words in movies
Phoebe: If she says no, can I have the ring?
Phoebe: If!
{Transcribers Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So Im just gonna guess since it doesnt matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)}
Ross: Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, its supposed to be excellent. The director is the same
Chandler: Oh, yeah. (Starts to take it off and then realizes) Uh, no you cant have my jacket! Because then I would be cold! If you thought that you were going to be cold, you shouldve brought your own jacket. But uh, other than that, are you okay? Are you okay?
Matire'd: (motioning to the empty table next to Monica and Chandlers) Or if you prefer, this table is available.
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey! You cant leave Joey! You agreed to buy that boat, all right?! That is a contract! And plus if you leave, my boss is gonna kill me!
Monica: If the school finds out youre fired.
Chandler: Hey, you have to forget about Elizabeth. I mean if youre not careful you may not get married at all this year!
Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldnt even be here telling you this, I mean youre with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say hes straight Ill believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didnt tell ya Id regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
Richard: Okay thats fine, Ill walk away. And Ill never bother you again, but only if you tell me Chandlers willing to give you everything I am.
Chandler: If marriage worked, Id be all for it. But do you know what the divorce rate in this country is? 97%.
Rachel: Well yknow, some people make deals with a friend, like if neither of them are married by the time theyre 40, they marry each other.
Rachel: Wh So If neither of you are married by the time youre 40, youre gonna marry Joey.
Rachel: So what do you say we make a pact? If you and I are both single by the time were 40, we get married. I mean, we know each other, we like each other, and weve-weve already slept together so yknow therell be no surprises there! You know what I mean? No like, "Whats that?!"
Joey: Yeah! Yeah, Ive been trying to find ya to tell to stop messing with her and maybe I would have if these (lifts a leg) damn boat shoes wouldnt keep flying off!
Richard: Uh, no! No! Thats art! If it bothers you I can put my art out.
Richard: Yeah, I understand. Take as much time as you want. (Pause) Ten, even twenty minutes if you need it. Ill be here. Not smoking. (Monica leaves.)
Richard: Well if it helps, it worked very well.
Richard: No I dont have a ring! (Pause) You go get her Chandler. (Pause) And can I give you a piece of advice? If you do get her, dont let her go. Trust me.
Joey: To her parents I think and she said you shouldnt call her. But if I were you I would.
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if youll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Monica: Well, you don't have to decide right now, but if you could just look at our file...
Ross: If like the four of us could all yknow, hang out together. Uh, in fact Emilys coming into town this weekend, why dont you say we all have dinner? Say, Sunday night?
Roy: Now if you just pay me my three hundred dollars, I'll be on my way!
Ross: (on the phone) No Mum, I'm not dead. I know it's not something to kid about. It was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, but it's over, ok? (pause) Actually no, even if I had died, you would not be left childless. (pause) Monica?
Chandler: I could perform an operation on you and prove it if you'd like.
Chandler: (angrily) Look, if you did...
Rachel: Yeah, Rachel. And this (points to Monica) is Ross' sister, Monica. We met at Thanksgiving. (looks around the room as if searching for something more interesting to do).
Chandler: O-kay. I'll see if I can find Ross. (Goes off to find Ross.)
Chandler: Well maybe if you go to school here next year we can totally hang out.
Ross: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay.
Ross: And it's a wedding! It'd be weird if I'm not in it...
Mike: ...and I was wondering if... you know, maybe one of you guys... (Ross stands up)
Chandler: You wouldn't know if Jeanette's planning on keeping her baby, would ya?
Joanna: (interrupting) And Rachel shouldnt have any problem with that. The only problem might be getting a little too friendly, if you know what I mean.
Chandler: Oh come on! Hello! Hi! My name is Chandler, here's my friend Ross right here, and we were wondering you know if you're up for it. We only need six more people for a human pyramid...Swoop!! Swoop!!
Rachel: Oh my god Chandler! If you can't handle this, what are you going to be like in the hospital? With the blood and the screaming and the little present that's shooting out of her!?
Phoebe: Listen, Mike, if you were Swedish and you were saying the word "lorkins" what flowers would that be?
Monica: Phoebe I think he would notice if you didnt have a baby in nine months!
Ross: Nah, I don't know if I should. I don't wanna be drunk when I go home alone.
Rachel: Ok. If you really need to.
