words in movies
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, Rachel is already there with her date, Tommy who's played by Ben Stiller who will be in There's Something About Mary and Meet The Parents, as Ross and his date, Cailin, arrive.]
Tommy: Oh! Oh! The usher must be right! What, with all that training they go through! Get out!! (They start to leave.) Here! (He throws him back his ticket.) (to Ross, calmly) Hey man, you want the aisle?
Chandler: Almost as good as that play with the two naked girls on the see-saw.
Ross: (drags Chandler over to buffet table) Im telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He viscously screamed at total strangers! I think hes baaad news!
Lauren: Oh, yeah! I-I ran into you in the hallway in your building. It was right after I slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.
Estelle: Ooh, what a shame! Because with her face (points to Monica) and her chest (points to Rachel) I could really put something together.
The Director: Kate Millers awkward and mannered portrayal is laughable. (Kate walks away depressed.) Badda-badda-badda. Ah-ha! Here it is! The direction by Marshal Talmant is (stops, reads it again, and throws down the paper in disgust) Thank you, boys and girls, youve ruined my life. Please, stuff your talentless faces with my Mothers crab cakes! (starts to leave) Excuse me!!
(Both Rachel and Monica walk into their bedrooms, stop, and come back into the living room with confused looks on their faces.)
Joey: I, I dont get you. I mean first, you hate me. Then you sleep with me. Then you want nothing to do with me, now you want me again.
Kate: What? So you never went out with an actress before?
Joey: Well so, how come you blew me off? Y'know? How come you were with him?
Joey: (Checks to see if shes drooling on his shirt.) Okay. Okay, okay, hey. (Lays her down and covers her with a blanket.) There we go, lets get your feet up there. (Looks at her) Good night, Kate. Sweet dreams. (Picks up a garbage can) Im gonna put this can right here in case you have to hurl.
Monica: Anyway, how did it go with Kate?
Tommy: Hot coffee!!! You idiot!! You were gonna spill hot coffee all over me, huh?!! What are you just some big, dumb, stupid, doofy idiot, with a doofy idiot hairdo, huh?! Huh?!
Tommy: (entering, finished with yelling at Ross, who follows him in shell shocked) (happily) Hey!
[cut to onstage with Lauren standing in for Kate, the doorbell rings.]
Ross: (coming out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee, almost running into Tommy) Oh-ho, whoa! Sorry, Tommy. I almost spilled this hot coffee on you.
Joey: Well can you at least stay to the end of the play? I mean, Ill go to the airport with ya, I-I wanna say good bye.
Joey: Yeah, I guess it is. (sees Kate is watching, he turns Lauren so that he can talk directly to Kate, but still look like he is talking to Lauren) Listen, I ah, I gotta say good bye, and-and I gotta say it quick cause this is killing me. One thing you gotta know, is that I will never forget you. But, youve got things you have to do now, and so do I. And so Im gonna get on this spaceship, (smoke starts pouring in from the ceiling, and a ladder comes down, with flashing, colored lights on the side of it) and Im gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, youll be long gone. But I wont have aged at all. (gets on the ladder) So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne, baby, Im gonna want to meet her.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, Monica, I'm really happy you got promoted, but cold cucumber mush for thirty-something bucks? No! Rachel just had that, that, that salad, and, and Joey with his like teeny pizza! It's just...
Joey: Come on Treeger, dont say that. You just ahh, you just need more practice. Here, come on, lets ahh, lets try it again. Come on. (they start dancing again) Plus, it was, it was probably mostly my fault, anyway. I mean, yknow, Im not really that comfortable dancing with a(Treeger throws him) We-he!! Hey!
Chandler: Skidmarks still got a way with the ladies.
Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
Chandler: Hey, you know what? Maybe we should keep them here with you.
Ross: A loser you did it with (To the salesman) 298 times!
Ross: Hey, howd the date go with Mr. Millionaire?
Monica: Yeah! Thats why Im sleeping with him on the side.
Rachel: Or maybe you would see me looking embarrassed because you are talking on the phone with your crotch!
Rachel: No, I meant with the dropper over here. (Points at Chandler.)
Chandler: No, no, I keep trying, yknow? I can get out, "Joey, I have too " but then I lose my nerve and I always finish with, " go to the bathroom." He may think Im sick.
Joshua: Anyway, she burned all of my clothes. I got away with two things. This suit and what turned out to be a skirt.
