words in movies
Ross: Wow, I havent seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes.
Monica: Thats what you say about porn.
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Phoebe: Well thats only two days away. What is the other option?
Chandler: Thats me! Come on!
Joey: And scene! Huh? Wasnt that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?
Joey: Wow! Sure! Thats great!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah sure, just long as its handled tastefully and that barn is not too cold.
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
The Casting Director: So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what Im saying?
Joey: Thats right.
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
Rachel: Okay. Okay. All right, you take care of that. And meanwhile, the party is tomorrow and we still dont have a guest list.
Phoebe: Okay. Okay! Well okay, who do we know thats coming? Me. Are you?
Monica: Okay. (Opens the fridge.) All right, turkey. Eh, that wont work. Cheese? (Picks it up) That wont work. Olive loaf? (Picks it up) I hope that wont work.
Rachel: Oh my God youre amazing! Did you just pull that out of her purse?
Ross: Oh. Oh, thats right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didnt.
Cassie: Ah yeah, sorry about that.
(She sets down her bag and we travel back to slow motion world. She once again whips her hair around in slow motion with the love doctor Barry White singing in the background. And Id also like to take this opportunity to mention that she can also be seen in Starship Troopers and that she was born in Downers Grove, Illinois which just happens to be a few miles from where I live. Anyway Cousin Ross is now staring.)
Ross: Cassie, how you-how you doin on that hot dog.
Cassie: I guess the last time we really hung out was when our parents rented that beach house together.
Ross: Oh right. Right. Ooh, remember the time I uh, I pinned you down and tickled you til you cried? (She laughs) Were probably too old to do that now.
Cassie: Ill always remember that summer, because its when I got all of these freckles. (She pulls her blouse open to show him her shoulder and bra strap.)
Ross: (looking then moving away quickly) Uh-huh! Uh-huh! And-and-and Ill always remember that summer because thats when I realized that we are related.
Cassie: It took you that long to figure it out, huh?
Phoebe: Hmm, yknow theres another word for people like that. Losers!
Rachel: Thats great!
Joey: Well maybe we just take that one away. (Picks it up and throws it away.)
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Phoebe: Yeah. Well, we called everyone in your phone book and bunch of people came, but it took us so long to get you here that they-they had to leave.
Monica: Well no wait a minute thats not true! No, what did, that was really sweet. And it kinda works out for the best.
The Director: Oh thats great! Okay, well Ive heard everything I need to hear. I just need to uh, Leslie
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Phoebe: Thats what I said.
Ross: I'm gonna pay for that tonight.
Phoebe: I dontshe said yknow that Id have triplets! But she also said one of them would be black.
Chandler: Yes that was mine.
Rachel: I know that too.
Phoebe: Thats not why youre going! Youre going because you hope hes gonna say, "Yeah, I love you too, Rach. Forget that British chippy."
Ross: Ugh, between the traffic that time of day and all the one-way streets itll take me twice as long. Besides, I teach the class three times a week, who am I? Rockefeller?
Monica: Hey, what's that?
Monica: What is that?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters and walks quickly over to the window to watch Rosss apartment. We see that Rosss apartment is empty.]
Phoebe: But they shouldn't happen, you know what, you're, you're in a terrible, terrible business. Oh God, I don't wanna be the person who makes your face look like that.
Monica: But you live here! (Ross rolls his eyes.) You know that.
Frank Jr.: Sometimes I think that.. Oh, no, no, no, I can't say it, it's too horrible. No.
Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)
Joey: Oh, its great! Its a great place to just kinda, sit, hang around, drink a few beers, eat some chips. (He says that as he sits, hangs around, drinks a beer, and eats a chip.)
Rachel: Hi! You might not remember us, but we are the girls that fogged you.
Joey: Saw the Porsche out there Mon, lookin good. When do I get to take that baby out again?
Ross: Really?! Wow! Thats-thats so nice, what are you gonna get me?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is showing off her new dollhouse. Its a huge dollhouse, that takes up the entire living room table.]
Chandler: Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay?
Monica: Okay thats it. I give up. At mom and dads 40th anniversary, youre the one giving the speech.
Chandler: You just, you look so different! Terrific! That dress! That body!
Monica: How did that happen?
Joey: Now thats a thinker.
ROB: The thing is, I think some of the parents, they were kinda hopin' that you'd play more songs about like, barnyard animals.
Monica: Oh, thats sounds great.
Ross: J-j-just relax, nobody yelled. Jack just was calling to make sure that you were getting better.
Monica: (To Joey) Okay, did you hear that?
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay, this is it. Its my big fight scene coming up. (He looks over and Chandler and notices that hes asleep.)
Phoebe: Cliff, do you really believe that a character from a TV show was here in your room?
Joey: Hey, Ross, you're okay with that?
Mike: How do I and Joey know each other? Wow, if I had a nickel for every time somebody has asked me that.
Drunk Man: I just want to say that Ross is a wonderful young man.
Rachel: Okay no way, you cannot use that to get the cute guy and the last blueberry muffin.
Frank Sr.: Yes. Yes it is. I burned the formula and I put your diapers on backwards. I mean, I made up a song to sing you to sleep, but that made you cry even more!
Rachel: Yeah but, you dont, you dont, you dont want to try to much too fast. Yknow? I mean, you do remember what happened to the little girl that tried to much too fast dont you?
Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?
SUSIE: OK, well then who was the kid that got caught masturbating?
Monica: All right then, go fight for her! Go to London! I mean, that could be you and Emily! (Points to the TV.) That, but-but nicer. Just, go to London!
