words in movies
NOTE: For this episode, I'm using italics to signify portions contained in the prom video.
CHANDLER: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?
CHANDLER: Wow, I don't know what to say. [opens the box and pulls out an incredibly gaudy gold bracelet] Wow, I, I don't know what to say.
CHANDLER: [reads] To my best bud. [puts it back in the case] Thanks best bud.
CHANDLER: Oh, now? [puts it in his desk drawer] No, no, I think something this nice should be saved for a special occasion. [sets a chair in front of the drawer]
JOEY: Oh, no no, that's the beauty part, it goes with everything. [gets the bracelet from the drawer] You put this on, you're good to go. [puts the bracelet on Chandler] Ohhh man, you are so wearin' that bracelet.
CHANDLER: Well, it'll probably slow it down at first but, once I get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.
MONICA: Oh, that's there on the bottom, see the manager, Chandler Bing.
MONICA: Alright, well I'm tearing the lettuce.
MONICA: Well, I thought that I would cut up the tomatos.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting at the couch. Ross is sitting at the table and answers the phone.]
ROSS: Y-ello. No, Rachel's not here right now, can I take a message? Alright, and how do we spell Casey, is it like at the bat or and the Sunshine Band? OK, bye-bye. Hey, who's this uh, this Casey?
PHOEBE: Oh, some guy she met at the movies.
ROSS: [puts the message in the cupboard] I don't know, I don't get, I don't get it, I mean, wh, wh, two months ago Rachel and I were like, this close. Right now, what, I'm takin messages from guys she, she meets at the movies? I mean this, this Casey should be takin' down my messages, ya know, or, or, Rachel and I should be together and, and we should get some kind of me, message service.
MONICA: Yeah, I think that fifth shower actually got the interview off me.
MONICA: Oh yeah, well there's the possibility that I won't make rent.
CHANDLER: Ya know, the man's got a point. [gestures with his arm and the bracelet falls off]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica answers the door and lets her parents in. They are carrying boxes.]
CHANDLER: [walks over to the woman] I know what you're thinking, Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's.
CHANDLER: Chandler. [waves his arm around, exposing the bracelet]
CHANDLER: What? [realizes it was the bracelet] Oh this is excellent. You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller, the eyesore from the Liberace house of crap.
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
CHANDLER: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi. Hey man, we were just doin' some uhh, impressions over here. Do your Marcel Marceau. [Joey turns around and walks out without saying anything] That's actually good.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is talking to a man at the counter. Ross and Phoebe are sitting at the couches.]
ROSS: [Rachel, laughing, puts a hand on the guy's shoulder] Look at that, look at that, see how she's pushing him away and he won't budge. Alright, I'm gonna do something. [walks up in the middle of their conversation] Excuse me, are you Rachel?
ROSS: Oh, oh my God, is this the wrong day? I don't believe it, uh, well, hey, I guess if it works out we'll, we'll have something to tell the grandkids.
RACHEL: Saving, saving, saving me from the pleasant conversation with the interesting man, saving me?
RACHEL: OK, you know what, are, are you being like, the blind date guy again?
ROSS: No no, you're uh, you're my lobster. See um, lobsters, uhh, in the tank when, when they're old, uhh, they get with, uhh, they walk around holding the claws. In the tank, ya know, with, with the holding and. . . Uhh, Phoebs you wanna help me out with the, the whole lobster thing?
PHOEBE: Do the claws again.
ROSS: Rach. OK, forget, forget the lobsters OK. We're, let's talk, what about us?
CHANDLER: Hey man, look it's my best bud. How ya doin? [Joey doesn't respond] Wow, you are really gettin' good at that Marcel Marceau thing. Hey, whaddya say uh, we play some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say? [Throws a basketball to Joey. Joey doesn't move to catch it and the ball takes out a lamp] OK, that's my bad.
JOEY: If you hated the bracelet so much, Chandler, you should have just said so.
CHANDLER: Well, doesn't the fact that I wore the bracelet even though I hated it say something about our friendship and how much it means to me?
JOEY: Well, what about the fact that you insulted the bracelet and you made fun of me?
CHANDLER: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we wouldn't focus on that. [Joey goes to his room and shuts the door] Hey, c'mon man, I said I was sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will never take it off my. . . [notices the bracelet is missing from his wrist] wrist. But if, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you know, you just uh, you stay in there. [he starts searching the room, lifting up the couch cushions]
JOEY: You know what the. . . [sees Chandler on his knees, holding the couch cushions]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are watching tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
MRS. GELLER: Oh, Jack look, there's that house paint commercial that cracks you up. [the Gellers return to watching TV and Ross goes over to Monica]
ROSS: Emotional hell. So, did they lend you the money yet?
MONICA and ROSS: In the bank.
PHOEBE: Would you stop already? Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay.