Joey: Absolutely! Halloween is the worst. Except for Christmas and their birthdays. Kinda get a little crazy during the summer too. And anytime theyre hungry or sleepy. Yknow, kids are tough. Good luck with that. (Walks away.)
Carol: Ooh, yeah! She said shes having sooo much fun with Emily.
Chandler: Look at Officer Ross riding back here with the visitors.
RACHEL: Well, I was thinking maybe a um, a romantic dinner with um, candles and wine and then uh, maybe going back to my place for um, dessert.
Frank: (To Phoebe) What's with him?
ROSS: How come it's not mixing with the water?
Ross: The big deal is I dont want naked, greasy strangers in my apartment when I want to kick back with a puzzlebeer! Cold beer.
Phoebe: (shouts after David) Oh! David, get one for us too! Oh, oh, and see if they have a heart-shaped one! And with mirrors on the ceiling!
Joey: Hey! You guys! Youre not gonna believe this! I just got off the phone with my agent
JOEY: [walks out of his room] Hey, this is ridiculous. I'll tell you what. After I get back from my neice's christening, I'll go down to the coffee house with you and we'll all have a nice cup of coffee alright. No problem, Joey's there.
Joey: Who's your friend? He's hot! (Ross laughs and Rachel smacks him with her purse.)
Phoebe: That shes gonna move in with you and maybe then shell fall in love with you and then when she finds out youre already married, shell just be happy. Yknow? Youre just, youre very sad.
Emily: Oh, no-no-no, thats not rude! Its perfectly in keeping with a trip that Ive already been run down by one of your wiener carts, and been strip-searched at John F. Kennedy Airport, apparently to you people, I look like someone whos got a balloon full of cocaine stuffed up their bum.
Monica: Ditch you? Phoebe, you were pregnant with the triplets!
Rachel: Okay, two things didnt happen. Remember I told you that someone made out with Ralph Lauren in the copy room? Well, it turns out thats not true.
Rachel: Timmy was my boyfriend and you made out with him!
Rachel (as Monica): You know what, it's feeling a lot better, thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, and we'll get you some glasses... okay... (They don't know what to do with their coats and Monica points to the living room) STAT!
Ross: What? (Mumbles) What-what, what are talking about? It-it worked with you.
Chandler: So what the hell happened to you in China? I mean, when last we left you, you were totally in love with, you know.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe is there with her puppy and is trying to sing it to sleep as Chandler enters.]
Monica: I personally would be honored if she wanted to live with me.
MONICA: Ya know what, I think I'm gonna go to my room and read Cosmo, maybe there's something helpful in there. Know what, at least maybe I can learn how to do an at home bikini wax with leftover Cristmas candles.
Isabella: Arent you with that girl over there? (points at Rachel, who waves back)
Rachel: Well, get 'em out of here! What's wrong with you?
RACH: Well. [looks at watch] Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I gotta date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a, uh, have a, uh, really good cat. [she leaves carrying her tray then comes back in] OK, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.
Joey: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?
Joey: A little. Yeah no, I really am worried, you know, I mean I have to make it convincing that I'm in love with Olivia.
Monica: Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment?
(We hear Tag scream out in the hallway and jump into view of the open door on the scooter. He gives a hearty thumbs up to the group and rides off, with Joey following breathlessly behind.)
Rachel: Y'know, with the right pair of pumps, that would be a great little outfit.
Chandler: Okay Ross, why dont you come with me?
Ross: Wow! That is a good one! Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card yknow, with the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow.
(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway. The poster says: What Mario isn't telling you...V.D., you never know who might have it. A variety of scenes are shown with the poster displayed all over New York City.)
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
[Scene: Chandler is packing the broken china in its box. He's taping up the top of box so thoroughly, there isn't an inch of cardboard which isn't covered in tape. He is struggling with the tape dispenser.]
Phoebe: Okay, okay, okay, the black. But, oh, do you have black, with the little strappys?
Chandler: What's up with the simian?
Chandler: Whats wrong with you?
Monica: Oh man, they think they are so slick messing with us! But see they don't know that we know that they know! So
Joey: Good, good yeah, (Grabs the bags) maybe while were there, they can check your reflexes. (Joey opens the door and it hits Ross in the face with it.) (Makes quote marks.) "Oops."
Joey: (entering, limping, and holding his arm) I dont like this anymore. (He sits down with them in pain.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Baywatch with the baby chick. Hes on one leather chair, the chick is on the other. Its watching Yasmine Bleeth run and is chirping.]
Rachel: (entering with Phoebe) This place is amazing.
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
Phoebe: Look, I can't have a wedding with this money now. It's tainted.
