words in movies
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are showing everyone the van they bought for the catering business. Its an old Dodge van, that has a cartoon woman riding on a dragon painted on the side of it.]
Monica: Come on, no peeking! (They are leading the gang out with there hands over their eyes.)
Chandler: Our eyes are closed and were about to cross the street. Very good.
(They open their eyes and are stunned at the van.)
Phoebe: No, were gonna paint over the sword, and replace it with a baguette.
Phoebe: And also, we dont know what to do with this. (She turns on a switch and the girls nipples light up.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all there.]
Monica: Well, Im gonna fill in for him as food critic for the Chelsea Reporter.
Ross: I dont know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but theres this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.
Ross: Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson, only like the funest guy in the world.
Monica: All right, were you guys smoking something in the back of our van?
Ross: Joey, you are gonna love this guy. Gandolf is like the party wizard!
Ross: Gandolf the wizard. (Joey is still confused) Hello! Didnt you read Lord of the Rings in high school?
Rachel: Well, actually, I meant for me. The hiring committee is meeting people all day and
Joanna: Thats fine, actually Im on the hiring committee, so therell be at least one friendly face.
Joanna: You know, Junior Miss is where I started. Oh, I had to sleep with the ugliest guy to get that job.
Ross: Somewhere maybe along the equator?
Joey: Okay. (leaves as the phone rings)
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is meeting with Mr. Posner, Mrs. Lynch, and Joanna the hiring committee.]
Joanna: Filing system? Oh-oh! You mean those-those little colored labels you put on all the folders? (to the committee) It certainly did brighten up the inside of the filing cabinets.
Joanna: Oh yes, well theres the coffee too. (to the committee) Rachel can carry two things at once!
Joanna: (interrupting) And Rachel shouldnt have any problem with that. The only problem might be getting a little too friendly, if you know what I mean.
Joanna: With them, under them, whats the difference? Eh, Rach?
Phoebe: Ohh! Oh, the Chelsea Reporter, ohh, this used to keep me so warm.
Monica: All right, look at my on the back page.
Phoebe: Oh, okay! (reading) "Would I go back to Allesandros? Sure, but Id have to order two meals, one for me and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head." (to Monica) Wow! You really laid into this place.
Phoebe: Ooh, I gotta go. I found a guy that who could fix up the van for catering.
Phoebe: No-no, its okay. But are we sure we dont want the waterbed?
(The intercom buzzes.)
Monica: Oh my God, oh my God. (on intercom) Call me on the phone!
Monica: The waiter carried the breadsticks in his pants!
Allesandro: Well, you said that we except the Discover Card, which we do not!
Joanna: Congratulations! You now just crossed the line into completely useless. Get out. (Sophie starts to cry and leaves)
Rachel: Well of those things that you said in the interview, I mean if you believe any of them, I must not be a very good assistant. Yknow what? I am just gonna pack up my desk, (She goes over to get all of her belongings from the desk, which amount to a muffin and a pen) and I will be gone by the end of the day! (Realizes she has nothing.) Well, I guess theres no use to me sticking around til the end of the day! (Starts to leave.)
Joanna: Wait-wait-wait-wait! You can put your sad little muffin back in its drawer. If you must know the truth, I didnt want to lose a perfectly good assistant.
Joanna: That you enjoyed the occasional drink ing binge.
Joanna: Sophie, get in here! (Sophie peeks in around the corner)
Chandler: Yeah, and I-I gave first names to all of the foosball players.
Monica: Okay, the owner of Allesandros came over to yell at me, but instead I made him some sauce, and he offered me the job as head chef!!
Rachel: Oh my God!! You just ruined the thing I was practicing the whole way home, but Im soo happy!
Phoebe: I dont know, it would totally depend on her coloring and (realizes) You got the job!!
Monica: You got the job?! Why didnt you tell me?
Phoebe: Okay, is this the day of good news or what? I got us a job! The wedding reception.
Monica: I got offered the head chef job at Allesandros.
Monica: Its okay, cause y'know what? You dont really need me for the business.
