words in movies
ROSS: [looking at a glass table with a panther shaped base] Look, check this out. Is it a coffee table, is it a panther? There's no need to decide.
JOEY: Yeah. Uh, oh, OH, the best part, c'mon. [leads them to the bathroom, gestures towards toilet, everyone stares, uncomprehending] Heh?
PHOEBE: OK. I just met this producer of this like, teeny record company, who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat sound and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat.
PHOEBE: I told you not to do that yet. And, she wants to do a video.
PHOEBE: I'm not done yet, OK. God. OK, if that goes well, they may even want to make an album.
[the guy with the pie in his hood get up to leave]
ROSS: I'm sorry, my pie was, was in your hood. Now I just have to get the coffee out of that guy's pants and I'll be back in the hospital by 7. [swats at an imaginary insect by his head, guy leaves promptly]
MONICA: Your boyfriend has been in there for over an hour. I can't believe it, it's like I'm living with him again. He's here when I go to sleep, he's here when I wake up, he's here when I want to use the shower, ughh. It's like I'm sixteen all over again .
CHANDLER: Yeah I just... wanted to call and say hey.
CHANDLER: I still can't believe they promoted her to lieutenant.
MONICA: But I thought you wanted to live by yourself.
PHOEBE: Joey, why don't you talk to Chandler about moving back?
ROSS: Look, I know you don't want to hear this right now but, we've seen him in his new place, alright. And he's happy, he's, he's decorated.
RACHEL: Look, Chandler, he has moved on, OK, you have to too.
ROSS: No. You're just gonna have to accept the fact that you're just friends now, OK, you're not... rommmates anymore.
[Scene: Recording studio. Phoebe is getting ready to record Smelly Cat.]
PRODUCER: OK Phoebe, you ready to try one?
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat, it's not your fault] OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.
PRODUCER: Honey, uh we, we can talk about this. It's just that it's costing about a hundred dollars a minute to be in here.
EDDIE: Nice to meet ya.
CHANDLER: Well you know, we got to talking and uh, he said he needed a place and I had a spare room.
CHANDLER: Well yeah, in that it's not being used and I... have it to spare.
JOEY: Morning. I just uh, came by to pick up my mail. [looks for the mail on the table by the door, it's not there] Where's the mail?
CHANDLER: No, Eddie likes to keep it over there.
CHANDLER: Well what's the difference? Your eggs aren't here anymore, are they? You took your eggs and you left. You really expect me to never find new eggs?
RACHEL: Now I'm mommy in this little play? Alright look, I refuse to get sucked into this like, weird little Geller dimension thing OK. So I'm gonna go and take a nice long hot bubble bath because you kids are driving me crazy. [goes in the bathroom]
MONICA: Because, you were mean to me and you, you teased me and you always, always got your way.
MONICA: Now I love you. And not just 'cause I have to.
MONICA: Yeah. You're just gonna have to stop pissing me off.
MONICA: Then I won't have to kill you.
MONICA: If you really want to watch that Serengetti thing, you can.
PHOEBE: Listen. You are not going to believe this but, that is not me singing on the video.
PHOEBE: Well, OK, the record company sent over this piece of paper for me to sign, saying that it's OK for someone else to sing for me. That was my first clue.
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
[Joey's place. He's watching Baywatch, lauging. He goes to say something to Chandler in the other chair but no one's there. He goes to call Chandler but decides not to.]
[All by myself is playing. Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
MONICA: [sings] They won't take you to the vet.
RACHEL: [sings] And you're no friend to those with noses.
Rachel: Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats?.. That was fun.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's class; the class has ended and Phoebe is talking to one of her classmates.]
Rachel: Ok. If you really need to.
Chandler: (picking up a plastic cup similar to the one he deposited his specimen in) It is not okay that I'm aroused by this now.
Ross: And what(notices the stenographer is still typing)What are you typing that for? Did you hear what she said? We dont get the annulment. Dont type that! What?! Stop typing! (He goes over to where the stenographer is typing and in the process pushes Rachel out of his way.) Hey! Stop typing! (Hes still typing.) Stop typing! Stop typing!!
Joey: (sits down next to Ross) First of all, Utah? Dude, you can't just make stuff up!
Phoebe: Yea. Can I please, please, please talk to one of the best men? This is going to be the last time I promise.
JOEY: Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sex on it.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Phoebe is trying to teach Joey French.]
Joey: Okay, hey, museum geeks, partys over. Okay. Wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go. Back to your parents basement. All right. (The museum geeks exit and Joey unlocks his door and lets the chick and the duck out.) Come on boys, come on out! Here you go. All right.
