words in movies
Rachel: Well, apparently she caught him cheating on her with someone else. Isnt that sad? (Giggles.) God, could you imagine if I actually married him?! I mean how different would my life be?
Ross: I know what you mean, Ive always wondered how different my life would be if-if Id never gotten divorced.
Chandler: Sure I would!
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Rachel: Ohh, I would love too.
Joey: Thats great! That would be great! Lets do that!
Ross: Come on Pheebs, its not that bad! Yknow most people would be excited if they didnt have to work for a couple of weeks.
Rachel: (laughs) Wow! Umm, yknow, I-I would really love to, but I-I shouldnt.
Joey: Oh my God, Im sorry, Im being so rude. (Turns to Rachel.) Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.
Rachel: Yeah sure, iced tea would be great.
Carol: Oh umm, yknow I think it would be better if we just save it.
Phoebe: I know! But if I didnt work there, what else would I do?
Rachel: Okay. (Starts to go.) God yknow, if someone told me a week ago that I would be peeing in Joey Tribbianis apartment
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it.) If-if-if we did do this there would be a lot of pressure on me, yknow? Because youve been waiting a very long time and I wouldnt want to disappoint you.
Monica: Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too. So even if youre horrible, how would I know?
Chandler: Well, if it helps there were only three. So it would just be for tonight, right?
Monica: Absolutely! It would just be one friend (Points at Chandler) helping out another friend. (Points at herself.)
Joey: Rachel, would you stop saying that?! Hey-hey look, remember on the show when-when Caprice was dying and she gave me
Phoebe: I thought Id try to take a walk. Would you pour me some water? Ill be back soon.
Ross: Look, its just did, did you ever go to a party and think, "Would really anyone miss me if I werent here?"
Monica: Why would you do that?
Joey: I would like to meet him. He sounds like a stand up guy.
Monica: How would I know? I-I wasn't here.
Ross: Perhaps. Now Im curious, at what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?
Rachel: Ohh! Yeah! (Pause) Yeah that-that wouldve been a much simpler problem.
Phoebe: Well, that would be great but then what do we do about Denise?
Erica: I was wondering you both have such serious jobs. (to Monica) Would you have time to take care of a baby and your flock?
Joey: To her parents I think and she said you shouldnt call her. But if I were you I would.
Rachel: See Pheebs, I promised you no one would die, didnt I?
Joey: Im so sorry. Look, if it was up to me you would never leave the show.
Rachel: (lifts for a toast) Okay, as everybody has ordered, I would like to start the celebration and make a toast � to Phoebe. She dropped her sock.
Phoebe: Yeah, but only a genius would swallow a sonic blaster gun.
Rachel: Well, it was, and you would have seen it if you didn't showed up at (looks at his watch) ... 9:30?? God! Oh, this party was lame ...
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
Chandler: Yes it would. What do you say to $50?
Phoebe: Well, just you know, for argument's sake, you know, hypothetically. Which one would you be willing to give up?
Director: I think his butt would like to get this shot before lunch. Once again, rolling... water working... and action....and cut. What was that?
RICHARD: Jack, would you let it go?
Ross: I know! I know! Why do you guys need to have this conversation?! Huh? I mean no self-respecting man would ask a woman, "So, where is this going?"
Joey: Well it's...It's not that crazy okay? Making them smaller, that would be crazy.
Ross: I cant believe someone would do that for a grade.
Monica: Hey, come on Phoebe, you can understand why this would be weird for me.
Monica: Oh my God, what would have done if I said yes?
RACHEL: Would you guys stop.
Joey: What?! Thats not fair! Its not my fault! I was off with my brides maid! And whos to say I wouldve even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I wouldve said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!
Monica: Joey, please come. It would mean so much to us.
RICHARD: Uh, Phoebe, I don't think your mom would want you to see what's about to happen.
Ross: Getting it away from me would be job one.
Phoebe: No, and so there's no one to walk me down the aisle and... well, I would just really love it if you would do it.
Ross: Why? Why would I why? Why? Why? Why?
Joey: I cant believe she would say that too you.
Phoebe: (the waiter puts a piece of cake on the table) I would love it. Consider it forgotten... But just so you know... however and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I'll say yes. Whether... whether, you know, it is in a basketball game, or in sky writing, or you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the cake.
Monica: Oh, thank you. Would you like a tour?
Phoebe: Okay, she would love that! Y'know, 'cause you know all the clean places to eat.
Joey: Why would you ruin it, who was that hurtin'?
Monica: This isn't easy for me either. I wish things were different, I... If you were a few years older, or if I was a few years younger, or if we lived in biblical times, I would really...
JOEY: I know I would.
Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!
Monica: Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends? (She and Phoebe scream.) Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch? (She pours the contents of the blender into some glasses.)
ROSS: No no no, I mean, hey, why shouldn't I be happy for you? What would it say about me if I couldn't revel in your joy? I'm revelling baby, believe me!
"We thought Phoebe would leave, but she just stayed and stayed. Thats right, Im here all night, and Chandler will never get l "
RACHEL: Yes, absolutely. I would wait and wait. . . then I'd wait some more.
Monica: Why in the world would you take this tape and and why would you watch it?
Ross: Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby’s face off the penis, so we can put it on the bunny. (pause). That is a weird sentence!
Rachel: You really think it would be that different?
Monica: Would you look at her? She is so peaceful.
Monica: Well, if you had kept listening, you-you would have heard me call him Mr. Big (Thinks) ot.
Ross: Why- why- why would he need a blade?
Rachel: I can not believe he would do that to MonWhoa! (She stops suddenly and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we know?
Phoebe: Would you relax? I know what I am doing. This is how he wears it.