CHANDLER: Oh, you're right I, I should play in the hay. Forget about the fact that I just dropped 400 dollars to replace a bracelet that I hated to begin with. Bring on the hay. [sits down at the bar]
RACHEL: [comes up from behind the bar and startles Chandler] Hey. I've got something that's gonna make you happy. Guess what Gunther found? [holds up Chandler's bracelet]
CHANDLER: No, I can't. No no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, [puts bracelet on Joey] it's about you and me and the fact that we're [reading bracelet] best buds.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Ross are standing in the kitchen. Ross is filling out a check]
MRS. GELLER: Over here Jack. OK. I see, Rachel's coming up the path. Oh doesn't she look pretty. Jack, get this. [Rachel enters with a huge nose]
MONICA: You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom.
MONICA: Over here dad. [he pans over and we see a torso taking up the whole screen]
MONICA: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
RACHEL: Oh, that's OK, it's just the shoulder, it's not my dress.
MONICA: Dad, it is not. What's with the red light?
MR. GELLER: It's the off light. Right Ross? [pans over to see Ross with an afro and moustache]
RACHEL: [the shoulders of her dress keep falling off her shoulders] Is my hook unhooked? These things keep falling down, I can't. . .
RACHEL: Oh, the guys are here.
[Ross is sitting on the stairs with a laptop keyboard playing 'Axel-F']
MONICA: Ya know, Roy saw Star Wars 317 times. His name was in the paper.
MRS. GELLER: [to Ross on the stairs] I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
ROSS: Uh, just a sec dad. [to himself] OK, be cool, just be cool. [walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable] OK dad.
MR. GELLER: [going downstairs] Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shining. . . oh no. [Chip has shown up and the four are leaving]
MR. GELLER: Press the button.
MR. GELLER: The button, the button.
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is watching the rest of the tape]
MR. GELLER: I may not know any of your flash dances but I'm no slouch on the dance floor.
[the tape cuts to Monica's parents under the covers]
Monica: But you should eat them now because theyre hot from the oven.
(The lights go up on the stage, Joey, as Freud, is talking to a female patient.)
Rachel: I'd say from the looks of it; our naked buddy is moving.
Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio
Phoebe: Um-hmm. Oh wait! This is Bonnie. (who has hair by the way)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the bachelor party has ended and Monica is trying to explain herself to Chandler.]
Chandler: Please let me stay on this side of the door.
The Doctor: Hi Rachel!
Monica: Rachel, get the book! The book!
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, its the middle of the night, hes waking up and discovers hes alone in bed.]
The Doctor: You brought a carrot.
(Suddenly, a strange and familiar voice comes out of the tape player. Heres a hint, OH MY GAWD!! Thats right, its Janice!)
Monica: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history!
Monica: Oh yeah right! (She grabs the money and shoves into her pocket.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are on their date with Janice and Clark, however Clark is a no show and Janice is crying the Mississippi River about it.]
Chandler: (pats him on the shoulder) Youre it! Now run and hide!
Phoebe: oh I dunno I dunno, you know I mean I like him but am I ready to take my grade a loins off the meat market.
Ross: No! The guy is mean. I mean really mean. I think you should stay away from him.
(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)
Chandler: I love the specifics, the specifics were the best part!
Ross: Well you shouldnt be. Believe me I wouldnt want to be the guy whos up against you. (Chandler laughs.) I mean that doofus is going to lose!
MRS. GELLER: Thank you Richard, I appreciate the support.
Phoebe: Okay but thats why you have to buy it, so it can fulfil its Christmas destiny, otherwise there gonna throw it into the chipper. Tell him, Joey
Rachel: What are you talking about?! Mindy, the guy is the devil! He's Satan in a smock!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting in the chair.]
Phoebe: (to Rachel, whos staying in the cab.) Arent you gonna go?
[Scene: Phoebes, Phoebe is opening the door.]
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up.
Chandler: Yeah, I mean were gonna have to move around some furniture to make room for my chair. (Kisses her and heads into the living room.)
Ross: (on the machine) Hey Ross! It's you! I just want you to remember this feeling. You are lucky to be alive! So live everyday to the fullest. Love yourself, okay? Okay. Oh, and also get stamps. Bye! (He hangs up.)
Doug: There you go. (smacks him on the butt)
Chandler: I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell me?!
Rachel: Okay, you want me to stop at the ATM?
[Scene: The restaurant with still just Phoebe and Joey.]
Phoebe: What's in the bag?
Monica: Sit down. (They sit down on the couch.)
Monica: Honey, we were at this beautiful place, and I-I-I just put our names down for fun! I mean, whats the harm in that?
Phoebe: (on phone from Central Perk) Hey Joey, I just wanted to let you know that I found a selfless good deed. I just went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.
Monica: No! Thats where we keep the canned goods! Have you completely forgotten everything you learned at orientation?
Joey: And I got custody of the kid, right? Now suppose the kid dies and-and I gotta buy a new kid.
Joey: I guess I'll get washed up then. Watch that sunrise. (He goes into the bathroom.)
Phoebe: There you go, that's the spirit! Okay! Now, if you need money, I will lend you money, but just get moving!
Joey: No-no, stay right there. (Monica stops and Joey flips her a pancake, which flies over her head and lands in the living room.) Gettin closer.
Joey: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.
