words in movies
Rachel: And you're gonna want him to eat his heart out so you're gonna have to look fabulous!
Ross: Tsz... NO! (he goes to sit down, dropping a multicoloured silk streamer off his sleeve).
(Joey moves close to Ross and whispers something in his ear)
Rachel: I don't know, you know, just the way she waltzed in here all smart, and tall! You know, and just swept Joey off his feet... I mean, nobody else has a chance!
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.]
Chandler: So, how would you like to have a baby that's half yours and half his!
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is sitting on his bed and the phone rings]
Ross: What am I supposed to do? He's out cold! In fact he was just talking in his sleep before and evidently he wants someone named Fran to spank him harder.
Chandler: (Proceeding with his dinner) We're teeth people Zack!
[Scene: Prof. Sherman's office. Sherman is still asleep on his chair, blocking the door.]
(Ross takes his suitcase and tries to get out but ends up falling on Prof. Sherman's laps, thereby waking him up)
Ross: (To the still half asleep Professor) Oh my God! You really want me to be the keynote speaker? Thank you! (hugs him whilst still on his lap)
Chandler: Why not, just because his great-grandmother was obese, our kids are gonna get that from you anyway!
(Ross throws his hands out in a What are you doing? gesture)
[Cut back to the present, Ross is still looking at Rachel's invitation. Finally, he makes up his mind and mails it.]
[Cut to Rosss apartment, he his playing the Bagpipes, badly. Hes worse than that whole keyboard thing a few years ago.]
[Scene: Barry's Office, Barry is preparing his tools alone as Rachel enters.]
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross is checking his messages.]
Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great. [she playfully rubs his head and gets up]
[Scene: Joey enters his hotel room. The phone is ringing.]
Joey: (With a confused look on his face.) What?
Ross: You dont want to believe me, Im Mr. Funny to you. Mr. Funny (turns around and almost spills his coffee on Tommy)
Joey: (snaps his fingers) We could climb Mt. Everest!
Rachel: (grabbing the magazine out of his hands) Call her! Call her now!
Joey: You spit on me man! (Wipes his face.)
Joey: How about 'cause if you don't, his mother might.
(Joey puts his finger over his mouth to tell Ross to keep quiet. Ginger looks at Monica who looks away and leave.)
[Scene: Joannas office, Chandler, still handcuffed to the chair, is looking through the lingerie catalogue by turning the pages with his teeth. The phone rings and Chandler answers it with his nose.]
(Chandler slowly takes his hand away.)
Ross: Sure, one year is paper, but two months is lapdance! (Joey nods his agreement.)
Ross: (Stepping in between them.)Okay! Okay! Thats it!! Parents!! Parents!! Back away!! All right, this is our wedding day! From now on everyone gets along, and if I hear one more word. NO GRANDCHILDREN! (Pointing at his mother.) Thats right!!
[Scene: The plane. Rachel's telling her story to the passenger on her left. The one on her left is still wearing his headphones.]
(Ross bangs his fists together to tell Chandler off, like what was learned last season. Read about it here.)
Mr. Waltham: All right, Ill tell her. (To his wife) Come on bugger face!
Joey: (Jumping out of his way) See ya!! (To the girls.) What the hell was that?!
Rachel: Yeah, come on! Whats going in on in there? (Pats his chest.)
Joey: (with his mouthful) Hey, I didn't stalk her. I mean (he sprays Phoebe with crumbs)
Joey: (Poking his head out.) Havin' some trouble?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is balancing a mini hockey stick on his hand as Chandler enters from his room carrying a bunch of bills.]
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
ROSS: Yeah but, you know, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen Fun Bobby without a... a drink in his hand.
(They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.)
Joey: Good. (He sets his stuff down and starts talking to Kate, another cast member.) Hey.
[Scene: Joey's room, his doctor, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
[Cut to Joey's room, his doctor and Ross are there.]
Frank: Hey, where's his thing?
Ross: I cant ask people to do that? Would you ask people to do that? (Holds out his pants)
Joey: Well, we were! But Ross was talking so loud on his phone they threw us out!
[Scene: Ross's new apartment, he is showing his boss, Dr. Ledbetter his new place and new outlook on life.]
(Joey gets up and moves to the other end of his row to talk to the guy sitting there.)
Phoebe: My massage client, Arthur? His daughter called and said that some guy that worked for me gave him a really weird massage this afternoon.
[Scene: Allesandros, Joey is coming back in with his coat on.]
Joey: Me too, but I guess I do have a couple of more(his time runs out for real)
Chandler: Okay, y'know your not though. Let's go. (He starts for his bedroom.)
Ross: Joey, had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?
Chandler: I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And yknow Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around (He degrades into baby talk, but he means when they grab his finger.)
(They move closer to together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler's hip. He puts his hand on her left hip but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her shoulder.)
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
Ross: (in his head) Wow! I have never had such a healthy break-up! She was such a grown-up about it! She didnt seem too immature for me! Did I just make a huge mistake?
Joey: Baby shower. Wow! That sounds sooo like something I dont want to do! Later! (Finally, he makes his exit.)
Ross: What can I say, you missed your chance. From now on the only person whos going to enjoy these bad boys (holds up his hands) is me. (Quickly realizes what he said and exits disgustedly.)
Chandler: (With the covers pulled up to his chin.) Morning, Ross.
Joey: ...I'm his butt double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. Alright? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt.
Ross: Thanks for the help, problem solved. (Wipes his hands.)
(Ross lowers his head.)
(Ross enters and his hair is a mess.)
Monica: Does it have to do with-with Chandler and that sock that he keeps by his bed?
Larry: This does. (Shows her his badge.)
Monica: Great. So the ball is in his court?