Joey: Look I dont know this baby. I dont know if shes a famous artist or not. You know, and I dont want to be a jerk but youre changing too much around here.
Phoebe: Noooo! Ok, maybe if we just break it down. Ok, let's try at one syllable at a time. Ok? So repeat after me. "je".
Ross: (interrupting her) Okay. Okay. If uh, if youre gonna do this, then Im gonna do that. (Points to the bathroom.) So (Starts for the bathroom.)
JOEY: What happens if you flick it?
Ross: OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place if you're not dating a puma?
Chandler: Oh, uhm, okay, uhm, do you mind if we ask you some questions about the father?
Ross: Even if we want it really bad.
Monica: No, not if their room has two beds!
Ross: Look. Look, my mom gave me that ring because she wanted me to propose to Rachel, but all I wanted to do is if she maybe kinda wanted ah start things up again.
Mr Campbell: Well, if you don't want to leave, why are we having this lunch?
Mike: Well... hey, the key works...! (he looks as if he doesn't want to believe what's happening)
Chandler: Our balcony? Seriously? That's so funny because I told Monica we should put lights on our balcony. And she said"No, no. It's too cold, nobody will go out there." And I said "Maybe if we put some light out there they will"
Mike: Only if you'll be Phoebe Buffay.
Mike: If you need an easy way to remember it, just think of a bag of crap.
Monica: But what if it is better than ours? Should we at least look?
Ross: (entering) Pheebs, you mind if I speak to Rachel alone for a sec?
Monica: What if he reads it in the paper?
Ross: Uhm, well... I'm here to see if you'll give Rachel her job back.
Ross: So if you take this job you'll be moving to Paris?
Emily: She said, "If Im not gonna be happy getting married somewhere that we find in a day, well then we should just postpone it."
Joey: All right, all right, all right, let's play one more time, ok? And remember, if I win you do not move to Paris.
Mackenzie: Well, if moving here is gonna make them happy, don't you want them to do it?
Monica: Oh, I know. I know. Hey, you know, you can take it if you want! The lease is still in Nana's name.
Monica: Ross! She's giving us her baby. She can eat you if she wants.
David: Allright... But... if I ever do come back from Minsk... (points at Mike) well, you just better watch out.
JOEY: Uh, listen Phoebs, I know you're not goin' in there but do you think it'd be alright if I went in and used his bathroom? Oh, that's fine, never mind. Cool, snow, kinda like a blank canvas.
Joey: Huh, if I had to guess I'd say Rachel is putting on the bubble wrap and Phoebe is doing the punching.
Phoebe: Uhu, uhu, well, then, great. If you love it, I love it.
Rachel: Mon... Okay... I've gotta... just say what it is I'm gonna say... None of the amazing things that have happened to me in the last ten years, would have happened if it wasn't for you. No-one has been more like a sister to me...
Phoebe: Ross, if you're this upset, you should go and talk to her.
Chandler: That would be a lot more convincing if you weren't drooling.
Joey: All right, fine... But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame... (Chandler turns his back to the TV. Joey puts the tape in the VCR, switches it on and watches what's on the tape... It's clearly a american football match, with the referee's whistle blowing, the crowds cheering...)
Monica: Okay, what if the person who adopts the other one is horrible?
Chandler: What if they're not? What if it's adopted by a king?
Phoebe: Ross, Rachel doesn't know that you wanna get back together. If she did, she might feel differently. She might not even go.
Mike: Oh, I made a little something. If I had more time to work on it, it'd be better, but..
Joey: I told you not to move it! Rach, how would you feel if say, I wanted to move you mom, and you said dont, and I did it anyway and her head fell off?
Ross: Well, I asked him if he wanted to eat, he said, "No." I asked him if he wanted to sleep, he said, "No." I asked him what he wanted to do, he said, "No." So, hes sweeping. (We see Ben playing with a broom and a dustpan.)
Chandler: Yeah, it's almost if Air Barbados doesn't care about your social life.
Chandler: He's not right for the part. So if I suggest him, my bosses are gonna think I'm an idiot! And that's something they should learn on their own!
Ross: Okay, if you could all walk slower, that'd be great.
Monica: If that falls off the truck, it wouldn't be the worst thing.
Chandler: If she asks, I protested a little, but ok!
Sarah: (laughing) No. If I can't have your clams, you can't have my dessert. This is a two way street.
