words in movies
Chandler: Are you kidding? Okay, Ill give you a hint; Ill give you a hint. (Points to his glasses.)
Rachel: Yeah-yeah, did-didnt you use to have a pair? They were really round, burgundy, and they made you look kind of umm
Chandler: (sitting down on the arm of her chair) You didnt think I used to wear glasses, right?
Monica: Of course! (She mouths, "I have no idea," to the rest of the gang.)
Chandler: Thats okay Pheebs, were not having a party or anything, so you dont have to get us
Monica: (interrupts him) If someone wants to give us a present, we dont want to deprive them of that joy.
Monica: No, you dont want this. I want to have your grandmothers cookie recipe.
Joey: Why would I do that? It took three guys to get the thing in there!
Joey: Oh, its great! Its a great place to just kinda, sit, hang around, drink a few beers, eat some chips. (He says that as he sits, hangs around, drinks a beer, and eats a chip.)
Chandler: Well, its good that you finally have a place to do that.
Rachel: Yknow Joey, I could teach you to sail if you want.
Rachel: What?! What?! He was trying to cheer me up! My pony was sick.
Chandler: Nothing, I just like to go like this. (Does it again.)
Ross: My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us.
Monica: Wow! Thats great! Dad must really like you, he doesnt ask just anyone to play.
Monica: Oh, just so you know, you-you have to let him win.
Monica: He hates to lose.
(Phoebe enters, walks up to Monica, and exhales exasperatedly.)
Phoebe: I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up!
Phoebe: (pauses as he figures out how to answer that) Because Im normal! That was the one legacy my grandmother left me, and I know you wanted it as an engagement present.
Ross: Oh, we have to get you an engagement present?
Monica: (To Chandler) This is what happens when you dont register for gifts!
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont (Joeys boat), shes shown to be in one of the waterways around New York, but in reality shes in a sound stage on the Warner Bros. lot and we see New York from the water in some rather poor green screen shots. Rachel and Joey are on board.]
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Joey: What are they doing out here? The coasts all the way over there. (Points to the coast, meanwhile there is coast behind him.)
Joey: Come on Rach, not again. I got it! Okay? Lets start sailing, and I want to go over there (Points) where that boatload of girls is! (Yelling to them) Yo-ho-ho!
Rachel: Oh, okay. Is that what you want to do? You wanna go over and give a little shout out to the old, hot chickas? Okay, lets do that Sailor Joe. Quick question though, (grabs some of the rigging) whats this called?
Rachel: Okay, you just go on and make your little jokey-jokes, but if you do not know what you are doing out at sea you will die at sea. Am I getting through to you sailor?! (She punctuates each word by slapping him on the forehead.)
Rachel: Dont just say yes! This isnt a game, Joey you can really get hurt out here. Okay, so do you want to pay attention or do you want to die?!
Joey: I want to make a ship to shore call to Chandler.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Phoebe are trying to determine the cookie recipe by eating small pieces.]
Joey: I dont want to talk about it. Yknow, you couldve at least saved me a whole cookie. (He grabs whats left of the cookie and pops in his mouth.)
Phoebe: I cant believe that! Now the only thing left of my grandmothers legacy is this crumb. (She picks it up with her finger and holds it out to Monica.) I wish you a long and happy marriage.
Ross: And what did he ask you not to call him?
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, heres the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and thats when in happened.
[Cut to the flashback, Chandlers no longer doing the voice-over.]
Mr. Geller: Have a seat son. (You can see Mr. Geller sitting closer to the door as Chandler walks over and sits in his lap.) Hey!! (Chandler quickly jumps off and sits next to him with a shocked expression on his face.)
Ross: Cause otherwise theyd have to call it the room room.
Chandler: Why? Okay? Why? Wh-wh-why did that have to happen?
Ross: Now, I know you wanted to bond with my dad, but did you really have to bond to that part?
Chandler: I dont want him to tell this story for years.
Ross: Oh, but he will. He still tells the story how Monica tried to escape from fat camp.
Monica: I was trying to help out a squirrel.
Ross: You were trying to eat it!
Chandler: If that is your father calling to tell this story then the marriage is off!
Chandler: (getting up) All right, Im off to see your dad.
