words in movies
Rachel: No. Oh, oh, I guess it would be different if I were- with somebody.
Chandler: I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel, they would've happened already?
Ross: Marcel is an illegal exotic animal. I'm not allowed to have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away from me.
Luisa: I could... but I won't. If I find that monkey, he's mine. (Leaves)
Joey: We can't, alright? (To the women) We're sorry. You have no idea how sorry, but... We promised we'd find this monkey. If you see him, he's about yea high and answers to the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you, you'd really be helping us out.
Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!
Chandler: Look Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay? That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself.
Ross: I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.
Phoebe: Yeah no, Im telling you Rachel has such a great eye for this stuff. Ross, yknow if you ever decide you need to redecorateAnd I think that you should. You should, you should ask Rachel to help.
The Museum Official: (on machine) I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available
Ross: (shocked and confused by the question) What? I... I... (Benjamin looks at him as if to say "What's wrong? Answer the question")
Chandler: Well, I'm off to Tulsa, so if your Maitre D. friend has any funny Oklahoma jokes, tell him to e-mail me at www.hahanotsomuch.com.
[Scene: Rachel's bedroom, Rachel, entering selfish mode, is thanking Ross for wrongly taking the entire blame of the breakup; as if she had absolutely nothing to do with it.]
Chandler: Yeah, Im putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then thats what were gonna do.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
Joey: Well, what if they came in third in a modeling contest?
Chandler: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too.
Chandler: Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy, then, then that's what we're gonna do.
Ross: And so what if I like to go home, throw on some Kenny G, and take a bath!
PHOEBE: I'm sorry Monica but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like, judgemental and you would not approve.
Janice: Please... go! (Then shouts after him) Just let me know if you need a hand!
Emily: I wish I could know if youd heard any of that. I suppose Ive either just told you I love you or given my neighbours a good laugh. Mrs. Newman if youre listening, bugger off this in none of your business. I suppose theres not much chance you did heard that, and theres the call waiting so, I should go. Oh well. (Answers the call waiting.) Hello.
JOEY: All right.� All right.� Then, maybe you won't mind if me and my friend take a look around, huh?� (He checks the bathroom shaking the bat.� Then he proceeds to their bedroom.)� Bwa-ah-ah!
Ross: So, your ex-boyfriend is gonna determine if your new boyfriend gets this grant? Wow, your new boyfriend is screwed!
JOEY: I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people. [Chandler puts the tape in]
Mike: Oh, no! I don't think so! You know, according to standard table tennis rules if at any time a player uses his non racket bearing hand to touch the playing surface he or she forfeits the point.
Joey: Noo, (whispering) more like a notebook... Damn it! (next word appears: "blueprint") Oh, if I'm building an house, the plan isn't called the 'shmoo-print'... Can't say that either? Woha... hey... (the last word is "Football field" and there are 5 seconds left) In high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the...
Chandler: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.
Joey: (looks at the time) Wow, hey, we'd better get going. If we don't leave right now, we'll be late for dinner.
Cliff: Well uh if you must know Im a widower.
Phoebe: (shouts after David) Oh! David, get one for us too! Oh, oh, and see if they have a heart-shaped one! And with mirrors on the ceiling!
Joey: (to a guy) Bijan for men? (to a guy) Bijan for men? (To a woman) Bijan for... (Sees it's a woman and stops.) (To Annabelle who walks up.) Hey, Annabelle, Uh, listen, I was wondering if maybe after work you and I could go maybe grab a cup of coffee.
Ross: Wow, I havent seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes.
Ross: So I asked Emily if she would come to New York, and she said yes.
Ross: No ah-ah-ah! Do not start this car! (She starts the car.) Okay! Okay! I will give you twenty bucks if you get out of this car right now! (He looks for the twenty Rachel stole and doesnt find it.)
Ross: And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.
Rachel: (sarcastically) Really? Well, it seems to me if you'd done the right thing, I would not have woken up today feeling stupid and embarrassed, I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied!
Chandler: (entering) Look, maybe I got carried away before. But there's something you gotta know. If I'm the best, it's only because you've made me the best.
RACH: All right, you know what, that's fine. If you guys want to be children about this, that's fine. I do not need to see it. [Rachel grabs the paper and runs across the room, reading it to herself.]
Rachel: Wow! I dont know if I could ever do that. I always figured the first time I had a baby was with somebody I love and that baby would be a keeper.
