words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to pry more information about Chandler and Monica from Joey who's sitting on the couch and busy downing a pizza.]
Rachel: No! I mean come on! This is a huge deal! (She sits next to him on the couch.) Fine I wantI need more details, who-who initiated the first kiss?
(He points to where she's sitting and she jumps up quickly.)
Ross: (disinterested) Hey-yeah. (He hurries up to the counter.) Hey Gunther, can I have a scone please? (To the gang.) Wanna hear some good news? Someone I know is getting married! Yeah! And weddings are happy occasions! Oh, by-the-by it's my ex-wife Emily!
Ross: Oh, thanks Gunther. (He takes it, hands the plate it's on to Rachel, sets it down on the table, and proceeds to pound it into oblivion while saying.) STUPID BRITISH SNACK FOOD!!!!!!!
Monica: I think this is so cool because none of our friends are here and we can be a real couple. We don't have to hide.
Chandler: I asked myself that very question, sir. Uh, (Points to Monica) this is Monica. (Points to his boss.) This is my boss, Doug. Doug this is Monica.
Monica: Hi, nice to meet you!
Kara: Nice to meet you Monica. Bing! (Slaps Chandler on his butt.)
Chandler: Oh, believe me, to survive this party, you're gonna have to come up with one too.
(She walks up to where Doug is finishing another joke to another group.)
(Monica does a fake laugh. For the laughs, you'll have to see the episode. I can't describe them.)
Chandler: And! They like me more just because I was with ya! I think you repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey. And Doug wants us to play tennis with them. He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club. (She glares at him.) Strip church. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and find a racquet.
Chandler: Oh I used too, but then Joey thought it would be fun to go to Central Park and hit rocks at bigger rocks. (He starts to leave and stops an entering Rachel.) Hey Rach, do you have a tennis racquet?
Rachel: Oh umm, y'know I lent it to Joey and I never actually got it back.
Rachel: (To Monica) Hey!
Monica: What are you doing here? I thought you had to do inventory all day.
Rachel: Well yeah, I do, but I decided to take a long lunch and spend some time with my friend Monica. Y'know I-I feel that we don't talk anymore. How are you? What is new with you?
Rachel: Oh y'know what, we dont have to talk about work. We can talk about anything!
Rachel: Wow that's uh, juicy. Umm, (checks watch) y'know what though Mon, I actually do have a lot of work to do so if-ifare you sure there's just not anything else?
Monica: Yes, I'm sure! Rachel is there something that you want to talk me about?
Rachel: No! (Gets up to leave.) (Under her breath.) If there was I wouldn't tell you.
Phoebe: Nothing! (Picks up and sets the chick down on the floor.) (To the chick.) This is not over!
Ross: I was up all night writing this really nasty letter to Emily! It was perfect and now it's all covered in-in (The duck quacks.) Actually, thanks!
Joey: (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Joey: Oh. Are you sure you don't want to come? Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, they get mail and stuff.
(Hits the ball towards Chandler who returns it back to him. He then hits the ball at Monica who slams it and it bounces off Kara's leg.)
Doug: Well, I gotta tell ya Bing; that partner of yours is a real tiger. (To his wife.) Are you all right sweethart?
Monica: Am I on fire today or what?! Those birds are browned, basted, and ready to be carved!
Chandler: Oh yes, sir! Put me out of my misery. Are you sure you never played pro? (Does his work laugh.) (To Monica) Please let them win!
Monica: I'll take it down to 95% but that's the best I can do.
(She serves to Doug who returns it to Chandler. As it bounces over his head Chandler swings and misses.)
Chandler: If we hadn't lost the game they never would've invented us to dinner tomorrow night.
Monica: Oh my God! (She goes to hug him, stops short, and hits him on the shoulder.) Where the hell have you been?!!
Rachel: Ohh, out, oh God, I don't know why we didn't think to check there!
Ross: I uh, went to a bar. And then I just uh, just walked around for a while.
Ross: Look, I don't have to answer your questions! Okay? I'm a big boy, I can do whatever I want!
[Suddenly the door opens and Ross's mystery girl enters. I'll give you a hint to who it is: OH .MY .GAWD!! Uh-huh, it's Janice.]
Janice: Oh! Okay! (To Ross) You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me! (Does her famous, or is that infamous, laugh and exits.)