Joshua: Kidding! (Rachel is relived) Im gonna get there early, but Im going to put you on the V.I.P list, okay? Look for me.
(Ross stares in shock at him as he angrily puts down the chicken and takes off his coat.)
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Rachel are on their knees with forks trying to salvage what they can of the cheesecake off of the floor.]
The Husband: Okay!
The Director: (leaning in) Kate?
PHOEBE: Ya know, in all the years that we have been grandmother and granddaughter, you have never lied to me.
Phoebe: Oh, come on! I think hes ready to get rid of, what did you call it? The cheap knock-offs and dinosaur junk.
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
Rachel: Well, I will go to the hospital tomorrow, itll still be broken then.
Monica: The Richard.
Ross: Is the old woman on the bicycle still alive?
Rachel: Well, I have been spending a lot of time in the lab.
MONICA: Leon, Leon. Shhh! Guys. Wait, I don't understand. Those steaks were just a gift from the meat vendor. That was not a kick back. I'll just replace them and we can forget the whole thing. What corporate policy? No. Yeah. All right. I just got fired.
Joey: Oh, all blank, and no blank, makes blank a blank blank. Oh no-no-no, no, the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then at last second they get away. Aww!
[Scene: A Gym, Pete is training for the Ultimate Fighting Championship, with his trainer, Hoshi.]
Rachel: You guys this cat is nothing like my grandmother's cat. I mean, it's not sweet, it's not cute, I even dragged that little string on the ground, and it just flipped out and scratched the hell out of me. And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time this cat hisses at me I know it's saying, "Rachel!"
Phoebe: I mean... (David kisses Phoebe on the cheek, makes his way to the door and turns around again)
Joey: Ahhh, I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. (the girls look at him, confused) Oh, I'm out.
Rachel: Ooh, good God, theyre so yummy! (She re-ingests the previously expelled cookie matter from the tissue.)
Monica: Ugh, we're screwed, aren't we? You know what? Just tell me on the way to the bird store.
Chandler: You know, you should really go on this show. All right, listen, I got three tickets to the Rangers tonight. What'd ya' say?
(Joey and Ross enter. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch, reading a magazine.)
(Rachel begins tapping the picture of the bean frantically.)
Ross: The carbon, its messy, I mean it gets on your fingers and causes, the, the ah, night blindness.
Joey: You wanna eat? (Pulls out the twenty) My treat!
Rachel: Okay, thank you. Thatll be all. (The mail guy leaves and Tag starts to follow, but Rachel stops him.) (Excitedly) Wait! Wait! (Rushes over and closes the office-door.) Did you see that? That mail guy had no idea there was something going on between us. (They kiss.)
[Cut to the jetway, the old man who the flight attendant delivered Rachel's message to gets off the plane, his wife still upset with him.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is smoking out on the balcony, Phoebe is absent.]
(they walk over to the sink and discuss it for a moment)
Ross: The point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.
Rachel: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder...
Phoebe Sr: Uh-huh. Wow! Well, look! Theres Frank. (points to the picture.)
Rachel: Come on Ross give me the keys! Monica does not know what shes talking about! I am an excellent driver!
Joey: No dude, Ross tore up the tickets!
Ross: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. (A woman emerges from the toilet behind him and he tries to pretend he was in the other one)
Older Scientist: Dr. Geller, theres a seat over here. (Motions to an empty chair at the white table.)
Joey: And you don't a little good about donating the money?
Ross: Here (gets behind her to help. When the coat comes off we see she is wearing the exact same shirt Ross is wearing. They look at each other, shocked. They abruptly put their coat back on) So this was fun! (They leave the room and head into opposite directions)
Rachel: Anyway, I'm going to be the coordinator of the woman's collection, I'll work right under the director, it's the perfect, perfect job for me!
(Gary closes the door behind him.)
Joey: All right, Im gonna go say hi the chick and the duck.
ROSS: How come it's not mixing with the water?
Chandler: Yeah, it was time. The old condom ring in the leather just doesnt say cool anymore.
Parker: That sounds great. (Sits down) My God this is the most comfortable couch Ive ever sat on in my entire life. (Bounces on couch)
Chandler: In the game room!
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter, the others are sitting on the couch.]
Joey: Monica, you have to do some damage control here, okay. 'Cause he's feeling like... (the door opens and Chandler walks in with a pizza)
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, hes listening to the hypnosis tape again.]
Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, I got the extended disco version, with three choruses of "You'll never make it on your own".
Phoebe: Sure! (When Monica gets close to the door.) (Yelling) Yeah! Las Vegas, number one!
CHANDLER: Sure. (My god, that's a big head! It didn't look this big in the office. Maybe it's the lighting. My head must look like a golf ball at work. All right, don't get hung up on it, quick, quick, list five things you like about her: Nice smile, good dresser...Big head, big head, big head!)
Ross: What the? What
Joey: All right, now you know that the ATM will only lets you take out 300 at a time, Ill take a check for the other hundred.
Phoebe: (from the air vent overhead) You guys, he's beautiful!
The Saleslady: May I help you ladies?
Blackjack Dealer: (Deals the cards) 13.