words in movies
(Everyone claps and cheers, Joey mimics looking about with a gun.)
Chandler: Oh thats right. Its your first day! So are you psyched to fight fake crime with your robot sidekick?
Joey: But I got to act with a robot Pheebs, and-and I dont know anything about technology! I cant even use Chandlers computer except to find porn! And-and thats only cause its right there when you turn it on!
C.H.E.E.S.E.: (Wayne with a computerized voice) Nice to meet you Mac!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is at the counter drinking coffee as Elizabeth enters with her dad, Paul. Elizabeth goes to kiss Ross, but he just kisses her on the forehead. By the way Paul is played by Bruce Willis. Yes, that Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, Die Hard, and Armageddon.]
Paul: I dont like you going out with my daughter Ross.
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean Ive been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a studentI mean I notnot it! I mean, I mean I dontWe havent done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, weve-weve-weve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a jokelighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isnt happy.) Youre roommate in college died didnt he?
Ross: (returning with the coffee) Okay here we are Paul, Elizabeth. (He sets down their cups.) So I hope you guys were finding something to talk about.
Chandler: Hey honey, you got the kind with the little girl, you said we were gonna to get the kind with the baby.
Joey: Thanks, but I kinda have a problem to deal with here.
Joey: Thats not a bad idea. Yeah. Okay, but if I got to turn on the charm tomorrow Im not wasting anymore of it over here with you guys. (Starts to leave, but stops and turns to Phoebe.) Well, actually I got a little bit saved for you Pheebs. (Exits.)
Monica: Yeah! Thats why Im sleeping with him on the side.
Joey: Okay! (He yanks his hand away.) All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! (He grabs C.H.E.E.S.E.s arm and pulls it off at the elbow.) Ah-ah!! (Wayne is shocked.) Okay, thats why you didnt want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? (Hands Wayne the arm and he goes to fix it. Meanwhile Joey starts to berate himself.) Stupid! I cant believe it! God! (A very beautiful woman walks by.) (To her) Hey, how you doin? (He and her go over to talk and Wayne looks on with envy.)
Ross: Yeah, well my-my ex-wife and I share custody of Ben and umm, uh, and just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms as Im sure you are with your wife! (Realizes) Oh, Im sorry! (To Elizabeth) Its unbelievable!
Joey: What are you in love with her or something?
Joey: Oh wow Wayne, its not really something you can teach yknow? Its pretty much something youre born with if you(Off Chandlers look)You-you can teach it! Ill show you right how to do it.
Ross: Yknow what? I-I-I I-I have had enough of this! Yknow, I-I-I care a great deal about your daughter and I have treated her with nothing but respect! So if-if youve got a problem with me, frankly
Elizabeth: Yknow what daddy? If you dont like Ross, thats fine. It doesnt matter to me, Im gonna go out with him anyway.
(The camera cuts to Wayne whos busy making out with Sarah and rubbing C.H.E.E.S.E.s controller on her back causing C.H.E.E.S.E. to go crazy. Joey starts throwing books at C.H.E.E.S.E. to get him to stop.)
Joey: Yeah! And hey, thanks for coming with me. And thanks again for helping me take a shower.
Gary: Let me tell you what I think might be going on. (Phoebe looks down in shame.) No-no-no, don't look at the table. Look at me. (Points to his eyes and she does so) Okay, I think somebody asked someone to move in with them. And I think someone said, "Yes" but now she's having doubts because things are moving to fast for someone. Does that sound at all possible to you?
Kate: And then right, right when the scene ends, he could take her with this raw, animal....
Chandler: Yeah. Good call, nice one. Hold it!! Hold it! What if me eyes are closed, and, and my hand is out there.... (holds his arm out and pretends to grab something with his hand.)
Dr. Drake Remoray: Youre not dying Hope, youre gonna live a long, healthy life. With me.
Monica: Did you break up with her?
Monica: Umm, I think I spoke too quickly. There-theres a learning curve with this job and maybe we can try it again.
Monica: I was just saying that because I was ovulating and you said you wouldn�t have sex with me while we�re fighting.
Ross: Its like that everywhere, Joey! Okay, Mon, back me up here. Where you work the uh, waiters eat with the waiters, right? And the chefs eat with the other chefs, right?
Julie: Thats why you broke up with me?
Monica: Are you gonna break up with me if I get fat again?
[Scene: The Launderama, Rachel is there, waiting for Ross. An old woman takes Rachel's clothes off the machine and begins loading it with her things.]