Ross: Okay, look, I-I know what you guys are going to say
Rachel: (entering) Okay, I have to tell you something that I have never admitted during our entire friendship! But, when we were in high school I made out with James Farrell even when I knew that you liked him! Wow, that feels so good to get off my chest! Okay, you go!
Joey: All right, put your 20 bucks down. First one to find the tasty treat wins. Okay?
Ross: Y'know what? It sounds so weird to say this but, I just had a great day with Janice!
Ross: Yeah! I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to me. I mean I talked for hours. (Joey has lost interest and is watching the race again.) It is amazing to have someone give you such-such focused attention.
Monica: (To Chandler) How does that laugh not give you a headache?
Chandler: Oh, you get used to it.
Doug: (entering) Uh, I gotta apologize for Kara's coffee. Y'know, I feel sorry for it if it ever got in a fight, it's not strong enough to defend itself. (Chandler does not laugh.) Did you hear what I said Bing?
Joey: Oh well, Chandler and Monica are over there and it's kinda hard to concentrate.
Rachel: What?! She just called and said that she was gonna be working late! She keeps lying to me! That's it! Y'know what? I'm just gonna go over there and confront them right now!
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Rachel enters and sneaks up to Chandler's bedroom where she overhears Chandler and Monica talking.]
Chandler: (from his bedroom) All right, so you're telling me that I have to tell racist jokes now?!
Monica: Sorry! I'm justI'm not very good at this! I'm a terrible liar and I hate having to lie to Rachel!
Chandler: But we're not ready to tell yet!
(Rachel decides not to confront them and starts to walk out, knocking over a lamp in the process.)
Monica: Wh-wh-what are you doing here? (She tries to pull her shirt down to cover the fact that she's wearing men's boxers.]
Rachel: Well, I was actuallyI-I came over here to-to borrow this lamp. To umm, look at my books, y'know, see them a little better.
Monica: Great! Umm, well what-what I was doing in Chandler's room is that umm, I was cleaning it! In fact, he pays me to clean it!
Rachel: Oh! What a great way to earn some extra pocket money.
Monica: Y'know when I said to you earlier that I was at work umm, I'm at my new work.
Monica: I'll get back to my new job.
Janice: I know! I know! And then you lose your apartment! And then you lose your job! And then your ex-wife gets married so fast! And now the coffeeahh!! Ross, we need to talk.
Janice: No-no-no, no. I'm going to talk. I believe that the sun has set on our day in the sun.
Janice: (starting to cry) You're a very sweet person Ross, umm, unfortunately I don't think I can take another second of you whining!!
Ross: Dude, we got to talk.
Ross: I just wanted to tell you something before you heard it from someone else and I hope this isn't too weird, but uh, I had uh, a thing with Janice. (He laughs, his real laugh this time.) What you're-you're not mad?
Ross: Well, because y'know there are certain rules about this kind of stuff. You don't uh, you don't fool around with your uh, friend's ex-girlfriends or possible girlfriends or girls they're related to.
Chandler: (realizes what Ross just said and the implications to him) I am mad! But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna forgive you! Because that's what friends do! They forgive their friends when they do everything you just said, all on the list there. Well, but I want you to remember that I forgave you.
Chandler: I also want you to remember that I let you live here rent free!
Chandler: And, I want you to remember that I gave you twenty (counts his money) seven dollars. No strings attached. Now, if you can't remember that, I think we should write it downlet's write it down!
Joey: (To Ross in the kitchen) All right, it's another commercial; I still haven't told her!
Monica: Y'know what? Y'know when I said that I want you to deal with this relationship stuff all on your own? Well, you're not ready for that.
Joey: Look, it's okay, no, no, no, really, look um, I really appreciate this Pheebs, but I think I'm gonna have to go back to Estelle.
Monica: So what if he wants to sleep with her? I mean, she's single and he's cute.
Rachel: Oh wow. Why dont we just take me (Grabs her pin) and put me with a Manhattan in my hand, talking to the cute bartender. (Puts her pin at the bar and laughs. Monica just glares at her.) These pins arent for playing are they?
Joey: Well I dont like to say it out loud, but, yeah! Dont feel bad man, we all have our strengths. Youre better with numbers and stuff.
Chandler: All right look, Im changing it to 50 bucks, or your best offer.
Phoebe: I've always wanted to live with a guy. "Pick up your socks!" "Put down the toilet seat!" "No! We're not having sex anymore!" It's gonna be fun!
Rachel: Heeeeey, where have you been? (He shows her his thumb) What happened to you?
