words in movies
Ross: Hey, youre not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!
Monica: That didnt work on mom, its not going to work on us.
Chandler: Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke hed ever heard.
Chandler: Dude, you have got to turn on Behind the Music. The band Heart is having a really tough time, and I think they may break up.
Chandler: Nah, Monicas watching some cooking show. Come on, I dont want to miss when they were skinny.
Chandler: What? No, I want to watch this. (He turns on the television and the screen is completely covered in snow). Did your cable go out?
Joey: No, thats VH-1. I gotta tell you, the music these kids listen to today . . . Its like a lotta noise to me. I dont know
Joey: I know! Yeah, but, look I can handle it. All right? Look, I can listen to the radio, huh? And Ross gave me this great book (holds up the Playboy magazine).
Chandler: (picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?
Chandler: (with phone to ear, obviously hearing no dial tone) Paid your phone bill?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Rachel are on the couch looking at the Playboy magazine. When they hear someone coming, Monica goes to hide it under the sofa cushions.]
Phoebe: Oh, I want to look too! (She runs over and sits down and checks out a picture). Yikes!
Monica: So do you think that these picturesAre, are they trying to tell a story?
Monica: Well, shes not going to find them lying in the grass like that.
(They flip through the pages to another picture.)
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Aw, remember the days when you used to go out to the barn, lift up your shirt, and bend over?
Rachel: You see, now, I would date this girl. Shes cute, shes outdoorsy, you know, and she knows how to build a fire. I mean, thats got to come in handy
Monica: Okay, Ive got a question. If you had to pick one of us to date, who would it be?
Ross: You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.
Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
Ross: Well, I was going to stick it in the ATM, but now I think Ill show the sexy teller that I am a published writer.
Chandler: Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.
Ross: Oh, what are you going to do, follow me down there?
Ross: Well, Im not going to go now anyway (he goes to sit down).
Chandler: Okay (he goes to sit down).
Joey: Ah, Gunther, I cant pay for this right now because Im not working, so Ive had to cut down on some luxuries like uh, payin for stuff.
Joey: Uh, I dont know. Ya see, its just, see I was a regular on a soap opera yknow? And to go from that to this, I just Plus, Id have to wait on all my friends.
Gunther: Okay, but the moneys good, plus you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want.
Monica: (visibly upset) She picked Rachel. I mean, she tried to back out of it, but it was obvious. She picked Rachel.
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
(They go out to investigate, and find Joey wrapped in a blanket watching their television.)
Joey: (sheepishly) I finished my book. (Chandler and Monica slowly retreat back to bed.)
Monica: (laughing harder) Nothing, Im just trying to recreate some of the fun that we had at my place the other day. (To Phoebe) Remember, when you picked Rachel over me? That was funny.
Phoebe: Fine. The reason that I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you is just that youre just kinda high maintenanceOkay lets go to lunch!
Monica: That is completely untrue. You think Im high maintenance? Okay, prove it. I want you to make a list and were going to go through it point by point!
Rachel: (To Monica) Well, people are different.
Rachel: Oh my you think Im a pushover. Well wait, watch this, you know what? Youre not invited to lunch. What do you think of that? I think thats pretty strong, thats what I think. Come on, Monica, lets go to lunch. (She leaves)
Monica: (to Phoebe) You start working on that list. (She grabs her coat and leaves, too.)
[Cut to the hallway.]
Ross: (showing the Playboy magazine to Gunther) Oh, hey, Gunther, check this out.
(Ross begins to say something, realizes what Gunther just said, turns, and glares at Chandler. Chandler just shrugs it off.)
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you want anything to drink, cause Im heading up there.
Joey: Sure. (To Monica and Rachel) Coffee? Cause Im going up there.
Joey: (to a table of strangers) You guys need anything, cause Im heading up there.
Joey: Just being friendly. (He gives Monica a whats wrong with you? look and proceeds to walk behind the counter.)
Rachel: Joey, honey, I dont think youre supposed to go back there.
Joey: Okay, but I dont see you asking any other paying customers to put on aprons.
