words in movies
Rachel: Oh good. (She walks to the closed bathroom door, opens it, and finds a naked woman wrapped in a towel.) Ahhh! My God, sorry! (She closes the door and confronts Joey.)
Joey: Just casually slip it in, yknow lay the groundwork. Tell her uh, Im a lonerNo! An outlaw! Tell her she doesnt want to get mixed up with the likes of me.
Rachel: Yknow what? Thats a lot to remember, cant I just tell her youre a pig?
Joey: Hey, Im gonna call her later! Honest! Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! Hed even make the girl pancakes! Plus, hed make extras and leave em for me.
Joeys Date: Sorry about that, but I couldnt get that lock to work on the door.
Erin: Hi. I dont mean this to sound like high school, but did he say anything about me?
Chandler: You didnt bring me here to do that, did you?
The Waitress: She says its to dry now and she wants to come back here and explain to you exactly how she wants it.
Monica: Well fine! I want to meet this chicken expert! Send the Colonel in!
(The waitress lets her in as Monica is about to throw a lobster into a pot of boiling water (Although, she hasnt taken off the rubber bands that hold the claws, so she cant be that good of a chef). Anyway, guess who the Colonel is by the following phrase.)
Monica: (to the lobster) Lucky bastard! (Throws the lobster in and turns around to face the planets most annoying woman, next to Dr. Laura and Kathy Lee Gifford of course. Shes the most annoying female TV character however.) Janice.
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers just after Monica has finished telling Chandler what happened.]
Monica: Well, she actually has a boyfriend yknow herself, named Clark. Uh, she also kinda invited herself to our wedding. Clark too.
Monica: Well, she corned me! She asked if the wedding was in town! I mean, what was I supposed to do?!
Chandler: Lie!!! How hard is that?! The checks in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I cant wait to read your book Ross!!
Monica: Come on! So she comes to the wedding! I mean it wont be so bad.
Chandler: What do you think shes just gonna sit there quietly? You dont think shes gonna want to make a toast? You dont think shes gonna want to grab the microphone and sing Part-time Lover?!
Chandler: Yknow what? Its gonna be okay. Yknow what? Shes probably not gonna even want to come.
Monica: Good, so do it Saturday night because were going to dinner with her and Clark.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is coming back from work to find Phoebe, Rachel, and someone else with her back turned is there.]
Joey: Hey-hey, whos your friend? (Erin turns around to face Joey, startling him) Hey!!
Erin: Ohh, listen. Ive got to get going. Today was great, thanks!
Joey: (to Erin) Okay, good to see you again.
Rachel: Oh Joey, Im sorry I just couldnt tell her all those things you wanted me to tell her. And yknow we got to talking and I
Phoebe: We want you to marry her!
Rachel: Fine. (They start to walk away.)
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Ross: My doctoral dissertation is in the library at school, I went to see it, and there were students makin babies right in the middle of the Paleontology section!
Rachel: Oh my God! Did you get to see anything good?
Ross: Let me ask you something, at your school was there a like uh a place on campus where students went to uh, fool around.
Joey: I like to see the previews. (Rachel looks at him.) The candy.
Rachel: Hi! Well, we were just about to take off and see a movie. Oh no!
Rachel: Oh Phoebe, we forgot that party we have to go to.
[Scene: The Library, Ross enters and heads to the desk to talk to the male librarian on duty.]
The Librarian: Well, yes! Just give me five minutes, I just have to find someone to cover my shift.
Ross: No! No!! No! Can I speak to someone in charge please?! (The librarian brings his boss over.)
Ross: Hi, I was wondering if it is possible to increase security in the Paleontology section? See I-I wrote a book up there and instead of reading it people are-are-are well, rolling around in front of it.
The Head Librarian: We are aware of the problem you are referring too. (He turns to look at the previous librarian.) But as far as increasing security, Im afraid the library is very understaffed. I, I cant help you.
Ross: Well, fine. Fine! If-if Im the only person with any appreciation of the sanctity of the written word, Ill go up there and defend it myself! (Starts to do so, but stops and to the previous librarian) And dont you follow me!
Joey: Yeah that really calms me down. And! We have so much in common! She loves sandwiches, sports, although she is a Met fan, not much of an issue now but if were ever to have kids, well thats a
Rachel: (gasps) Oh my God! Listen to you talkin about having kids. Oh my Joey. (She goes over and hugs him.) Oh, please dont get married before I do.
