words in movies
Ross: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things, and then not even care.
Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night, Sat-ur-day night!
Chandler: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's the horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note.
Phoebe: (to Rachel) What's the matter? Why so scrunchy?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, I got the extended disco version, with three choruses of "You'll never make it on your own".
(Angela takes a seat at the counter.)
(Cut to Ross and Rachel, talking next to one of the tables.)
Ross: Yes, I do have a laundry room in my building, um, but there's a.... rat problem. Apparently they're attracted to the dryer sheets, and they're goin' in fine, but they're comin' out all.... fluffy. Anyway, say, sevenish?
(Cut back to Joey and Angela at the counter.)
Joey: Bob? Who the hell's Bob?
Joey: Come on, we were great together. And not just at the fun stuff, but like, talking too.
Joey: Fine, fine, so, why don't the four of us go out and have dinner together tonight? You know, as friends?
Monica: Forget it. Not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet.
Ross: It's laundry. The thinking through is minimal.
Chandler: It's just you and Rachel, just the two of you? This is a date. You're going on a date.
Chandler: Well, you may wanna rethink the dirty underwear. This is basically the first time she's gonna see your underwearyou want it to be dirty?
Chandler: Oh, and uh, the fabric softener?
Ross: Ok, ok, now what is wrong with my Snuggles? What, it says I'm a sensitive, warm kinda guy, you know, like a warm, fuzzy bear. Ok, I can pick something else up on the way.
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Janice: Oh, my god, I am so glad you called me. I had the most supremely awful day.
Janice: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, the one with the little vegetables. Anyway, they pretty much sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the day, and I went shopping...(looks through her bags)... and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you...
Janice: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I figured, you know, you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you can wear Rocky and Rocky,or, you can mix and match, moose and squirrel. Whatever you want.
(The drinks arrive, and Chandler downs his espresso in one gulp.)
Janice: (holding the full cup) No, no, I'm still working on mine.
(Chandler walks over to the counter where Phoebe is, and is asking her about the break-up.)
[Scene: The Launderama, Rachel is there, waiting for Ross. An old woman takes Rachel's clothes off the machine and begins loading it with her things.]
Ross: Hey, hey, hey, that's not the rule and you know it.
(The woman and Ross stare at each other. Finally she takes her stuff out of the machine and leaves.)
Ross: (to the crowd in the laundromat) All right, show's over. Nothing to see here. (to Rachel) Ok, let's do laundry.
Ross: Uh, well, don't worry, I'll use the gentle cycle. Ok, um, basically you wanna use one machine for all your whites, a whole nother machine for colors, and a third for your uh, your uh, delicates, and that would be your bras and your under-panty things.
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Monica, Joey, Angela, and Bob are seated at the table.]
Joey: I suddenly had the feeling that I was falling. But I'm not.
Joey: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss the most about her? That cute nibbly noise when she eats. Like a happy little squirrel, or a weasel.
[Scene: The ladies' bathroom at the restaurant, Monica and Angela are talking.]
Phoebe: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-aid. Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed.
[Scene: The laundromat.]
Ross: That does not sound stupid to me. You know, it's like the first time I had to make dinner for myself, after Carol left me? (the buzzer on the washer goes off) I'm sorry, that's all the time we have. Next on Ross...(opens up the washer) Uh-oh.
Ross: (not wanting to tell her) Uh-oh, uh-oh, the laundry's done. It's, uh, it's a song. The laundry song that we sing. (singing) Uh-oh the laundry's done, uh-oh, uh-oh.
Rachel: Ross, what's the matter?
Ross: Nothing, nothing. Lee-lo, the laundry's done.
Ross: Yeah, uh, except for the red sock, which is still red. I'm sorry, please don't be upset, it could happen to anyone.
(The woman who had tried to steal the washing machine walks by, and laughs.)
[Scene: The fancy restaurant, Angela has her hand in Bob's shirt, and Monica is very uncomfortable.]
Monica: Something went wrong with Underdog, and they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway, um, his head is like flopping down Broadway, right, and I'm just thinking... how inappropriate this is. Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Joey, could we check it in the light, please?
(Her and Joey walk away from the table.)
Monica: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like... cocktails in Appalachia.
Joey: Yeah. I'm thinking, if we put our heads together, between the two of us, we can break them up.
(Angela is eating chicken wings and making the weasel-like noise Joey had told Bob about.)
Chandler: Here's the thing, Janice. You know, I mean, it's like we're different. I'm like the bing, bing, bing. You're like the boom, boom, (Chandler flails his hand out and hits Janice in the eye)... boom.
Chandler: (to Phoebe) I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! This is the worst break-up in the history of the world.
(Janice returns from the bathroom.)
[Scene: The Launderama. Rachel is sorting her now-pink clothes.]