Phoebe: Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. (plays a chord, then the lights go out) OK, thank you very much.
Joey: You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth.
PHOEBE: Ok, ok, she's taking the trash out so I can get you out of here but it has to be now, she'll be back any minute.
Woman No. 2: I thought you wanted to adopt your cat.
(They start kissing and Joey starts to undo her bra, but fails completely)
Monica: Yeah, you were, but you decided to make salmon because you had some left over at the restaurant. And then you realised if you (Points at Rachel) bitched about it, then you (Points to herself) would stop cooking, and you (Points at Rachel) would have to make your famous baked potato and Diet Coke.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Phoebe: (noticing a guy sitting by the green post looking at her) Oh wait a second you guys for the last couple weeks Ive been that guy everywhere I go. We take the same bus. We go to the same bookstore, the same dry cleaners; maybe hes the tea guy. (He gets up to leave, and smiles at Phoebe.)
Richards Date: Oh, thats real pretty. Wait a minute, dont I get to see the bedroom?
Phoebe: But lately all the guys I meet seem really nice at first, then they turn out to be the biggest jerks.
Monica: It's some of Richard's hair! (holds it close to Ross) What do I do with this?
Rachel: (To Ross) So you were in an I Hate Rachel club?
Ross: (to the class) Right! So when Rigby got his samples back from the laboratory he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous, was in fact sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when(sees Monica and Rachel.) Oh bloody hell.
Monica: Just a minute! (To Chandler) Thats Mrs. Tribbiani!
Monica: Daddy! I dont think we need to hear about the specific positions you and mom had sex.
Ross: (waking up) What? (notices that there is now a beautiful woman sitting next to him)
Phoebe: Oh well, all right, I got (Ross hands her a bag) (To Ross) thank you, I got uh, this yknow "I want a job sweater." (Holds up the same sweater.)
Joey: (to Ross and Rachel) I've been here the whole time!
Janine: I was just coming over here to apologize for my behavior! Id really like it if we could be friends.
RACH: Oh, look at me, look at me. Oh, I'm on a date with a really great guy, all I can think about is Ross and his cat and his... Julie. I just want to get over him. gosh, why can't I do that?
Rachel: Well its hard to tell (Rachel gets up to get a closer look, only shes having some trouble.) Oh God, if she would just stop moving.
Tag: Then we went to this bar and he hooked us up with all these women!
Phoebe: Where did you go to do it?
Ben: Im not allowed to have soda.
Chandler: So there is no good time to ask that question.
Phoebe: Thanks! Honey, would you want me to take your name?
Joey: I gotta a lot of nice stuff to say about you guys, ok? And I know how much you wanna have a baby, you know, and I would love to help you get one.
Ross: Well I I havent actually told her yet. I dont want to scare her off, yknow?
PHOEBE: You just abandoned your whole belief system. I mean, before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you. How, how, how are you going to go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to face the other science guys? How, how are you going to face yourself? Oh! That was fun. So who's hungry?
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
[Scene: Erics Apartment, hes opening the door to reveal Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Listen! You have to help me pick a dress 'cause I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight! (Rachel gasps)
Monica: Are you saying that you dont want to get with this?
Mike: Well... hey, the key works...! (he looks as if he doesn't want to believe what's happening)
Monica: You seriously changed your name to that?
Ross: Yeah, it kinda grows on you. (They both laugh.) Actually, I wanted to finish talking to you about uh, spring vacation.
(They go to hug but Ross' umbrella opens. He sits, defeated again.)
(Mr. and Mrs. Geller start to walk away.)
Rachel: I just finished getting Phoebe all dressed to meet Mike's parents. She's so nervous, it's so sweet!
Chandler: (not knowing what hes saying yes to) Yes.
Phoebe: Well, I would love to but the bike got stolen and the police have no suspects. (Ross just happens to have his hand on a sheet that is covering something that suspiciously looks like a bike.)
Gunther: Six? You want me to join you?
Chandler: To Ross!
Ross: All right, thats it! (He runs over to Ben, but he runs past him and out the door.) Comeyouno! You are in big trouble young man!
ROSS: No, sorry I don't. Tell me why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life? What if it doesn't come out right Phoebe? Then it's like, I don't know, havin' a bad hair cut all the time. Why's everyone staring at me?
Monica: Ah, so glad you decided to come.
Richard: Noo! I came down here to tell you something else. I came here to tell you I still love you.
(Rachel picks up their phone and the ringing stops. As she talks on the phone, an elaborate visual gag is spun out which is too difficult to describe in words.)
