words in movies
Chandler: Aren't you supposed to be at an audition for another hour?
Joey: Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman! (Starts for his room.) And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition! Okay, look, if I have to pretend I don't know about you two, then you two are gonna have to pretend there's nothing to know about.
(They wait for Joey to go into his room and close the door and then start making out again.)
Monica: (To Chandler) Rachel's at work.
(They both go to her apartment.)
Phoebe: Yeah, my mom sent me a family heirloom that once belonged to my grandmother. Can you believe it?! A year ago I didn't even have a family, and now I have heirlooms for crying out loud.
(She puts her leg up on the chair and removes this huge knife from her boot to open the box with. The guys are shocked at the knife's existence.)
Phoebe: Yeah! Why would my mother send me a fur? Doesn't she know me but at all! Plus, I have a perfectly fine coat that no innocent animal suffered to make!
Ross: Look, if I can just do what Emily wants and get her to New York, I'm sure everything will be fine.
Monica: Look, I'm not happy about this either, but y'know if-if Ross says he's happy then we're just gonna have to keep our feelings about Emily to ourselves. Are you cool with that?
Monica: Rachel, if you want the little round waffles, you gotta have to wait until I find the little waffle iron.
Monica: All right. (Looking through a box.) Op, here it is! Right underneath the can of-of bug bomb. I wonder if the best place to put something that cooks food is underneath the can of poison?
(She starts to run out but is stopped by a figure looming out of the darkness carrying a pick axe.)
Ross: Nothing. Oh, actually, great news! I just got off the phone with Emily and it looks like I'm moving to a new apartment. Woo-hoo!
Ross: Well, her thought is, and I agree, fresh new furniture, why not a fresh new apartment? Her cousin has this great place to sublet, it's got a view of the river on one side and Columbia on the other.
Joey: That's way uptown! That's like three trains away! (Phoebe pinches him.) Which is great! I love to ride that rail!
Joey: Now he's movin'? Man, what is Emily doing to him? (Phoebe pinches him again.) Ow!! He's not even here!!!
Monica: And he came at us with an axe, so Rachel had to use a bug bomb on him!
[Scene: Their Building, Monica and Rachel are going to apologize to Danny. Rachel knocks on his door, which he opens and he has this really bushy beard and long hair. Picture Paul Bunyan.]
Rachel: Hi! Just so you know, we-we didn't mean to fog you, we thought you were like a yeti or something.
Rachel: Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I don't think we can accept your acceptance of our apology, it just doesn't really seem like you mean it.
Phoebe: This is fashion?! (Grabs the coat from Rachel.) Okay, so to you, death is fashion?! That's really funny. (She puts the coat on and starts to model it.) Here's Phoebe umm, sporting uh, y'know, cutting edge hairy carcass from y'know, the steal traps of wintry Russia. I mean, you really thing this looks good? (Sees herself in the mirror.) 'Cause I do.
Ross: (on phone) I know I miss you too. I can't wait to see you. I love you. Bye. (Hangs up.)
(He picks up a smaller box and carries it to the moving van as Joey returns.)
Ross: I loved this place! To tell you the truth, I wish I didn't have to move.
Joey: You do have a choice!! Ross, why are you listening to her?! Are you, are you crazy?!
Joey: It's not right what Emily wants you to do! She is totally-(The gang enters behind Joey and Phoebe pinches him again.)-Owww!! Stop pinching me! Look, now you guys said I only had to keep my mouth shut as long as Ross was happy, right? Well he just told me that he's not entirely happy.
Monica: No, Ross, we do not hate Emily. We-we just, we just think that you're having to sacrifice a whole lot to make her happy.
Ross: Unreasonable? How about we have this conversation when one of you guys gets married! You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work! All right, it's about compromise! Do you always like it? No! Do you do it? Yes! Because it's not all laughing, happy, candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk all the time! It's real life, okay? It's what grown-ups do! (He storms out.)
Chandler: Kind of? If you just kept this to yourself none of this would've happened.
