words in movies
Host: Welcome everybody, welcome to Amazing Discoveries!
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
Joey: (on tv) Oh, you said it Mike. (rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Mike: There is a revolutionary new product that guarantees that you'll never have to open up milk cartons again. Meet the Milk Master 2000.
Ross: (to Chandler) Are you intrigued?
Mike: Keep in mind, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (to Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Joey: (on TV, finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Janice: Well, let's go to a bad one and make out. (they start to kiss and lean back into Monica.)
Monica: Perhaps, you would like me to turn like this, (turns sideways on the couch) so that you can bunny bump against my back.
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!
Phoebe: Well, it was just, it was all so crazy, you know. I mean, Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10, and he was up to 7 and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I-I-I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See, all of it. (shows him her hand)
Phoebe: Yep, and that's why we don't invite you to play.
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.
Joey: Hang up, hang up. (reaches with his good arm, but Phoebe grabs it and he tries to reach the phone with his other arm but can't because of the sling.)
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
(cut to later in the day)
Ross: Give daddy the Barbi! Ben, give, give me the Barbi. Okay, how 'bout, don't you want to play with the monster truck? (makes a monster truck sound) No. Okay, oh, oh, how about a Dino-soilder? (squawks like a dinosaur)
Rachel: Ross, you are so pathetic. Why can't your son just play with his doll? (uses the Milk Master 2000 to pour milk into her cereal)
Monica: (entering from her bedroom) I gotta go to work. Has anybody seen my left boob?
Chandler: Just do it! Okay, it's Janice and if I get it I'm going to have to see her tonight. (phone stops ringing) Oh, that's great I'm gonna have to see her tonight.
Ross: You didn't want to share your tomatoes, tomatoes are very important to you.
Monica: What is it with you people! I mean, the minute you start to feel something, you have to run away?
Chandler: I know, that, (looks at her fake chest, and loses his train of thought, temporarily) that's why I don't want to go tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid.
Monica: Oh, you mean like that guy thing where you act mean and distant until you get us to break up with you.
Chandler: Look what do I do? I wanna get past this, I don't wanna be afraid of the commitment thing. I wanna go through the tunnel, to the other side!
Ross: (to Joey) Where there is no fear of commitment.
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Phoebe: (on phone, in 'Katelynn's' voice) 'Hi, I have Phoebe Buffay returning a page. Okay, well, um, she's in her car I'll have to patch you through.'
Phoebe: (in voice, on phone) 'Okay, go ahead.' (in normal voice on phone) Um, hi Annie. (listens) Fantastic! (to Joey) You got it. (on phone) Oh, okay, um, 'Will he work for scale?' you ask me. Well, I don't know about that, (Joey clears his throat to signify yes) except that I do and he will. Great, oh you are such a sweetheart. I would love to have lunch with you, how about we have lunch next....(hangs up phone) Op, went through a tunnel.
Janice: So, how come you wanted to eat in tonight?
Chandler: 'Cause, I wanted to uh, give you this. (hands her a present)
Janice: Ohhh, are you a puppy! (opens it) Contact paper! I never really know what to say when someone you're sleeping with gives you contact paper.
Chandler: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. (gives her a drawer) See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
Janice: Oh, you didn't have to do this.
Janice: (laughs) I don't think we need to, because you're tripping me out right now! Are you okay?
Janice: You probably want us to move in together?
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'! I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!! (Janice leaves, Chandler then calls Janice to leave a message on her machine) Hey, Janice! It's me. Um, yeah, I-I-I just wanna apologize in advance for having chased you down the street. (runs out the door)
Chandler: So, I finally catch up to her and she says this relationship is going to fast and we have to slow down.
Monica: Welcome to our side of the tunnel.
Monica: You know, when you start get screwed over all the time, you gotta switch to low-fat.
Rachel: This is a very critical time right now. If you feel yourself reaching for that phone, then you go shoe shopping, you get your butt in a bubble bath. You want her back you have to start acting aloof.
Monica: She has to know that your not ready.
Rachel: Right. So, what you have to do is, you have to accidentally run into her on purpose. And then act aloof.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is still trying to get Ben to play with something other than the Barbi doll.]
Phoebe: (entering) Helloo! Oh! (sees Joey and starts to leave)
Joey: I'm, I'm okay. See. (tries to smile, but fails horribly)
Joey: No, no, no, see that's why you have to do this job, agents always lie. You know, Estelle just says stuff like 'They went another way', but this, I can use this. (in a very bad Italian accent) I canna work on a new accent.
Janice: (to butcher) No, thank you. (Chandler makes a sound and she notices him) Chandler!
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks by)
Phoebe: Okay, so we got some more good rejections, lots of stuff to work on.
Joey: Look, it's okay, no, no, no, really, look um, I really appreciate this Pheebs, but I think I'm gonna have to go back to Estelle.
