words in movies
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are showing everyone the van they bought for the catering business. Its an old Dodge van, that has a cartoon woman riding on a dragon painted on the side of it.]
Monica: Come on, no peeking! (They are leading the gang out with there hands over their eyes.)
Chandler: Our eyes are closed and were about to cross the street. Very good.
(They open their eyes and are stunned at the van.)
Phoebe: No, were gonna paint over the sword, and replace it with a baguette.
Phoebe: And also, we dont know what to do with this. (She turns on a switch and the girls nipples light up.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all there.]
Monica: Well, Im gonna fill in for him as food critic for the Chelsea Reporter.
Ross: I dont know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but theres this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.
Ross: Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson, only like the funest guy in the world.
Monica: All right, were you guys smoking something in the back of our van?
Ross: Joey, you are gonna love this guy. Gandolf is like the party wizard!
Ross: Gandolf the wizard. (Joey is still confused) Hello! Didnt you read Lord of the Rings in high school?
Rachel: Well, actually, I meant for me. The hiring committee is meeting people all day and
Joanna: Thats fine, actually Im on the hiring committee, so therell be at least one friendly face.
Joanna: You know, Junior Miss is where I started. Oh, I had to sleep with the ugliest guy to get that job.
Ross: Somewhere maybe along the equator?
Joey: Okay. (leaves as the phone rings)
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is meeting with Mr. Posner, Mrs. Lynch, and Joanna the hiring committee.]
Joanna: Filing system? Oh-oh! You mean those-those little colored labels you put on all the folders? (to the committee) It certainly did brighten up the inside of the filing cabinets.
Joanna: Oh yes, well theres the coffee too. (to the committee) Rachel can carry two things at once!
Joanna: (interrupting) And Rachel shouldnt have any problem with that. The only problem might be getting a little too friendly, if you know what I mean.
Joanna: With them, under them, whats the difference? Eh, Rach?
Phoebe: Ohh! Oh, the Chelsea Reporter, ohh, this used to keep me so warm.
Monica: All right, look at my on the back page.
Phoebe: Oh, okay! (reading) "Would I go back to Allesandros? Sure, but Id have to order two meals, one for me and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head." (to Monica) Wow! You really laid into this place.
Phoebe: Ooh, I gotta go. I found a guy that who could fix up the van for catering.
Phoebe: No-no, its okay. But are we sure we dont want the waterbed?
(The intercom buzzes.)
Monica: Oh my God, oh my God. (on intercom) Call me on the phone!
Monica: The waiter carried the breadsticks in his pants!
Allesandro: Well, you said that we except the Discover Card, which we do not!
Joanna: Congratulations! You now just crossed the line into completely useless. Get out. (Sophie starts to cry and leaves)
Rachel: Well of those things that you said in the interview, I mean if you believe any of them, I must not be a very good assistant. Yknow what? I am just gonna pack up my desk, (She goes over to get all of her belongings from the desk, which amount to a muffin and a pen) and I will be gone by the end of the day! (Realizes she has nothing.) Well, I guess theres no use to me sticking around til the end of the day! (Starts to leave.)
Joanna: Wait-wait-wait-wait! You can put your sad little muffin back in its drawer. If you must know the truth, I didnt want to lose a perfectly good assistant.
Joanna: That you enjoyed the occasional drink ing binge.
Joanna: Sophie, get in here! (Sophie peeks in around the corner)
Chandler: Yeah, and I-I gave first names to all of the foosball players.
Monica: Okay, the owner of Allesandros came over to yell at me, but instead I made him some sauce, and he offered me the job as head chef!!
Rachel: Oh my God!! You just ruined the thing I was practicing the whole way home, but Im soo happy!
Phoebe: I dont know, it would totally depend on her coloring and (realizes) You got the job!!
Monica: You got the job?! Why didnt you tell me?
Phoebe: Okay, is this the day of good news or what? I got us a job! The wedding reception.
Monica: I got offered the head chef job at Allesandros.
Monica: Its okay, cause y'know what? You dont really need me for the business.
Phoebe: Youre the cook! With out you its just me driving up to peoples houses with empty trays and asking for money!
Monica: All right. But umm, I-I-Ill pay you back all the money you invested, and you can keep the van.
Joey: We dont need that wizard guy. We hit a couple of clubs, talked to some strangers, and uh, after this, well head down to the docks and see about that boat thing.
[Scene: Central Perk, the next day, Phoebe is there.]
Monica: All right, Ive got a whole bunch of uh-uh, stuff in this area, but umm, Im getting the feeling that you dont want to deliver.
Monica: Yknow what, lets do the catering business.
Phoebe: Oh! It will be fun! Ohh! Yay! Oh! Okay, ooh, lets plan the wedding reception. (She grabs the notebook which Monica used for her ideas and starts flipping page after page after page after page after page to find a blank one.) Wow! You really wanted me to do something with this van. (pause) Yknow what, I want you to take the chef job.
Phoebe: Yeah. Thats what you really want. Yeah, I dont want to be the reason youre unhappy, that would just make me unhappy, and I really dont want to be the reason Im unhappy.