Joey: Well, I'm keeping so many things to myself these days, something was bound to slip out! (He glares at Chandler.)
Phoebe: All right, I can't sit here anymore. I have to walk places. (She puts on her fur coat.)
Phoebe: Well, I've been reading up and for your information, minks are not very nice. Okay, I admit it! I love this coat! Okay, Iit's the best thing I've ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley! (She starts to leave but stops and says to Monica.) Remember Phil Huntley? He was fine!
[Scene: Their building's lobby, Danny is checking his mailbox as Rachel enters carrying shopping bags and goes to her mailbox. Danny has shaved his beard and cut his hair, Rachel doesn't recognize him.]
Danny: I had to cut my hair to get rid of the uh, fogger smell.
Danny: That's cool. Cool. (Starts to leave.)
Rachel: Well, y'know, if-if kids like to play with Capri pants.
(Rachel decides not to give up that easily and follows him to his apartment and bangs on the door, which he opens.)
Rachel: Fine! I judged you. I made a snap judgement. But you did it too! And you are worse because you are sticking to your stupid snap judgement! You can't even open up your mind for a second to see if you're wrong! What does that say about you?
[Scene: Ross's now empty apartment, he is spackling some holes shut as the gang comes to apologize.]
Phoebe: (To Chandler) You're kinda stepping on the song. (She gets ready to play but is stopped by )
(She starts to play her song, but is stopped by Monica.)
Rachel: Oh, I went to have pizza. With Danny.
Ross: Wait! Wait! Wait! Y'know what? Just stay. Please? It uh It would really mean a lot to me if you stayed.
(They all run over to the window.)
Monica: I'll get it. (On phone.) Hello. (Listens.) Hi Emily! (Listens.) Yeah, uh you-you tracked him down. Hold on one second. (She hands the phone to Ross.)
Ross: Hey! (Listens.) Yeah-yeah, we're just having dinner. (Listens.) Uh, yeah, sure uh hold on. (To the gang.) She wants to say hi. (To Emily) Hold on.
(Rachel waves her hands in disgust and starts to head for her room.)
Ross: Emily that's ridiculous. Look, I'm-I'm moving for you, I'm cutting friends out of my life for you. Please, just get on the plane and come to New York. Okay, you'll see you're the only person I want to be with.
[Cut to the inside of the apartment.]
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
[Scene: A curbside newsstand, Phoebe is whistling and walking up to it wearing her fur coat. She stops and starts to look through a magazine and notices a squirrel on a nearby tree chirping at her.]
Phoebe: (to the squirrel) Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! (The squirrel stares at her.) All right, fine, now I get it. (To the clerk.) Here. (She hands him her coat.) You take it. (To the squirrel.) Are you happy now? I'm cold!
Earl: Okay, I should, I should probably be getting back to my thing now. See ya. (Hangs up.)
Ross: I am not in love with her. She was very upset about having to move out so I eh, didnt tell her we were still married because she would only get more upset. I-I just comforted her, as a friend.
Phoebe: Ooh, yeah. Then what are you going to put on top of that?
Chandler: Well look, it's not easy to spend this much time apart, you know. She's entitled to be a little paranoid... or, in this case: right on money! ... You know, she's amazing, and beautiful, and smart, and if she were here right now, ...she'd kick your ass. Look, you're a really nice person... ham stealing and adultery aside. But, what I have with my wife is pretty great, so nothing is ever gonna happen between us.
Rachel: I know. But if some guy who looks like Corey Haim wants to kiss me tonight, I'm sooo gonna let them! (They spot Chandler)
Ross: Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party!
ROSS: Well, we won't wanna raise kids in the city so we'll probably move to uh, Scarsdale.
Ross: Wow! The only thing I got from my Grandmother was her eyes. I mean not-not her actual eyeballs, but, but people say that my eyesDo-do you want to make out?
(Betty waggles her fingers to say "Hi", but Phoebe feels her birthday has been ruined by her twin.)