Joey: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a better agent than she is, but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out.
Phoebe: Yeah. Sorry. (she starts to leave)
Joey: Wait a minute, did you just make up all that stuff just to get out of being my agent.
Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, what do I do?
Rachel: Shhh...I don't know what to do, this is totally unprecedented.
Ross: Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys that's the doll he chose.
Monica: What are you being such a weenie for? So he has a Barbi, big deal. You used to dress up like a woman.
Monica: Well, you used to dress up in Mom's clothes all the time.
Ross: There was no song. (to Monica) There was no song!
Ross: Okay, that's, that's enough. (retreats to the bathroom)
Young Monica: (entering the shot) Ross!!! (starts to wipe up the spill)
Ross: (To Whitney) Yknow, he hums when he pees!
Ross: You know what? Enough! Enough talking! I have to get moving! Hey check out those two blondes over there!Hey come with me!
Chandler: (to the two guys) Excuse me. (Chandler and Ross move away from them). That didn't make us sound gay at all!
Rachel: Yeah, sure. (To Monica) All right, whose court is the ball in now?
[Scene: at Barry and Mindy's reception, Monica and Richard are sitting at a table, and Monica is trying to throw a piece of candy into his mouth.]
Phoebe: Okay. (Goes over to Rachel.) Hey Rach?
(Rachel is slowing trying to leave and let them talk.)
Steve: Oh, okay, I get it. (Starts to leave.)
Amy: Not really. But you are much cuter then that geeky guy she used to date.
Phoebe: You were supposed to tell her!
Phoebe and Rachel: (to each other) I dont know.
Monica: Okay, does it involve something to do with Petes computer company?
Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh the phone! The phones making sounds! (On phone) Hello!
Steve: Go back to 3-B, 3-B!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is reacting to the story.]
Frank: Yeah, Ive been thinking ever since you said we were having triplets, the best thing for me to do is to drop out of college and get a job.
Rachel: And you know which one we should see? The 1996 Tony award winner. Do you happen to know the name of that one?
Joey: Well, we got plenty of space! There-there's still some over there (Points to where the window is but sees that there isn't any space there and points towards his door.) by-by that speaker. Please, just stay!
Joey: Yeah, a naked bagel game? (Picks up his dropped bagel.) (To Chandler) Dude, I dont know. Thats a pretty small hole.
Monica: Ugh, I can not believe this! I mean, who is she to judge us? We could not have been nicer to her!
Rachel: (To Monica) Yes.
Joey: Does it have to be a whole day?
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
(A worker comes to open the door and the horde starts to press forward.)
Ross: The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part! Okay Ben, its time to light the Hanukkah candles! (Santa, Superman, Monica, Ben, and the Holiday Armadillo go over to the menorah to light the candles.)
Rachel: Well, what are you going to wear?
Ross: You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing, and adorable, and sexy you are, you know? Someone who wakes up every morning thinking "Oh my god, I'm with Rachel". You know, someone who makes you feel good, the way I am with Julie. (Rachel has moved closer, but hearing that she starts to back up.) Was there a second of all?
Phoebe: I am one of Bens mothers. Im a lesbian. It was, it was difficult coming out to my parents.
Chandler: No, but waitwhat if I bought it from you, yknow? And your nice gesture would be giving it to me at a reasonable price, say (Gets choked up) $1,500?
Doctor: Well, you don't have that much time to relax. The other one will be along in a minute.
Phoebe: To Ross.
Joey: So what? I drove down, sold T-shirts, had a blast. And yknow who knows how to party? Drunk college chicks.
Monica: Well, you don't have to decide right now, but if you could just look at our file...
Phoebe: No, I can handle it. No, Im a professional. (She starts to leave)
Monica: Well, what am I going to say?
Benjamin: Alright, it's true. I behaved horribly. But it's only because I still love you. And I would do anything to have you back in my life.
Ross: You want me to call her right now?
Ross: (To Rachel) Yeah, I still don't know. (To the salesman who is hovering nearby) I'm sorry I just wanna make sure that I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says, "Kids welcome here." But that also says, (In a sexy voice) "Come here to me!"
(He puts his leg up on the couch to get the quarter, once again exposing himself to Chandler and Ross. In horror, Chandler, slides over and leans against Joey on the couch.)
Monica: I guess I set up the video camera to try and entice Joey.
Ross: Chandlers gonna ask Monica to marry him!
[Cut to Chandler trying to hint to Monica that he wanted to move in with her in The One After Vegas.]
(Chandler tries to take it, but Monica wont let go. He tugs harder, and she still doesnt budge.)
Monica: Yknow what we should do? We should all get dressed up and go to have champagne at The Plaza.
JADE: Well there really wasn't much time to get used to it, you know what I mean?
Rachel: (jumps at the chance to make that happen) Oh! There's nothing above your bed!!
