words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."
(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Monica: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night.
Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!
Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.]
(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.)
Joey: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down.
Rachel: Ok, ok, Roger was creepy, but he was nothing compared to Pete Carney.
Rachel: Pete the Weeper? Remember that guy who used to cry every time we had sex. (imitating) "Was it good for you?"
Monica: Yeah, well, I'll take a little crying any day over Howard-the-"I-win"-guy. (imitating) "I win! I win!" I went out with the guy for two monthsI didn't get to win once.
Phoebe: Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her head? She said that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a cleansing ritual.
Rachel: Burning's good. Yeah, I got stuff to burn.
Lorraine: You know, ever since I was little, I've been able to pick up quarters with my toes.
Joey: (to Lorraine) We can't do that.
Joey: Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there?
Joey: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is, but I definitely want to be a part of it.
Chandler: Ok, you can not do this to me.
Lorraine: (to waiter) Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses to go please?
Chandler: That's right, each. Oh, and a uh Rob Roy. (to Janice) I've always wanted to know...
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler wakes up, and finds someone else's hand on his chest. He rolls over and is shocked to see Janice there.]
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is trying to get Janice out of his apartment.]
Monica: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. There's someone I want you to say hi to. (to Chandler) He just happened to call.
Ross: I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Ross: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.]
Joey: (to Chandler) If you don't do it, I will.
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working..(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded)...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, firemen are there to handle the bonfire that got out of control.]
Fireman No. 3: It's all right. It's all right. You don't have to explain. This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire that we've seen get out of control.
Chandler: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to tell you this. I just don't things are gonna work out.
Janice: You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Janice, Janice. You want me. You need me. You can't live without me. And you know it. You just don't know you know it. See ya.
Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.)
Ross: No, it's just...you know the whole "getting on with your life" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here with this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, and, but that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here talkin' to you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I don't, I don't have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. Um, what's say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what you're gonna say, you're a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside for now you know? Let's just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, we're great together, you know. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. I love you.
Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
Ross: That's easy for you to say, you found one already.
Monica: Honey you-you got to beat your scores!
Anchorwoman: (on TV) While most of us think of chocolate bunnies and baskets as traditional Easter gifts. Some people insist on giving live chicks as presents. (Joey is intrigued by the idea) Unfortunately, the sad fact remains that most of these little guys wont live to see the fourth of July. (Joey starts to call a place to buy a little baby chick) Because of as a result of improper care, they will be dead.
Ross: When I happened to look through the window and I see you kissing a guy you know, for what? A week?
Rachel: Okay, you guys, just relax. (She goes over to open the door, and as she does, she says.) I doooo. (Sees that its Joshua, not Chandler that knocked on the door.)
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
RACHEL: Oh as, as opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?
Joey: Oh, man! I wouldn't have had breakfast if I knew there was going to be corsages!
Phoebe: So do you want to hang out or something?
tip the scales in my direction. Check it out, you can probably see it from the window. (They all head to the window.)
[Cut to the hallway, Phoebe is outside getting some last minute instructions from Rachel.]
Joey: You lied to me!
Monica: You said your boss wants to buy your baby?!
Phoebe: Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, it was just, it was so sweet. (She goes to hug them and they both flinch, thinking that Phoebe is about to attack them.)
Rachel: Morning. You wanted to see me?
Rachel: Yeah. (Motions for him to continue.)
Rachel: (to Monica) I still can't believe you invited Gavin. Allright, he is the last person I want to see.
[She closes the door in his face. Ross walks sullenly back to the couch and sits down. A moment of silence ensues.]
Joey: What are they doing out here? The coasts all the way over there. (Points to the coast, meanwhile there is coast behind him.)
Joey: (to the camera) Hello, Im Joey Tribbiani! Lets play Bamboozled! Erin, you get the first question! In hockey, who is known as The Great One?
Joey: Im not telling, youll have to see it on TV!
