words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is talking to a customer.]
Monica: (Takes it) That's Mindy? Wow, she is pretty. (Sees Rachel's look) Lucky. To have had a friend like you.
Ross: Whoah, uh, what happened to, uh, 'Forget relationships! I'm done with men!' The whole, uh, penis embargo?
Joey: Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie. Just so long as there's a little nudity.
Joey: I meant female nudity. Alright? I don't need to see Lou Grant frolicking.
Rachel: (To Marcel) And I will see you tomorrow!
Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.
Ross: Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her.
Chandler: Hey, y'know what you should do? You should take her back to the 1890's, when that phrase was last used.
Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door)
Chandler: Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do some of the touristy things. I'll go to Cats, you go to the Russian Tea Room.
Monica: Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone. Spray Lysol in my shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you.
[Cut to a hallway in the building, Monica and Phoebe are knocking on a door. Mr. Heckles emerges.]
[Cut to Monica and Rachel's.]
Rachel: Oh, I would love some. But y'know what? Y'know what? Let's not drink it here. I'm feeling kinda crazy. You wanna go to Newark?
Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? (Uncorks the wine) Well-
Ross: Okay, quick and painful. (Starts to cork the wine)
[Cut to outside the window, with Ross reacting with disbelief. The shot pans back until we see Marcel sitting on the window ledge.]
Ross: (Angry) I- I- I ca- I can't believe this. I mean, all I asked you to do was keep him in the apartment.
Ross: No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start off with a monkey. I should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil.
Rachel: (Tearfully) Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody looking for him, and I- (Door buzzer goes and she runs to get it) Oh! Who is it?
Ross: Marcel is an illegal exotic animal. I'm not allowed to have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away from me.
Ross: That's right, I.. 'cause I didn't expect you were gonna invite them to the apartment!
Luisa: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?
Monica: Pheebs, you remember how we talked about saying things quietly to yourself first?
Monica: Look. I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile this! Um, have a seat. First of all, we haven't been introduced, I'm Monica Geller.
Luisa: Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring me. I mean, would it have been so hard to say 'Morning, Luisa'? Or 'Nice overalls'?
Luisa: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. (To Rachel) But you? What a bitch!
[Cut to another part of the building. We see Marcel jump in through a window and run down some stairs, then Chandler and Joey come down from the upper floor without noticing.]
(They come to a door and silently agree to try it. A very sweaty woman emerges)
(Another sweaty woman comes to the door and speaks to her friend)
Woman No. 1: Just a sec. (To Chandler and Joey) Hope you find your monkey. (She starts to shut the door)
Joey: We can't, alright? (To the women) We're sorry. You have no idea how sorry, but... We promised we'd find this monkey. If you see him, he's about yea high and answers to the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you, you'd really be helping us out.
Chandler: Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to other people.
[Cut to Monica and Phoebe searching the basement.]
Monica: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! (Marcel runs off and Luisa runs after him. Monica goes to check up on Phoebe) Are you okay?
[Cut to Marcel walking along a hallway. He notices a banana on the floor and picks it up. The hand of an unseen person grabs him and carries him away. Then cut to Ross and Rachel on the street outside.]
Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!
Ross: Oh, no no no. Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I mean, things just sort of happen around you. I mean, you're off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing, totally oblivious to people's monkeys, or to people's feelings...
Ross: Marcel! What've you done to him?
Ross: Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon. (Marcel starts to go to him)
Ross: C'mere, Marcel. (Turns to Ross)
Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. (Turns to Mr. Heckles)
Luisa: (Out of shot) Here, monkey. Here, monkey! Here, monkey! (Marcel runs to the door and into Luisa's cage, which she slams shut) Gotcha.
Luisa: You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge.
Ross: (To Rachel) You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't've been fat.
Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]
Ross: It'll be nice to get this off finally, won't it? Yes it will. (Marcel resists) Or we can leave it on for now, that's fine.
Ross: Alright. (He goes to get the glasses. Then he hesitates and turns off the main light. Rachel looks round and he acts surprised) The, uh, the neighbours must be vacuuming. (He sits down and starts to pour the wine) Well, so long as we're here and, uh, not on the subject, I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before, and, um, I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um...
Ross: We have got to start locking that door!
Chandler: Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys. Any sex I had would've involved a major lifestyle choice.
Phoebe: Oh. Oooh! Ooh! Ooh! (She stands up and starts to dance around) Ooh! My butt cheek is waking up! Oooh! Ooh!
Nina: You wanted to see me?
Rachel: I feel like were the only two people in the world. (She sets down her wine class, picks up a walnut, and knocks another one on the floor.) Oops. Sorry. (She reaches down to pick it up and Ross hands it to her. Ross is hiding under the couch and causes Rachel to scream.)