(The apartment manager hung up on him and he hangs up the phone and throws in on the chair. Joey motions, "What the hell was that?" Chandler makes a face to say, "Think about it." Joey tries to divide 136 by 13; he's confused. Suddenly, light dawns on yonder dunder head. He gets it.)
Rachel: (not sure what to do) Uh, it was very nice meeting you. (They continue to ignore her.)
Rachel: Yeah, I told you to give Emily whatever she wants.
Gary Collins: (on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers (He walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!
(Shes about to get in when )
Chandler: Whoho ho... Listen to the judgement from the porn star!
Monica: Hey guys! You found the presents? Chandler, you let them find the presents? Great! Do you know how long it took me to find you that water purifier?
Rachel: Look he doesnt have any brothers or sisters, somebodys gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I havent taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesnt know anyway!
RICHARD: You're gonna do what to my clocks.
Phoebe: And this time, theyve ganged up to form one giant, super hat.
Joey: That sounds like another word to me! Are you gonna take this seriously? (Theres no response from Chandler.) Okay.
Ross: It was the chair again! Okay? Im not doing it! It whatlook, I dontyknow whateh-eh (He walks away and goes over to Mona.) Hi.
(They all run to the window.)
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Well, its better than us deciding.
Chandler: Do you happen to know what Im going to say?
Rachel: I dont want to say.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, the gang is watching Joeys debut on Days.]
Chandler: (transfixed) Hi! Nice to meet you!
JOEY: No no, seriously, Chandler and I were just talkin about this. He is so much cooler than our dads. [Chandler starts kicking him below the table] I mean, you know, our dad's are ok, ya know, but Richard is just- ow, ow. What are you kickin me for? Huh? I'm tryin to talk here.
Ross: Ooh hey, Emma, daddy has some presents for you okay? Okay? I want you to wait right here. Come here sweetie.
Rachel: Why does it matter so much to you?!
[Cut to the guys.]
Joanna: Oh, I know and hes soo sweet! Listen, he said he was going to call, so put him straight through.
[Cut back to the girls.]
Joey: All right now All right, youre all set up. Youre good to go. Just hit record. All right?
(She starts to go and get the coffee and falls behind the counter.)
[Cut to the guys.]
Rachel: Thats-thats great! See? I already feel like I know you a little better! Thank you. Okay, come on. Now we can go eat. Lets go. (Gets up to leave, but Paul doesnt move.)
Chandler: (shocked) There are seven?! (Points to one) Thats one?
Bonnie: (to Rachel) Thanks a million.
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? (Turns away) Hello? (He sits down next to her and she moves over a bit.) Phoebe? (He moves closer and she keeps moving away.) Phoe-Phoebe! (They end up hanging over the arm rest.) Come on! (He grabs the magazine away from her.)
Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.
(Camera cuts to show Chandler giving a Jello shot to the ceramic dog and holding an empty tray of Jello shots.)
Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
Rachel: Hey, what have you guys been up to?
[Cut back to Central Perk.]
(They go away, trying very hard not to laugh at Chandler)
Chandler: Well lets see, there was the guy with the ferrets, thats plural. The spitter. Oh-ho, and yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he felt the need to make a little noise every time he said it. Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing Bing! Great apartment Chandler Bing, Bing!
Monica: You bet! No TV or anything! (she gets up from the sofa and goes to the kitchen area)
Rachel: Noooo... the interview! She loved me! She absolutely loved me. We talked for like two and a half hours, we have the same taste in clothes, andoh, I went to camp with her cousin... And, oh, the job is perfect. I can do this. I can do this well!
Monica: Come on, get into bed! I want to prove to you that Im not sick! I wanna make you feel, as good as I feel. (Sneezes.)
Chandler: Oh come on guys, its not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it werent for (struggles to get this out) Monicas allergies. (The duck quacks.) Youre right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs, then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joeys not here right now. Can I take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? (Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the way.)
Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.
Rachel: (To Phoebe) Why do you care about the guy who won the Paris trip?
[Cut to the bathroom.]
Chandler: Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say that your love sends me to the moon.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]
Rachel: Well... well, what did you do to make her laugh? (excited)
Phoebe: (To Monica) Oh, thats beautiful.
JOEY: Hi, here's the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It's white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh, and there was a baby in it. He wants to talk to you again.
Monica: They all came from the list you handed out to us two weeks ago.
MONICA: [walks up to Rachel in front of the TV] Tonight?
Joey: (To Chandler) (laughing) Funny one! Thats good!
Joey: (laughs) Yeah! Right! (points at Monica) People eat birds... Bird meat... Now do they just fly into your mouth or you go to... you go to a restaurant and you say: "Excuse me, I'll have a bucket of fried bird." (laughs again) Or... or maybe just a wing or... (realises...)