words in movies
Ross: Wow, I havent seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes.
Monica: Thats what you say about porn.
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Phoebe: Well thats only two days away. What is the other option?
Chandler: Thats me! Come on!
Joey: And scene! Huh? Wasnt that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?
Joey: Wow! Sure! Thats great!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah sure, just long as its handled tastefully and that barn is not too cold.
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
The Casting Director: So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what Im saying?
Joey: Thats right.
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
Rachel: Okay. Okay. All right, you take care of that. And meanwhile, the party is tomorrow and we still dont have a guest list.
Phoebe: Okay. Okay! Well okay, who do we know thats coming? Me. Are you?
Monica: Okay. (Opens the fridge.) All right, turkey. Eh, that wont work. Cheese? (Picks it up) That wont work. Olive loaf? (Picks it up) I hope that wont work.
Rachel: Oh my God youre amazing! Did you just pull that out of her purse?
Ross: Oh. Oh, thats right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didnt.
Cassie: Ah yeah, sorry about that.
(She sets down her bag and we travel back to slow motion world. She once again whips her hair around in slow motion with the love doctor Barry White singing in the background. And Id also like to take this opportunity to mention that she can also be seen in Starship Troopers and that she was born in Downers Grove, Illinois which just happens to be a few miles from where I live. Anyway Cousin Ross is now staring.)
Ross: Cassie, how you-how you doin on that hot dog.
Cassie: I guess the last time we really hung out was when our parents rented that beach house together.
Ross: Oh right. Right. Ooh, remember the time I uh, I pinned you down and tickled you til you cried? (She laughs) Were probably too old to do that now.
Cassie: Ill always remember that summer, because its when I got all of these freckles. (She pulls her blouse open to show him her shoulder and bra strap.)
Ross: (looking then moving away quickly) Uh-huh! Uh-huh! And-and-and Ill always remember that summer because thats when I realized that we are related.
Cassie: It took you that long to figure it out, huh?
Phoebe: Hmm, yknow theres another word for people like that. Losers!
Rachel: Thats great!
Joey: Well maybe we just take that one away. (Picks it up and throws it away.)
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Phoebe: Yeah. Well, we called everyone in your phone book and bunch of people came, but it took us so long to get you here that they-they had to leave.
Monica: Well no wait a minute thats not true! No, what did, that was really sweet. And it kinda works out for the best.
The Director: Oh thats great! Okay, well Ive heard everything I need to hear. I just need to uh, Leslie
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
MONICA: Exactly. Oh, I love that I can be totally neurotic around you now. Tell me the truth. Don't you like it better now that everything on your desk is perpendicular?
All: Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out!
Joey: Okay, but lets say there was. How might that go?
PHOEBE: But Joey, you're gonna be fine. You don't need that show, it was just a dumb soap opera.
Ross: Yes thats right.
(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)
(Joey is sleeping on the floor and is buried in sand that has been carved into a mermaid complete with breasts.)
Rachel/Ross: Ooh, your lips are so soft... Do that again... (and she/he moves in for another kiss. Joey, pushes her head away again...)
Phoebe: Why is Ross doing that?
Ursula: Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess thatd be okay.
Chandler: Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. (He jumps up onto the table and starts doing his happy dance.)
Chandler: You just thought of that in there?
The Lurker: I won! That was my quarter!
Ross: That was you?
Kathy: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I dont wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I cant stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I dont wanna be the cause of that. So, I dont think we can see each other anymore. Im gonna go to my moms in Chicago, Im gonna stay there for awhile. I think this couldve be something really amazing, but yknow this is probably for the best. Yknow? Im gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
Monica: Oh, honey!I can't. I was just telling these guys that things are crazy at the restaurant!
Rachel: Yeah thats right! Come on Joey; sex me up!
Monica: Isnt that mine?
Joey: Felicity and I, were watching My Giant, and I was thinking, "Im never gonna be as good an actor as that giant." Do you think Im just wasting my life with this acting thing?
Rachel: Oh, well thank you for taking your tongue out of my sisters mouth long enough to tell me that.
Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! (realises his tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?
Chandler: Yeah, Ive always hated that Howie.
Monica: Oh my God, this is great! This is so great! (to Chandler, who looks bewildered). Did you hear that?
Phoebe: Whats that smell?
Elizabeth: Ohh thats so sweet!
Monica: Does that smell bother you?
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, thats notNo-no-no!
Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.)
Joey: OK, you've got to promise that you'll never, ever tell Ross that I told you.
Ross: Why do they keep doing that?
MR. GELLER: When did I say that?
Joey: Thats right, all the ladies want to stay at Joeys.
Rachel: Oh! I used to do that too!
Chandler: Almost as good as that play with the two naked girls on the see-saw.
Monica: Joey, now that you're okay with the house, do you wanna go see your room?
Joey: But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.
Chandler: Thats still in there?!
Phoebe: Yeah, but Monica, do you actually want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase, "Thats not how your dad used to do it."
