words in movies
Ross: C'mon you guys, this is really important to us.
Monica: Well, I'm sorry, but Chandler and I could really use a weekend away. You know, to reconnect... emotionally.
Chandler: There's this thing I really want us to do. I read about it in Maxim...
Rachel: Well, can't you just go to Vermont the next day?
Ross: Yeah, we want everyone to be there. As much as I hate to delay your doing weird sex stuff to my little sister.
Rachel: You know Pheebs, when I was little, on my birthday, my daddy would hide a present in every room of the house, and then he would draw a treasure map to help me find 'em all.
Phoebe: Oooh, I love family traditions like that. When uhm... when Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food!
Rachel: Oh, good, good! We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma and we'll give it to her when she is 18.
Phoebe: Oh, just think... she's gonna be watching that video on a TV that hasn't even been invented yet! With friends who right now are just like babies! And they'll be living in a floating city that the humans built to escape the ant people!
Ross: Hey, say something to Emma on her 18th birthday!
Joey: 18, uh? (starts to prepare himself to say his "How You Doin'" line) Ross: Joey, NO!
Joey: And starting to think about settling down!
Rachel: Hey Joey, will you please set this up for people to put Emma's presents on?
Joey: I'd love to! Yeah! Joey: (To Phoebe) We were supposed to bring presents?
Joey: Oh, yeah! How was I supposed to know?
Joey: Yeah, but for a one-year-old. What's the point... the other day she laughed for like an hour at a cup. Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it dressed as a farmer. And he's standing next to this cow and the cow says "El-moo"! (Joey starts laughing) Yeah... that's a funny cup!
Rachel: Look, I know that you guys really want to get to Vermont and this isn't a really big deal to you, but it really is to us, ok? Emma will never have a first birthday again.
(someone knocks on the door. Rachel goes to open it)
Ross: (points the camcorder towards them to record their entrance) Hey!
Judy: (to Monica) I remember your first birthday! Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard! We had to take him to the emergency room! Ross: (pointing the camcorder at himself) There's something you didn't know about your dad!
Joey: Oh man, this is great, uh? The three of us together again! You know what would be fun? If we gave this present to Emma from all of us!
Monica: I've got a plan. I've got a plan. I'm going to ram this platter really hard into your ribs. You're gonna scream out and that'll wake her up!
Chandler: I'm not going to Vermont with this Monica!
Rachel: Well, this sounds like fun! Well, you know what? Actually? People are getting a little antsy waiting Emma to wake up from her nap, so would you mind performing them once now?
Rachel: (to everybody) All right, let’s get this party started, huh? Joey and Phoebe are gonna perform a little something for us.
Phoebe: (to Joey) Are you gonna be embarrassed going up there having nothing prepared?
Joey: Uh, why, it’s a... (he picks a book up) one of her favorites, uh, (he reads the title of the book) “Riding the Storm Out. Coping with post-partum depression” eesh! (he puts the book back and picks up another) “Love you forever”. Love you forever. By Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly books. Printed (he pauses and changes the tone to a dramatic one) in Mexico. A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and while she held him she sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”. (the picture fades and Joey is now finishing the book). And while he rocked her, he sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”.
Phoebe: That’s right, I've prepared a song for Emma. From my heart to hers. For there’s no greater gift, than the gift of music. (she starts singing) Emma! Your name poses a dilemma. 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma! Maybe the actor Richard Crenna, he played the commanding officer in Rambo. Happy birthday Emma!
Jack: That’s true! This message could becoming to you from beyond the grave, Emma!
Rachel: Ross, um, don’t forget to get a shot of Emma’s cake. It’s in a box in the fridge.
Monica: Oh my God, that place has the creamiest frosting! I use to hitchhike there when I was a kid.
Rachel: Why you guys this isn't funny, all right? If I wanted this cake to be a disaster I would have baked it myself!
Judy:(to Jack) Jack, look at this.
Ross: I am this close to tugging on my testicles again.
Rachel (on the phone): No, no, this is not what I ordered. Ok? I went all the way to New Jersey so that I could have the perfect cake for my daughter’s birthday and I need a bunny cake, right now!
Rachel: Oh! Believe you me! I am going to bring this cake back, I don't even want it in my home... (Turns towards the cake and sees Joey trying to take a piece and yells at him) Joey, don't touch it!!
Rachel: (speaking to the person on the phone again) Yes, yes. I still want my daughters picture, but on a bunny cake. Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts!
Chandler: To be fair this one does have nuts.
Ross: Hey Mon, that was really nice of you to loan Rachel your car so she could go and get the cake.
Monica: Oh. So nice of her to pull my hair, 'till I dropped the key!
Ross: Well, you know what? While we're waiting, you guys could tape your message to Emma for her 18th birthday, huh? (takes the camcorder and points it at Monica and Chandler) Ok!