Joey: Its kind of embarrassing, yknow. I mean, I was an actor and now Im a waiter. Its supposed to go in the other direction.
Joey: I mean, the jobs easy and the moneys good, you know? I guess Im going to be hanging out here anyway. I might as well get paid for it, right? I just feel kind of weird serving you guys.
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
Rachel: Phoebe. We would like to talk to you for a second.
Rachel: Yes, we are very sorry to tell you this, but you, Phoebe, are flaky.
Gunther: No, Im leaving to get my hair dyed.
Joey: Exactly! All right, everybody, listen up. The coffeehouse is going to be closed for about an hour.
Joey: Yeah, its for the kids. To keep the kids off drugs. Its a very important issue in this months Playboy. Im sure you all read about it.
Ross: Yknow, I dont think were going to settle this.
Chandler: Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
Monica: Why do I have to decide?
Chandler: (to Ross) Dont try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) Im your only chance to have a baby. Okay, lets go.
Monica: Do you want me to pick you?!
(Chandler motions to Monica that hell give her two babies.)
Chandler: So Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And Steves doctors name is Doctor Muppy. So I said, Doctor Monkey? And that is how the whole Doctor Monkey thing came up. (He slams his feet up on the table to emphasize his point.)
(Both Chandler and Ross are eager to hear her decision.)
Monica: You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and its offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys! You shouldnt be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world! Now let it go! The joke sucks!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at a table and Phoebe is on the couch. Chandler and Monica can be seen outside, shes lecturing him, and pushes him inside. He then nods to Rachel, and is obviously counting off the seconds in his head and then Monica makes a grand enterance.]
Chandler: (starts to recite a rehearsed speech) Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. (Pause.) Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and(He falters and Monica prompts him.)generosity of spirit.
Chandler: (To Chandler) Im out of words. Should I just say the whole thing again?
Chandler: (pauses as he struggles with what he has to say) Youre a little high maintenance.
Monica: (embarrassed) (To Phoebe and Rachel) I didnt even tell him to say that. (They hug). All right youre off my list.
Monica: (sits next to him) Phoebe, its okay that you dont want me to be your girlfriend because I have the best boyfriend.
Phoebe: (to Monica) Yknow, suddenly I find you very attractive.
Joey: Well, I had the audition but Gunther said I had to stay here and be in charge so he could go get his hair dyed. So, I went anyway, and then he fired me.
Rachel: He left work in the middle of the day to do a personal errand and left you in charge when youve been working here two days? Thats not, thats not right.
Rachel: Joey, you cant let him get away with that. Ya know what, Im not going to let him get away with that. Im going to say something to himNo, I really shouldnt say anythingNo, I should say something to him. (Goes to the counter) Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him
Phoebe: Hey, I never got to hear who you guys would pick to be your girlfriend.
Rachel: Hey. Oh, I have a question. If-if-if one of you had to pick one of the other two guys to go out with, who would you pick?
Monica: (looking very serious) I need to talk to you.
Joey: your right! I love my life! (He gets up to go and speak to the girl and he turns back and sits down) I actually did sleep with her.
Phoebe: Great, okay, what are you gonna change it to?
Ross: What a weird way to kick me when Im down.
Monica: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. (Goes to the counter) It was right here, where is it?
Monica: Okay, just back off mister! Whoa. (Pause) Cause I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father.
Rachel: Well, Chandler, youre gonna have to tell him.
Rachel: Well, then I get to give him the cell phone.
Phoebe: We were at the game, and this guy proposed to his girlfriend on the big screen thing...
Receptionist: Well, heres a schedule of whats coming up. (Hands it to him.)
Rachel: Okay great, hold on a sec! (She runs to her room and returns carrying a huge bag of laundry.) Oh, here you go! You don't mind do ya? That would really help me out a lot! Thanks!
Chandler: Honey, it is not a date! I havent talked to her in ten years! You cant just call up somebody you havent talked to in ten years and ask them for a favor. There are rules, yknow? You gotta, you got to put in some time.
Phoebe: Oh, well what are you doing here? Are you about to do it? (Gasps) Is it Gunther?