Phoebe: Besides, it might be kinda fun to form the new A-Team.
[Scene: Rachels office, she is coming in for the day carrying a picture for her new office. Mrs. Lynch is coming out of Joannas office, carrying a box.]
Allesandro: Im so excited about having Monica come on board with us. Although I do feel bad about having fired chef Emillio, its like losing a member of the family. Of course, that literally is the case for several of you. Tony, Carlos, Marie, please, tell your father how much were gonna miss him. Now, I know that Monica has a lot of great ideas for this place, well, you all read the review. So without much further ado, I present to you our new head chef.
Monica: Umm, I just wanna say, uh (reads from a 3 X 5 card) that with a pinch of exictement, a dash of hard work, a dollup of cooperation, we can have the recipe... (Looks up and sees eveyone glaring at her) Are you gonna kill me?
Chandler: Yeah, Joey just pressed something on the remote and it just, came on!
Rachel: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . (She jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is taking down the Christmas lights. Monica sees her, so she leans out of the small side window.]
Phoebe: Oh-ooh, and I brought Operation, but umm I lost the umm (It starts buzzing) Its making a noise.
Joey: I say push her down the stairs.
Chandler: All right! Ten buck! Fork it over! Cough it up! Pay the piper! Gimme it.
Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!
(They get into a wrestling match, that ends with Ross making Rachel paint her forehead with the nail polish. They both end up lying next to each other, stop, and look at each other for a moment.)
(The wool-bound trio returns to the table. Rachel has to rush ahead to avoid becoming tangled. Joey brings the shopping bag over to Phoebe, and takes out a nice cardigan.)
Lauren: (at the window, shes looking down out of the window) What do you got down there, Vic? What do you got under that tarp?
Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
Phoebe: You mean theOkay by siadic, you mean the towel covered portion.
Chandler: Oh, I just went for a walk, around the living room. Whatever
Phoebe: Hey! Umm, well, only okay because I just got back from, from the hospital.
Phoebe: No, which one? The right or left? 'Cause the left one is lucky...
(Cut to Ross and Rachel, talking next to one of the tables.)
Carol: (looking through the peephole) Ugh. (opening the door) Ross!
Rachel: Gunther, Gunther, please, Ive worked here for two and a half years, I know the empty trays go over there. (points to the counter.)
[Scene: Barry's Office, the post-coital Barry and Rachel are recovering on the chair.]
Joey: (shaking his head as if to say: of course not!) No, no, my mouth says the words, my brain is thinking monster trucks!
Ross: Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. (Chandler starts rubbing his temple again.) I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. (He starts to head for Monica's bedroom.) I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. (Pause.) I would make a good cowboy. (He struts into Monica's room.)
[the guy with the pie in his hood get up to leave]
(The play starts.)
Mrs. Geller: We might still have some money, if your father didnt think it was a good idea to sell ice over the Internet.
Chandler: Of course, of course not. I just have to uh, go over to the place where I-I made it and pick-pick it up.
Mr. Geller: And you tell him no one takes advantage of the Gellers.
[Scene: The Vending Machines, Phoebe is buying a soda and Joey is shaking the candy machine.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Erica enter, Chandler is in the kitchen.]
Chandler: Y'know, of all my friends, no-one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.
Phoebe: Girls, girls, stop, ok? We'll flip a coin. Heads, she's Rachel's, tails she's Monica's. (she flips the coin). Tails! Monica, she's yours!
[Scene: The hallway, Joey, Janine, Monica, and Chandler are returning from their second date.]
Joey: And now for the great news.
WAITER: (with tray and two drinks)� Excuse me.� Um, these are from the two gentlemen at the end of the bar.
Joey: Well uh, I wanted to have a few beers, but uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldnt stand the smell of them. But I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium though. And uh, its a couple weeks past its expiration date, so its got a bit of a kick.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is in the kitchen as Ross and Ben are entering.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are still out on the balcony.]
JOEY: I got one. Which one of us do you think will be the last to get married? [They all look at Chandler]
RACHEL: [comes up from behind the bar and startles Chandler] Hey. I've got something that's gonna make you happy. Guess what Gunther found? [holds up Chandler's bracelet]
Eric: Oh umm, Im the solar system. (Hes wearing a black sweater with the planets glued on around the sun.) Yeah, my students helped me make itI teach the second grade.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Chandler: Monicas gotta have the phone in the right place and(Frantic babbling.)
(Chandler hands him the cigarette, and he takes a long drag.)
(We hear some knocking coming from the ceiling.)
Ross: The gas is odorless, but they add the smell so you know when there's a leak.
Rachel: What? (Joey starts offering Ross some turkey.) Oh yknow what? Can we please keep the chicken and the turkey and everything on the other side of the table? The smell is just yuck!
Leslie: I played Smelly Cat for the people at my old ad agency, they went nuts.
[Time lapse. The gang is sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is at the head of the table, Mr and Mrs Geller are to his right. Joey and Ross are to his left. Monica is serving things. Phoebe is in the living room and Rachel is at the sink.]
[Cut to inside the apartment.]