Monica: What is it with you people! I mean, the minute you start to feel something, you have to run away?
Joey: Ooh, we could end up with nothing.
[Scene: A Brown Bird meeting, Ross is there with the other Brown Birds to see who won the contest.]
Amanda: Well, it was 1992, and I remember because that was the year I had sex with Evil Knievel (She starts laughing very proudly).
Carol: (on phone) Phoebe hang on a second Ross wants to say something. (listens) What? (listens) (to Ross) You slept with someone else?!
CHANDLER: Hey, hey, those guys are takin our stuff! [some guy runs off with the hat]
Chandler: He had sex with Mr. Girabaldi!
Monica: Well now, I get to spend my shower with the only people I really love! I mean, I get all those presents (Motions to the pile in the corner) without having to talk to people I dont even like!
Phoebe: Wow! This reminds me of the time when I was umm, living on the street and this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him.
Phoebe: Not with that attitude! Now, haul ass!
Ross: No, no, really, Ive got to take the car back anyway, Im spending all day tomorrow with Ben, Its fine, no guilt I promise.
Ross: No Joey! Look why dont, why dont we just let her decide? Okay? Hey-hey, well each go out with her one more time. And-and well see who she likes best.
Phoebe: Oh really? She said she wants to go away with you?
Ross: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation?
Ross: I mean, theres no point in spending time with someone if-if its just fun. Its gotta be, its gotta be going somewhere right? So where-where is it going? (Pause) Ah! Thats-thats the real question. And-and the answer is is its going somewhere fun. Now I-I know what youre thinking, fun was fine for you like ten years ago yknow, but youre-youre not getting any younger. No I meanNo not you, not you, youyou are getting younger. I meanyou-you look like youre getting younger by the secondWhats your secret?
Chandler: You're not supposed to take that. Besides, it's a New Testament, what are you gonna do with it?
Monica: Y'know if its any consolation, he really did sound like he was having more fun with you. (Rachel nods in agreement)
Phoebe: Well then, you should look with us.
MONICA: Oh my God, I can't believe what I'm getting ready to say. I wanna have a baby, but I don't wanna have one with someone who doesn't really wanna have one.
Ross: Okay. (goes over to the counter) (to Chandler) What ah, what is the matter with you? Whats going on?
Chandler: Well, I'll stay, but only because I wanna hear about Hanukkah. Ben, will you sit here with Santa and learn about Hanukkah?
PHOEBE: I got it. [Wipes it up with her mits.]
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, it's just that with my last roommate Kip...
Rachel: Now that she broke up with you?
PHOEBE: And he's going to be paying this woman? Why doesn't he just give her like a throne, and a crown, and like a, you know, gold stick with a ball on top.
[Scene: Hospital. Phoebe is there stroking Coma Guy's hair, when Monica enters with a bunch of balloons.]
Chandler: So you never had sex with a Kennedy, have you?
Dr. Rhodes: He's good with rear things, bring him in too.
Monica: Uh, would you stop it with that already?!
Monica: Where you can make out with your assistant.
Phoebe: No, were gonna paint over the sword, and replace it with a baguette.
Phoebe: All right. We're gonna take Clunkers to Rosss. We'll be back in a minute. (Gets up with Monica to do so.)
Chandler: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud!
Rachel: What is wrong with raising a kid in the city? I'm doing it, Ross is doing it, Sarah Jessica Parker is doing it!
Rachel: Oh! (They enter. Rachel sees his father, lying on a bed, with tubes, drip and everything) Oh! Oh my God! Ohhh, ohhh, wow, that ear and nose hair trimmer I got him was just money down the drain, huh?
Carol: You slept with another woman?
Chandler: What is the matter with you?
Rachel: In the afternoon. Mr. Zelner came into my office after lunch. He put them on my desk, and then I put a Post-It on it (Looks down onto her desk and finds the folder with the Post-It on it that contains the contracts she imagined she gave Tag) that said, "Must go out today." So you just keep looking in there! All right?
Mr. Zelner: Uh actually, Id like to speak with both of you.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is getting ready for his date with Kristen.]
Joey: (with his mouthful) Hey, I didn't stalk her. I mean (he sprays Phoebe with crumbs)
Phoebe: So, how are things going with crazy? Has she cooked your rabbit yet?
JOEY: Wow, talk about your bad luck, I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.