Phoebe: Youre the cook! With out you its just me driving up to peoples houses with empty trays and asking for money!
Monica: All right. But umm, I-I-Ill pay you back all the money you invested, and you can keep the van.
Joey: We dont need that wizard guy. We hit a couple of clubs, talked to some strangers, and uh, after this, well head down to the docks and see about that boat thing.
[Scene: Central Perk, the next day, Phoebe is there.]
Monica: All right, Ive got a whole bunch of uh-uh, stuff in this area, but umm, Im getting the feeling that you dont want to deliver.
Monica: Yknow what, lets do the catering business.
Phoebe: Oh! It will be fun! Ohh! Yay! Oh! Okay, ooh, lets plan the wedding reception. (She grabs the notebook which Monica used for her ideas and starts flipping page after page after page after page after page to find a blank one.) Wow! You really wanted me to do something with this van. (pause) Yknow what, I want you to take the chef job.
Phoebe: Yeah. Thats what you really want. Yeah, I dont want to be the reason youre unhappy, that would just make me unhappy, and I really dont want to be the reason Im unhappy.
Phoebe: Besides, it might be kinda fun to form the new A-Team.
[Scene: Rachels office, she is coming in for the day carrying a picture for her new office. Mrs. Lynch is coming out of Joannas office, carrying a box.]
Allesandro: Im so excited about having Monica come on board with us. Although I do feel bad about having fired chef Emillio, its like losing a member of the family. Of course, that literally is the case for several of you. Tony, Carlos, Marie, please, tell your father how much were gonna miss him. Now, I know that Monica has a lot of great ideas for this place, well, you all read the review. So without much further ado, I present to you our new head chef.
Monica: Umm, I just wanna say, uh (reads from a 3 X 5 card) that with a pinch of exictement, a dash of hard work, a dollup of cooperation, we can have the recipe... (Looks up and sees eveyone glaring at her) Are you gonna kill me?
Chandler: I cant believe you didnt tell me! You know that the two pillars of marriage are openness and honesty!
Monica: Well what is it? What is it? If its gonna help bring the baby here, like today. I mean, I think you should do it.
PHOEBE: Thanks. [gets out of the cab]
Rachel: Alright, enough, enough, come on. Let's just all go in at the same time.
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. You know, what was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window)
Ross: We got a head, we got shoulders, we got arms, we got, oh, look at the little fingers, oh, and a chest, and a stomach. It's a boy, definitely a boy! All right! Ok, legs, knees, and feet. Oh, oh. He's here. He's a person.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Time lapse. Jack is still on the couch, picking his teeth with his feet on the table. Phoebe and Judy are sitting on the table looking at him. Ross and Chandler are sitting by the window talking. Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen fooling with Rachels trifle. Monica walks into the living room from the kitchen.]
Carol: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone.
Monica: Oh, my mom called, theyre gonna run our engagement announcement in the local paper, so were looking for a good picture of us.
Chandler: (entering, very upset) Ok Tommy, that's enough mourning for you! Here we go, bye bye!! (he shoves him out the door)
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and the girls are sitting at the couches.]
RACHEL: Oh they're in the top drawer. Hurry.
Phoebe: (checks) I never get calls!! (Answers the phone) Hello?
Joey: Listen also were uh, were watching the game here Saturday night, if people want to come over.
[Everyone gasps. The show ends.]
Professor Spafford: If you'll excuse me I'm going to use the restroom. (he goes away)
RACHEL: What's the matter?
Ross: Listen. Oh hey, hey, the important thing was that she meant, she meant nothing to me!
Monica: You don't know everything. Did you know that I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you? Hmm? And did you know that the only baby around here is you?! And did you know that I can't even look at you right now?! (She storms out.)
Monica: (pulling the plate back) Oh-ho! But not in here! Cant eat em in bed, remember? No crumbies!
Phoebe: I'd say that chair's taking the brunt.
Chandler: Theres a Phoebe on my sandwich! (He walks away, giving the sandwich to Phoebe.)
Second Message: "Listen, oh... it turns I got the last spot. I'm really sorry man, it was a lot of fun working with you. Give me a call if you want."
Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!
Phoebe: Stating the obvious, but thank you. And its not weird is it.
Ross: Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby’s face off the penis, so we can put it on the bunny. (pause). That is a weird sentence!
Sandy: Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf.
Rachel: What the... DIAL IT DOWN! (Joey goes to sit on the bed) Listen, ok, and maybe they're crazy thoughts, but sometimes I do, I have, I've been thinking about... you know, us! (looks at Joey, who's totally distraught) Ok, dial it up a little!
Rachel: Ross, things aren't gonna be weird between us, right? I mean was that just the stupidest thing, me telling you that?
RACHEL: Why the voice.
MONICA: Ross, the heat!
Ross: (on phone) Item J437-A, color: winterberry. (Theres a knock on the door as he hangs up the phone. He answers it to Mona.) Hi umm, listen come here, come in. (She does so.) Im so-so sorry about yesterday. I-Im really sorry. Its just that I (He picks up the pink shirt.)
Joey: Oh, you told her you broke all the plates, huh? (Chandler walks back, looking angrily at Joey)
MONICA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, where are we on the hundred bucks?
Monica: Honey, what is the Bruce Springsteen CD in the Kat Stevens case?
Rachel: (to the woman) Excuse us for a minute. (They go into the kitchen.) You didnt tell her to come?!
PHOEBE: Yeah, maybe, yeah. You know, and, and I'll knock on the door and, and he'll hug me and I'll have a dad. Ya know and I'll, I'll go to his pharmacy and everyone will be really nice to me 'cause, you know, I'm Franks daughter.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
Phoebe: And! And, theyre gonna have a baby! (The gang is shocked.) And! And, they want me to grow it for them in my uterus. (The gang is stunned into silence.)
Ross: And why exactly would I do that? (Goes back to writing on the board.)
Chandler: Okay, okay-okay, ah, Chloe works with that guy Issac. Issacs sister is Jasmine. And Jasmine works at that message place with Phoebe. And Phoebes friends with Rachel. And thats the trail, I did it!
(on the sidewalk outside Central Perk)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. The next script is being delivered.]
Monica: From the tequila factory?
RACHEL: [answering the door] Mr. Treeger.
(He takes the scissors, cuts the ribbon, shakes her hand, posses for the picture, and leaves.)
Monica: (opening the door and frantically) Okay, guys! The candy is coming; I just need another 15 minutes for the chocolate to cool!
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Joey: (stopping him) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-whoa! We could have our own show! Y'know we could clap our hands together people will love it! Huh? And-and-and I wrote a song for us! (Singing, to the tune of This Land is Your Land) This hand is your hand! This hand is my hand! Oh wait, that's your hand! No wait, it's my hand!
Rachel: No, I-I live with Phoebe. I mean youre [pity-tone] alone, alone. And I just-its just not the time for us. Im sorry.
Monica and Chandler: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
Chandler: Uh, what about yknow the massage thing? That never gave you a heart attack.
Dr. Ledbetter: I wonder if its time for you to rejoin our team at the museum?
Rachel: (knocking it down instead of catching it) That almost hit me in the face.
Chandler: Okay, what do you saw I go over there and say how much I like her? (Joey gives him a thumbs up) No-no it'll be good, I can tell her much I've been thinking about her. That I haven't stopped thinking about her since the moment I met her. That I'm so fantastically, over-the-top, wanna-slit-my-own-throat in love with her, that for every minute of every hour of every day I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met her first!!
[In slow motion, as some haunty demonic music plays in the background, Joey throws the ball in, Chandler quits playing and goes for his Chinese food. Joey smacks the ball really hard, shooting it down the table. Chandler slowly takes a bite, the ball bounces off of the wall, heads back up the table, and scores the goal for Chandler.]
Phoebe: Oh, this is so intense. One side of my butt is totally asleep, and the other side has no idea.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]
(The Hombre man enters.)
Phoebe: Ok, somebody is on their way to ruin wedding okay. And I have to warn somebody, alright. So if you dont give me that number then Im going to come over there and kick your snooty ass all the way to New Glocken..shire.