Janice: I should just go on to happier things, okay? Umm, why dont you tell about your lovely wedding?
Chandler: Well actually uh, there was something we wanted to tell you about the wedding. Um, its going to be a small ceremony. Uh, tiny! Were not even sure why were having it.
Monica: Its actually going to be just family.
Janice: Oh wait you two think of me as family?! Oh, I have to ask you something now and be honest; do you want me to sing Careless Whisper or Lady In Red?
Joey: You shut up! (To Phoebe and Rachel) I love arguing with her. (To Erin) Ill be right back.
Erin: Okay. (Joey goes to get some coffee and Erin sits down.)
Erin: Look, hes a really great guy and I know that you really want this to work out, but I just dont see this having a future.
Joey: (whispers to Phoebe and Rachel) Hey, thank you so much. (They both exit.)
Ross: Ah Ah Get out of here! (The couple retreats. Ross starts looking through the previously mentioned book as a beautiful woman walks into the section.) Uh, meeting someone? Or-or are you just here to brush up on Marions views on evolution?
Woman: Uh, actually I find Marions views far to progressionist.
Ross: I find Marions views far to progressionist.
Joey: Oh, it was great! I mean we walked all around the village. We went to this ice cream place, split a milkshake, 70/30 but still And guess what, Im thinking about taking her upstate to one of those bed and breakfasts.
Phoebe: Oh really? She said she wants to go away with you?
Rachel: Jo-Joey, look honey we-we need to talk okay? Umm, I kinda got the feeling from her today that uh, shes not lookin for a serious relationship.
Phoebe: Hey Joey, yknow what? You are way to good for her.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table and are still trying to decide what to do about Janice.]
Chandler: (To Monica) Did she see us yet? Did she see us?
Janice: Well umm, I thought I was going to go back to my apartment but then I just felt I couldnt really be alone tonight. (Joey walks into view of the open door behind Janice, sees her, gets a terrified look on his face, and flees in horror.) I was wondering if I could maybe stay here with you, just I really feel that I need to be with family.
Monica: (To Chandler) Our kids are gonna call her Aunt Janice arent they?
Janice: (starting to cry) Do you have any tissues?
Janice: Hey you guys, umm do either one of you want to get in there before I take my bath.
Janice: Okay, Im going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. (Makes some weird sound) Do you have a cat? Cause its already happening. (Makes a nasal sound) Do you hear that? (She keeps making the nasal sound.)
(Chandler does the same nasal sound to Chandler.)
Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God! You have to go!
Monica: Thats right. Thats right. And that is why you cant stay here tonight. And probably why you shouldnt come to the wedding.
Ross: (to the guard) Dont sweat it, Ive got this section covered. Yeah, in fact Ive got this little baby (Turns on a mini-flashlight) to shine in peoples eye(The guard walks away)Okay, see you later.
(Ross resumes his patrol when his best friend and sister walk up and start to take off their coats, but they stop when they see him.)
Chandler: I just wanted to show Monica your book. (Ross just glares at him.)
Rachel: (to Monica) What?!
CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. . . ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty much get down tonight.
Chandler: Nobody is opening anything ok? Look, I dont know about you guys, but I wanna see the look on Monicas face when I give her my present, and Im sure she wants to see the look on my face when I get mine. So please, please, can we just, can we put them back?
Ross: Obviously not to Joey.
Joey: Y-y-yeah! (As they start to leave, Rachel pauses and steals a vase with flowers in it.) Yeah you do. (They exit.)
ROSS: [sitting at table talking to a girl] It's hard to tell because I'm sweating, but I use exactly what the gel bottle says, an amount about the size of a pea. How, how can that be too much?
Ross: Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself.
Monica: Oh, you really want to talk about getting people to like you huh, funny man? (Joey laughs but stops when Chandler turns to glare at him.)
Chandler: Yeah, either that, or Gloria Estefan was right, eventually, the rhythm is going to get you.
Rachel: (lifts for a toast) Okay, as everybody has ordered, I would like to start the celebration and make a toast � to Phoebe. She dropped her sock.
Rachel: All right, well that's good to know. Good night, Steve.
Emily: Dont do this to me, again. Youd know Id stay here in a minute, but Id really miss so much work, theyll fire me.