Rachel: I dont know, you thought See you Saturday was funny. Look honey, Mark is in fashion okay, I like having a friend that I can share this stuff with. You guys would never want to go to a lecture with me.
ERICA: I should just be happy to be near you.
Chandler: The bath salts! Theyre starting to effervesce! Its different. (Pause) Its interesting.
Erica: Actually, I don’t think we have to.
Rachel: Ok. (Phoebe starts to walk in the opposite direction though. Rachel sees and follows her) Wha...? where? Where are you going?
Joey: (raises his hand and points to himself again) Ken Adams!!
Monica: No-no, I-I really dont want to talk about it! I dont! (To Rachel) Especially with you. (Goes into her room.)
[Chandler tries to warn Phoebe that the woman is coming on to her, but Phoebe doesn't see him.]
Chandler: Well, just until we find an energy source to replace fuel.
Joey: Anyway, it uh look itll just take me a while to get over her, thats all. Im not even sure how to do that, I mean Ive never been in love before so
Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."
Ross: Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey.
Joey: And again, and again, and again... (phone rings, he answers) Hello? (hands phone to Chandler) And again.
MONICA: Give it to me.
Rachel: Yeah, just so weird seeing him like that, you know? I mean he is a doctor, you don't expect doctors to get sick!
Rachel: Hey Joey, will you please set this up for people to put Emma's presents on?
Ross: And what did he ask you not to call him?
Aurora: (gets up to leave) Well, call me if you change your mind.
Rachel: Sup.. You want to talk supportive? You didn't even come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby.
David: I keep a straight face he-he delivers like this look, a reaction to you, or a certain take, I-II mean I find it so funny.
JOEY: (to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?
Chandler: Because I'm very happy for him! (To Monica) And you, you lucky dog!
[Scene: City street. The whole gang is walking up to the movie set.]
Monica: I mean I have not been picked on this much since kindergarten and they had to bring in someone from junior high to do the see-saw with me. (Joey laughs and Monica glares at him.)
Jim: Oh also, you might be interested to know that I have a Ph.D.
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
Phoebe: Yeah. But I also believed her (points to the phone) when she said I was next.
Chandler: They dont really talk to us about that kind of stuff. I can get you some free white out though.
Rachel: Yknow what, I-I have to go talk to her, would you let me just get changed?
Joey: Oh what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? (Chandler looks annoyed at him and Joey leans in to him) Oh! Secret teapot?
(At this moment Rachel bursts through the door. Needless to say, shes not in the best of moods having just found out Rosss dirty little secret.)
MONICA: C'mon. Keeps his fingers to himself and he's always minty fresh.
Phoebe: Well I guess its okay to open one more if its part of a set. Yknow, its probably this one. (Grabs another small one.)
Phoebe: Yeah. You won't be able to take it.
RACHEL: Wow, so why don't you go talk to him?
The Cigarette Smoking Guy: (No, not the Cigarette Smoking Man from The X-Files.) Well, maybe you and your baby should go to another strip club.
Phoebe: Uh-huh! Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door?
Chandler: Monica, you have got to stop this competitive thing! Okay? It's crazy. {Finally! The voice of reason.} I mean, just impress Gary and Phoebe we have to go upstairs and have sex over and over and I'm saying no to this, why? Get your coat.
[back to Rachel and Monica]
Chandler: Oh hey. Id shake your hand but uh; Im really into the game. Plus, I think itd be better for my ego if we didnt stand right next to each other.
Monica: I know...God. I haven't seen my savings take a hit like this since I was a kid and they came up with double-stuffed Oreos. What happened to all our money?
[Flashback to Chandlers thirtieth birthday party. It is also being held in Monica and his apartment. He is about to blow out the candles on his birthday cake.]
Monica: (to Joey) Whats so funny?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is entering to find Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, on the phone.]
[Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is opening the door to Monica.]
CHANDLER: You want me to wear your panties?