Chandler: Look, I figured I would try to convince him not to tell the story anymore, and I figure the best way to do that is face to faceAnd by face I dont mean his lap. And by face, I dont mean my ass. (Exits.)
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey are you getting Monica and Chandler an engagement present?
Joey: Oh uh, I dont know the boat way to say this, but uh never!
Rachel: What? I was just trying to teach you.
Rachel: Excuse me, I wanted you to help, but you couldnt move your arms because you were wearing three life jackets.
Ross: You have to respect the sea! (Storms off.)
Rachel: Look Joey, Im sorry if-if you thought that was mean, but I gotta tell ya something. That was not mean. Okay, my father is mean. He used to yell at me all the time on the boat, I mean it was horrible. I was just being a good teacher.
Rachel: Yeah, I didnt want you to get hit by the boom!
Rachel: All right, yknow what? I-Im sorry. I will try to tone it down and uh stop yelling.
Joey: Do you want me to learn?!
Rachel: Okay Joey honey, youre doing really good! All right, now Im just gonna need you to step to the port side. (Joey pauses as he tries to remember which side is the port side.) Remember? Remember how we talked about the port side?
Rachel: Okay, go to the left. (Joey goes starboard or sits on the right side of the boat.) The left!
Rachel: (yelling) Just sit over there!! (Points to the port side.)
Rachel: Okay Joey, were luffing a little bit, so could you tighten up the cunningham? (The mainsail has started to flap in the wind and has stopped working efficiently; she wants him to tighten it so that it starts working again.)
Rachel: (angrily) No! All right?! I did not see the bird! I did not see the fish! I did not see the piece of Styrofoam that was shaped like Mike Tyson! I did not, because I was trying to teach you how to sail a boat! Which obviously is an impossible thing to do!
Rachel: No! No! No! Im not yelling at you, Im just yelling near you. Oh God Joey, ohh Im my father. Oh my God, this is horrible! Ive been trying so hard not to be my mother I did not see this comin. Oh, Joey, Im sorry. Im so sorry. I just wanted you to learn.
Joey: Yeah, its okay. I know what a mainsail is. (Points to it. Its the larger sail.) I know, I know to duck when the boom comes across. I-I know port is right.
Phoebe: Yknow, I bet it would actually make my grandmother very happy to know that were trying to figure out her recipe. I bet shes l-l-lookin up at us and smiling right now.
Phoebe: Oh yeahNo, she was really nice to me, but shes in hell for sure.
Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And thats not happening til October 15th, 2032.
Monica: I cannot believe that I just spent the last two days trying to figure out the recipe and it was in my cupboard the whole time!
(Chandler nods along and they enter the whirlpool room and remove their robes. Only Chandler is lacking a certain item of clothing. You see this is a coed whirlpool, which means swimsuits, and in fact there are two women already there and Chandler didnt seem to wear his. Needless to say, everyone is shocked, including Chandler.)
Rachel: Well Joey, I hate to admit it, your way of sailing is a lot more fun.
JOEY: Alright, you're on. I can take two minutes out of my day to kick your ass.
Joey: I can an A? In-in school? (To Joey) Hey, Im a dork.
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Chandler: (He turns to Ross and Ross makes a Be strong sound.) I wanna quit the gym.
Rachel: Wow! I definitely did not see that one backfiring! Im gonna go to the bathroom.
Monica: (going over to listen at the door) Rachel said everything was okay.
Rachel: I can not believe he would do that to MonWhoa! (She stops suddenly and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we know?
Joey: (to his grandmother) That's uh, scenes from next week's show. Next week's!
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
Joey: I'm, I'm okay. See. (tries to smile, but fails horribly)
RACH: All right, you know what, that's fine. If you guys want to be children about this, that's fine. I do not need to see it. [Rachel grabs the paper and runs across the room, reading it to herself.]
Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Monica: Honey, you�re just in time, I�m about to sing another song!
Joey: Oh alright. Umm, well, okay, I usually start by having a bottle of wine sent to my table from a fan.
Phoebe: I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next, yknow? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these policemen, thought I was a whore too. Its been a really bad day, whore wise.
Rachel: Look, Charlie, I just want you to know. Ross is just having a little trouble adjusting to the thought of Joey and me. You know, he normally doesn't drink like this.