CHANDLER: So, uhh, em, you want me to uh, give you a hand with the foosball table?
Rachel: how about I move in with you?
Rachel: Phoebe, come on can we finish this later? Cause I wanna go running before it gets dark. Oh! Why don't you come with me?!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is there with Roger.]
Joey: Yeah! Yeah, Ive been trying to find ya to tell to stop messing with her and maybe I would have if these (lifts a leg) damn boat shoes wouldnt keep flying off!
Monica: What?! Ross y'know this isnt even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if youre right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?
Phoebe: (entering with Erin) Oh. Hey!
Rachel: No, its Ross. Its Ross. You like Ross. (He just shakes his head.) Oh daddy, I hope youre okay with all of this. I mean think about it, this is a good thing. Youre gonnaThis is your first grandchild! Youre gonna be a poppy!
Rachel: (entering with Phoebe) Hey!
Chandler: Really? Oh What A Beautiful Morning! Surrey With A Fringe On Top.
Joey: Yknow what Ross? Im not gonna let you get away with this!
Phoebe: Well, the only thing you can do. Sleep with Ralph Lauren.
Ross: Oh umm, well uh, maybe-maybe later. Right now, Im about to dance with this lady.
Joey: No. No. But Ill go see a normal person movie with ya.
Phoebe: There you go! (She continues to work him over with her elbows and he continues to yell in pain.)
Ross: You know, I'm just not uhm... that comfortable with a guy who's as sensitive as you.
Phoebe: Okay, I would ring the bell to distract him and then I would knock the gun out of his hand with a Chinese throwing star.
Doctor Connelly: Ok, given your situation, the options with the greatest chances for success would be surrogacy, or insemination using a sperm donor.
Chandler: Oh nope, I-I have plans with Joey.
Joey: Well, given that he's desperately in love with you, he probably wouldn't mind getting a cup of coffee or something.
Monica: Ugh, shes upstairs not doing the dishes! And I tell ya something! Im not doing them this time! I dont care if those dishes sit in the sink until theyre all covered withIll do them when I get home!
Joey: No. no... eh... she went shopping with Rachel. Why? What's up?
Dr. Franzblau: I don't know, could be an hour, could be three, but relax, she's doing great. So, uh, tell me, are you currently involved with anyone?
Chandler: Yep! And! A beautiful woman agreed to go out with me. (Theyre stunned.) Joey wanted to ask her out, but uh, she picked me.
Paul: I wanted to be one with the waves, yknow?
Ross: Emily that's ridiculous. Look, I'm-I'm moving for you, I'm cutting friends out of my life for you. Please, just get on the plane and come to New York. Okay, you'll see you're the only person I want to be with.
(Joey takes the ice-bucket with the champagne bottle in it and puts it on his sore spot)
Ross: Look, I (He has trouble sitting in his chair.) Look, Im having a great time with you and I just dont want us to move to fast or put to much pressure on us. So, Im sorry I just dont think we should go away together yet. Its-its too soon.
[Scene: Joey's audition, he is with bag.]
Chandler: Yeah! When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me! Look, things like last night they dont just happen. Yknow? Or at least not to me. Or with the other two women, in the morning yknow I was just lying there and I couldnt wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you I always yknow with a friend.
Chandler: Yeah, now how's that going though? Are you okay with the not-flirting thing?
MONICA: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn't. [throws water in his face]
Ross: That guy Mark. From Bloomingdale's... She thinks he's just being nice to her. But I know he really wants to sleep with her.
Chandler: Well its just while Monica and I were dancing to them it was the first time I knew that you were the woman I wanted to dance all my dances with.
RADIO: Uh, we've just gotten a call from Rachel, and she told us what Ross did. It's pretty appalling, and Ross, if you're listening, I don't wanna play your song anymore. Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance? Avery, Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car and she hopes you two will work it out.
Phoebe: But-but you know you cannot get involved with your assistant.
JOEY: Great. Then you'll be able to spend more quality time with your real friends, the spoons.
Ross: (entering with Monica) Hey!
Monica: Ross! He's playing with my spatulas again!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are having a diner party with Phoebe and Mike.]
Rachel: So hows it goin with Joey?
Chandler: Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me.
Rachel: Well you couldve untied it with your hands.
Phoebe: Oh my God! I had the best time with Tim last night. He is so sweet! Oh, I cant wait to get sous-neath him.
[Scene: The Reception, Joey is helping Ross walk after Gert got through with him and Mona is looking on concerned.]