Phoebe: Hey, buddy. Hows my favorite dog, huh? Hows my favorite dog? (the dog doesnt move) Youre subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are still debating about how to tell Rachel that Chandlers moving in and shes moving out.]
Chandler: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brothers not going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?
Monica: (to Chandler) Stick out your tongue.
JOEY: Hey Phoeb's, I think you're good to go.
Chandler: (To Chandler) Im out of words. Should I just say the whole thing again?
Joey: (entering) Oh uh, hey Pheebs. Uh yknow what? Ill-Ill come back later. (He goes to leave but runs into Ross whos entering.)
Rachel: Now, if you will excuse me I am going to go and lie down. (Exits.)
Monica: Now there you go! I wouldnt want my best guest to strain her eyes!
Ross: So youre strong enough to face her on your own?
Ross: Oh, thank you. (She goes to kiss him, but he holds her coat up between their faces to stop her.) Hey, hey. (opens the door, sees Rachel, and hides Chloe behind the door) Rachel!!!!
[Scene: A train to Poughkeepsie, Ross is asleep against the window.]
Ross: Youve got to be kidding me!
Susan: (to Ross) See what you did.
Chandler: Nope! Because Im not your boyfriend. (to Phoebe, whos entering) Hey Pheebs, how did it go?
RTST: Aren't you going to swallow that?
Ross: Look, I'm sure it would be great, but I-I think one of us has to be thinking clearly, so, I'm gonna go!
Ross: Nothing! Theres nothing to do! I mean, she lives there, I live here. I mean, she-shed have to uh, move here. She should move here!
Joey: Oh my God, Im sorry, Im being so rude. (Turns to Rachel.) Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Theatrical Agency, Joey is there to see his agent.]
CHANDLER: No, no, you don't have to see.
Joey: (Checks him out) Okay! (Walks over to his table and sits down with him)
Rachel: So I hear the Ralph Lauren fooled around with someone in the copy room. (Kim stops the elevator and turns to Rachel.)
Rachel: (to a pregnant Leslie) Look at you, you are so big I can't believe it!
Ross: Yeah. I'm paying you to stop.
Rachel: What? Oh, well then yknow what? I think Monica would be very interested to know that you called her cheesecake dry and mealy.
Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch?
Mike: I intend to marry her.
Rachel: Well this has story behind it! I mean they had to ship it all the way from the White Plains store.
Rachel: Yeah, I know. I had the greatest day though, I got to sit in on the meeting with the reps from Calvin Klien. I told my boss I liked this line of lingerie, she ordered a ton of it. How was your day?
[Scene: Healing Hands Inc. (Phoebes work), Frank is being ushered in, by the arm, to the room Phoebe is in by another girl.]
The Director: (to Joey) Very nice. Very nice. (he walks away)
Phoebe: (to the girls) Hi! Hi! Listen, my friend Ross is about to be divorced for the third time, but wouldnt you date him?
Ross: Okay, forward. ForwardStop! (The car moves an inch and Ross runs to the back of the car.) Okay, backStop! (The car barely moves and Ross runs back to the front.) Okay, forwardStop! Stop! Stop!
Gunther: (to Ross) Thanks for not marrying Rachel. (He starts to leave.)
Ross: Well, I'm off to Carol's.
Gary: Hey, it's okay. It was just a car backfire. (Joey slowly moves off of Ross.) Hey, look at that! You tried to save your buddy. You see that? You see what he did?
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's. Only Chandler is in the living room and walks to the bathroom.]
JOEY: Yeah, if I'm willing to sleep with the casting lady.
Ross: Things you find in the ocean, (to Joey) You're gonna be on "Pyramid"!!
Ross: No, us having to lie about being married.
Rachel: Oh sorry didnt mean to interrupt. Its just such a beautiful space; do you do a lot of weddings here?
MONICA: Look honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now and you're just gonna have to get over it.
Phoebe: Yeah okay... yeah, your mom... okay... She looks nice, I can talk to her.