words in movies
Written by: Adam Chase & Ira Ungerleider Transcribed by: Mindy Mattingly Phillips With Minor Adjustments by: Eric Aasen
Ross: This is my son having lunch, ok? It's gonna happen a lot, so you'd better get used to it. Now if you have any problem with it, if you're uncomfortable, just ask questions. Carol's fine with it, now come on.
Julie: Oh, listen you guys. I have this friend at Bloomingdale's who's quitting tomorrow and he wants to abuse his discount. So, anyone want to come with me and take advantage of it?
Monica: Ok, um, I'll go with you.
Joey: Monica what're you doin'? You can't go shopping with her? What about Rachel?
Chandler: Come on, you're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.
Monica: Phoebe, listen. You were with me, and we were shopping all day.
Phoebe: I went shopping with Monica all day, and I had a salad.
Susan: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. (Ross looks at her.) Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.
Monica: Just out. Had some lunch, just me, little quality time with me. Thanks for your jacket.
Rachel: Monica, what is with you? Who'd you have lunch with?
Rachel: You were with Julie?
Rachel: Ok, Monica. I just have to know one thing. Did you go with her to Bloomingdale's? (Monica looks away.) Oh! Ok, ok, ok, I just really, uh, I just really need to not be with you right now. (Exits.)
Ross: No, no, Carol. There's nothing wrong with it. I just, I just don't think breast milk is for adults.
Chandler: All right. Now go see Miss Kitty and she'll fix you up with a nice hooker.
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Rachel is cleaning up and Monica is pleading with her.]
Monica: Rachel, (they go back inside) say that I'm friends with her, we spend some time together. Is that so terrible?
Rachel: Yes. Monica, you don't get it. It's bad enough that she's stolen the guy who might actually be the person that I am supposed to be with, but now, she's actually (starting to cry), but now she's actually stealing you.
Monica: Me? What are you talking about? Nobody could steal me from you. I mean, just because I'm friends with her doesn't make me any less friends with you. I mean, (starting to cry) you're my...We're, we're...Oh, I love you.
Phoebe: You guys, um I know that this really doesn't have anything to do with me, but um I love you guys too. (Joins in on the hug.) Oh, I really needed that. (Goes and sits down.)
(An old West style showdown starts with Joey and the Hombre Man staring each other down as the store guy slowly lets in the first customer while Joey and the Hombre Man get ready to draw. In slow motion they spot the customer, eye each other, draw, and as the customer walks into the middle Joey's bottle misfires but the Hombre Man spays it into the customer's eyes.)
Rachel: Um, ok, uh, oh god, um, when you and uh Ross first started going out, it was really hard for me, um, for many reasons, which I'm not gonna bore you with now, but um, I just, I see how happy he is, you know, and how good you guys are together, and um, Monica's always saying how nice you are, and god I hate it when she's right.
Ross: (with a mouthful) That's not bad.
Rachel: Youre right. Youre right. I mean Im about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I dont want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! Shes gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!
Joey: But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease.
Phoebe: ThatIts not the same thing! This is totally different! This is with David! Remember David, the scientist guy? Okay, hes very special to me.
The Teacher: Are you with one of the students?
Rachel: Well, have you been involved with someone where you haven't broken up?
Emily: Thats Carol with your son!
Charlie: Oh, ah, isn't there another professor that is supposed to come with us?
Phoebe: (plays with a thumbtack remover) Yeah?
Monica: Hey, we can take her back with you if you want.
Cop: (stopping her) Hey, wait a second! So wait, what precinct are you with?
Phoebe: Ill go with you
Monica: Didnt she walk with a cane?
Joey: Oh! (Pulls up his pants.) Sorry. Uh, Ive got those plans with Phoebe, why?
Ross: What was wrong with Mona?
The One With The Birthing Video
Amy with straight hair: Oh she's precious. Do you ever worry she's going to get your real nose?
Phoebe: Of course I do! And Im gonna give it back to you as soon as theyre done with it at the key shining place.
MRS. GELLER: I just never would have pictured Richard with a bimbo.
Phoebe: Okay, scarfs done. (Its not really a scarf, its just a bunch of yarn that Phoebe has tied together. Just then, Ross and Emily enter dragging with them Joey and Chandler.)
[The next one is from Episode 608: The One With Rosss Teeth, Chandler is accusing Joey of becoming less of a man.]
(She lets her hair down and whips her hair around in Baywatch-esque slow motion with a Barry White song in the background. Chandler needless to say cant help but stare along with the rest of the male and lesbian population of North America.)
Chandler: But, well stay here with you.
Phoebe: Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. So good luck with that.
Chandler: And a bagel with only
Rachel: Noo! Maybe! I, I dont know. Ross, I still cant forgive you for what you did, I cant, I just, but sometimes when Im with you I just, I feel so...
(Suddenly Ross jumps up from behind the counter armed with a plastic gun. By the way, hes overacting too.)
Monica: Umm, so how long have you been working with your dad? (He looks at her) Come on, one of us had to mention him.
Joey: Hey! I am secure with my masculinity.
Chandler: Whats wrong with you?
Ross: Oh great! That means Im stuck with, "So, we were watching you in there (Points to the TV) and you were sittin right here! Whoa!"
Richard: (standing behind her, without his moustache) I can help with that.
Monica: (looking out the window) Look look! He's doing it again, the guy with the telescope!
JOEY: Hi, here's the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It's white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh, and there was a baby in it. He wants to talk to you again.
[Scene: Joeys. Joey is playing fetch with the dog.]
Mr. Treeger:: Ahh, thanks but no. You see I-I think Im ready to dance with girls.
Chandler: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend.