Helena: (to Chandlers back) Oh look, a standing ovation already! So early in the show. Oh turn around honey; let me see your pretty face. (He slowly turns around. Helena recognizes him.)
Ross: I told Emily to come. And I just need to y'know, talk to Rachel about it.
[Cut to Rachels office as her intercom buzzes.]
Joey: No-no-no I've seen it happen, you-you get a rapport going with a woman but somehow you manage to kill it. What's your secret?
Phoebe: Hey! Hey, did you get your invitation to Rosss wedding?
(Chandlers trying to console Monica.)
Ross: Look, that was supposed to be like a private, personal thing between us.
Joey: (trying not to be obvious) Take the bra off.
Ross: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! (pauses) Or isn't...
Chandler: Hi! Bye! (runs to the bathroom)
Joey: I did not know that! Thank you Monica. (Starts to leave) I can't believe I almost lost another girl because of counting.
(The guys takes a hockey stick and slips it through the handles then proceeds to take the stereo and Chandlers computer and walk out.)
Dr. Green: This is nice. I pay two hundred dollars for dinner, you put down twenty, and you come out looking like Mr. Big Shot. You really want to be Mr. Big Shot? Here, Ill tell you what, you pay the whole bill, Mr. Big Shot, all right. (rips up the bill, and throws it at Ross, then leaves)
Monica: Oh, what a great argument, exhaling! All right, y'know what, Ill prove it to you, okay. Ill trade you Joey for Rachel, and Ill still win the game.
Phoebe: (gasps) You wouldnt! Okay look, Rachel I know you really want to do this, but I-Ive never been maid of honor to anyone before! And I know youve done it at least twice!
Chandler: (to Ross) Na ha ha... (to Chappy) Ne he he... (Ross moves Chappy to Chandler, who quickly backs away) Ah ah...
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
Frank: (To Phoebe) What's with him?
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Courtney is dancing in the fat suit and after shaking her groove thing sits down in exhaustion.]
CHANDLER: Wow, Heckles was voted class clown, and so was I. He was right. Would you listen to that?
Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!
Rachel: Oh, please, you wanted to get caught. (Waves the receipt)
Phoebe: Nothing! (Picks up and sets the chick down on the floor.) (To the chick.) This is not over!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe.]
Ross: No-no, I got the edge. I know it's not exactly ethical but I sent him a little bribe to
Charlton Heston: Listen to me!
Joey: You don't think this is going to be a big break for me?
Rachel: No! Forget it! I am not gonna ask Frank to give you one of his kids!!
Wendy: Huh? Really? -- Hm, that'd be so terrible? (She gets hold of Chandler's tie, slowly moving her hands upwards on the tie, getting closer and closer to him, seductive.)
Phoebe: Yeah, you've... you know, sort of been like a dad to me. I mean, you've always, you know, looked out for me and shared your wisdom...
Rachel: Honey, you got a little thing on your...(points to her whole face)
Monica: (To Phoebe) How are you doing?
Chandler: An invitation for the At First Sight premiere? Oh my God! Val Kilmer didnt wear this in Batman! He wore it to the premiere of some tooty-fruity love story where he played a blind guy!
Phoebe: (To Rachel) So did you ask him?
Rachel: Well, I don't get it, but she wanted me to give you her phone number. (Hands him the slip of paper with the phone number on it.)
Phoebe: You got it! Ok. But not on the wine that you made, ok, because I just don't want to go back to the Emergency Room.
[Scene: Chandlers office, he is trying to find Rachel a date.]
Joey: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin chips is like stretching.
Phoebe: Bye Chandler! (She walks up to him.) (Quietly.) I miss you already. (She pinches his butt.)
Dan: Nice to meet you.
Chandler: No, it's not that, I just don't want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister.
Phoebe: Yeah, that does make sense. Ok, now, would... would you two (points to Ross and Chandler) like that?
Dr. Oberman: Oh no, I'm fully qualified to
Mr. Geller: Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross?
Joey: I dont get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didnt take it, and I didnt take it; and you (Chandler) didnt take it, then who did? (The duck quacks.) Shh! Were trying to think! (Ross and Chandler realise it at the same moment and stare at Joey, who doesnt get it. After a short pause, with the duck still quacking, Joey figures it out and starts pointing at the duck.)
[Cut to the delivery room.]
Chandler: Hey, look, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to say that Ill stop seeing her?
MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
Chandler: We think he was trying to spell out 'MONKEY.'
Chandler: No, I hope not! I tried to offer him some money, but he wouldnt take it.
[Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is at it for the last time.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachels I guess I have to call it that now. Rachel is reading on the couch as Ross enters.]