Ross: Ok, but you know what? I gotta say, I'm really impressed that you were able to memorize all this so quickly!
Monica: My Sweet Sixteen! Remember, you went to third base with my cousin Charlie.
Joey: Pheebs! Pheebs! Ross wants to kiss you at midnight!
Phoebe: Okay, yeah. (to Monica and Rachel) Triple A can pick us up.
Joey: All right, you know what? We don't have a choice. It's like I would have said in that sci-fi movie if I'd gotten the part. "Those are our men in there, we have to get them out! Even if I have to sacrifice the most important thing in my life; my time-machine."
Monica: I can not see him? I mean, you can't tell me what to do!
Ross: Oh Donald that-that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. IWhat? (He notices something through the window.) No! Wh What are you doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monica: Awww, come onwaitstop it. Okay, to Monica.
[Cut to Ross in one of those British phone booths.]
Phoebe: Okay, well yknow what, dont worry you guys, cause Im-Im gonna do this as many times as it takes to get it right.
Rachel: Joey, Im really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to make things
Ross: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made?
Carol: Do you want to know?
MONICA: Ok, which one of us do you think is gonna be the first one to get married?
Monica: Yeah, Id really like to.
Phoebe: (on intercom) Hey, do you need to get in? Here you go.
Chandler: But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so shed know I was okay.
Joey: Oh, were supposed to just get him a ticket?! That guy is always mooching off of us!
Phoebe: Ewww! And "Oh no!" Itsthey just want me to be the surrogate. Its her-its her egg and her sperm, and Im-Im just the oven, its totally their bun.
Woman: (To Ross and Rachel) Congratulations you two!
Chandler: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again.
Monica: Are you kidding? This is where they get out stains! Okay? This is like Disneyland for me. Im-Im gonna be over here watching the dance of the clean shirts. (She points to and walks over to the electric clothes rack they have.)
Morse: Im not trying to pull anything. Look I love you dude.
ROSS: I told you there was going to be sub-titles.
Matt: You-you mentally make a flag on it and you say, "Okay show night, Im justIll never be able to get through this."
PHOEBE: It's not even that. I used to do my songs because it made me happy, but now it's like, it's just all about the money.
Monica: What?! Ross y'know this isnt even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if youre right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?
Chandler: Steps! (He opens the door to his apartment to Ross and Joey looking at the new Playboy) Slut! (Ross and Joey quickly hide the Playboy behind their backs. Chandler wonders into the girls apartment.) You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!
Ross: What a great idea! That will get Rachel to forgive me!
Phoebe: Of course I do! And Im gonna give it back to you as soon as theyre done with it at the key shining place.
(As she walks away, Chandler mouths a scream to Monica. How motions and mouths, "It's okay, it's okay.")
Rachel: Then, we had this big, stupid fight, and I said I wanted to take a break, I dont want to take a break.
(Cut to Phoebe and Parker)
(Cut to Monica and Chandler)
Jeanette: (to Zack) Here are the boards for Friday's pitch (hands him something).
(Cut to Rachel and Ross)
Amy with straight hair: Oh she's precious. Do you ever worry she's going to get your real nose?
Janice: Oh, we go way back. Before Monica made an honest man out of him, Chandler used to be my little love muffin! (does her irritating laugh). So? Are you guys thinking of getting this house too? Ooh! Are we gonna have a bidding war? I'd better warn you, I'm a toughie (playfully punches Chandler, who tries to get away from her)
Woman: (To Ross) So, how did you propose?
Rachel: Shhh! I want to hear the rest!
Rachel: (to Ross) Oh my God!! (she turns around and hugs Mark, not Ross)
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, dont hold back. (He dons his protective helmet (Why, I have no clue.) and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.)
(Cut to Phoebe and Joey)
Monica: Well, I don't care! That-that turkey has to feed 20 people at my parent's house and they're not gonna eat it off your head!