Monica: We're Aunt Monica and uncle Chandler, by the way. You may not recognize us, because we haven't spoken to your parents in seventeen years!
Chandler: We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday. (Ross looks disappointed and switches the camcorder off)
Monica: Ross, Rachel promised it would be over by now. We seriously have to go, if we want to get to Vermont. I called them and the last train leaves in a half hour.
Ross: No, Rachel got pulled over for speeding. She forgot her licence so now I have to bring it to her.
Monica: No! Wait! If anybody gets to go.. it's us (Points at herself and Chandler) We've been complaining the longest!
Joey: Got it! (Goes towards the front door and stands with his back to it) Hey hey hey! (to Chandler) Where do you think you're going?
Chandler: To the bathroom!
Judy: Well, we better get going, it's late. Jack's not allowed to drive at night anymore. He has trouble staying in his lane.
Monica: No, he didn't! He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea.
Joey: (Shocked) Oh! Well that's it! He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in. (turns the bolts of the door, thereby locking it)
Joey: Oh! I forgot you used to live here!
Estelle: (Looks confused) Let me start over. I just got a call about an audition. I think you can still make it. It's down at the Astor Theatre and you need to have a monologue prepared.
Joey: A monologue? I don't have.. (sees the book he was reading before for his "dramatic reading") I got it. (hangs up) (announces to the room) Aah! so... I'm gonna take off!
Phoebe: Wh.. what? No wait, you don't get to leave! I've got a massage client waiting outside my door any minute!
Monica: Yeah, and we've paid for a room, that we're supposed to be in right now!
Phoebe: Well, oh, ok now... Only one of us has to stay with Emma. Ok, and as the person who realized that, I get to go!
Monica: No! no! Let's figure out a fair way to decide who's staying.
Joey: Oh! I got it! Ok, everyone pick a number from one to ten. Alright? Whoever gets the highest number gets to go first.
Chandler: (Also very excited) That sounds more fun than the thing we were going to do in Vermont!
Monica: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go (Takes two cups and marks the start and finish lines with them) from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!
Monica: (to the dog) What are you barking at?
Joey: Way to go robot!
Monica: No! No, no... wait! We didn't lose. (turns to Chandler) The rules clearly stated that the last one to cross the finish line was the loser. Well, our dog never crossed the finish line, so technically...
(Monica turns to see the closed door.)
[ Scene: The freeway. Rachel is driving Monica's Porsche, while using her mobile phone. Ross is sitting next to her.]
Rachel: (into the phone) No, there isn't time to go to the bakery. We're just gonna come home... Everybody left? Alright, well just tell Emma we're gonna be there as soon as we can. (emotionally) Bye...
Ross: Hey, maybe I can fix that, you know. Try to turn it into something else. (he opens the box)
Rachel: Oh, why do you even bother? I already ruined her first birthday... And do you know how important these early experiences are Ross? Very! According to the back cover of that book that you gave me.
Ross: Rach, she's not going to remember this.
Rachel: (shakes her head) I guess... Oh, I just had such an idea of what this day would be like, you know? Emma laughing and everybody gathered around her cake singing "Happy Birthday". Then we would all go into... HEY GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU STUPID STUDENT DRIVER!!! (honks furiously, and Ross looks at her in disbelief and Rachel looks at him.) They have to learn!
Ross: Well, I just made these two things uhm... cheeks. And then I split this to make ears.
Monica: Now another way to organise your stuffed animals, is by size.
Monica: ...and head to Canada!
Joey: (to Ross and Rachel) I've been here the whole time!
(There's a lot of yelling and screaming coming from the hallway, and they get up to look at what's the noise all about. In the hallway, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe are having another wind-up animal race, yelling and screaming fanatically.)
Chandler: Stop it! Youre killing me! I think I just moved on to Phase Four!
Phoebe: Okay, this is inexcusable. I am shocked to my very core!
Phoebe: Go Charlie! But my point is, ok so she dated them but she also broke up with them. Maybe she's looking to, you know, slum it with some average Joe Phd.
Phoebe: But I already gave them back to you!
Joey: So, so is she still going to Paris?
Ross: (loudly) So I'm going over to Amanda's tonight!
(Ross frantically starts to open the window as Paul enters and traps him halfway out the window.)
Ross: God, you're amazing... I didn't even have to ask you to call me that.
Phoebe: Oh Chandler! Thank God you're alive. Monica, can I talk to you outside for a minute?
Joey: Get the ball, ready? Get the ball, get the ball! (Joey pretends to throw it, but really doesnt, and the dog goes running off.) Well, youre cute, but youre not too smart!
Ross: That was the only way I could get him to stop typing!
Joey: No, Yeeees. God, how do I say this. (walks into the kitchen, Chandler follows closely, he turns around and gets startled). Oh, hi, you know that girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair (holds his hands up to signify she has big hair)?