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
Monica: You're going to talk to him! Y'know what? We made a deal, I make your decisions and I say you're going to talk to him.
Phoebe: That's easy for you to say, I don't see three kids coming out your vagina!
Joey: You're right, you're right, I'll get back to work.
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Joey: No, no no no no. See. Each woman is different.You have to appreciate their uniqueness.
Rachel: Oh no, my dad's a doctor and he would always tell me just horror stories (stops and tries to change directions) about ghosts and goblins who totally supported the princess's right to smoke.
CHANDLER: Hey, listen.� I'm never going to lie to you again, okay?� And I want you to know that nobody thinks you're stupid.
Monica: People have got to finish their stories!
Ross: Its worth the pain. (She goes to hug him again.) Yknow what, you know what? Its not.
Monica: Okay. Im guessing that if you dont want to deliver, you probably dont want to pick stuff up either.
[Cut to the casino, Monica is walking through it past the craps table when she notices a chip on the floor. She picks it up and heads to the table.]
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, they are taking Phoebe to the hospital but Chandler and Monica hold back.]
Monica: Ross and I always wanted to be Donny and Marie.
(He puts his leg up on the table to pass Joey the cookies, and Phoebe sees what the guys are laughing at, and gasps.)
Ross: Well, these. These are yours right here. (Pointing to the boxes they just created for her.)
Chandler: (To Phoebe, behind Monica's back) Still terrified, I'll take care of it. No problem. (When Monica turns back he smiles and kisses her, when she turns away he nods that he'll do it to Phoebe.)
Joey: Not anymore. So anyway, how do you want to pay me?
Joey: Hey! I did it. I called my producer. I told him I had a family emergency, he totally bought it. Thanks for teaching me how to lie Pheebs.
(Camera cuts to Chandler and Ross at table.)
Chandler: (to Monica) Is it okay that I want you to wear that head set in bed tonight?
Ross: No, Im serious. You-you need to find out where she is, because if shes not where you are, then you can start to move past this.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier. They both get up and move to the window.]
Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money coming from? (gives money to Joey)
Phoebe: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say (Hits him) 'no! No! I can't understand that!'.
Monica: I dont know, Ive never had to use the other one. Im just saying yknow, if were having sex, hes not gonna be talking.
Emily: I was going to call him, but
ROSS: [pulls the cigarette off his upper lip and hands it to Mr. Greene] Yeah, yes it is, I was just moistening the tip.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe, still defying reality, are now throwing a bouquet at each other, pretending to catch the actual bouquet at an actual wedding.]
Ross: Hey uh, well, todays my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
Monica: And listen to this... (shakes her body so the shells tingle)
Monica: You're going to China?
Ross: I'm going to China.
(Ross and Emily make it to the lobby.)
Joey: That, is not a cat! {I have to agree with Joey on this one.}
Monica: I dont understand, I mean am I so hard to live, is this why I dont have a boyfriend?
Mr. Tribbiani: (To Phoebe) What happened to the, uh, puppet guy?
Doug: No-no, I heard what you said, funny. I like funny. (Chandler starts to leave) This team is about hard work, but its also about having fun. Good to have you aboard Bing! (smacks him on the butt, and Chandler leaves shocked.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Joey is holding a deck of cards out to Chandler.]
Rachel: Ross, shes not weird, she just wants her stuff to be one of a kind.
Chandler: Y'know, I wouldve bet good money that hed be the first one of us to get married.
Ross: Oh God, thank you! (Runs and gives all of them a group hug.) Umm, uh, Mr. Stevens Id like you to meet my friends uh, this is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler.
Don: Uh, not really. But when it comes to cheese, Im one of the people who thinks the smellier the better.
Rachel: Wait, but theres no money! Well this is terrible! You guys are gonna have to get married in like a, rec. center!
Joey: (to the fireman) Hey buddy, do you think I can borrow your uniform this Thursday?
Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.
Ross: Let me ask you something, at your school was there a like uh a place on campus where students went to uh, fool around.
Monica: (as Rachel) I used to wet my bed.
Conan: For example, I dont have to memorize lines. You guys actually have to remember what to say and you probably forget from time to time. Yes?
Chandler: All right, lets break this down. What exactly did he say to you?