Emily: (on answering machine) Hello Ross? It's Emily. (Rachel runs back into the room with the tequila.) I know this is out of the blue but uh, I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, maybe I am. I keep thinking about you and I'm wondering if-if we made a mistake giving up so fast. Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.
Phoebe: He works with food!
Rachel: Now the filet mignon, what comes with that?
[Scene: Another restaurant. Rachel is studying the menu together with her date, Steve. Steve is the stoned restaurateur from 115 TOW the Stoned Guy.]
Kim: Yeah, nothing happen. You could cut the sexual tension in here with a knife.
Joey: Oh, like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with Ross.
Ross: (simultaneously with Chandler) Yeah!
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
Chandler: Might wanna open with the snowman.
Alice: Absolutely. Okay, first well start with a little club soda and salt, and then if that doesnt work we can go back to
Phoebe: No look, weve apologized twice! I cant do anymore than that. I know you hate it when people are mad at you but you just have to be okay with it.
Rachel: Ohh. Oh, so you really wanted to learn. Yeah, y'know, Pheebs I just wanted to have fun. Ohh, you know who you should go with?
[Scene: N.Y.Us University Library, Ross is entering with Chandler.]
Rachel: Oh, honey, please, no, I can't get started with all that Ross stuff again. I mean, he's gonna screwed up for a looong time. And besides y'know, I don't, I don't go for guys right after they get divorced.
PHOEBE: And they were serving franks which is his first name minus the s at the end. And there was a rotisserie with spinning chicken.
Joey: Hey-hey-hey! So, how did it go with Dana? Any reason I should leave a block of time open say Thursday?
Chandler: (gasps) All right look, y'know, this maybe tough but come on, this is Ross! I survived college with him!
Rachel: I know, it's huge, and it's scary, and it's... really far, far away from you guys, but this is such an incredible opportunity for me. And I've already talked to them about our situation with Emma, and they said they'll do whatever we need to make us feel comfortable.
Chandler: Yes, yes, its just that we ah, we kinda all ready, made plans with Ross.
Monica: Oh thats my doodle of a ladybug, with a top hat. (to Phoebe) Shes fancy.
Ross: Fine, fine, Rachel your with Monica, Joey youre with me.
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.]
[The next one is from Episode 619: The One With Joeys Fridge.]
Chandler: You slept with the stripper?
Monica: Y'know what? Y'know when I said that I want you to deal with this relationship stuff all on your own? Well, you're not ready for that.
Rachel: Sure, you know what? Come on, well just tell them that there was like a problem with like the "engine".
Chandler: Had the money in the wrong hand. (Shows her his left hand with the money in it)
[Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background. It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.]
Monica: No! You dont know the system! Therell be nobody messing with the system!
Rachel: Well, ultimately, I was trying y'know, I-I wanted tell him y'know, that I'm still in love with him.
Mr. Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew.
Joey: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend.
[The next flashback is from The One With Ross's Sandwich, Ross his confronting his boss about him eating Ross's sandwich.]
Joey: Sure. What? About uh, you showering with your mom?
Transcribers Note: This is stuff we never saw from all of the seasons, so for all of the scene settings I will be using the current arrangements. Even though some of the out takes take place when Chandler was living with Joey and Rachel was living with Monica, when Joey and Chandler were living in Monica and Rachels, and the current arrangements.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is helping Joey with his tie.]
Monica: I cannot believe you broke up with her just like that.
Monica: Phoebe, don't worry about it. I'm sure she wants to live with you.
Monica: Im actually with her on this one.
[The next one is from Episode 322: The One With The Screamer, its the end of Joeys play.]
Ross: No, but, it's, you know, it's just a funny image, you know, the two of you, in this restaurant, with... (laughs nervously)tzz-zzz, mmm.
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
Monica: Doesnt it ever just freak you out that-that youre never gonna be with anybody new again?
Monica: Man, I feel like Im coming down with something.
Rachel: Well maybe, maybe she's with us right now?
Amy: no, no, then I would get the baby. I mean you know it would be just like a movie. Like at first I wouldn't know what to do with her, then I would rise to the occasion and and then I would get a makeover and then I'd get married.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler is sitting on the couch staring at the tape on the coffee table with his eyes huge and his mouth wide open.]
Agency guy: Please, make yourself comfortable and I will back in a moment with Erica.
Ross: Hey, both you guys should be up there with me. I mean, you two are-are my I mean, Im lucky to have just one good (They all start getting emotional.)
Phoebe: Yeah. (Pause) Why arent you with Rachel?
Phoebe: Right. And with who again? (Ross exits.)
(With a final swing the door gives way.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?
(The chain breaks loose from the wall, and because Joey was pushing with all his might, he propells into the kitchen, towards the table with all the food. This table has wheels underneath it, and when Joey falls on this table, he rides into the living room, with all the food falling off, until finally Joey also falls off... Joey gets up quickly, a bit agitated, and acting as nothing happened. He is covered in food stains.)
Man: Really? Ive been dealing with Dr. Wells.
Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
Chandler: Oh, not with my combination of ice cubes, aloe Vera and my gentle self-loathing touch.
Rachel: Um look I was thinking.. If its ok with Monica I would like to invite Amy to Thanksgiving.
Phoebe: (overacting with a song this time) (singing) Gooood luck! Gooood luck! We all wish you good luuuuuuuuck!!!
Ross: With my child.
Joey: Well, before, with the wishbone... I didn't wish we would win the lottery, I wished you'd get the job.
Monica: Okay. Could the waiters gather around to hear tonights specials? Okay, first there is a Chilean Sea Bass prepared with a Mango relish on a bagWhy is nobody writing these down?
Joey: Interesting. all right I'll go out with her again and try to get past it (reaches for the chips) OH SALT BLOATY!