Rachel: Yes. Monica, you don't get it. It's bad enough that she's stolen the guy who might actually be the person that I am supposed to be with, but now, she's actually (starting to cry), but now she's actually stealing you.
Sleepy girl, sleepy girl. Why won't you go to sleep? Sleepy girl, sleepy girl. You're, you're, you're keeping me uppp! (Yeah, that's to the tune of Smelly Cat.)
Joey: Good. (He sets his stuff down and starts talking to Kate, another cast member.) Hey.
Chandler: (to the girls) We were playing poker, alright...
Joey: Oh, uh... don't forget your coupon. (Tries to strike a sexy pose up against the doorway to his room. Then goes inside).
Ross: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh is he a good guy?
Ross: Im sorry, I dont believe contestants are allowed to talk to each other.
Paul: Okay. Ill give you one chance to change my mind. (Ross laughs in relief) You got one minute. (Ross suddenly gets worried.)
(Joey leaves to get the copy of the key.)
Mrs. Tedlock: Yes. Well, Mr. Kostelick wants you to stop by his office at the end of the day.
Chandler: You have to really wanna see it.
Monica: So, you're ready to do this?
Chandler: Or a job where you dont have to carry a table.
Ross: (standing) Ok, gentlemen! Please! Aren't we a little old for this? I mean, we're scientists, right? We're academics. And most importantly I... you-you will have to catch us first. (he starts to run away with Charlie). GO, GO, GO! (the paleontologists starts chasing them)
Joey: Come on Ross! Look, I-I dont have any brothers; Ill never get to be a best man!
Phoebe: Hey Joey, yknow what? You are way to good for her.
Rachel: Huh. Well, y'know thats actually a really good idea, because that way theyll be closer to the mugs. Y'know what, you should have the other waitresses do that too.
Ross: She wants me to move to London.
Monica: We're moving in a couple of days and we've got a lot of packing to do. It would be great if you guys could pitch in.
Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives dont mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica arent amused.)
Chandler: No-no-no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one and that way we all win! The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, (Reading the label) Mommas Little Bakery. (Pause) I feel terrible, Im a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Ross: Ohh! Thank you! I like mail. (He goes to kiss her again, but she turns away.)
MONICA: Oh, gosh, this is so weird. I mean, his whole life was in this apartment, and now it's gone. You know, I think it would be nice if we just took a few moments, for Mr. Heckles. I mean, he was kind of a pain, he was, but, he was a person. You're all going to hell.
Monica: Okay, all right dont judge me to much. Okay? Um, but I saw this info-mercial, and um, I swear to you I have never-ever bought anything on TV before, except for this mop. But there was this stuff on leg waxing, it just, it looked so amazing....
[cut to the girls huddle.]
Ross: (laughing) Ohh. (Phoebe takes a couple of steps to the door and Ross quickly hurries out.)
Phoebe: Oh can I? Vegetarians never get to do the wishbone. It's really not fair either! You know, just because we don't eat the meat doesn't mean we don't like to play with the carcasses!
Joey: Why not?! (to Chandler) Im hungry.
Joey: I play Al Pacino's butt. All right? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt. Monica: (trying not to laugh) Oh my God. Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big! Chandler: Oh no, it's terrific, it's- it's- y'know, you deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into show business. Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me! Ross: You're right, you're right, it is.
Chandler: No, the best reason to get married is pregnancy. Sorry is pretty much fourth y'know, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married. (Laughs.) Will you be my wife?
Chandler: To pay for the gym.
Ross: My doctoral dissertation is in the library at school, I went to see it, and there were students makin babies right in the middle of the Paleontology section!
(They both go over to light the candles.)
Ronni: Now, y'see, most people, when their pets pass on, they want 'em sorta laid out like they're sleeping. But occasionally you get your person who wants them in a pose. Like, chasing their tail, (Demonstrates) or, uh, jumping to catch a frisbee.
Phoebe: To see if know what these guys are talking about.
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Ross is explaining to the gang what happened with his mother.]
Rachel: Oh-oh, sorry, its this way, its this way. (Motions to the correct way.)
Chandler: Look Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay? That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself.
Rachel: Okay. (Starts to go.) God yknow, if someone told me a week ago that I would be peeing in Joey Tribbianis apartment
(Chandler and Joey look at her, and then look back at him. They dive for Ross's hand to see what he had, and he tries to stop them from looking.)
Phoebe: Great. (Goes to take the test.)
Monica: Listen, uh, you told me something that was really difficult for you. And I, I-I figured if you could be honest, then I can to.
Chandler: That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
Ross: (to the girls) Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl’s breast?
Chandler: (to Ross) All right listen, I have to go to the bathroom, but if the place with the big fish comes up again. Id like know whether thats several big fish or just one big fish.
Fat Monica: Ross! (Wanting to be introduced.)