start!
Rachel: Okay, well you are just gonna have too, okay. Because I already got a Mother and a Father who cannot stay in the same room together, okay, I dont wanna have to have a separate room for you too!! (starts to cry)