Phoebe: YOU’RE SO GENEROUS AND KIND AND (crowd stops cheering) YOU'RE AMAZING IN BED (everyone hears it and stare at them.) (to everybody) IT’S OUR ANNIVERSARY!
Joey: Uh well yeah, that was the plan, but by the time I got to it there was only a couple of pieces left!
Joey: I didn't have to tell you that!! I'm stupider than Jane Rogers!!
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey's on the couch when Ross walks to him, with his jacket closed.]
Benjamin: I'm sorry. I just haven't seen her for so long! All these feelings are rushing back! I'm starting to realize how much I missed her, and I'm gonna need you to break up with her.
Chandler: When it comes down to it, you would risk your life for Ross before you would for me. That's the bottom line.
Joey/Drake: How can I? Knowing I'll never hold you in my arms again, or touch your skin, or feel your lips, knowing I'll never make love to you? How can I accept that... I can never kiss you again when it's all I can do not to kiss you right now.
Joshua: I invested in this night-club and its opening tonight, would you like to come?
Phoebe: So great! Okay! Tomorrow were gonna drive out to Montauk.
[Cut to Chandler and Joey's, Ross is seen throwing the ball into the bathroom, presumably where Joey is currently using the facilities.]
Joey: (To Rachel) Do you think he saw us or can we still sneak out?
SUSAN: Suddenly I'm seeing him go off to college.
Phoebe: Can I get you something to drink? Like a water and Valium?
Monica: You see that guy? Hes in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave hes going straight to the porn.
(Joey enters with Monica's paper and hands it to her.)
The Professor: Do you have a moment to talk about your lecture?
Nurse: Just so you know, Dr. Long cant be here today, she was called to the hospital, so Dr. Schiff will be seeing you.
Ross: (sigh)....I have to go to China.
Monica: You gotta go home and get the earrings that you borrowed from me okay? Chandler wants me to wear them tonight.
Monica: Anyway, I picked up this outfit that I want to wear and the, and the boots dont really go with it.
Ross: I cant believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in. Man, some-some strangers gonna be living in my room.
Joey: Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my underwear.
Joey: (With Big Eyes.) All right, youre right. Ill talk to her.
Joey: (entering, with bag) Hey! I'm off to my audition. How do I look?
Chandler: Well, you got here just in time. I really have to go buddy. (They hug)
Phoebe: No, no, no, oh no-no-no, its has to be 800. (picks up the instruction manual to check the phone number) Cause all those big companies have 800 numbers, every one. (Finds the number) Yeah, every big Utah-based company has one.
Chandler: They said it could be up to a year.
[Scene: Another street, somewhere along the River Themes, Ross, Emily, and Monica are walking to where theyre gonna get married. Emily is relating the troubles with the caterer.]
Ross: Well, I tried! But when I got to my lawyers office all I could hear was, "Three divorces. Three divorces!" Look, I just dont want my tombstone to read, Ross Gellar, Three Divorces.
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on, I can handle Ross. (They go to the door. Ross is trying to stick his hand through and undo the chain; Monica pushes his hand back.) (To Ross) Hold on! (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?
Chandler: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.
Whitfield: (sits down) Well, I have to tell you, I was quite impressed with your paper on Pre-Cretaceous fossils. Yeah, it confirmed everything that I have written.
Ross: Right that's why I came over to talk about. Hum...I saw Rachel kissing some guy on your balcony,even though there were NO LIGHTS !
Rachel: No! Come on its late, were not gonna go down to the office.
Rachel: Joey, why wouldn't you invite us to your parties?
Phoebe: Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here just 'cause of me.
Rachel: And last year is that why you sent us to that medieval times restaurant?
Phoebe: Im sorry. Im sorry. I never got to be in a club. I-I didnt go to high school, but three of us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French. Bonjour.
Chandler: I know, I know, I just always wondered if I could get her eyes to pop out of her head.
Monica: Yknow what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case (Chandler gets that disgusted look back.) Okay
Monica: Nothing. I just want the baby to be born today.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
Joey: (whispering to Chandler) Youll tell me later?
Rachel: I forgot... I am supposed to pick up a friend at the airport. I am so sorry! I'm so... if you want to stay, and finish your drinks, please do.... (gives him her drink) I meanI'm sorry. I-I-I gotta go. I'm sorry.
Rachel: I can't believe this. All I wanted to do was help you try to figure out what to do with your life and this is how you repay me?
Joey: Yeah, you'd think I'd give up being a minister and start paying to ride the subway? Huhuh...
Joey: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.
The Food Critic: Im torn, between my integrity and my desire to avoid a beating. But I must be honest, your soap is abysmal. (Throws down the spoon and walks out.)
Dina: What are you going to do? Kill him? Like you did with Charles?!