Chandler: All right. I will go out and I will try to find something for her, okay?
Ross: (To Rachel) I wasnt talking to you.
Ross: Why...Why should I? I mean if she wants to move on, that's fine!
SUSIE: Um, so listen, how many times am I gonna have to touch you on the arm before you ask me on a date.
Ross: Did you tell your sister to ask me out?
Phoebe: Wow! See, and I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything.
ROSS: No, you, ya know there's no need to make it u. . . how?
Joey: Oh Monica, listen, I ah, I saw down at the hardware store, they got those designer tiles on sale. If you ever want to redo the bathroom floor.
Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.
Monica: (To Erica) Oh my God, he's beautiful. Thank you so much.
Joey: (pointing to the TV) Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here. Thats called a scrum, okay? Its kinda like a huddle.
Joey: Aww, I don't want to see that!
Mr. Treeger: Yeah, it happened to me once. I was just flipping through the channels and bam! It was like finding money.
Joey: No way! I've been going to the guy for 12 years.
Ross: No, I barely even got to three Mississippi.
Monica: Thanks. (Goes to fetch him.)
Phoebe: Hi! (turns back to Chandler, then to Monica) Oh, yeah, no, I know. You're a chef. I know, and I thought of you first, but um, Chandler's the one who needs a job right now, so....
Phoebe: (running out) Wait! Wait! Hi! Listen, Ross can I just talk to you for just a second?
Joey: (Looking around) Uhh do you happen to have a hot girl in there?
Rachel: Okay. (Grabs the blender and starts to drink.)
Joey's Hand Twin: Please, please take him too. (Motions to Joey.)
Chandler: I'd keep an eye on him! We have to find out which one the father is.
Mike: OK, I don't want to freak you out or anything, but I think I just saw a rat in your cupboard.
Rachel: Ok, well this is like that...in no way. I had a...I had a dream last night that I wanted to kiss Joey.
Monica: I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and shes the only one left!
Rachel: Yeah! Its weird. But the thing is need to find a date.
(Rachel comes back to the gate.)
Phoebe: Okay, dont give me a reason to get mad, okay
(Rachel, Ross and Ross go to the bathroom)
Rachel: Okay. Honey, I would love for you to go with me. (Ross has a worried look on his face) What?
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, Chandler is trying to listen through the door.]
Ross: Fine! Its your life! (Starts to storm out mad about his failed attempt at the manipulation of his best friend and sister, but stops and tries one last time.) I just dont want to see you guys break up! Which you will do if you move in together, (Monica and Chandler just stare at him.) but thats what you want, theres nothing I can do. (Opens the door and tries one more time.) DONT DO IT!!!!! (Finally leaves.)
Bonnie: (getting up and leaving) (to Ross) Okay, Ill see you in our room.
Monica: I dont want things to change! Do you?
Chandler: I know you probably dont want to go out with me, yknow because I make too many jokes and Ive never been in a serious relationship and I guess Im not technically a "doctor "
Monica: See, this is why I told you never get involved with your assistant! And here is no such thing as keeping secrets when it comes to affairs. (To Chandler) Did you hear that Chandler? No such thing!
Joey: All right, turn around, I got to get a look at this thing.
Chandler: Oh, dont thank me, thank the jerk that never showed up. Okay, I gotta get to get to work.
Frank: Yeah, y'know I feel like I can really talk to you cause y'know youre my sister, y'know.
Rachel: Oh, good, good! We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma and we'll give it to her when she is 18.
Rachel: (in disbelief) You WHAT? And I missed it? Because I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there; Phoebe recites the last verse of a poem to Joey. This poem is known as "The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore, but it seems that it's rather "Account of a visit from St. Nicholas" by Henry Livingston.]
Monica: Yeah sure, nature called, she wanted to see who else did.
Chandler: But I didn't get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly.
Chandler: Oh, uhm... I have to work too. Yeah, I'm stuck at the office all day.
Mrs. Green: No. Sweetie, youre gonna be fine. (Starts to get up.)