[Scene: Phoebes cab, shes driving, Joeys in the back seat, and the hitchhiker is riding up front with Phoebe.]
Ross: Look I-I realize if anything were to happen with me and Jill then nothing could ever happen with us!
PHOE: Yeah. Oh, OOOH, yeah, you know, did you notice how he always starts his stories with, um, OK, 'I was soooo wasted,' or, 'Oh, we were soooo bombed,' or, ummm, ooh, ooh, 'So I wake up, and I'm in this dumpster in Connecticut.'
Rachel: Are ah, having dinner with my Dad tomorrow night, I hope thats okay.
Phoebe: I-I'm with the umm, the 57th.
Monica: Okay. Does it have to do with Ross and Rachel?
Rachel: (crying) No. I cant, youre a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me, ever. God, and now I just cant stop picturing with her, I cant, (Ross stands up and backs away) it doesnt matter what you say, or what you do, Ross. Its just changed, everything. Forever.
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carols doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Monica: No that is not what happened with us. Well, I was umm, I was really sad that night because this guy that I was Rosss mom.
Joey: Right, and you go with Rachel, Bonnies free tonight?
Gary: I really like waking up with you.
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering with a man.]
Monica: He's not great umm, but he's dealing with it. Oh wait a minute, you're not gonna try
Benjamin: The selection committee has chosen the three of you as our finalists today. The ultimate decision will be based upon the answers you give to the questions I ask here. I'm gonna start with Dr. Li. Dr. Li, you claim the field is too reliant on the Linnaean taxonomic system. How do you propose to correct this problem?
Chandler: (walking by with his luggage) See you later Mon.
Monica: Honey, listen... You have nothing to worry about with Geoffrey.
Phoebe: Are you kidding?! Another week with that sip, Ill kill myself!
Ross: You know what it's fine. If you're okay with the Barbi thing, so am I.
PHOEBE: [enters with the three people she got out] Ok, welcome to the fu-oh.
Rachel: Ross Im so sorry. Okay. I-I will promise I will straighten this out with him tomorrow in person, or via e-mail.
CHANDLER: Your just, your just clearly not familiar with our young persons vernacular. See, when we say dad, we mean buddy. We mean pal.
Chandler: What, Ethan? He got to spend the whole day with you!
David: Yes I can. Because if I go it means I have to break up with you, and I can't break up with you.
Chandler: Oh, come on. What was with that whole Black Bart speech? (mimicking): "When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy!"
Chandler: Look, forget it. We tried, but Phase Three is a lost cause, Okay? Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldnt picture myself with any of them. (Sits back in disgust.)
Joey: What do you mean? I can do anything, I'm a chameleon! Huh? (he mimes an old man with a beard) I'm old! (then he yawns) I'm tired! (then he mimes someone who's hot...) Hey, I'm hot (...and cold) I'm cold!! Huh?? Come on! What can't I do?
(She sits back defeated, and Phoebe groans with disgust.)
Phoebe: I-I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies with, like, y'know, guns and bombs and, like, buses going really fast...
Joey: Well, its complicated. Shes with this other guy. For a long time. Someone from work, too. And I could never do that to the guy, because were really good friends.
Chandler: Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sex with ya!
Chandler: Okay, good luck with that. (Exits.)
MONICA: Your boyfriend has been in there for over an hour. I can't believe it, it's like I'm living with him again. He's here when I go to sleep, he's here when I wake up, he's here when I want to use the shower, ughh. It's like I'm sixteen all over again .
Joey: Yeah, she's gonna live with me!
Phoebe: Tiger! (Joey moves his hand in an attempt to do the chord, in fact he does it with each name.) Dragon! Iceberg!! (He fails.) Joseph, did you even study at all last night?
CHANDLER: Oh, you're right I, I should play in the hay. Forget about the fact that I just dropped 400 dollars to replace a bracelet that I hated to begin with. Bring on the hay. [sits down at the bar]
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, hes going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?
Rachel: You didnt break up with that fireman?
Monica: Deep Impact was the one with Robert Duval, Armageddon is whats going to happen to you if you wake me up.
[Scene: A nice restraunt. Rachel is on her date with Michael (MICH).]
[Scene: The museum cafeteria, Joey is eating with the tour guides as Ross enters.]
PHOEBE: Well, I can't work with people who would do this.
David: Yeah, I-I don't, I can't get away with stuff like that. I-I-It sounded sexy in my head, so I...
Mrs. Bing: She's supposed to be with you.