Chandler: So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And anyway, were on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
(They go into his bedroom.)
(He goes up on stage, mimes like he's giving the speech, and Chandler takes his picture. However, before he gets down everyone starts clinking their glasses for a real speech.)
Rachel: Now you're probably going to hire one of the people who did not ah, (She puts her hands on his desk blotter and he moves it. Rachel then doesn't know where to put her hands.) who did, who did not umm, yell at you and storm out, and I think that's a big mistake and here's why. I made a huge fool of myself and I came back, that shows courage. When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no. That shows integrity. And, I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage. (Suddenly realizes that she said courage twice.) Okay umm, now I know I already said courage, but y'know you gotta have courage. And umm, and finally when I thought you were making sexual advances in the workplace, I said no and I was not litigious. {By the way, litigious means to want to litigate and litigate is to make a lawsuit against. So she didn't want to sue him. Don't worry, I had to look it up too.} So there you go, you got, you got (counts them off with her fingers) courage, you got integrity, you got (Pause) courage again, and not litigious. Look Mr
JOEY: Great, well, I'm happy for ya. [picks up the orange juice carton and it's empty] Alright that's it. He just comes in here, Mr. Jonny Neweggs, with his, his, his movin' the mail and his, his 'see ya pals'. And now there's no juice. There's no juice f or the people who need the juice and want the juice. I need the juice.
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho-ho-no! No! No switching! No sharing, and dont come crying to me! Ha-ha-ha! I may just sit here and have my cake all day! Just sit here in the hallway and eat my (Rachel knocks the plate from his hand and it falls on the floor. That process leaves just the forkful Chandler has, Rachel starts to go after that little bit and Chandler retreats into his apartment.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Ross is working on his computer and Joey is making a lot of noise.]
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Chandler and Jill are sitting below the counter with two pens dangling from their chains in front of them. Jill is showing Chandler how to swing the pen around his head.]
Mr. Zelner: (Sees that she has some ink on her lip from her pen.) Oh Rachel, uhh (He points to his lip to get her to notice the ink on hers.)
(Follows Joey into their apartment and shrugs on his way out.)
Chandler: If only there was something in your head to control the things you say. (Joey nods his agreement.)
Rachel: (on phone) Hello, Mark? Hi, its Rachel Green. (listens) Oh no, dont you apologize. (listens) Yeah, Ill hold. (to Monica and Ross) He left my number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
<Chandler nods and his eyes get big like he's saying 'what the hell'>
(They both go back into their old rooms and shut the doors. Of course, Chandler has to close both sections of his door.)
Monica: (inspecting his leg) Wow! And around the ankles, y'know that is a tough spot.
Rachel: (waving them in his face) Take 'em! (Joey makes a noise and jumps out of the way.) Joey, you can touch them! They're your underwear.
Ross: (jumping to his feet in anger) What?
Monica: Well, I guess we won't be warming his house.
[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Ross is passed out on the kitchen counter. He wakes up with a start and has one of the pages of the letter stuck to his face.]
Fat Monica: I think his begging days are over now that he's going out with Nancy Branson.
(Phoebe jumps on to the table and lays down, Ross follows her and hits his head on the light hanging over the pool table.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Ross is cleaning out the fridge. Joey walks from his room. He looks like he just woke up.]
JOEY: That's it, just hey. Like at the end of a dance, HEY! [she starts nibbling his hand] Hey. He-hey.
Ross: Okay here, have one of these peppers. Oh ha Oh God! So so hot! (Rubs his eyes.) Oh my(Laughs.) By the way, you dont want to touch the pepper and then touch your eye.
Rachel: Yes, his name is Barry, hes a doctor, thank you very much.
Hoshi: All right, on the table. (Pete gets on the table for his rubdown)
Phoebe: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village..
(Another man walks up with a drink in his hand, Phoebe stops him too.)
(They both throw the scripts in his face.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is cleaning the foosball table, Joey is working on his script.]
(Another guy walks by and throws his light cigarette butt in the bucket.)
Ross: (puts his head near the baby) Hello! (to Dr. Franzblau) Oh, sorry.
Robin: (starting to cry) Ooh, (to Rachel) Can I have a napkin, please? Could you please hand me a napkin? (Rachel tries to grab one, but is to slow for his tastes.) Would you--Give me this thing (grabs the napkin holder from her.) all right!! Enough! (to Billy) And you are no longer my friend! We are finished! (gets up to leave) Nada!! No more! You are a bastard for doing this!! (Billy follows him) Get away from me!!
Chandler: No. No, I just think that maybe I-I'd heard it somewhere before. (Sits down rubbing his temple.)
Phoebe: Oh, fine! Take his side! (Storms out.)
Mr. Geller: All right, enough! I dont want to hear about it anymore! (Under his breath) Good luck, Chandler. (Chandler takes another drink.)
[Scene: Joey's room, he is recovering from his birth.]
(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and pinches Joeys nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because hes now forced to actually hold his breath.)
Joey says "Ichiban". It displays a few girls dancing around and Joey fills most of the screen, he puts something blue on his lips and smacks them saying "Lipstick For Men!" It goes on to show him playing a guitar and putting on more blue lipstick. In the end he says seductively "Ichiban... Lipstick For Men" and "Sahiko" and it ends. Chandler and Rachel are speechless.)
Monica: Well if Ted Kopel talked about his coworkers botched boob jobs, I would.
[Scene: Chandler's office, Monica and him are at a party his office is throwing.]
Joey: Phoebe! Don't put ideas in his head!
Chandler: I asked myself that very question, sir. Uh, (Points to Monica) this is Monica. (Points to his boss.) This is my boss, Doug. Doug this is Monica.