Chandler: Hey! Did you have the baby yet?
Rachel: Alright, look, I have to go. I love you, and I will call you the minute I get to Paris.
[Scene: Rosss, the gang, minus Rachel of course, is there. Chandler is forced to smoke by an open window.]
Joey: Oh, come on! Have you seen what my kid can do?! Huh?! I mean he dials phones! He-he-he eats tortilla chips! He-he plays soccer with the cartoon tiger!
Monica: We have too! I mean what if Ross's hears that and then calls her back and then they get back together? Is that what you want? Ross back with that controlling, neurotic, crazy Emily? The Emily that wouldn't let him see you?
Monica: The players.
Rachel: Ross, can you pass me the yams?
[Scene: The Ultimate Fighting Championship, Ross and Monica are there watching Pete.]
Monica: Ohhh! (Takes the plate.) No! This is my friend Rachel, we went to High School together.
Frank: Y'know, I just was finally happy y'know. For the first time in my life! After my Dad left me, and then, and then getting arrested for stealing those birds, and then, and then the whole punctured lung thing! I can, its still really hard to take deep breaths in cold weather, but with Alice all that stuff kinda went away. And now its, and now its gone and I dont know why!
Chandler: Yes! Remember? Right before we cut the cake, I went up to you and I said
Ross: Can you believe this? Were gonna be on the platform for the Millennium moment!
Ross: Yeah. But, the good news is that Phoebe said that I could stay at her place for a while. So
Rachel: What, what, so that you can dance with the woman that stole your credit card?
Ross: Dad that wont matter to her. Look, all my stuff is safe and dry and all her is-is, is growing new stuff! See, this is exactly the kind of thing that makes her think you guys love me more than you love her.
Rachel: I just purchased the La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000. (Which is an actual product by the way, Im not sure about the 3000 part.)
Chandler: Oh yes, and thats what I want a roommate that I can walk around with and be referred to as the funny one.
[Rachel runs to the sink to spit it out.]
Joey: Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.
Ross: All right everyone, lift! (They and try to lift the car, of course it doesnt raise up) And slide!! (Everyone leans over, but the car still does not move.)
[Scene: The Hospital, Joey is sitting in the lobby as Ross enters.]
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?
Phoebe: Theyre not even touching the lasagna!
RACH: Oh, I know, I'm sorry you guys. You're just gonna have to get used to the fact that I will not be dating Ross.
Phoebe: Yeah, Ive discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh womens names are interchangeable, through-through no fault of his own.
Devon: Do you realise that we have not seen each other since the night of that U2 concert?
(She can't stay at the end as the couch rounds the turn so she shifts to the back corner of the couch and is at a 90-degree angle to it.)
RACH: Oh, well, that's, that's mighty big of you, Ross. [to the others] I said don't go!
Dr. Green: (laughs) Poppy. (To Phoebe) Oh, Im gonna be a poppy. (Stops laughing) So when is the wedding?
Ross: But the good news is, no one in a two-block radius will ever know.
(The nurse attending to the babies hears this, turns and stares at Chandler. Chandler moves Monica to the side and away from the nurse.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the phone, Chandler and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Ross is in the kitchen as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Julio: I thought I would, but the translation's no good.
JANICE: And what? Missed the expression on your face? Janice likes to have her fun.
Frank: Hey, yknow I was thinking, what are the odds like if-if, if you stuff like 200 of them in there?
[Scene: Mr. Zelners Office, Rachel is knocking on the door.]
Phoebe: You got it! Ok. But not on the wine that you made, ok, because I just don't want to go back to the Emergency Room.
Monica: Perhaps, you would like me to turn like this, (turns sideways on the couch) so that you can bunny bump against my back.
[Cut to another part of the building. We see Marcel jump in through a window and run down some stairs, then Chandler and Joey come down from the upper floor without noticing.]
(Rachel heads for the door but is intercepted by the doctor.)
[Scene: A 747 somewhere over the North Atlantic, Monica and Chandler are sitting in first class, depressed.]
Rachel: Yeah, and could you please chop some up and just put it right there in the sauce?
Rachel: Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! (Monica opens the door.) Emily?
CHANDLER: But hey, it's courtside.� The cheerleaders are going to be right in fr. . . (Pause)� That's not the way to convince you.
Monica: Have a seat. (They sit at the table.) Okay, listen umm, Chandler and I are going to live together, here.
Ross: Thats not true! Her, she doesnt even know what she wants! Rachels still mad about the whole thing.
Monica: Well, I thought this would be a great opportunity to use up all the food that I don't want to move to the new house with me! So, enjoy: smoke oyster casserole with a breakfast cereal crust, kidney beans in their own juices, and for dessert, a questionable orange.
Janice: Janice has a question. Who of the six of you has sleep with the six of you?
Ross: ...and these come in the shapes of your favourite Christmas characters, Santa, Rudolph, and Baby Jesus.
Phoebe: Okay umm, well, first Chandler and Monica will get married and be filthy rich by the way. Yeah. But it wont work out.
Chandler: (entering with his ringing phone) Joe. Joe! Answer the phone.
The A.D: You.