(They both look at each other and start laughing (Lisa almost lost it there), and sit up. Ross hits his head on the lamp again.)
Joey: I know! I know! It turns out that one of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play, so I steered clear of her
[knock at the door]
The Salesman: Actually, Im not buying. Im selling. Let me ask you one question. Do your friends ever have a conversation and you just nod along even though youre not really sure what theyre talking about?
Rachel: Yeah, yknow what? Dont look at it. (Realizes the display is their living room) Seriously, dont look at it. (Tries to pull Phoebe away.)
Rachel: Yeah but, maybe its not what we think. Maybe its tell Monica Im sorry I drank the last of the milk.
Monica: What if he reads it in the paper?
Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
Rachel: Oh wow! (She takes a bite, but holds the sandwich vertically so that the stuff falls out.)
Ross: Really, it would be good for you and in fact, why don�t you, why don�t you go ahead to the restaurant and I will wait for my mom and then I�ll meet you there.
Joey: Okay, time to take off the bra. (She glares at him.)
Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? (Uncorks the wine) Well-
PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.
Ross: Im going to uh Im going to, um, put the bourbon in it at home.
Rachel: Wherever I go. Come on you and me, we'll-we'll start a new group, we're the best ones.
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
JOEY: OK, we'll just leave, and when we pass her on the stairs, she won't know it's me 'cause we've never met. CHANDLER: That's how radio stars escape stalkers.
Chandler: Well, it's just with uhm, work and the stress of adoption, we just don't feel like we have the energy. Plus, we don't think it's fair that every year the burden falls on us.
Mr Campbell: Dating profile? I-I-I'm talking about the work resumé.
[they walk across the hall]
Rachel: Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake!
[Back at the table. Joey and Ross return. Shortly, Chandler comes out, holding the stall door in front of him, and leaves.]
Chandler: (Hands the tape back to him) I'm sorry man.
Ross: (following them into the kitchen) What are you guys doing?
The Dry Cleaner: You, get out of my shop!
Joey: I mean seriously, shes like the perfect woman. I mean I know she turned me down, but if she hadnt and wanted to be with me, I would take her in my arms and (Realizes everyone is staring.) I havent bummed you guys out like this in a while have I?
JOEY: No I just uh, thought you liked your eggs with the bread with the hole in the middle, a-la me.
Joey: Y'know what, I dont think we should listen to this anymore. (Goes to open the door)
Ross: (To Katie) Yeah, Im just gonna grab my coat. And uh, and my whip. (Katie looks worried.) Yknow because of the Indiana Jones? (Katie laughs) Not-not because Im-Im into S&M. (Katies worried again.) Im not-Im not into anything weird. Yknow? Just-just normal sex. (Katie is uncomfortable.) So, Im gonna grab my coat. (Does so, leaving Katie and Rachel alone.)
Richard: Forget the platoon! The platoon is gone! (He is spitting on the hard Ps and Ts.)
[Scene: The fire escape, Joey and Ross are still trying to figure out how to get down.]
(Ross hands Rachel back the newspaper, and she starts beating him with it again.)
Ross: (he picks up the ball) What do you think you learnt how to do in the last two minutes?? (he enters another room)
Phoebe: Quite an interesting turn of events, suddenly its my book to the rescue, huh? (Reading her book) Ooh, very interesting. Yeah, well this certainly clears things up.
Chandler: Okay, look, I'm gonna pull on the door and you guys push as hard as you can. Maybe we can get enough room to wiggle him out, okay? Okay, so PUSH!
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Phoebe: Yeah well, once again not knocking pays off. I only wish you hadnt been on the toilet.
Joey: (entering) Pheebs come on! Bunny vs. Doody! Were waiting! (They go inside.) (To Chandler and Ross.) Okay. Okay guys, one match, winner take all. (They grasp each others hand in preparation for battle.) Oh wait-wait! What does the winner get?
JOEY: Closed set. We know but we're friends with the monkey. [guard lets them in]
Paolo: (something romantic in Italian about Rachel and the stars)