Monica: I don't want her to get a boob job! That's crazy!
Phoebe: Hey Joey, want come with me to… are you ok?
Joey: Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig!
Rachel: Oh, really, really? Well, it wasn't very good for me either. (She turns to leave and Ross over takes her and stands infront on her, his back to the row of doors leading to the hospital rooms)
Rachel: Well Joey, youll probably get it. But you should probably your-your gracious loser face. Yknow when like the cameras are on you and you wanna look disappointed but also that your colleague deserved to win. Yknow? So its sorta like (Does it, youll have to see it.)
Ross: (realizes something) The photo album! There were millions of pictures of the apartment in the photo album. We just go through it and match everything to the pictures.
(Joey starts to kiss her.)
Chandler: Shes moving on! Okay, if its not this guy, its gonna be somebody else! And unless youre thinking about subletting my peep hole, you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is over! Okay, man? Its over.
Ross: So, you gals wanna hand over your money now? That way, we don't have to go through the formality of actually playing.
Monica: No! no! Let's figure out a fair way to decide who's staying.
The Lurker: (to the guard) Excuse me, sir! This lady played my quarter, this is my money. (Motions to the jackpot.)
JOEY: Phoebs, he's just a little dog. [turns back to the car window and the dog is halfway through it.] Ahhh.
Chandler: Yeah. Good call, nice one. Hold it!! Hold it! What if me eyes are closed, and, and my hand is out there.... (holds his arm out and pretends to grab something with his hand.)
Chandler: Uh, Joey is gonna be right back. Right back! (Tries to pantomime it for her.) Meanwhile, let's-let's-let's talk about you. (Pause.) So, you're old and small.
Monica: Y'know, so I don't read as many important books as you do, and I don't write trick poems that seem to be about one thing but are actually about something else. And y'know what, I get excited about stupid stuff, like when I my People magazine comes on Saturday, and the new Hold Everything catalog. Y'know but that does not mean that I'm empty, I care about things. I care about my friends and family. You have no right to make that kind of judgment about me.
ROSS: Good, good, good. So, is uh, was your moustache, did, used to be different?
(Cut to later. Rachel is in tears)
[Scene: Monica's living room. We look outside to the balcony where Rachel is saying goodbye to Joey.]
Ross: Well maybe he'll get to go soon, like on a class trip or something.
Kate: He happens to be brilliant. Which is more than I can say for that sweater youre dating.
Chandler: Sorry! I-I-I dont know what to say.
(Joey leaves and Monica mouths to Chandler Oh my God!)
Joey: Yeah? Well look Ross, you don't have to. Okay? It's not your fault I suck. I mean what kind of an actor can't even say, "Hmm, noodle soup." (Nods his head in disgust.)
Monica: What did they do to you?
(Now Joey also wants to listen, and wants to press his ears against the door, which has a big mirror on it, he hesitates seeing himself in the mirror, but still puts his ear against it. We move again to Rachel's room.)
Phoebe: You dont have to put a good spin on everything.
Dana: Apparently Howies editing now. Yeah, he-he-he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie. Can you believe that?! Yknow I-I-I havent spoken to him in like ten years and he asks me for a favor!
Joey: Yeah uh, Phoebe! Look umm, I want to apologize about before, okay? We were being jerks. Parkers a nice guy and Id like to get to know him.
Joey: All right, All right, let's just get this out in the open okay? You're hot. I'm lovable. Clearly there's a vibe going on between us. But, we're roommates and it's a huge mistake for us to continue down this road.
MONICA: Oh God, you are about to get sooo lucky.
[Scene: Estelle's memorial service. Joey is giving a speech. Next to him is a blown op photograph of Estelle behind her desk and there's a man standing next to him.]
Phoebe: Oh yeah it is! Im going to the movies and it starts in like five minutes.
Phoebe: (getting up) Oh, for god�s sake, Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! (everybody scared) I�m sorry, was that rude? Di-did my, my li-little outburst blunt (?) the hideousness (?) that is this evening? Look, I know, you all have a lot going on, but all I wanted to do was have dinner with my friends on my birthday. And you are all so late and you didn�t even have the courtesy to call. (her cellular rings) Well, it�s too late now.
Rachel: (To Ross) Here's your lemonade.