Ross: You got the clothes clean. Now that's the important part.
(The same woman walks over and takes Rachel's laundry cart.)
(Rachel looks at Ross, who motions to her to get the cart back.)
(They struggle for the cart. Finally, Rachel climbs inside of it.)
Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? (Ross turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door.) I'm fine, I'm fine.
Monica: We ripped that couple apart, and kept the pieces for ourselves.
Ross: What a beautiful story. Hey, I'm fine by the way.
(Chandler runs by the window outside, joyous.)
Joey: But no, it's not close. You said it was in escrow? I couldn't even find it on the map.
Phoebe: (handing Rachel the phone) Fine all right, but Id bet youd be singing another tune if we were fighting over a ratchet.
[Scene: Guest room. Rachel and Phoebe are sitting on the bed.]
(They do the lame cool guy handshake. They look at each other, and then they hug.)
Chandler: Great! Now, we can go to the Ranger game! (Pause) Last night!
[Rachel and Ross go out in the hall]
JANITOR: The zoo! Do you believe everything the zoo tells ya?
Joey: Wow! (Tearing up) Well, uh Hey! Im really happy for you guys! Congratulations! (Kisses Monica on the cheek) See you later. (Starts for the door on the verge of tears as Monica stops him.)
[Scene: Back in the restraunt. Rachel pours the last of the champange bottle in her glass.]
Ross: It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those people who miss out on that passion... thing, there's all that other good stuff.
Teacher: You by the door. In or out?
Monica: When we found out that we're gonna get this baby, Chandler and I started talking and we decided that we didn't want to raise a kid in the city.
Rachel: So, um, will you bring the truck?
CHANDLER: I'm going to the bathroom now. [leaves for the bathroom]
Monica: Anyway, were really excited about our wedding plans, and well I guess pretty soon well be making a big withdrawal from the Monica wedding fund. (Chandler and her laugh, but her parents dont.) What?
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]
Parker: Its a haven. A third-floor paradise. A modern-day Eden in the midst
Ross: No, no, no. Don't do that! I want you to look her in the eyes, and tell her the truth.
Monica: Do you wanna live outside?! Because its gettin cold! (To Phoebe) She gets tons of catalogs and umm, shell fold down the pages of the things she thinks that Id like.
Ross: Hey! Wha-hoo! What's this? (showing the bottle) Well it's a, it's a bottle of champagne. Why is this here?
Joey: Whoa, wait a minute. Whos the father?
Phoebe: (standing up) Okay, so umm, somebody has to call Frank and Alice. (As she is talking Joey is sticking the camera under her skirt.) And then my mom wants to know-(notices Joey)-Joey, what are you doing?!
Joey: Ah, look who’s back! (he sees the bags) Why do you have bags? RACH, WHY DOES SHE HAVE BAGS?
Monica: Oh, Ive got it! I have got it! (Gets up and gets something from the dresser underneath the TV.) Pictures from your childhood. This will get you going good!
Ross: I could put uh-uh a basketball court in the back.
MONICA: You don't have the guts.
[knock at the door]
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure, it's umm... (she picks up this bug and it starts to play the theme from Love Story)
Monica: Oh, Janine, the really hot dancer girl?
Monica: (On the phone) Hello? No, he's not here. Yeah, this is his wife. Yeah, well, it came as quite a shock to me too. I guess I should have known. Yeah, I mean, he just kept making me watch Moulin Rouge.
(Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on the couch still doing the crossword. Chandler is in the kitchen.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
(Rachel rushes back and pulls Joey back onto the balcony, and takes him inside.)
Monica: (to Phoebe) Please, just a little bit off the back.
(The whistle blows.)
Rachel: Yeah Melissa, I dont want to be known as the uh, office bitch, but I will call your supervisor.
[The next flashback is also from The One With The Butt and it's also on the soundtrack. He's Joey telling everyone about his big break in Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Joey stares at a picture of a bay on the wall. Janine comes out of her room.]
RACHEL: No, no no no, don't need to know the details.
(As they approach the kitchen, the door opens and in walks in a Joey look-a-like.)
FRIEND: Well, you kids take the train in?
Chandler: Sure I do. In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Lets take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs dont mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a lifetime, and thats just an ordinary pig not even a pig thats good at sports!
Joey: (starting to cry) Open the box!! (Runs over to do so.)
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Kim: You didnt cancel the fabric order from Taiwan?
Ross: Okay. All right. So lets see, lets play from the trash can, to the lightpost. Right. Two hand touch, well kick off.
(Chandler leans over to fall asleep on the mans shoulder next to him, only the man catches his attempt.)
Joey: No. (Pause) wait a minute what was the little mermaid?
Phoebe: Yeah, last Saturday. Wow! She was the first black man to fly solo across the Atlantic. (Chandler and Monica look puzzled) Oh, wait a minute, I read the wrong one.