Rachel: (To Ross) Fine! (To the salesman) We went out.
Phoebe: (entering from Rachel's room, wearing a huge bow to cover the stain) Okay, I'm ready.
Phoebe: Oh yeah well, Im sorry about that too, but what are you going to do?
Rachel: (breaking up) Were just really very excited about this charity event that we have to go to.
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
Ross: (to his hands) Way to go guys. Yknow, you-you were really good at the stuff too.
Chandler: See my friend-my friend, Rachel, she wants to be set up.
Phoebe: Yep! Okay, gotta go, talk to you later.
Monica: Yes there is! He's black and white and shaggy and [Cut to Monicas apartment] he's sitting next to Rachel and licking Rachel's hand.
Ross: No Phoebe, dont look! You dont want to see whats under there!!
Joey: Oh yeah, sure, that makes sense. Yeah. Cause you already told her you love her and she didnt say it back, then she called you and told you that theres another guy, so yeah, go to London thatll scare her!
RACHEL: Now I'm mommy in this little play? Alright look, I refuse to get sucked into this like, weird little Geller dimension thing OK. So I'm gonna go and take a nice long hot bubble bath because you kids are driving me crazy. [goes in the bathroom]
Phoebe: Ohh, you are so lucky! (To Chandler) Hey! So, where's Monica? Did you guys make up?
Donny: O-kay... Henrietta, you didn't get all the points you needed, so that means Gene, you are going to the winners circle to try for ten thousand dollars! (Gene is clapping his hands looking very happy and so is Joey) And you're gonna be going there with Joey Tribbiani (Both of their smiles fade away instantly)
Joey: Soon, soon, I'm gonna be on soon. There I am! (Points to the screen, of course it isn't him.)
Joeys Sister: Excuse yourself, and go to the bathroom.
Phoebe: Oh! Get off!! Ow!! Oh, stop it!! Why?! Why are you doing that to me?!
Joey: Would you guys want to come down tomorrow and watch me tape the show?
Chandler: No, just the months you actually want to live here.
Ross: So Rachel called. Wants to see me. Going over in a minute.
Rachel: No-no-no! No-no-no! Please Ross, I cant! I cant do it! (Starts to freak out.) Its just gonna freak me out!!!
Phoebe: Umm, okay I would like to talk to you about your toner needs.
Ross: (to Elizabeth) And that is why we cannot see each other anymore.
ROSS: Ah?� (Mike nods.� Another pause.)� Well, he and I would probably have a lot to talk about.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
(He goes into his room and closes the door. Rachel goes to pick it up and )
(Chandler turns to Mike and gives him a "See what I mean?" look)
Robin: No-no, its ooozing, oozing. (to Rachel) Could you pass me the cream? Is there anyOh, theres the cream.
Chandler: Y'know, I forgot the combination to this about a year ago? I just carry it around. Do you have any Chap Stick?
Phoebe: Yeah... ooh... wow... Even started to think I'd never meet someone that, you know, I wanted to... do this with. Here you go. (Both Phoebe and Mike look really proud.)
Rachel: I a not gonna lie to you, I'm pretty sick
Chandler: Ooh, let me talk to him!
Rachel: I mean what if this keeps happening? Y'know, they'll-they'll be outside smoking, making all the decisions and I'll just be up in my office breathing my stupid clean air, y'know? And then when the day comes when Kim wants to promote one of us, who do you think she's gonna pick? Me or Smokey Smokerson?
Gary: Wait! Hold on! (He goes over to Phoebe and gives her a kiss.) (To Phoebe) Hi!
Rachel: (to the driver) Okay, stop-stop! Phoebe?!
The Cute Guy: Wow! Uh, this is kind of embarrassing. I was actually coming over to talk to your friend.
Cailin: (to Ross) Hi! Remember me?
Chandler: So uh, man, are you gonna go to the play with me tonight?
Mike: Yeah, I understand, but before you do, she really needs to hear this.
Mike: I'm sorry too. And just to be clear, I didn't hit his mother with a car.
Phoebe: (to one of his sisters, Cookie) Hey!