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey! You cant leave Joey! You agreed to buy that boat, all right?! That is a contract! And plus if you leave, my boss is gonna kill me!
Matt: Ill do it again and again if you want.
Rachel: Oh yeah! Y'know, if its not a headboard, its just not worth it.
Chandler: Okay, we-we swallow our feelings. Even if it means were unhappy forever. Sound good?
CAROL: Anyway, we'd like you to come, but we totally understand if you don't want to.
Phoebe: Or, yknow, I used to beg for money. Of course it helps if youve got yknow a little of this (she sticks her chest out and shakes it) goin on. Wow! I still have it!
Joanna: Because if you feel uncomfortable with your friend dating someone you work for, there are always ways to fix...that.
RACHEL: Nothing, I mean, um, it is your first time with her and, you know if the first time doesn't go well, well then that's, that's pretty darn hard to recover from.
Rachel: Well, yeah, right, yknow what? Yeah, youre right, I mean, we no, we have our fun. Yeah! But if (Grunts uncomprehensively) I mean, I mean like craaaazy! Yknow? Okay, all right. This is gonna, this is gonna sound yknow, a little umm, hasty, but uh, just go with it. Umm. Ugh. What if we got married?
Rachel: No? So youre saying that if I called it, it wouldnt ring?
Monica: Well, if you hadn't meddled to start with, I wouldn't have had to go in there and meddle myself. Now, no matter how much we meddle, we will never be able to un-meddle the thing that you meddled up - in the first place!
Ross: Phoebe, are you, are you mad at me, or something? 'Cause if are please, tell me what it is I did!
Ross: Totally insane. Dude, let's drive home, we'll hit all the maple candy stores on the way back and if...if they're closed maybe we'll tap a tree and make some ourselves.
EDDIE: Ohhhh. Relax, take it easy buddy. Tell me twice, you want me to go? Alright, alright, guess I'll be back for my stuff. [walks out the door and after a pause comes back in] But if you think for one second I'm leaving you alone with my fish, you're insane Jack!
Chandler: Hi, my names Chandler. I just moved in next door and I was wondering if you would be interested in battling me in a post-apoplectic world for control of the galaxies last remaining energy source?
Joey: Well, I'm justif the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won't know the difference!
Ross: Mona? (Theres no answer, so he starts to leave but remembers where her extra key is. He reaches atop a hall light just outside her door and grabs the key. He looks at in triumph as the pain from it being hot moves along his nervous system to his brain, and when it arrives his brain orders his hand to drop the hot key and his mouth to squeal in pain. After dropping the key he pulls his shirtsleeve over his hand and uses the key to open the door and enter Monas apartment.) Okay, if I were a salmon shirt, where would I be? (He hears a key in the door and as it opens he dives behind the couch.)
Monica: Well, Im never gonna listen to you again, thats for sure! (Mimicking her.) "Yknow, harm can it do if you go and put your name down?"
Mike: Oh, you haven't picked yet. Oh good, 'cause I had an idea. I thought it would be fun if the third groomsman was my family dog. Chappy.
Phoebe: No, no, because, you know, he's been in Minsk for 8 years and if he gets too much direct sunlight, he'll die.
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (Joey puts him down.) What are you gonna do to me if you get the part?
Joey: Yeah! Yeah, Ive been trying to find ya to tell to stop messing with her and maybe I would have if these (lifts a leg) damn boat shoes wouldnt keep flying off!
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Y'know what? I have been trying to apologize to him all week! If he's not gonna let me do it on the phone, I'm gonna go down there and do it in person.
Chandler: Couldnt sleep last night you know, then I started worrying about this big divisional meeting that I have later today, the more I worried about it the more I couldnt sleep. Yknow? I was like, if I fall asleep now Ill get six hours sleep, but if I fall asleep now Ill get five hours sleep. Not matter what I did I couldnt fall asleep.
Monica: Please ... if I win the lottery, you guys are not gonna leave me. Someone gave me a basket of mini-muffins last week and I couldn't get rid of you for 3 days!
Rachel: (on tape) Oh, I remember how we almost. Do you think we wouldve gone through with it? Yknow, if we hadnt gotten caught. Do you think we wouldve done it?
Bonnie: I can show you an ID if you want?
Ross: I mean look, that-that one night we had was fun and and certainly passionate, but dont you think its better if we just stayed friends?