Monica: (laughs) I dont have anything like that, but let me go see if Rachel does.
Chandler: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... (Ross glares at him) you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her... (Ross continues to glare at him and Chandler leans in as if he's going to kiss Ross)
Rachel: Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I dont really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister isnt that like incest or something?! Oh my God, and theyre gonna have sex! Oh! Oh no what if he marries her too?! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I cant stop it! I cantI dont own Ross! Yknow? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do! And oh my God, I cant believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this terrible. Oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
Joey: Yeah! Ask them if they brought their friends any souvenirs!
David: I-I... Oh I...I just wanna say uhm... if you do ever come to Minsk, that's my number (gives Mike a business card) We'll uhm... we'll party up Vladnik style. (He leaves again)
Joey: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so--ooory. (he pushes his breasts together from the side)
Phoebe: Well, you know, if you want fashion help, Rachel and I are going shopping tomorrow. You're more than welcome to come with us, right?
Chandler: Fine, but if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party...
PHOEBE: Oh yeah. You know, I don't know if I was happier when um George Bailey destroyed the family business or um, Donna Reid cried, or when the mean pharmacist made his ear bleed.
Monica: Well, given that we forgot to invite her it would be an awfully big coincidence if she was.
Joey: Hey, imagine if I never got fired off Days Of Our Lives! (Closes his eyes to do so.) Oh-hey, theres Carol again!
Phoebe: Obviously I didn't think they were gonna start throwing things. I just thought if I kept insulting everyone, you would jump in and defend everyone and then you could look like the hero.
Chandler: All right look, if you absolutely have to tell her, at least wait until the timings right. And thats what deathbeds are for.
Chandler: He said...he said, he said that they're having a great time. I'm sorry. But, the silver lining, if you wanna see it, is that he made the decision all by himself! Without any outside help whatsoever.
Janine: Okay. Okay. Would, would it help if I went over and apologized?
The Museum Official: (on phone) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller. I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available (Chandler runs to answer the phone.)
Chandler: It feels like we’re cheating on our house. And if we’re gonna cheat, shouldn’t it be with like a hot, younger house, that does stuff that our house won’t do?
Joey: Yeah, that was a disappointment...(pause) Oh, hey!D'you want to come down to the set and tell me if I'm doing ok?
Joey: I was tryin to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what Im gonna do?
Monica: I still say that if we had called your dad we coulda gotten better seats.
Mark: Is it okay if I finish the apple juice?
Monica: (on phone) Hey listen umm, how would you like to get together? Say next Saturday? (Listens) Okay, how about Sunday? (Listens) Okay umm, the week after that? (Listens) The week after that? (Listens) Yknow what Greg? Yknow what? We are good, interesting, funny people with good questions and if you and your precious Jenny cant see that then (Listens) January 15th? (Chandler dances.) Well see you then! (Listens) Okay!
MONICA: Chandler look, I don't want to be one of those wives who says, "You can't go to the game.� You have to spend time with me."� So, if you could just realize it on your own . . .
Phoebe: We found your test in the trash, if youre not pregnant(She sees Rachel shaking her head)Its because I am.
CHANDLER: Yeah, we were gonna give fifty, but if you guys gave more, we don't wanna look bad.
Chandler: Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die.
Ross: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we?
Chandler: If I untangle you, will you please get rid of the corn rose?
Ross: Yeah-uh-huh. Tomorrow night, Valentines Day, the most romantic day of the year. Who knows what could happen? I might not be shutting my drapes to show her my slides, if you know what I mean.
Joey: Yes!! Ha-ha!! All right! Hey! How cool would it be if you could watch like a real life-sized version of this? Huh? I mean how crazy would that be?
Ross: Still, I can't believe that's sprayed on... I mean, it looks really good. I wonder if I should get one!
Phoebe: Okay (walks out and closes the door behind her, looks up and whispers) If you guys have microphones in there too, I didn't mean any of that. I love you.
Joey: (frustrated) Ahh! There's gotta be a way. I mean, you know, if Monica and Chandler move out here and now Phoebe is married to Mike. That just leaves me and Ross and Rach, you know what I mean?
Chandler: Not as much fun as last time. Apparently you only get porn if you're giving a sperm sample.
Chandler: Made a few calls, pulled some strings, and they agreed to seat us at 11:30 if we both had the chicken and didn't get desert.
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?