Joey: Hey, Im gonna call her later! Honest! Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! Hed even make the girl pancakes! Plus, hed make extras and leave em for me.
Chandler: Dont worry, Im brave! I am brave! I I am brave! (They get to the door and Monica goes to open it.) No-no-no-no!! (He stops her.) (Through the door.) Can you tell me who is there please?
Ross: Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line.
Joey: Yeah well, Im guessing after this shes not going to be crazy about electricity either.
Ross: Yeah, none of us have to deal with pressure at our jobs.
Ross: Who is intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize?
Joey: Correct! Now, would you like to pick a Wicked Wango card or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?
Joey: (turning to Chandler in a scolding tone) Chandler!
Mark: (shakes Ross' hand) Nice to see you.
Rachel: What? You don't want me to get a job?
Wayne: Listen, I-I guarantee you keep your job if you can teach me how to talk to women like you do.
Ross: (To Monica) Lets grab our stuff and get the hell out of here.
Ross: Poor baby, youre so tired. Rach, I didnt propose to you, Joey didnt propose to you, and Chandler didnt propose to you.
Dr. Rhodes: Take your shirt off, and let's see what we're dealing with here. (Ross starts to take off his pants) What are you doing?
Joey: So did you uh, happen to catch my toast up there?
Ross: Yeah, were not just doing a card! Yknow, she-she also wants to have the conversation about where the relationship is going.
Monica: Uh, ah. Unless you wanna stay over? I mean, I'm going to, so...
MONICA: Well, he's my parents' best friend, he has to be there.
[The next one is from Episode 224: The One With Barry And Mindys Wedding, Joey has to kiss a guy in an audition and has been trying to find one to practice with.]
Monica: I dont believe this! When someone asks you in for lemonade, and to you that means they wanna have sex?
Phoebe: I thought Id try to take a walk. Would you pour me some water? Ill be back soon.
Rachel: Phoebe, honey, if you hate it so much, you should walk out there right now and quit! Be true to what you believe in! Honey, you have principles and I so admire that! I don't have any!
[Scene: A blackjack table, Joey is moving in to try and get his hand twin (who's dealing) to join him in his evil plot to rule the world! "Join me, and together we'll rule the universe as father and son!" (Sorry, I had a little Star Wars creep in thereOoh, I have a big spoiler for The Phantom Menace, Yoda lives at the end! Ha-ha, spoiled it! Now you don't have to see it!)]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. They are preparing to show Laura around. Laura is standing with her back to the window, Chandler and Monica are standing on either side of her, facing each other.
Chandler: Well, y'know two regulars. And ah one that barely qualifies as... (starts to kiss her again, but she gets up.) Ahh, what?
Phoebe: Talking to Ross.
[Cut to the hall, Joeys sister runs up and grabs Chandlers butt.]
Ross: (entering) Pheebs, you mind if I speak to Rachel alone for a sec?
Mr Zelner: Ah, did she ask you to come here and do this?
Monica: Oh, he just doesn't want us to go through any trouble. Think of how excited he'll be when we go out and surprise him! Plus we get to have our own, ani-Vegas-ary! A-Nevadaversary!
Chandler: Mrs. Braverman must be out. (They move closer to it.)
Ross: Uhm, well... I'm here to see if you'll give Rachel her job back.
Joey: Hey, best man number two, Joey Tribbiani. Now Im not good with the jokes like Chandler here. Boy...but ahh, I just want to say congratulation to the happy couple. I first met Ross in this coffee house back home...Home...New York City...Where everybody knows my name. Well anyway, I love you guys. (pointing at everyone.) But not as much as I love America. (Looking at Chandler.) Could we please..go home now?
Rachel: Monica, this is Dan (points to him), one of the guys that we're gonna be going out with on Saturday. (Mouths "He's yours." to her.) Uh Dan, Monica.
Rachel: Oh man! This is so great! I actually feel like Im going on a real date! Although, I have a hint of morning sickness, and Im wearing underwear that goes up to about (She snaps the waistband on her underwear that is just slightly below her breasts) there.
ROSS: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.
Monica: (answers the phone) Hello? (Listens.) (To Phoebe) It's Joey. (Phoebe's proud of herself.) (To Joey) I'm so glad you called! Chandler told me what happened. Y'know he's really upset about it.
Janine: No! I mean you're a really nice guy and I'm happy to be your roommate and your friend, I'm just y'know, I just don't feel that way about you.
Ross: So, you’re not going to Paris.
Chandler (to Monica): Sure.
Charlie: (to Joey) So, I have to go shopping today, which is my least favourite thing, I'm soo bad at picking out clothes!