Rachel: Well look, if you dont like this (The audiences laughter at Chandlers progress cuts out the rest of Rachels line.)
Monica: Hey, Rach! I made a pile of your stuff over on this side of the room. If you could just (Rachel grunts and throws her purse at it) throw your purses at it.
Wendy: Okay, let me ask you something: if what you and your wife have is so great, then why are you spending Christmas with me?
MONICA: [entering] All right. Tell me if this is too cute. Lesbian wedding, chicken breasts.
Mrs. Geller: (rubbing her temples) Thats alot of information to get in in thirty seconds! Alright Joey, if wanna leave, just leave. Rachel, no you werent supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, Im sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. (Phoebe makes a sad face.) Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you were in an important relationship is beyond me.
Chandler: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.
Joey: Yeah, you can get a Volvo. If thats what you really want.
Monica: Oh thats so sweet! Look Chandler I dont care if you cant cry, I love you.
Ross: No, but itd be nice if you realised, its just a job!
Joey: Dina, if youre having a baby you should be married! Even if it is to Bobby! (Bobby gets happy.) Dude, thats not a compliment!
CHAN: Alright, OK, alright. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm goin' home.
(Chandler looks at the bill, thinking... then looks at the offer in the Newspaper and makes some dancing moves to see if he's up for the job...)
Joey: Hey, what if I said, I could even things out for ya, meatwise.
Chandler: Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didnt get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.
Ross: Well, I-I want to give her another chance, yknow? She lives so close. And, at the end of the date, the other time, she-she said something that wasif she was kidding was very funny. On the other hand, if she wasnt kidding, shes not fun, shes stupid, and kind of a racist.
Ross: (on phone) I-I-I don't care if I said some other girl's name you prissy, old twit!
Joey: Only if you think its better than this... (holds up an aerosol can) snow-in-a-can!! I got it at work. Mon, you want me to decorate the window, give it a kind of Christmas lookie.
Ross: Okay, it was just me and her at the back of the train, and I sat near the door, so shed have to pass by me if she wanted to switch cars. She was totally at my mercy.
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
Chandler: Yeah, but how would you like it if someone told the triplets that you gave birth to them?
Monica: (voice on answering machine) Hi! If youre calling before Saturday, youve reached Monica and Chandler. But if youre calling after Saturday, youve reached Mr. and Mrs. Bing! Please leave a message for the Bings!
Monica: You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your wedding, I was there for you. I put a roof over your head, and if that means nothing to you... (Rachel isn't buying it, desperate) twenty dollars an hour.
Rachel: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it!
Chandler: If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do.
KEVIN: So, we're on our way to a couple of parties.� Um. . . maybe we can get your numbers and give you guys a call if we find something fun.
Monica: Okay. Im guessing that if you dont want to deliver, you probably dont want to pick stuff up either.
Chandler: Gee if only she were one and had no idea what the hell a birthday was!
Joey: Hey, if you wanna grab a bite before work we'd better get acrimonious. No? Am I getting close?
Ross: Well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I either keep my wife and lose one of my-my-my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced the second time before I'm 30! So-so if anyone has-has a better suggestion, let's hear it! 'Cause I-I got nothing! All right, don't be shy, any suggestion will do. (There are none.) Okay then. Here we go. Magic 8 Ball, should I never see Rachel again? (He turns it over and reads the answer) Ask again later. Later is not good enough. (He shakes it up again and reads the answer.) Ask again later. What the hell! This is broken! It-it is broken!
CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
Mike: Well, if I ever goto Minsk, you'd better watch out.
Mike: It can't be any harder than this... I mean, If I had known the last time I saw you would be the last time, I... I would have stopped to memorize your face, the way you move, everything about you. If I had known the last time I kissed you would have been the last time... I never would have stopped.
Chandler: Allright, fine, but don't blame me if it doesn't work. Because you know as well as I do that once Joey sets his mind on something, more often than not, he's going to have sex with it.
Don: Well if you where ever enter the Loire valley let me know, Ive got a great little villa you can stay at.
Rachel: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
Joshua: Yeah, but it wasnt much fun dropping it off at the dry cleaners in the skirt. (Rachel laughs) So I need everything down to underwear, so if youre willing, Im all yours.
Monica: Dad, please dont pick your teeth out here! Alright, and if youre gonna put your feet up, why dont you sit on the-
Phoebe: Oh, if I were, would-would I have shooting pains up and down my left arm?