Emily: (Giggles.) Ohh...(She realizes that shes in her gown.) Oh! You were not meant to see me before the wedding. Its bad luck.
MONICA: Well, CHP because I used to have a crush on Eric Estrada. And ZXY becuase I think it sounds zexy.
Monica: Can we turn the TV off? Okay? Do we really want to spend the entire weekend like this?
Phoebe: Umm, well I, I kinda had a little chat with Alice, and I sort of made her see why you two shouldnt be together, y'know. And youre gonna see it to, one day, you really, really will.
Chandler: We are supposed to make these decisions together! Did you not watch the Doctor Phil I taped for you?
Ross: Thanks, Gunther. (takes the plate Gunther serves him and Rachel comes up and kisses him) (to Rachel) Hey! (to Gunther) Umm, can I get a napkin too?
Kim: Oh don't be sorry, that's part of your job here to give your opinions and then I take credit for them--I'm kidding.
Rachel: Dont!! (Joey backs away frightened.) (To Jill) Honey, what are you doing here?!
Rachel: (to Ross) Whats your problem?
(Barry finds it draped on a cupboard and gives it to Rachel, they kiss as Bobby enters.)
MONICA: Woah, woah, woah, let's go back to 29.
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Rachel: You know what? Uhm, I have some goodbye stuff that I wanted to say to each of you and I was gonna save it until the end of the night, but come here (they go into the guest room).
Chandler: (glaring at her) Well, Monica and Chandler cant go. Were going to dinner remember?!
[Scene: Monicas bedroom, she has just lost her flower to Chandler.]
Monica: Oh she misunderstood, she thought she was moving to Tulsa.
Monica: Oh, I don't know. Maybe, um, "That was nice?" Admit something to me? "I'll call you?"
MONICA: Wait a minute, who told you? [turns to Chandler who's looking sheepish] You are dead meat.
Rachel: That had to hurt!
Rachel: (holding the phone out to Chandler) Chandler? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you.
Sonia: We'll get to the wax in a minute. First I want to tweeze some of the strays, ok? This may sting just a little bit...
Ross: (to Joey) It's ok, because they have to get it out of their system, okay (back to Mon and Chan), but you're going to realize, this is the only place, you wanna be.
Russell: And well need to have witnesses who can testify that you were not of uh, sound mind.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Joey are living here and Ross is writing on the Magna-Doodle when Rachel opens the door causing the door knob to hit his hand.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler are waiting for Ross and Rachel to come home and Monica is looking at the sign Phoebe bought that says, "Its a Boy!"]
EDDIE: You want me to sing?
Chandler: Yeah, well, she's probably talking to Richard.
Receptionist: Welcome to the Chestnut Inn Mr. Bing, so where are you joining from?
[The stereo system booms out 'Billions of years ago. . .'. Ross gets up and changes it to music.]
Mr. Douglas: Not you. Relax. Ever have to fire anyone?
Rachel: Okay Joey honey, youre doing really good! All right, now Im just gonna need you to step to the port side. (Joey pauses as he tries to remember which side is the port side.) Remember? Remember how we talked about the port side?
Chandler: Our eyes are closed and were about to cross the street. Very good.
Rachel: OK, sorry to break up this party, but I've got resumes to fax before work tomorrow... (gets up to leave)
CHANDLER: That's a little more relaxed than you want them to get.
Rachel: I didnt uh, really have time to read this part of the books, but do you think we have time to
Joey: All right, give it back to me. (takes the card back, but he looks at the card before he puts it back in the deck, he holds the deck to his forehead, and thinks a little while) 5 of hearts.
Teacher: Well that's all right, you can come up to the front and dance with me.
Phoebe: Yeah we thought it would be nice to use the fancy china for dessert too.
Leslie: No, no, I dont want to forget it.
[Scene: Rachels outer office, shes returning with two coffee cups in hand to find Tag sitting there.]
Monica: Okay, I feel like Im talking to Lassie. All right, Phoebe would you just tell me!
Monica: Phoebe, you have to lift it and point.
Phoebe: Yeah I know. Isnt it great? One less person we have to make small talk with.
Chandler: Are you sure he's gonna be able to crack that code?
[Rachel brings a muffin to Chandler and Monica who are sitting on the couch.]