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I cant get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!! Come on, you have to unlock me, she could be gone for hours, and Im cold, and (Stops and looks up the skirt on a statue behind Joannas desk.)
Phoebe: Uh Joey, were trying to dial down the crazy.
Joey: Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program, and according to the rules, if I want to get the money I'm not allowed to conduct any... ersonal experiments, if you know what I mean.
Ross: Oh, but I've got tickets to the Van Gogh exhibit! I've been waiting like a year for this.
Ross: Ok, I'm off to talk to my unborn child.
Katie: Yeah, I just gotta run to the bathroom.
Bill: Some little snacks for everybody. Oh, you don't have to eat the sour worms. Those are for Owen.
(Joey whispers in Rachels ear to confirm his response.)
Chandler: (pours more and slides the refill to Joey) All right, say you do that. You know sooner or later somebody's gonna come along that slices a better cheddar. And then where're you gonna run?
CHANDLER: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I have to get a snake.
Rachel: Ok, that's it! Just give'em to me! I'll split them up! (she tries to snatch the bowl from Joey's hands but she can't, so she pinches his nipple and she manages to take it)
(Chandler takes Monica's hand, and gets serious) Look, before we sign anything we really have to talk...(pause) We're not who you think we are.
Chandler: (To the nurse at the nurses' station) My specimen is in the room and I just want to thank whoever knocked on the door while I was in there. Really helped speed the process along! (walks towards the common area and sees Janice is still there) Janice! You're not... gone?
Richard: Okay thats fine, Ill walk away. And Ill never bother you again, but only if you tell me Chandlers willing to give you everything I am.
Phoebe: (reading the nametag on the uniform) Hi, I'm Ben. I'm hospital worker Ben. It's Ben... to the rescue!
Ross: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower has ended and everyone except for Mrs. Green have left who is talking to Rachel while Monica and Phoebe are cleaning up.]
Phoebe: Well, I still think that it’s a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her! And if you need to, just get an extra plate of fries for the table!
Phoebe: Ohh, let me see it! Let me see your hand! (Chandler is frantically trying to wave them off.)
Joey: Hey Rach, do you feel like going to a convention?
Monica: Emily has probably been planning it since she was five! Ever since the first time she took a pillowcase and hung it off the back of her head. Thats what we did! We dreamed about the perfect wedding, and the perfect place, with the perfect four-tiered wedding cake (Starting to cry), with the little people on top. (Ross gets thrown a box of Kleenex from the bathroom and he gives her one.) Thanks. But the most important part is that we had the perfect guy who understood just how important all that other stuff was.
Joey: What?! Thats not fair! Its not my fault! I was off with my brides maid! And whos to say I wouldve even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I wouldve said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!
Ross: Okay, that's, that's enough. (retreats to the bathroom)
Monica: Because I need the money, and I thought that itd be a great way to get rid of that last little schmidgen of self-respect.
CHANDLER: Hey. Well, you will all be pleased to know that I have a date tomorrow night. This woman, Alison, from work. She's great. She's pretty, she's smart. And uh, I've been holding off on asking her out in the past, because she has an unusually large head. But, I'm not gonna let that stuff hang me up anymore. Look at me. I'm growing.
Rachel: I did it! Oh! I finished it! I did it all by myself! And there's nobody to hug!
Alice: Umm, it costs $16,000 each time you do this. So, umm, were kinda using all the money we have to do it just this one time.
Joey: (browsing the tissues) Let me see if I approve any of these clowns. This guy wears a rug (discards one). This guy's Canadian (discards another). And this guy is in a cult, ok, and it costs you 5,000$ to get to level three and I don't feel any different.
Rachel: (ignoring them) Monica, why? Why would I ever want to take away from your night?
Phoebe: Oh this, well Im glad you asked. (She opens the case and removes a knife and an soda can.) Now, dont you hate it when you have to cut a tin can with an ordinary steak knife? (She efficiently cuts it in half.) Ahh! Now, I know what youre thinking
NOTE: For this episode, I'm using italics to signify portions contained in the prom video.
Ross: What?! It is?! (He tries to quickly remove his gloves, but runs into trouble and finally throws them off of his hands like a hockey player in a fight and grabs Rachels belly.)
Chandler: Kinda... you know, sneaking around, having to hide from you guys...
Chandler. Well my boss and I worked out a deal where I only have to be in Tulsa four days a week, so the other three I can be here with you.
Phoebe: Oh... then I overpaid. (she goes to the bathroom)
Chandler: Well yes yes... You look nice can mean that your face looks nice. I want to compliment your body. I mean..I wouldn't change it. At all. And more specifically, I wouldn't want anything to get any bigger.
Joey: (to a customer) Are you all finished here?
Chandler: Yeah, that's the same as "it has something to do with wind".
Paul: What?! I cant believe youre trying to stifle me! When just 14 hours ago we figured out that that is exactly what my mother was trying to do to me!