Phoebe: Ok, so this is pretty much what's happened so far. Ross was in love with Rachel since, you know, forever, but every time he tried to tell her, something kind of got in the way, like cats, and Italian guys. Finally Chandler was like "forget about her" but when Ross was in China on his dig, Chandler let it slip that Ross was in love with Rachel. She was like, "Oh my god." So she went to the airport to meet him when he came back, but what she didn't know was, that Ross was getting off the plane with another woman. Uh-Oh! So, that's pretty much everything you need to know. But, enough about us. So, how've you been?
Mr. Geller: So, I think youre boxes are over here. (They walk over to them.)
Joey: All right. Okay. Well this is the same kind of deal. If youre going to do something wrong, (He grabs two steaks from the freezer) do it right!
(Cut to Monica, at the microphone)
Amy: Hello? Yeah, um. Hang on one sec. <to Ross and Rachel> Can I take this upstairs?
ROSS: Any time. [He doesn't want to let her go]
Monica: Excuse us! (then to Phoebe) Alright here's a question: Who was so worried about her restaurant being fancy that she made a big deal about her friend playing her music and feels really bad about it now? (raises her hand)
Chandler: (to Phoebe) Do you really find this attractive on him?
Rachel: Umm, okay. But while you dial, let me show you the features of my new ringing handbag. (Rachel dials her phone and Phoebes bag starts to ring.) Oh, it does work! (Rachel grabs the phone and takes it out of Phoebes handbag.)
Ross: (Putting the bread up to his nose.) Ohh, I just like the smell. (Sniffing it.) Mmmm.
Mrs. Geller: Youre not going to say anything? On our 35th wedding anniversary
Ross: Of course! Uh yeah, she and I would talk all the time in-in (Rachel pokes her head in and starts to look around) the laundry room. (Pushes Rachel out of the way.)
Chandler: Stick to your side!
Joey: Oh-oh-oh, yeah! (He grabs some towels and takes them to him.) That's right, you take good care of those babies!
Ross: Is that supposed to be an insult?
Chandler: Any chance you are trying to pick a fight to make all this easier?
Rachel: Well, that wouldve been very hard to say no too.
Phoebe: (singing) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kind of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. They haven't heard it, so don't try and sing along. No, don't sing along.
Tag: (To her, in the Joey voice) How you doin?
Rachel: So did they call you to tell you your names gonna be in this?
Rachel: Okay, dont listen to him. Please?
Passenger: (Frustrated he takes his headphones off.) Oh, oh oh!! Im sorry, can I interrupt? You know I just want to say..That you are a horrible, horrible person.
(Chandler crawls over to Monica and they move in to kiss, but they cant do it and back up. They move in to kiss again, and kiss very awkwardly for a second, until someone knocks on the door.)
[Cut to the gang.]
Monica: (To Chandler) You think were being obvious?
[Cut to the interview.]
Rachel: Ross, you guys went out once. You took your kids to Chucky Cheese, and you didn't even kiss her.
Joey: Oh man, this is great, uh? The three of us together again! You know what would be fun? If we gave this present to Emma from all of us!
[Cut to the interview.]
Phoebe: Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. So good luck with that.
JOEY: Yeah, you missed, 'Takes money to make money,' and uh, 'Don't make me come down there and kick your wall street butt.'
Rachel: Ok-dokey, Joey, listen. This is gonna be bridesmaid central, all right? We're gonna have hair and make-up going on in the bathroom and oh, I had to move a couple of things in the fridge to make room for the corsages.
Paleontologist: (merrily) Ok Geller. Last day of the conference, you know what happens to the keynote speaker.
JOEY: Thanks for coming Mrs. Greene. [grabs her and kisses her to distract her. She goes limp in his arms. Mr. Greene leaves.] Well, ok, you take care.
DR. REMORE: Amber, I want you to know that I'll always be there for you, as a friend and as your brother.
Ross: Look I was going to tell you!