Rachel: Nooo! Its not okay! I cant believe you would want to after what he did to me!
The Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didnt need to come down here today.
Joey: Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
Chandler: For my last birthday you gave me a hug! (To Rachel) Okay, read the card! Read the card!
[Scene: The street, Joey is messing with a car cover and still wearing the Porsche stuff. This guy playing street football catches a pass next to the car cover Joey is fooling around with.]
Joey (to Chandler): Look, c'mon, please? It's not like I'm asking for some crazy favour. This is what I do for a living. I am a professional actor! (he glances at his watch and sees the time) Oh, man, I'm two hours late for work! (he stands, ready to go). Look, here's a copy of my reels. It's got all the commercials that I've been in.
Chandler: People whove never ever been to Paris.
Chandler: Well, that's like money in your pocket! - Alright look, you want me to say it? This sucks. Being here sucks! This work sucks!
Joey: Not a problem. Oh, and just so you know, that guys not going to be bothering you about that baby thing anymore.
JOEY: Phoebs look, if you want to know what the deal is, you're just gonna have to ask him.
Rachel: And so were-were you close to your parents?
Monica: All right fine. Fine, Ill do it. Ive just got to get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him pull my finger.
Rachel: Oh, it's a gift certificate to this new SPA in SOHO.
Ross: I'll do it. Hey, whatever you need me to do, I'm your man. (He starts to sit down on the bed. There's one problem though, he's about two feet to the left of it. Needless to say, he misses and falls on his butt.) (Looking up at Joey.) Whoa-oh-whoa! Are you, are you okay?
Ross: But, um... I don't think that's going to be you.
Ross: Yknow what? I-I gotta go. (Starts to leave.)
(They enter Joey and Rachels to find that Joey has broken Chandlers chair.)
Rachel: (To Marcel) And I will see you tomorrow!
Monica: If it is a new message, what is he calling to say?
Mischa: Well, you just asked if I wanted to go to bed with you tonight.
(Cut back to Joey and Angela at the counter.)
Alice: Absolutely. Okay, first well start with a little club soda and salt, and then if that doesnt work we can go back to
Alice: (shocked) Oh! Oh! Oh! Thank you so much! You dont know what this means to us! Oh!
Monica: Okay, fine. (runs to her room)
Monica: All right, Ill take one box of the mint treasures, just one, and thats it. I-I started gaining weight after I joined the Brown Birds. (to Ross) Remember, how Dad bought all my boxes and I ate them all?
Chandler: (starts to recite a rehearsed speech) Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. (Pause.) Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and(He falters and Monica prompts him.)generosity of spirit.
Ross: Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldnt be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monicas older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass! (Chandler laughs.) What? Im-Im-Im serious! (Chandler laughs harder.) ComeHey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? Im-Im not kidding here!
Rachel: Well, Chandler said that it's really important to him too!
Rachel: Well, it doesnt sound like it! I mean, its pretty easy not to kiss someone, you just dont kiss them! See look at us, right now, not kissing!
(Monica smiles to cover her embarrassment, but Rachel sadly looks away...)
Joey: All right, who got Chandler? Cause I uh, need to trade.
Cecilia: (running out to Joey) That was so wonderful! (Hugs him) Ohh, I think that youre a better Jessica than I ever was!
Rachel: What do you think Monica mean when she said she didnt want to talk, especially with me? I mean, why not especially you and me? We were both out there kissing.
Rachel: Shhh...I don't know what to do, this is totally unprecedented.
Phoebe: Yeah, and-and leaving us to go see hot dancer girls is not very Thanksgivingy.
Frank: Oh, excellent. (starts to melt the fire extinguishers hose.)
Chandler: This sounds like a hernia. You have toyou-you go to the doctor!
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad .
Monica: Its never taken you more than a shower to get over a relationship.
Joey: Yes sir! Yes sir, Im-Im(he starts to leave)
Phoebe: Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and umm, I believe that this is your red sweater.
Bitter lady: (now yelling) Well, you're not gonna get one! Because in life there are no intermissions, people. Chapter 7: Divorce is a 4 letter word. (Now standing right in front of Chandler and bending down almost to his level as if speaking to him, yelling even louder) How could he leave me?!?!
MONICA: Honey, you made the bed again. I told you, you don't have to do that. This isn't camp.