Chandler: All right, let me in. (He jumps off of the counter to join in the game.)
Joey: Yeah! Well, now that you brought it up, our fridge is broken. We have to get a new one. Now, I checked around and your half is $400. Thanks a lot.
MONICA: Because, you were mean to me and you, you teased me and you always, always got your way.
Rachel: Hmm. Look, Ross, if you want your neighbors to like you, why don't you just pay the hundred bucks? The party's gonna cost you way more than that.
Ross: Yknow what? He didnt want to talk to us about being angry, well maybe we dont talk to him at all!
Joey: That doesnt sound like thinking to me!
Ross: Ahh, the one next to my foot. Sorry.
Ross: So, uh, why did you have to turn it down?
Guy: I just, I want you to know I didn't used to be like this. Before I meet your sister I was like this normal guy who sold beepers and cellular phones.
Joey: No you wont. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, hes sorry. But, (to Chandler) youve got one more apology to make, all right, youve got to apologize to Mary-Angela.
Rachel: I dont want you to see me naked!
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
Rachel: Anastassakis/Papasifakis wedding, excellent! {Its a good thing Jennifer Aniston is Greek, because she had to pronounce those names. Luckily for me, they were written on a sign.}(The happy couple emerges.) Congratulations. (To the best man and maid of honor) Mazel Tov! (The rabbi emerges.) Hi! Oh, great hat. (Hes wearing an interesting hat and she takes him over to talk.) Listen umm, I need you to perform another wedding. Can you do that?
MNCA: Ahhh, hey honey? Don't you have to be at your interview now?
(they all start to dive for the ball and Monica and Ross grab it at the same time.)
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Ross: You guys, you know what, you know what, it doesn't matter, because you both have to go get dressed before the big vain in my head pops. So..
Mike: You don't have to go home tonight, do you?
(Monica goes to change.)
(He gets up to walk out, but Helena spots and stops him.)
Chandler: All right, wait! Come on! Just wait one second! There has to be something that I can do! Something! If we still had that entertainment unit I would get in it for six hours and think about how I let you down. (Joey looks intrigued) What?
Joey: Okay, but I dont see you asking any other paying customers to put on aprons.
Monica: Phoebe why dont you just call her? You obviously want to.
Ross: (to the rest of the gang) Were just gonna be friends.
Dr. Long: Well youre only two centimeters dilated and we need to get to ten. Itll be a while.
David: Oh, uh... we just uh... happen to wear the same shade.
Mindy: (to Rachel) You did it twice?
DR. BURKE: No no, it, it's fine, believe me. I do it too. I always answer with the 'I'm OK' head bob. [demonstrates] 'I'm OK.' [tilts head] 'You sure?' [bobs head] 'Yeah, I'm fine.' Hey listen, I've got to set up the music. I got a new CD changer, of course the divorce only left me with 4 CD's to change.
Chandler: Oh, who should I blame? The nice bell man who had to drag out luggage to 10 different rooms?
PHOEBE: So um, so what's up, you came to see me yesterday.
Ross: Oh, but-but it is, uh, its just like the first Thanksgiving, when the Indians and the Pilgrims uh, sat down to dinner.
Phoebe: Yeah, come to papa.
Phoebe: Yeah! Okayooh, but are you going to have time to read it?
Chandler: No, it came out to an even twenty.
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey-hey, or I could bring my keyboard over here sometime!
Phoebe: Well, hey, what if Kenny were the real brains behind the whole company? You know. What if Kenny hired that Ralph Lauren guy to be the pretty front man? Huh, did she ever think of that?
Cheryl: So you want to come inside?
Joey: I bet ya ya I could fit in there. (points to a hole in the center)
Joey: Well we have to make room for the fresh ones.
[Cut to outside, theyre going to talk to Phoebe about walking the bike.]
Phoebe: She sells drugs to kids. (The guard looks at the lurker.)
[Cut to Joey's room, his doctor and Ross are there.]
Ross: Okay. (Closes the door.) (To Phoebe) I did divert her and we ended up having a great time! Okay?
PHOEBE: Oh, alright, that's it, now I have to go see him.
Ross: Oh, Pheebs, Im sorry, Ive got to go. Ive got Lamaze class.
Rachel: Well, why don't you talk to me about it, maybe I can help.
JOEY: What happened to the foosball?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica has finally given up on her search to find what the light switch does and is now flicking it on and off aimlessly.]