CHANDLER: Well, that makes me feel so good.
Joey: But hey, listen just so you know, you might have youre work cut out for you. Cause when I talked to her, I kinda got the feeling that shes into some other guy. So
Ross: Thats a different issue. Uh, the point is, when the baby comes I will be there to to feed her and bathe her and change her. And more than that I want to do all those things.
Rachel: Oh my God! Thats so great! Im so happy for you guys!
Ross: Uh-huh, I see that.
Joey: Thats Fergie baby!!
Chandler: Then why didnt you tell me to do that?!!
Rachel: Okay uh, but before you do that. I-I, I need you to talk to me.
Rachel: Awww, stop. Come on. Now go shave that head!
Rachel: Sure, you know what? Come on, well just tell them that there was like a problem with like the "engine".
Phoebe: Oh thats so sweet thanks.
Monica: Look, I know that you're in a place right now where you really need to hate Julie's guts, but she didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she was just a girl who met a guy, and now they go out. I really think that if you gave her a chance, you'd like her. Would you just give that a chance, for me?
Chandler: Yeah, Im putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then thats what were gonna do.
Chandler: Yes that was a nice place!
Bob: I want to talk to that bastard, see what his problem is.
Rachel: So, pretty much around the same time that you started telling this story.
Rachel: I dont know. I dont know how I feel. This is all happening so fast. I have to make all these decisions that I dont want to make. (Takes another sip of champagne and spits it back out) Somebody just take this away from me!!
Ross: That was going to be my next argument.
Joey: (frustrated) Ahh! There's gotta be a way. I mean, you know, if Monica and Chandler move out here and now Phoebe is married to Mike. That just leaves me and Ross and Rach, you know what I mean?
Ross: (laughs as well, but for a different reason) Yeah, I didnt think of that.
Paul: Ross, look, I know Ive been giving you a lot of jabs and its partly because Im very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) youre not (pause) all bad.
Amanda: Oh! Bugger. Should I not have said that? I feel like a perfect arse!
Mr. Geller: Oh, I'm not falling for that one!
Monica: Oh, I don't know. Maybe, um, "That was nice?" Admit something to me? "I'll call you?"
Chandler: But I am willing to offer her all those things. This was just a plan, yknow? A way to throw her off course so that when I offered her all these things, shed be surprised!
Monica: Uh, look, Larry honey, umm, I wrote the book on Section 5 and I know that you don't have to wear your hat unless you're in the kitchen.
Rachel: This bench, its hollow! I cant believe I never knew that! (She pushes all the pillows off it and opens it up) Oh, the presents!!!
Ross: Thanks for the coffee, or bedankt voor de koffie, Gunter. (He translates that phrase into Dutch.)
Monica: The woman that got married a bunch of times and killed herself when you were 13?
Ross: Hey. So I uh, I didn't get that apartment. Some problem with my application.
Monica: She has to know that your not ready.
Chandler: Oh, yeah. (Starts to take it off and then realizes) Uh, no you cant have my jacket! Because then I would be cold! If you thought that you were going to be cold, you shouldve brought your own jacket. But uh, other than that, are you okay? Are you okay?
Rachel: Ok, well this is like that...in no way. I had a...I had a dream last night that I wanted to kiss Joey.
Monica: Thats very funny!
Joey: If you said it like that, you probably did, yeah.
Chandler: Oh that's so cool! Why would a cop come in here though? They don't serve donuts. (No one laughs.) Y'know what actually, could you discover the badge again? I think I can come up with something better than that.
Chandler: Alright, lo�look. I don�t smoke anymore. But if the rest of you want to light up, go ahead, it�s fine. (everyone lights up) So you all smoke then? That�s almost rude, that I�m not.
Joey: Now hold on a second, fifth floor against that back wall?
CHANDLER: It's not that hard to learn. And as for people realizing you have no idea what you're doing, hey, you're an actor. Act like a processor, people will think you're a processor.
Chandler: I have a weird feeling about this place. (pause) How do I know that they are not gonna secretly videotape me and put it all over the internet.
Joey: You're smart. I like that.
Rachel: (laughs) You ah, you didnt say Yes to that did you?
Phoebe: Oh yknow whats sadder than this? Bambi. I cried for three days with that movie. No wait two! Because on the third day my mother killed herself so I was partly crying for that.
Rachel: How could you not tell me that she has hair?
LITTLE BULLY: Is that supposed to be funny?
Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
Monica: All right. (Looking through a box.) Op, here it is! Right underneath the can of-of bug bomb. I wonder if the best place to put something that cooks food is underneath the can of poison?
Chandler: And you're okay with that?
Rachel: That was not funny!
Jill: My God, you're choking! (she runs over and gives him the Heimlich, the gum flies from his mouth) That better?
Ross: Oh, great! Listen, oh I had to get you a whole new battery. I got you the best one I could, cause thats not where you want to skimp.
Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.
Joey: That makes sense!
Monica: Hey! Didnt you have that outfit on last night?
Monica: (grabbing the picture) Give me that!
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Is that Joey?! (She nods yes) Let me talk to him!
Phoebe: I wouldn't say never, you know there's that guy (pause) well what about (pause) ok well there's gotta be someone.
Phoebe: I love you. But I never needed a proposal from you. I just needed to know that we were headed somewhere, you know, that we had a future.
Rachel: Yeah, ohh! Why, damnit, why did I open my mouth? (In a girlish voice) I have a crush on you; I am attracted to you. (Back to normal again) Gee, I-I know that I freaked him out