Joey: Yeah! But if wouldve know what kind of friend you were gonna turn out to be, I wouldnt have worried about it so much! See you around!
Ross: Well then wed be in a lot of trouble, you dont know where any countries are. (Rachel glares at him.) Okay. (He goes over to the desk followed by Rachel.) Uh, say would you umm Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have (Handing her some money) opened up?
Ross: Im not proving anything. Okay, Im done listening to you. If I hadnt let you talk me into going to the airport in the first place, I never wouldve put my fist through the wall!
ROSS: You know what? You know what? If, things were the other way around, there's nothing you could put on a list that would ever make me not want to be with you.
Ross: (visibly nervous) Uh, that, that, that would be a judgment call.
Rachel: Phoebe, Im going to Rosss wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because, Im still in love with him! I mean, hey, yknow, I like Ross as much as the next guy, yknow? Clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings dont mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I have, I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesnt mean that-that Im still in love with him. Yknow? I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love himOhh! Oh my God! Oh mywhy didnt you tell me?!!
Phoebe: Well, umm, not much. But, I was just thinking that since those guys just got engaged that maybe it would be nice if they had some privacy, yknow? So, could I just move in with you for a couple days?
Ross: Okay, I didn't know you would say that.
Ross: (pause) Yes I would.
PHOEBE: Alright Monica, if there is something that you would like to share...
Ross: Oh, I know. Yknow what, I never wouldve gotten this if it werent for you. No really, when Im with you Im-Im like this whole other guy, I love that guy! I mean, I love you too, a lot, but that guy! I-I love that guy!
Chandler: Let me tell you why you need to pick me. (Goes to sit on the couch facing backwards to the kitchen. Rachel gets a chair and sits opposite him) See, when I was a kid, I was always left out of everything, you know, and it really made me feel... insecure. You know, I was always picked last in gym. Even behind that big fat exchange student who didn't even know the rules to baseball. I mean, this guy would strike out and then run to third. Anyway, If I'm the only one left out of this wedding, I just know that all those feelings are gonna come rushing back.
MONICA: [reading] 'Dear Dr. Remore, know that I love you and would do anything to have you.' Gosh. 'Your not-so-secretive admirer, Erica Ford.' Ooh wait, 'PS enclosed please find 14 of my eyelashes.'
Ross: I cant ask people to do that? Would you ask people to do that? (Holds out his pants)
PHOEBE: No, huh uh, I'm sorry, no. No, I'm not some like sloppy second, charity band. You know what, there are thousands of places in this city where people would be happy to pay to hear me play. (Out on the sidewalk, singing) When I play, I play for me, I don't need your charity. (Someone puts a coin in her guitar case) Thank you! La la la la la la la....
Jill: Would you like some gum?
Ross: (quietly) That would be nice.
The Interviewer: So it seems like you have a lot of friends, who would you say is your best friend?
Monica: (gives her an envelope) Would you just open it?
Joey: Why would I return it? I love this bag!
Monica: That would be a terrible punishment. But, I'm serious, I've never seen these before.
Joey: Would she? (He smells something and gasps as he realizes what it is.) You ate my candy bar!
Ross: Ive got to say; I know I divorce a lot of women, never thought I would be divorcing you.
Woman: I would love your autograph. (hands him a notepad)
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Ross: Hey, would it be okay if I wrote a song about this.
Phoebe: But are you saying that you would move out if I didnt buy that lamp?
Rachel: Oh okay, hey guys, would you flip mine too?
Rachel: How do you think this suit would look on an assistant buyer at Bloomingdales?
Phoebe: Alice would never go for it, right?
David: Please, you don't have to explain. I mean, perhaps if I hadn't gone to Minsk things would have worked out for us. And I wouldn't have ruined my career, or lost that toe to frostbite. It was a good trip! (he leaves)
Ross: That would be me.
Monica: Hey, we would still be living here if hadn’t gotten the question wrong!
Chandler: Because that would be crazy?
Monica: Chandler, would you like some more orange juice?
Phoebe: Then what's wrong with them? Would they not go with your tiny portions of pretentious food?
Chandler: That would be impossible to resist if you werent all drippy here. (Points to his nose.)
Rachel: Well, this sounds like fun! Well, you know what? Actually? People are getting a little antsy waiting Emma to wake up from her nap, so would you mind performing them once now?
Monica: If you would stop thinking about Ross for one minute you would notice that there are great guys everywhere! I mean, look! Look, Gunther! (Gunther turns to listen in.) I mean, he's nice, he's cute.
Rachel: Oh thats right. Youre the talker. (They both reflect on that briefly) Anyway uh, great idea! Umm, I gotta go to the store; I told him that I would buy him some more tissues.
Phoebe: Well, I didn't get embarrassed running next to Miss (panting). But no, okay. No, no, I can see why running with me would be embarrassing to you. Yeah, okay. You're uptight.
Joey: Well, I was thinking about that and I, I think the best way would be, to not.
MONICA: That would be the work of a Blowfish.
Phoebe: Would you stop that! Do you wanna know the first thing she said when she came back from her lunch with Richard? She didn't feel anything for him. She loves you!
Mike: (puts on a fake smile) Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it? (he takes the ring from the cake, and cleans it with a napkin)
Rachel: Yknow what Tag, if we went down to the office you would see those contracts sitting on your desk.
Rachel: Pheebs, I would make a reservation for five, because one of us has to stay home and watch Emma. (to Ross:) Which one of us should go to dinner?
Chandler: I dont know, y'know. What, what, would you do?
Chandler: Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director, I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, whos boss.
Phoebe: Joey, I cant believe you would do that for me.
Monica: I would love too, but I cant! I mean I just cant, you know that Im not good at confrontation.