Joanna: I seem to have had a slight office mishap. Could you please get the key off the back of the door for me.
Phoebe: Listen. Listen. (She starts to play and sing.) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
Pete: (to Monica, by the door) So ah, we on for tomorrow?
Joey: Youre right. Youre right. I-Ill go tell her now before Ross finds out and Ill be gentle. I can do that. I am a gentle person. Oh, by the way. Two people screwing in there (Points to the closet Chandler and Monica were in) if you want to check that out.
Chandler: Be right there sweetums. (Monica leaves. To Joey.) A totally different situation.
Rachel: Well, I don't know, you guys figure it out, I got to put Emma down for a nap.
Ross: Well umm, yknow, I used to play.
Monica: Oh! It was our pleasure. We are so much enjoying getting to know you.
Phoebe: Congratulations! I didnt want to say anything in front of Joey cause I didnt know if he knew yet.
Joey: Wow! (Back to reading the scene.) Well then Ill just have to carry you.
(Rachel looks bored. At this point, Rossa figment of Rachel's imagination shows up on the balcony and starts talking to her.)
Tag: But Im not gay. And I especially wouldnt want you to think I was gay.
(We hear Tag scream out in the hallway and jump into view of the open door on the scooter. He gives a hearty thumbs up to the group and rides off, with Joey following breathlessly behind.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are preparing to leave for the funeral.]
Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didnt think big enough to fit a grown man!
Rachel: (to Joey) Hey, listen, Joey, about Molly, I really prefer if you didn't go after her.
Rachel: Yeah. It was the weirdest thing. Zelner called me and he said we'll do everything we can to get you back. And that I should thank some Ron... I don't even know what department that guy's in.
Ross: (in a mocking voice)Uh...sure I do, and I also wanna be King of my own country and find out what happened to Amelia Earhart.
DUNCAN: Oh God, I don't know how to tell you this. I'm straight.
CHAN: [slowly lifts coffee cup to his mouth] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [slowly sets the cup back down] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [Joey intercepts the cup and puts it down for him]. She's insane, the woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.
Monica: Ohh! Umm, Phoebe, I kinda need to talk to you about that. (Rachel excuses herself) Umm, well I-I-I think it might be time for me to take a step back from catering.
Mike: Look. Phoebe, I-I love you. Very much. But I never want to get married again.
CHANDLER: Yeah I just... wanted to call and say hey.
Ross: (to Phoebe) Hey!
Phoebe: No, no maybe cause its harder to raise them, and the added expense, and
Rachel: Chandler, this is not addressed to you. This is addressed to Mrs. Braverman downstairs. (Gasping) Thief.
Chandler: Yeah, its like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare and then charged me $32 to see it!
Rachel: (surprised by how ugly it is) Wow! (sarcastic) Oh, she's so nice and big! Oh, Monica, where are you going to display Gladys oh so proudly? (looks around for a spot)
PHOEBE: Is anyone else starting to really like him?
Rachel: I just don't want to be alone tonight.
(Rachel leans over to look at him.)
Phoebe: Yep, and that's why we don't invite you to play.
Dr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I need(reaches for an instrument, Rachel's hand is on it) Excuse me, could I have this?
Joey: Okay. (Reading.) "It's a typical New York City apartment. Two guys are hanging out." Ross (Points to him.)
Joey: All right, thats it! He cannot do this to Phoebe. (gets up) This guy is going to get the butt kicking of a lifetime! (stops and turns around and asks Rachel) But, is he a big guy?
[Scene: The airport, the Yemen Express counter, Chandler is still trying to get rid of Janice.]
Phoebe: Oh, I should go, too. Oh, now... tomorrow do you guys wanna share a cab to the airport or should Mike and I just meet you there.
Joey: Hey, dont get mad at us! No one forced you to raise the stakes!
Monica: Im making a list of all the things that are most likely to go wrong at the wedding. Now, that way I can be prepared.
Joey: (going over and picking up the rod) Thats all right. Hey you guys, you know whats going to be great about the fishing trip this year? When my dad gets me out in the middle of the lake and gives me that, "Joey, what are you doing with your life?" stuff. I can say, "Well, Im doing a movie with Charlton Heston dad. What are you doing with your life?"
Monica: All right, thats it, were going to the emergency room.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Chandler and Joey are there looking at pictures from the trip to London.]
Ross: (To Phoebe and Mike) I can't believe you guys aren't going to be able to get married today.