Mike: Oh, no! I don't think so! You know, according to standard table tennis rules if at any time a player uses his non racket bearing hand to touch the playing surface he or she forfeits the point.
Phoebe: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.
Monica: Well, theres a lot to think about. I mean, how is she, how is she going to handle this financially? How is she going to juggle work? Does she realize shes not going to have a date again for the next eighteen years?
WAITER: Can I get you something from the bar?
Ross: But I'm not! (pause). You know what if you're in the mood for Thai food...
(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)
Ross: The screaming guy?
Waiter: Chocolate Torte for the lady, cheesecake for the gentleman.
Chandler: Phoebe if it helps Alexandra has only been massaging Monica for like three years. (Phoebe rolls her eyes and walks away and Monica glares at him.) If! I said, "If it helps!" (Goes to the bedroom.)
Joey: Dont blame me, I saw it on The Discovery Channel.
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
(Joey and Phoebe leave for the door)
Rachel: No, I meant with the dropper over here. (Points at Chandler.)
Pete: Okay, thats great, but can we make it smaller? Can we make it fit on the head of a pin? I love when we make things fit on the head of a pin.
(The other four look amazed at the large pot.)
Rachel: No, I didn't. I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys, and I obviously didn't have the keys.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey enters carrying a tub of ice cream. He sets it on the table, takes off his jacket and struggles with the drawer. It cannot be opened.]
(Joey enters through the side window and jogs towards the kitchen holding a baseball bat)
Eric: Im an idiot. Uh, is your mother here? Maybe I can give her a little slap on the butt.
Steve: Yeah, he's the handy man. He's gonna be retiring next week and everyone who lives here is kicking in a 100 bucks as a thank you for all the hard work type of thing.
Chandler: The most unbelievable thing has happened. Underdog has just gotten away.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are at the counter as Ross enters.]
Phoebe: Okay, I'm gonna go too. I'm gonna go to the airport. I figure if I hang around there long enough, someone's bound to leave one of those planes unattended.
Monica: I can cook and you can take care of the money.
Chandler: Yeah, you-you gotta love the talking.
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Phoebe: Umm, Wethering Heights. I'm taking a literature class at the New School and I have to finish it for the first session tomorrow.
[Scene: At a writer's desk. The writer is working on a script for Days of Our Lives.]
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]
MRS. GELLER: So, who's the mystery man?
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, Chandler and Rachel are there, and Phoebe enters with the Chick and the Duck.]
Danny: Oh great! That special bond again! Why do women have such a problem with the fact that I'm close with my sister?
RACHEL: Well, the point is, maybe I should just stop waiting around for moments with Ross, you know?� I should just . . . move on with my life.
Phoebe: Oh down please. (The guy tries to reach the button, but cant.) I-I hate to be a ball buster can I just do it? (She pushes the button.)
ROSS: Get the what?
[Scene: Outside Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, Ross is knocks on the door and Ugly Naked Guy answers it. He's ugly. He's naked. And he's holding a huge jumbo soda.]
Janice: I love the way you look every night Chandler! (Monica breaks the kiss and Chandler freezes in terror.) Thats why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice!
Joey: You cant just ignore the bet! Its a bet! You bet and you bet and if you lose, you lose the bet!
ROSS: Well, ya know, they're a little behind the times in Colonial Williamsburg.
Chandler: What, no, "Nice apartment, I bet the bedrooms are huge?"
[Monica goes in the bathroom]
Rachel: HuhWait so Joey if you get this, youre gonna be like the star of your own TV show! I mean youll be like the Big Cheese! (To Phoebe) Or the Big MacHey! You love those!
CHANDLER: I'll cancel the sodas.
Phoebe: No, Jack and the Beanstalk.
Chandler: Yeah, well, sorry doesnt bring back the little piggy that cried all the way home! I hate this stupid day! And everything about it! I'll see you later.
Joey: Oh wow! Hes so lifelike! (Starts touching the guys cheeks) Unbelievable! (He starts tugging on the guys ears.
Video:April Twelve, Eighteen hundred, Sixty-One (Monica lights Richard's cigar butt), 4:30 A.M. on Tuesday, the United States garrison at Fort Sumter was fired upon (knock on door) it is now under bombardment by....
Agency guy: (to Erica) Well, then if there’s nothing else, then the two of us should talk.
(Joey gives him the okay symbol, and Ross rushes towards him to be stopped by Chandler. Meanwhile, Phoebe goes over to the snack table as some guy, which turns out to be Ursula's fianc�e Eric, walks in and smacks her butt.)
Rachel: Let me uh, let me ask you something, do wedding vows mean squat to you people?! And why is it that the second we tell you were going out of town, bamn there you are in bed with the neighbors dog walker?!