Ross: That! Lets talk about that.
Will: Uh, except that it was really the I Hate Rachel Club.
Rachel: Well Joey, uhm look, I know that she’s difficult, but I think it’s really good that she’s here.
Monica: Drunk enough to know that I want to do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.
Monica: Uh, would you stop it with that already?!
Rachel: That would be great! Wait, how long is Denise gone for?
Ross: Well, I-I want to give her another chance, yknow? She lives so close. And, at the end of the date, the other time, she-she said something that wasif she was kidding was very funny. On the other hand, if she wasnt kidding, shes not fun, shes stupid, and kind of a racist.
Chandler: Oh, uh, yeah... I just knew that sometimes when you're writing, you... you don't always know the exact time.
Chandler: No-no, why dont you hang on to that one.
Monica: Well, at least you have one thing to be happy about. That jerk Gavin from your office didn't show up (Gavin shows up at the balcony windows).
Monica: No! You cant do that!
Phoebe: So, we realize thatOh no (She resets herself) Im telling it! Im telling it (She loses it.)
Monica: Oh no! My parents have never seen me drunk! (Pause) That they know of.
Chandler: Ah, look on the bright side, I mean you won't have to live with this ugly chair! That was here already huh? I love you. (they hug again)
Chandler: That is so weird, because every time I go to the dentist, I look down the hygienists blouse.
Ross: Thank you! Thats what I keep saying.
Chandler: That is lucky.
Chandler: Oh thats so sweet! I want to show you something too!
Rachel: Chandler! Patrick just uh, ended things with me. Did you or did you not tell him that I was looking for a serious relationship?
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Umm, Websters Dictionary defines marriage as (Ross and Joey start writing.) Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
Chandler: Oh thats great!
Phoebe: Oh thats right. Youre still set on that?
RACHEL: Well that sounds kinda cool, kinda like The Hobbit.
Joey: Oh, that sounds like fun, but weve got a ring to find!!
Elizabeth: Ahh, I just have one problem left that I do not know how to solve. Uhh, Rachel maybe you want to come upstairs and help me figure it out?
Rachel: (looks at him) That was (pause) surreal. Okay, what do think? Are you interested at all?
Monica: Joey, take your time with that. That's my last batch.
Ross: (entering) Okay Pheebs, I know how we're going to figure this out. Okay, clear your mind and answer the first thing that comes into your head. Okay?
Ross: Yeah, no one talks like that!
ROSS: Ok, well then get some sense. I mean it took you what, 10 years to get that job, who knows how long it's gonna be till you get another.
Joey: Yeah!! I call that London style.
Phoebe: It's not that bad.
Chandler: How is that worse?!
Joey: What?!! Thats even worse!!
Monica: That noise you just made?
Monica: Oh honey, is that cause your Mom died around Christmas?
Ross: Well, you shouldve seen the guy that she used to go out with. I mean, hes like Joe Rugby.
Phoebe: I think so too. And that little flap? Great for holding my lipstick.
Ross: But all kidding aside, in much the same way that Homo ergaster [1] is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus...
Mr. Treeger:: No! Youre clogging up the chute that I spent a half-hour unclogging!
Leslie: Yeah, but, I dont do that anymore. I got kinda sick of it, and then I couldnt come up with anything good, so they fired me.
Monica: Cause I just keeping thinking about all these things that Im not gonna have and its freaking me out. I dont know what to do about it.
Chandler: Well, I did not know that.
Charlie: Hey, there's Phoebe! Is that Mike she's with?
MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon.
GRANDMOTHER: Alright, that is not your father, that's just a picture of a guy in a frame.
Ross: Sorry. (To remedy that, Ross scoops the cinnamon off of the top with his hand.)
Ross: Thank you! And I have to say that first scene when you meet Mac
Ross: I got held up at Dr. Gettleman's office. There was some guy that freaked everybody out.
Rachel: Oh good, great! I'll-I'll keep that in mind. (Turns and walks away.)
Joey: Thats great. Thanks Rach.
Chandler: Ah, well, maybe thats, ah, because youre getting a big raise.
Ross: Uh yeah! Let me, let me get that for you.
(Nina beams flirtatiously at Chandler, who catches her drift, but for once hes lost for something to say – so she nods her head to tell him that hes thinking correctly...)
Rachel: Oh thats right! Im sorry! I-I am early! Finish! Please!!
Monica: All right Rach, for what its worth, I think that youre doing great. I mean yknow lets face it, no one handles this well.
Chandler: No, you shNo you said you made that up!!
Chandler: Make sure you put all that stuff back in the closet, okay?
Joey: Uhh, look Katie, uh listen, we-we need to talk. Okay? Umm, look I like you. I-I really do, I like you a lot. Okay? But sometimes when you, when you playfully punch me like that it-it feels like someone's hitting me with a very tiny but very real bat.
Paul: I get that a lot.
Monica: Thats the couch.
Joey: That just cost me four bucks. But uh listen, I just called to see how the chick and the duck are doing?